Topic : Coping with Stress

I'm learning that the amount of stress we allow in our lives is a direct corillation to weather we are happy with ourselves or not.

My life is one big continuing saga about stress. I'm on medications and see a therapist once a week. I've been hospitalized several times for depression and sucicidality. Currently, I'm being treated for PTSD stemming from a traumatic event at work two years ago. I've come across some phrases that I've adopted as my 'mantras'.  I repeat them often in my head and it helps put things into perspective... 

GOD NEVER SENDS US MORE THAN WE CAN HANDLE. 

LAUGH. IF YOU START CRYING, YOU"LL NEVER STOP. 

WHAT YOU CANNOT PUT INTO WORDS, YOU CANNOT PUT TO REST. 

WHAT DOESN'T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER. 

  

How's that for words of wisdom? 

To explain:  (pardon the novel) 

  

All within a matter of months I gave up a budding career, was married in a suprise wedding ceremony (we had decided on justice of the peace; but my husband, romantic that he is, called me a week prior and said to buy a gown he had a big suprise) then, we were shipped to a new country via military orders to start a new chapter in life.  

  

Prior to all of these glorious events I was suffering from Major "buyers remorse".  Dealing  with emotions Ive never felt before and  trying to find answers to questions Ive never considered. My heart was telling me to snap out of it and be elated!! My over analyzing brain was screaming "WHAT ARE YOU DOING".  

  

See, I was always the girl who wanted sucess in the work place not necessarily sucess on the home front. I never saw myself married and certainly not having a family (we havent reached this chapter yet, thankfully). But, falling in love with a career military man doesnt leave alot of room for discussion.  Was i ready to give up everything id worked so hard for? Was i ready to move to Europe, so far from everything i know and love? Was i ready to sacrafice the next 15 years being a slave to my husbands career, when i knew in my heart of hearts this might possibly be a platform for resentment?  Well unfortunatly it all happened so fast, Im still trying to answer some of  these questions.  

  

Before much of this got out of control, my activist/ over analyzing brain also told me to seek help!! After reading every self help book i could to no avail, I planned a visit to my Primary care physician and was truely dismayed by the response i got.  Let me add, this doctor knows me, knows my history and was someone i trusted without question.   I figured if anyone could be of help he could.  

  

So, the door opens and he walked in with a student intern on his coat-tails (whom i was not notified would be sitting in) making me cringe. Not wanting to share my, in my mind, nervous break down with any more people than i must, I wasnt sure how to proceed.  Obviously nervous, the Doc asked why i was there and i updated him on all the late breaking news of my life. Feeling a bit more confident, I tried to explain that i wanted to be referred to a therapist  or psychologist to discuss all the stress, one who could tell me: a. this is normal given the circumstances. b. you're not crazy and c. here are some ways to help relieve the stress, be productive and live a happy, resent free life.   

  

WRONG THING TO SAY!!!   Right out of the gate his response: he felt that I should consider a prescription medication to help me sort through the stress mentally (his sidekick agrees with a nod) and he breaks out his prescribtion pad.  I shot down the offer and explained that i just wanted an unbias opionion of my story and someone to talk to about stress (certainly talking about your problems to someone isnt taboo or is it?). He disagrees, he says " theres nothing going on that an antidepresant wouldnt help correct".   

  

At this point im truly blown away. Are we a society so dependant on "chemical imbalance" as a reason behind all of our problems; that talking to a professional about steps we can take  to relieve stress and prevent emotional baggage is seemingly, a silly request?  Perhaps all i need is a good Yoga instructor. Perhaps all i need is a military sponser to help me make a major transition in my life go just a little bit smoother. It is sad to know that a Doctor of reputable status feels that the only way to help me is to shove a prescription in my hand of the newest miracle drug and pat me on the back as he moves on to the next patient.  

  

Perhaps most disturbing, before "dismissing" me he turns to his student intern and asked his opinion to my plight; im sad to report that the intern says my suggestion of a therapist was worth merit. To that the good doctor chuckles and says " My boy, you've still a thing or two to learn".     

  

A month into my new life,  I havent seen a therapist or used a prescription medication. The stress is still there but subsiding little by little, though, many of my questions are still there and im doubtful they'll just dissapear without some kind of intervention. Im back to my self help books for now and im still in search of a friendly and seasoned military spouse , who knows the ropes (and isnt  still trying  to deal with these problems herself) to help me move on.  

  

Thanks for sticking around to read this...  

Any suggestions, thoughts or recommendations? 

  

Fearing the unknown!!! 

  

1... Count numbers from one to ten breathing gradually. 

2... Drink a glass of cold water. 

3... Exercise. 

4... Yoga. 

5... Listen to your favourite music. 

6... Enjoy a nice soak in the hot-tub, do not forget to unplug the phone and turn off the cell-phone. 

7... Take a Nap. 

8... Visit Aquarium. 

9... Meditation and Prayers help too. 

10... Above all watch Dr Phil show Monday to Friday. 

     My husband has added a tip too----Have sex, he thinks maybe it might help too.  

    . 

Hi...My husband is in the Air Force, and is on a remote tour..which means he'll be gone overseas for a year. He barely left in July. Before he left we found out I was pregnant with our second baby. We have a one year old right now, and I'm 6 months...None of my husbands family lives in the same town as we do, but I have some family here. We decided his mother would come stay with me while he was gone. Sounded like a good idea at first. She had to bring along her 27 year old son, that's lived with her his whole life though! They said before they came that he would have his own place within a couple months. He still is here though. It's driving me crazy. I'm ready to have them both leave. I should of known from past expierences that living with someone, like frieds, can ruin your relationship wth that person usually. I'm So stressed it's making me sick all the time. I have migranes everyday. Of course there's a lot more that happens that is hard to explain in this. I'm sure it can't be good for the baby though..right? I'm such a quiet, and too nice type of  person it's hard for me to stand up and say something to them though. I'm just cocerned for my health and the baby's health, and everyone else around me that I take it out on....

Hi a21697!     

  

Well there's 2 votes for heavy metal/rock to relieve stress, you and Seldingen, i.e. Metallica.  My son's favorite is Nirvana.   Me - contemporary instrumental - i.e. Bradley Joseph.   

  

I myself can't honestly say that I can relate to your situation as I've been happily married to a wonderful guy for 21 years.  Ups and downs - yes - that is always the case in any relationship, but we make it through each crisis some how.   

  

But, I can say that I don't get out much either, other than kids games, etc., but its hard with work and family to have time for such things.  And you are handling everything on your own, which would make it so much harder.    

  

Your day will come though, when you least expect it, this I promise you.  I know that's a pretty big statement to make, but the good Lord works in mysterious ways.  I'd say keep going out to community events, etc., like you've been doing.  If for nothing else but to get  out and get your mind off things for a while.   It does feel sooooo good to get out.   Look in the paper for events going on that you can both go to.  Go where the wind takes you and don't worry about it so much maybe, relax and enjoy life each day, and things will fall into place -- "when you least expect it".   

  

Life is full of "MOMENTS" - happy little moments that come, and then gone in an instant.  But those are the MOMENTS that remain in your memory forever.  With music, I've learned to love and appreciate each MOMENT that I encounter - and embrace them forever. 

  

p.s.  I honestly think you do have it all together even though you don't think so.  Look at you, raising and supporting your son independently - that's pretty together in my book.  Stress?  Yes.  But keep trying to find ways to help you regroup and get through the days, like music......:) 

  

Also, you're 1800 miles from home - I'm only 500 miles from home and miss my family very much.  Any distance really would put a stress factor on you too.  I've been gone for 17 years and its gotten easier, but not much it seems sometimes, especially when you move to a place where you don't know anyone.   I'll make it back home some day. 

  

  

 One thing you have to remember about doctors is that that are people first, so they are prone to misconceptions like the rest of us, and two, they are guides. They can't force you to take their advice, prodedures, or perscriptions, and quite often will applaud your effort to get a second opinion.

I don't know what his "take" on your situation is, but I have been cautioned about having certain doctor visits on my medical history. I was actually told that I would be questioned endlessly in the future about visiting a certain doctor should I seek to have insurance pay for it.

I think your wanting to talk to someone about what you are going through is admirable, as opposed to taking the meds first. Have you tried writing your fears? Sometimes writing what we are feeling gives us clarity, it focuses our emotions and helps us get to the root of whatever is bothering us. It's highly likely that you made these decisions much faster than you normally do, and now you are "second guessing" yourself, wondering if you've made a mistake. This is a very normal reaction.

I suggest you sit down and start writing. Don't stop until you feel that you've reached a place where you understand exactly what's bothering you about your situation. Once you reached an understanding, list some steps you can take to alleviate your sense of anxiety. For example, if you feel you didn't know your husband well enough to marry him, do some things now to research him, where he comes from, his family, etc. Whatever you come up with as the root of your anxiety will help you decide where to go from there.

I'm not a doctor, but I've used this method in stressfull or depressive states myself. If you work through things like anger in your journalling, and it might hurt anyone's feelings if they found the writings, feel free to destroy the writings. You are writing for yourself only, nobody else will see it, so be completely honest with yourself.

 What were the reasons for them to come live with you? Did you have a rough first pregnancy and need to be taken care of? Do you drive? If there's no pressing medical reason for them to be there, I would ask them to go home.

I know this is hard because you said that you are a quiet, too nice person. But have you considered that they might WANT to go home?

 And the 27 year old brother-in-law, that's just too weird.

 I would say something like, "I really appreciate you coming, but the house is just too small, and I need some space. I'll be fine on my own, if I find that I need someone here just before going to the hospital I'll be sure to call you." Think about it, it doesn't really matter what they think. If you are polite about it, and they take some kind of offense, that's their affair. As a mother you are going to face many instances where you will have to swallow your shyness and be assertive for the good of your family. You might as well start now.

Well I know how you feel totally .My husband is also in the Air Force .I recently had our third child and I was considered  High Risk and stress was not good for my baby .I know from experience that the further along you get you need the extra help and it was a nice gesture but you will have to put your foot down eventually. I had my grandmother come stay with me while I was pregnant and she added more stress to  my plate than I needed . I took her home which is four hrs. away .So put your foot down and you don't have to be nasty either .

Hello, I'm writing in hopes that maybe someone out there is going through what I am . I lost my mom a year ago and it hurts deeply because she was my safe spot. What I think is worst the fact that my oldest son (6yrs) old  is grieving just as bad as I am .Except I don't think he understand his feelings . He said that he is angry that God took her away and that she needed to be here for him . They really had a beautiful relationship she would always sing GRANNY LOVES IT and all her grandchildren loved it . I miss her alot but I really don't know what to say to my son when he goes into a rage and starts lashing out at everyone .  

If you have any helpful suggestion please help me ?  

Thank You !!!!!!!!