I am in severe pain daily. It feels like knives are stabbing in my spine, up and down. The pain meds don't relieve this, not enough to make a difference. I sometimes take 3 or 4 Ultram when I wake up still with no relief, also with the Duragsic Pain patch, Oxycodone, Neurontin and Tylenol.
My employer has robbed me of my livelihood, my life, my hopes and dreams, and have lied to me, and will not return my calls. They discontinued my benefits without warning, and after promising they would not. I do not know my employment status, they will not tell me.
They denied me permission to return to work on three different occasions with a release from my doctor each time. I have contacted the local Untied Way, attempting to get some guidance, they advised me to call the consumer credit counseling service which is closed until Thursday.
I have been receiving suspicious phone calls. I have had people watching me. For instance, recently someone in a suburban pulled into my driveway up about 100' from the road and about 30' from my house and was taking pictures. When I walked out the front door to confront him, the man immediately jumped in his vehicle. backed down this long narrow gravel driveway hauling a@*. Before I could grab my cam-corder to zoom in and capture his tag number and the vehicle, he had backed out onto a major highway giving no thought to this hill that is too steep to see over if traffic is coming, and raced North spinning tires and all. And all I did was walk out the door.
The almost exact thing happened on three or four different occasions when I was at the back of the property, and was in the vicinity of the road that is perpendicular to the major highway. This person was in a Mustang, super fast because each time I spotted him he was looking directly at me, and as before, before I could get a tag number, he hauled asp burning rubber.
The individual who promised me that the company would not discontinue my benefits is now denying this, he just finally contacted me. He passed the buck back to HR and he said he had nothing to with it. But he is the one who refused to allow me to return to work.
The stigma of depression...that's what it is. This is the man, who had the nerve to ask me if I was having sexual relations with a former employee. He had no cause for this. She never filed a complaint or I would have known. She did file a complaint against someone in upper management, and I backed her up on this about sexual harassment. I had to convince her that her job was safe if she did file the complaint. Nothing was done but a slap on the wrist and an apology (admission) by the manager. She later left on her own.
I emailed the CEO and V/P out of France, the home base for this company prior to my medical leave expressing my concerns about this very thing. I emailed him last Friday and have not heard back from him. I still have not heard from HR. She is avoiding me. She led me to believe that I would continue receiving benefits, but at a lower rate last week, and that I would have my answer by Friday 5:00 pm EDT. She has not returned any of my calls. I called the Atlanta area office and left a message, they told me she would be there by noon EDT, and they would give her the message to call me as soon as she walked in the door.
No matter who I contact, I cannot get any kind of immediate assistance.
What do I need?
- A doctor who can find the source of my pains and treat them effectively.
- The Vagus Nerve Stimulator implant procedure.
- A way to stay a float financially while these are being done.
- A job with a company that is honest and humane, and built on trust, with an income comparable to what I was making with the benefits or
- The means to start my own business, as I have mentioned I have some tools, a dilapidated shop, a few pieces of lumber. I just need advice and a push getting it going. Or
- Any kind of home based business, computer related would be great. Dealing with people would be great.
- If I could feel better and see a brighter future I would have the will to quit smoking and to exercise and eat healthier.
- And if I could get to this point I will push my campaign for the fight against child abuse.
This is physical and mental and emotional TORTURE And years of this is just too much. There has to be a way out, some answers, a glimmer of hope somewhere. I just need some help getting there. I did not choose to be in this situation.
It is a know fact that animals and people prey on those weaker than them. And although Depression is not a personal weakness, it appears that way to others and they take advantage. I can get a list of people who will tell you how hateful, mean and selfish my supervisor has been. Even from years past.
It just feels hopeless when I feel I have contacted everyone in the book, and I am still no closer than I was a year ago to having a normal life.
Can some one please, please help me?
Just imagine going through every day with the feeling of knives jabbed in your spine, up and down. And people just walking all over you because you cannot defend yourself. Not just employers, but all kinds of people.
Imagine being so depressed that you just cry and cry, feel guilt, anxieties, pressure in your head like it's going to explode.
I have been to numerous doctors, and here I am, still sitting here in this sinking boat without a life raft and no land in sight.
No, I do not intend to commit suicide, I would not do that to my family, but it doesn't stop the thought from crossing my mind almost every day for 16+ years. Imagine feeling that worthless as a human being. That defeated, and I have so much I could offer to this world, to our society and to my community, if I could just have my life back.
Losing this home, again, only a 100,000.00 dollar home. That's one hundred thousand dollar home. This is very modest with ten acres of land, so that I can, if and when I am well enough, walk into the woods and talk to GOD. That's what I did when I was young.
It's like I am asking too much out of life. And had it not been for my illnesses and mistreatment by my employer(s), my life would be fantastic!
