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Topic : Coping with Stress

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:52:50 am
Author : dataimport
Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

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sunshine80
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June 17, 2007, 8:17 pm PDT

It is worrisome

Quote From: sschultze

  Is it okay to have feelings of hatred towards any child even if they did not do anything?  I understand that people will not like everyone, but we all have to get along especially if they will see each other (same sports team).  The child is a good boy, at least I think so, but an adult I know wishes he would just go away.  Her child and the other boy initially had a falling out and her son complained to her, and the mother basically flew off the handle.  I don't care what the initial problem was, which it was nothing, but  I explained all children have misunderstandings between themselves, then they'll say they hate each other, and then the next thing you know, they're friends again.  Well, the mother stated that she did not want her son to even talk to the other boy.  She just kept saying that she hates the boy.  I asked her what caused her to feel this way; the boy has done nothing to her.  She doesn't have to like the boy (9), for the kids get along.  I can not understand it at all.  I've told her to let it go.  I stated that as long as the boy doesn't do drugs, cause problems, and does well in school, that there should be nothing to worry about.  We've had this conversation now for approximately four days.  I am seriously worried about her. She has turned her anger towards me saying that I can not be her friend if I don't understand her feelings.  She is right, I don't understand.  Advice?  I'm worried. 

Good Lord, just tell her you are trying to understand her feelings but they don't seem to be very easy to piece together.  I don't get it either?  Try changing the subject with her.  See if maybe "out of sight, out of mind" may help this obviously unhealthy behavior to dissipate.
 
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sunshine80
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June 17, 2007, 8:31 pm PDT

First off congrats

Quote From: simonecornelia

Honestly, i do not know.I am drowning like you.I am 45 and i had a bad childhood,drinking parents and they were rich,rich for drinking i mean.But at school,children laugh about my clothing,there was no money for that.At the age off 15-16,my mother left me to live in Paradise Tenerife for many years,later on she asked my brother to live there too and me but i was still in highschool or college for my licence as a nurse.There i met my husband, a wonderful good husband(25 years i know him and 21 years married).So started working earlier then him because he had to do 1 year military-service.A year like hell but anyway,1 month later we married,i was so happy but i was never accepted by his parents because i was bad for him for not coming from a good home(drinking).Even Seven years later,even after the birth of my 2 children, they still told him:"Come back home to us with the children, she is no good, and i was sitting next to them while saying that,imagine that!" 17 years from the 25 they  tried to get him back and brainwash him.One Christmasevening, i had no intention to go to the party but for my husband,after long discussions,i went with him.That evening was the last time i went. They hurted my youngest son,then 6 years old so much by refusing him some food that he addors*.THAT WAS ONE DROP IN THE BUCKET TOO <<<< So;ething is zrong zith ;y PC sorry i
you literally rose above your raisin'.  Good for you.  You in-laws are soooo wrong to behave like they do.  Have you seen a therapist for someone to help with the issues of growing up with alcoholic parents?  On the outside everything feels fine but you are drowning on the inside.  That's not good.  The mom is the most important person in the house.  When she hurts the family hurts.  I guarantee that little hidden problems from your childhood make up part of the reason that you are drowning.  Do it for you and your family.
 
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mona1980
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June 20, 2007, 8:02 pm PDT

Hi all, this is my first participation in this board

Hi all, I just found this board and I'm so embarrassed because it's my first time telling others how stressed I am. I'll be 27 next month, and through all my live so far I'm just a student: 4 year to have the BA and 5 years to get the MA, next year will be hopefully the last year.

 

I'm so stressed it messed up my whole life, psyche, Health, and social life. It is so bad that my family caught me mouthing my inner thoughts in anger and frustrating as if I'm talking to myself. And since I'm the youngest, the single, and the only one who is not working, you can easily see that nobody take my stress seriously.

 

I'm so sick of studying and spending the whole day on the chair in front of desk, books, and lap top. I feel that I let my family in charge of my future, and now I look back and realize, it is not worth it!

 

Getting these words off my chest is painful yet somehow relaxing. I want to thank Dr. Phil and every body for creating this board.

 

Mona

 

 

 

 
 
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simonecornelia
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June 21, 2007, 8:01 am PDT

Alcoholic parents......

Quote From: sunshine80

you literally rose above your raisin'.  Good for you.  You in-laws are soooo wrong to behave like they do.  Have you seen a therapist for someone to help with the issues of growing up with alcoholic parents?  On the outside everything feels fine but you are drowning on the inside.  That's not good.  The mom is the most important person in the house.  When she hurts the family hurts.  I guarantee that little hidden problems from your childhood make up part of the reason that you are drowning.  Do it for you and your family.
Yes, i have been in therapy for that and abuse. I am done and over that a long time ago. But now i am not drowning from that. I f you look on the board messages (Living with chronicle pain), you will find me there more.But last time my PC refused to type more,because i wanted to answer your question "Can i say NO to asked help from others".Sorry, my English writing.I have (had) the same problem.When somebody asks for help, i can not say no but then they go too far.My home becomes their home.They come and go when it pleases them,eat my food, get their soft-drinks,beer or wine by themselves out of my refrigeratire* like it is the normal way of doing.It has been 2 months i have my labtop and they come and use it like it is from them. And i was (is) sick of it!!!!!!! So, now we solved the problem this way: 1. We all have our GSM now and mine is the head-phone,the matriarch-phone, so everybody must phone me now to ask when yhey MAY come and WHY. 2. If i am going to bed, they have to go,no more staying over on the coach,eating in the morning,take their shower and leave the rest for me.3. No more getting their soft-drinks or whatever themselfs and staying out of my kooler. 4. If they do not respect the new rules....OUT,friend or no friend!!!! Because these are NO friends at all, they want to pass their time and it don't cost them anything,no drinks,no heating,no light,no food. Since we have been doing that, i am winning over 300 dollar a month. And another thing is, i am very sick for the moment, flare-ups from my auto-imunediseases and guess what....nobody comes to clean my house or doing my laundry.....So yes, you can say and must say NO if you have to without feeling guilty.Now, i am depressed of having the pains but i will survive. But i do understand that some people here are feeling so down,they could leave this world, but please DO NOT! I have a sentence i always keep repeating to myself and it is : I HAVE SURVIVED YESTERDAY, SO I WILL TODAY BECAUSE THE SUN IS COMING UP TOO TOMORROW, IF I LIKE IT OR NOT. It was a sentence from an old man, he told me that when i was abouth 20 years old, i am 45 now.I still live because of him and those wise words.Sincerely,simonecornelia PS Keep in mind,dear friends,everything passes, and then you will look back and say, i have been through harder times than this.Love you all
 
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gimpynan
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June 21, 2007, 2:16 pm PDT

Coping with Stress

I have been an epileptic since I was a Toddler.  Since then, I have had been suggested to get a full lobotomy when I was 18.  "NOT"!

 

I had a right occipital lobectomy in 1989. I was 28 yrs old. That helped for 1 1/2 yrs. Then my seizures started back up.  I had received a vagal nerve stimulator just 5 yrs ago. I received my first seizure response dog in 2004.

 

I went to see a "Specialist" about a new drug study. While getting tested for approval, I was told my seizures were non epileptic type seizures. And then in one full breath said" You do not have epileptic type seizures, never had, never will & don't even consider it!"

 

This dr. told me I use my SZ dogas a crutch and i should return him to the school! "NOT"

 

He then told my neurolgist to start taking me off my meds. That was in June of 2005.  In Dec of that year, I had a 3 - 4 hour true epileptic seizure.  My wife, Millie, was told I probably won't make it through the night.  They, The ER physicans were able to stop them by either placing me on a ventilator 3x's or placing me in a coma, 3x's too.

 

Both Millie and myself are very confused about all this.  My Sz resp. dog, does detect the pseudo types.  But knows something is wrong.

 

Our hole life was turned upside by this one dr.  My whole left side of my body is affected more and more after every event.  Alot of damage to my left side is done.  Phys Therapy and occupational does help for that time. but results get set back after every seizure occurance.

 

My neurolgist placed me back on my AED's. But the damage is already done. And I could not find one single attorney to take my case. because it's seizure oriented and not a slam dunk win.

 

Millie & I need some assistance with answers and support.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

I had tried searching for an attorney but was turned away everytime. My 2 yr. time frame expired the beginning of June. We will continue on.
 
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gimpynan
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June 21, 2007, 2:19 pm PDT

Pseudo Seizures ( Non Epileptic)

I have been an epileptic since I was a Toddler.  Since then, I have had been suggested to get a full lobotomy when I was 18.  "NOT"!

 

I had a right occipital lobectomy in 1989. I was 28 yrs old. That helped for 1 1/2 yrs. Then my seizures started back up.  I had received a vagal nerve stimulator just 5 yrs ago. I received my first seizure response dog in 2004.

 

I went to see a "Specialist" about a new drug study. While getting tested for approval, I was told my seizures were non epileptic type seizures. And then in one full breath said" You do not have epileptic type seizures, never had, never will & don't even consider it!"

 

This dr. told me I use my SZ dogas a crutch and i should return him to the school! "NOT"

 

He then told my neurolgist to start taking me off my meds. That was in June of 2005.  In Dec of that year, I had a 3 - 4 hour true epileptic seizure.  My wife, Millie, was told I probably won't make it through the night.  They, The ER physicans were able to stop them by either placing me on a ventilator 3x's or placing me in a coma, 3x's too.

 

Both Millie and myself are very confused about all this.  My Sz resp. dog, does detect the pseudo types.  But knows something is wrong.

 

Our hole life was turned upside by this one dr.  My whole left side of my body is affected more and more after every event.  Alot of damage to my left side is done.  Phys Therapy and occupational does help for that time. but results get set back after every seizure occurance.

 

My neurolgist placed me back on my AED's. But the damage is already done. And I could not find one single attorney to take my case. because it's seizure oriented and not a slam dunk win.

 

Millie & I need some assistance with answers and support.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

I had tried searching for an attorney but have been turned away by all. My 2 yr. time frme is now expired.

 

Anyone intersted in helping us cope and or understand, email:

rangers_rainbow@msn.com

 

 
 
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simonecornelia
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June 22, 2007, 11:51 am PDT

Look at the past and ask yourself.....

Quote From: tryingtocope

Dear you tryingtocope, i am a very jaelous* woman,sorry my english writing,i am Dutch-speaking,but any way....... i red your story of you and your husband.It is true and right that you feel decieved but..... for this a divorce, NO WAY, in my opinion.Look in the past to what he has done for you, he did help you with your mother and your daughter, and it is not his child,is it? You have been happy together,yes? So, try to think in this way and it may easy your pain a bit and save your marriage. so here we go......... First,he is older than you and men of his age have to try out,if they are still attractive to other women. Some are changing their hairstyle,clothing etc....Some start drinking.....But as i feel in your message, i don't have the feeling that this the case.First of all,he went there because of his friend going there.Men want to look tuff* and go along without thinking of the concequences.But anyway, i don't think, your husband was out to cheat on you at all.Maybe he had a couple of drinks etc. But know too that these women( and i am sorry to say so to you, i admire their work because it is the oldest job in the world and if they didn't exist, more passionmurders would happen for sure.My thinking) but anyway,these women are good as it come to the matter of seducing* a man and you can turn the world or it can stop turning it,but a man is till a man,few exception are not. I do not aproof* of his behaviour but as i was reading your message, i felt that he is truly sorry for it. As for you saying,"you want to get even,as you are a beautifull woman, DON'T! It will haunt you later on and you don't really want to anyway and it is not a solution.Be patient with yourself and him.The trust is broken for now but wait a year or so, ask around, if he did it before but please talk to him, explain your feelings to him,your anger, try more therapy and in the end, you may be able to forgive him for his mistake.And if you have a fight, don't bring the issue every time up, because it is not at that moment the cause of your fight.Do you know what i mean? And also, if everytime, you bring it up, it will push him away further from you and so maybe again in the arms of somebody else. As for talking about it, try a moment when you are both calm and open for conversation,not fighting.Ask him why, how,what he did with her,was it different and so on.I know, it may be to hard asking this but as you can open him up by talking calmly abouth it,maybe you will find out,that it didn't mean anything to him,maybe he was missing you in these days, he was gone.Remember,he did not want to go in the first place, if i did understand it right*?And if he tells you something abouth the sex with her,before accusing him, talk and think, that you maybe learn something and maybe enjoy it with him.I know ,it seam to sound that i want to defend him,NO WAY. I just want to try to save your mariage by looking at the issue in an other way.Talk to him please,but calmly and without accusations.Tell him before starting talking to him,you want to understand why he did it.Please,try,it is also for your own good health,because it will make you sick because it stays in your head.I will look forward for a respond of you,any kind of respons,but try.Sincerely,simonecornelia.PS You can also tell your feelings to me, i will always respond.Take care.X
 
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sunshine80
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June 23, 2007, 9:37 pm PDT

Try a pain and suffering approach

Quote From: gimpynan

I have been an epileptic since I was a Toddler.  Since then, I have had been suggested to get a full lobotomy when I was 18.  "NOT"!

 

I had a right occipital lobectomy in 1989. I was 28 yrs old. That helped for 1 1/2 yrs. Then my seizures started back up.  I had received a vagal nerve stimulator just 5 yrs ago. I received my first seizure response dog in 2004.

 

I went to see a "Specialist" about a new drug study. While getting tested for approval, I was told my seizures were non epileptic type seizures. And then in one full breath said" You do not have epileptic type seizures, never had, never will & don't even consider it!"

 

This dr. told me I use my SZ dogas a crutch and i should return him to the school! "NOT"

 

He then told my neurolgist to start taking me off my meds. That was in June of 2005.  In Dec of that year, I had a 3 - 4 hour true epileptic seizure.  My wife, Millie, was told I probably won't make it through the night.  They, The ER physicans were able to stop them by either placing me on a ventilator 3x's or placing me in a coma, 3x's too.

 

Both Millie and myself are very confused about all this.  My Sz resp. dog, does detect the pseudo types.  But knows something is wrong.

 

Our hole life was turned upside by this one dr.  My whole left side of my body is affected more and more after every event.  Alot of damage to my left side is done.  Phys Therapy and occupational does help for that time. but results get set back after every seizure occurance.

 

My neurolgist placed me back on my AED's. But the damage is already done. And I could not find one single attorney to take my case. because it's seizure oriented and not a slam dunk win.

 

Millie & I need some assistance with answers and support.

 

Thank you for listening.

 

I had tried searching for an attorney but have been turned away by all. My 2 yr. time frme is now expired.

 

Anyone intersted in helping us cope and or understand, email:

rangers_rainbow@msn.com

 

 

Injury lawyers won't take the case?  It should be a slam dunk.  Doc made the wrong call.  Doc took away your meds.  You then had a near-death experience because of his bad call?  Every single time, you get evn a mild one go back to the hospital, because it starts the time-period over.  And gives you more ammo.  Also try the pain-and suffering approach because this is obvious.  I will certainly be praying for you and Millie for your health and to award you some compensation.
 
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sunshine80
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June 23, 2007, 9:42 pm PDT

I am so sorry

Quote From: simonecornelia

Yes, i have been in therapy for that and abuse. I am done and over that a long time ago. But now i am not drowning from that. I f you look on the board messages (Living with chronicle pain), you will find me there more.But last time my PC refused to type more,because i wanted to answer your question "Can i say NO to asked help from others".Sorry, my English writing.I have (had) the same problem.When somebody asks for help, i can not say no but then they go too far.My home becomes their home.They come and go when it pleases them,eat my food, get their soft-drinks,beer or wine by themselves out of my refrigeratire* like it is the normal way of doing.It has been 2 months i have my labtop and they come and use it like it is from them. And i was (is) sick of it!!!!!!! So, now we solved the problem this way: 1. We all have our GSM now and mine is the head-phone,the matriarch-phone, so everybody must phone me now to ask when yhey MAY come and WHY. 2. If i am going to bed, they have to go,no more staying over on the coach,eating in the morning,take their shower and leave the rest for me.3. No more getting their soft-drinks or whatever themselfs and staying out of my kooler. 4. If they do not respect the new rules....OUT,friend or no friend!!!! Because these are NO friends at all, they want to pass their time and it don't cost them anything,no drinks,no heating,no light,no food. Since we have been doing that, i am winning over 300 dollar a month. And another thing is, i am very sick for the moment, flare-ups from my auto-imunediseases and guess what....nobody comes to clean my house or doing my laundry.....So yes, you can say and must say NO if you have to without feeling guilty.Now, i am depressed of having the pains but i will survive. But i do understand that some people here are feeling so down,they could leave this world, but please DO NOT! I have a sentence i always keep repeating to myself and it is : I HAVE SURVIVED YESTERDAY, SO I WILL TODAY BECAUSE THE SUN IS COMING UP TOO TOMORROW, IF I LIKE IT OR NOT. It was a sentence from an old man, he told me that when i was abouth 20 years old, i am 45 now.I still live because of him and those wise words.Sincerely,simonecornelia PS Keep in mind,dear friends,everything passes, and then you will look back and say, i have been through harder times than this.Love you all
Living with chronic pain must be horrible, and on top of it you have these poor excuses of people taking over your house!  Let me think abou this for awhile and see if I can't come up with some good advice. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
 
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simonecornelia
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June 24, 2007, 6:57 pm PDT

Can you say NO now????

Quote From: sunshine80

Living with chronic pain must be horrible, and on top of it you have these poor excuses of people taking over your house!  Let me think abou this for awhile and see if I can't come up with some good advice. ((((((((HUGS)))))))
Hello again, i hope that by my story, i could help you a bit by learing to say NO, i will not. Did it help? Living with chronic pain is a battle every day, over and over again and always hoping Tomorrow, maybe............. I have had people taking over my house and last saterday it was again like that, but it is like they don't get it,or do they. For example, a couple we know for a long time make an appointment to come to our home at 20.00PM.Ok. At that time they ask it is about 3.00PM. So i organize things that at 17.30PM I go to bed to take a nap due to my pain but also to be in less pain when they come at 20.00PM. I was almost asleep, my daughter, who was at home came in my bedroom and says : That couple is there! I look at the clock 18.00PM, 2 hours earlier.I Could not get out of my bed because of my pain and havy medication,and my husband was not home. He was infact getting our new car that we bought a couple of months ago,an expensive one.And the reason they would come, was to say hello and look at the new car at 20.00PM. So, at 18.00 PM, they were their, i was so upset and crying that i called him to my bedroom,wich i did not like in the first place and i told him:"Look, you said 20.00PM,not now.I can not stand up now, i have horrible pain and you don't send me a message so i could respond.He said: "i did call you but you didn't pick up, so we came".I was so angry and said that my house was not a Pigeon-house or bar.And then he answered: But SIS(he calls me that),you can sleep all you want.We will just read our e-mails and then we go.I was to faible to react, i just cried.So, he closed the door and went to the living-room. At 19.45PM, mu husband wakes me up and told me that they stayed untill 19.00PM and then left. And the joke of it all is that my daughter needed the labtop for her exams,so she had to study 1 hour longer than normal.I was so angry. At 20.00PM, guess, yes, no couple came to say hello or congratulate on the new car.She just needed the labtop.My daughter did a smart thing however, she never presented something to drink or eat that moment,just looking untill they would go.Good for her.So,this is one of the story's that happen here.It gives me stress,pain,hurt and sometimes words with my husband because of those situations and you know, we are so happely married for 20 years now.It is like they take profit from my situation  being invalid and all. My husband went to talk with them that it is finished that way of coming and a couple of days ago they called to pick up a door for reparation to a store an drive him back tomorrowevening. He said yes.....The man of that couple was our friend before he met his wife,but when she wants something,it must be now,if you know what i mean.He was not like that before,she changed him. She was for a while also my housecleaning-lady till 2 weeks after New Year, she didn'i come anymore.I felt so hurt but he said it was his fault,so i forgave him again. She still asks to come and clean again but i can not accept, it did hurt me too much then.And also, if i say yes, they will infiltrate even more than now,i think. Now i have a new girl trough an agency and i am afraid to tell them.So is my husband,people say, throw them out but it is a long friendship gone then because of her and not because of him.Any advice on this one sunshine?????Sim
 
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