Topic : Coping with Stress

i bet the meds did it

I am a 20 year old female who has had a horrible childhood and I am afraid it is affecting my family. From the age of 10 years i had one parent my mother she was an alchoholic and a drug user. There are to many stories so lets just say I bascially was abused verbally and mentally every waking moment. My mother kept me out of school alot. I was also molested as a child from 2 people who were all family members. So from the age of 14 I have had a job trying to take care of her and the bills and my school work. When I turned 17 I met the love of my life I got pregnant and while I was pregnant my mother hit my two times over drugs. I have been out of my mothers house every since I was 17. My fiancee and I have been on our own and it is tough. We struggle with money and eveything. Just recently my dad had a Massive Stroke and a Massive Heartattack at the same time we are lucky he is alive. Three of my Uncles have died this year. My fiancee and I fight all the time we cant get along. I will say it is all my fault because it is i nag and nag it on. I explode over small things. I just cant help it or at least that is how I feel. If anyone can help I would love to get along with the love of my life again. I want all of the fussing to stop.

 well i know i don't have to deal with the kind of stress that my mom and aunt deals with because I'm still a young adult but i do have stress and how i deal with it is exercise.

I have been in a relationship for 1.5yrs with a man who was going through a terrible divorce.  We started out as friends on a online service and took our time and became intimit.  We have been together 6 days a wk for 1.5 yrs.  We have a vacation planned for 1 wk starting on the 7/25.  on 7/13, he broke things off.  Said he didn't love me the way I deserve to be loved.  I will in 50 in sept., he has brought me back to the church, i love everything about him and us and can not get a good answer that satisfies me.  He wants to be friends, only, says we can't go back to the way it was, but he misses me and will not come to the house in fear he would want to stay.  He shows up places I am at and acts like nothing has happened.  Then it throws me for another loop.  Recently been to md for help and meds thanks to a very good friend.  I don't know if I can do this anymore, I am trying so hard to hold onto things, but it is hard.

My father died 2 yrs ago and firmly believed that Dad sent him to me.  Definately a person that I would never have thought that I would be with.  He is a very intelligent man, masters, church going, family oriented and had been married for 16yrs, one day his x just told him she doesn't love him anymore.

He is doing now the same thing to me that she did to him....and I keep telling him that I am not her.  I know I have heard of rebounds, but we are or where like one person, in everyway, we are like one another, except for this.  I just don't understand and don't know how to proceed.  He wants to be friends, I can't do that right now, I am so much in love with him and we talked of such a wonderful future together.  This took me totally by surprize, friends, family, co-workers, just couldn't believe it............and don't..........everyone feels as if their is something else going on and just can not get answers.

Please someone help me, my heart is so broken..........like never before.  Should I try my hardest to be a friend and perhaps that would rekindle things..............am I hoping to much that would happen............do I just stop talking to him...........I see him in church, we sing in a choir together and we have lots of friends together............I don't want to lose it all......I am losing me

It is so critical to take care of our self when we have children or family members that are stressed.

Stress impacts every moment of our life in different ways. I think we can become to absorbed in someones else's emotion and need to separate. We still need to take that time for ourselves.

Tammy you reminded me when I went through a struggle with my son He is fantastic now and the time was difficult. I have never been so afraid or sad and I spent a few hours down at the beach just listening to the waves slap against the shore. I went for  a refreshing walk up and down to the beach for a week and in solitude I found better ways of communicating or handling things rather then being engulfed.

 

Lately a friend of mine burnt through a lot of stress and I found that I limited the visits and communication so that I would not be over involved just supportive. I felt much better and my friend made his own choices.

 

I prefer to process on my own and connect with my friends when I have done that. My friends are wonderful and I and they share but we like to keep our minds clear so that we can work and play together. Yet we share but maybe not the intensity of emotions.

 

It was refreshing to read your post and I just so agree that we need to take care of ourselves.

So, I need some advice. Over the years, once or twice I have been told that I over react to things. Now that I am a mom, work two jobs and have some of my husbands family living with me, I see opportunities to display this behavior more and more. I do understand that I may have some anger issues. I accept that responsibility, but now what? I believe I have also figured out the source of alot of my anger. My husbands 16 year old sister lives with us. And I get that because she is a teenager, her behavior may be a certain way, but I don't believe that gives her an excuse to be rude and disrespectful to me in my own house. The worse part is, she kinda uses this against me. I feel my husband defends her constantly, like he feels sorry for her for her age and her situation, though the situation was HER choice. To give a bit more of the story, she watches my kids for me so that I can work at night to help pay off some debt. I need her for this reason, so I feel she knows this and uses it against me. Like i have to do favors for her, because she watches my kids. unfortunately, this has caused stress in my marriage, which spills over into other parts of my life, such as work and my children. Bottom line, she isn't going any where anytime soon, so I need tool to deal with my anger. I don't want to blow things out of proportion all the time, but how do I calm down, when she pulls more crap. How do I let the small stuff go, but not continue to let her disrespect me and my home. And lastly, i should mention, my husband and i  have both talked to her about her behavior, but nothing ever changes, yet I am expected to not be so angry. I'm desperate for advice.

You cant dwell on stuff you had no control over. Why beat yourself up over it. Make a conscious effort to tell yourself I'm not going to fall subject to the things that happened in my life that i had no control over. Put your focus on things you enjoy and what makes you happy. Love yourself.

hey thats great that you have figured that out. Exercise has many benifits for mental health and it is important to get exercise regularly. i am a young adult too and when i get stressed out i go for a run.

i know that ur probably don't wanna take advice from an18 yr old but I'm actually pretty good at this....

...so listen up....the best way (that I've found ) to deal with all the stress in my life is to detach my self from it.....now, this does take a bit of practice but trust me it works....

there is one thing that I have recently come to realize...and that is that if youfind yourself getting frustrated and angry, and the situation is "conflicting" there is away to "tell someone off" with out actually getting angry

If u want the spacifics lemme know

I know I can't handle stress. I've been told that I act like a really big child, told by my mother whom herself acts like a 43 year old teenager. The problem is, I am now 18 and this is a problem I've been dealing with for three years now and I still can't....well....kick the habbit. Now, I know that when my mother first found out I was told to 'grow up and stop being so stupid.' But no one really seems to understand my reasons. I don't know if I even have any.

 

It calms me down, that's the jist of it. It's to me not a bad thing but I guess, It helps me relax, now I have a very supportive boyfriend who is helping me with this. My sister and mother both think the habbit stopped but I really can't tell them that it didn't cause all they would do is yell at me for how bad I am at handleing things.  I don't mean to do it, It's not bad in my eyes, I see it like cleaning my ears or something. Something not that big.

 

I mean, tattoos are scaring the body too right? So what's wrong with cutting? I don't do it too deep, or not enough to really hurt me. Just about little cuts here and there, I do alot i guess depends on how bad I feel, I know it's not a good way to cope. But I need some answers on how to find a  better way to do things.

 

my sister once threatend to send me off to the loony ben. Is that really the place I need to be? Or is there and easier way to stop this?

 

Can anyone help?

 

I want to stop WITHOUT getting my parents involved. My boyfriend and I are the only ones who know but what if it's out of our hands. I just don't want people mad at me. I feel like that's all I do.   /cries/