Topic : Coping with Stress

hey thats great that you have figured that out. Exercise has many benifits for mental health and it is important to get exercise regularly. i am a young adult too and when i get stressed out i go for a run.

i know that ur probably don't wanna take advice from an18 yr old but I'm actually pretty good at this....

...so listen up....the best way (that I've found ) to deal with all the stress in my life is to detach my self from it.....now, this does take a bit of practice but trust me it works....

there is one thing that I have recently come to realize...and that is that if youfind yourself getting frustrated and angry, and the situation is "conflicting" there is away to "tell someone off" with out actually getting angry

If u want the spacifics lemme know

I know I can't handle stress. I've been told that I act like a really big child, told by my mother whom herself acts like a 43 year old teenager. The problem is, I am now 18 and this is a problem I've been dealing with for three years now and I still can't....well....kick the habbit. Now, I know that when my mother first found out I was told to 'grow up and stop being so stupid.' But no one really seems to understand my reasons. I don't know if I even have any.

 

It calms me down, that's the jist of it. It's to me not a bad thing but I guess, It helps me relax, now I have a very supportive boyfriend who is helping me with this. My sister and mother both think the habbit stopped but I really can't tell them that it didn't cause all they would do is yell at me for how bad I am at handleing things.  I don't mean to do it, It's not bad in my eyes, I see it like cleaning my ears or something. Something not that big.

 

I mean, tattoos are scaring the body too right? So what's wrong with cutting? I don't do it too deep, or not enough to really hurt me. Just about little cuts here and there, I do alot i guess depends on how bad I feel, I know it's not a good way to cope. But I need some answers on how to find a  better way to do things.

 

my sister once threatend to send me off to the loony ben. Is that really the place I need to be? Or is there and easier way to stop this?

 

Can anyone help?

 

I want to stop WITHOUT getting my parents involved. My boyfriend and I are the only ones who know but what if it's out of our hands. I just don't want people mad at me. I feel like that's all I do.   /cries/

First , You are not alone. There are a lot of women out there with similar stories. You sound a lot like

me , trying to control the Universe. Well, we can't. Start with your world, that is your husband and yourself.

Your kids go in another box ( so to speak ) .You can't fix their world, they have to do that. Support them, but let them know that they are not kids anymore, and some effort is going to have to happen on their end.

If your kids are making daily phone calls or nearly so for support, they are standing on your shoulders and that gets heavy. .. You have to mentally box up your problems so you can manage them. Worry about tomorrow's troubles when tomorrow comes. This might sound like a cliche, but it is true, and it helps.

If you don't have money for a funeral, then think about cremation if and when the time comes.

Direct your kids to a minister or other agency for help. If your husband is sick , he needs you right now and being stressed out and sick from that does not help him.. I suggest you get a yoga tape or dvd and use that to focus your energy on relaxation.  .. I have a long list of similar stresses and everyday is different in how well I handle it. Mostly I just try to remember that the Universe is not mine to control.

My granddaughter was in a car accident  in which her father died a couple of months ago.. My 87 year old mother fell and broke her hip and arm last week . One of my sisters acts like  a classic narcissist  from abnormal Psyche books and is  making crazy talk . My husband  has a throat problem and is going for a biopsy on Friday.. One of my daughters is trying to support herself and 3 kids alone and is having money problems  and medical problems with the kids and is calling for support..  Trust me, deal with today and let tomorrow take care of itself.  The best help you can give your kids is to pray for them and tell them to enlarge their support group so you can have a break and take care of your husband and yourself.  Stress will kill you and who would they lean on then? ... Powersurging

Teenagers are by nature moody. Hormones , lack of life experience, and a fast lane to independence make them a difficult group to deal with. .. You can get through it by just not making it PERSONAL... If you take it personal, then you are in a lot of trouble... Pick your battles. Let the little stuff slide. Be consistent with your demands.. For the big battles on major stuff, you and your husband need a united front and you SHOULD show  that you are upset and concerned.. For the little stuff , it is best to just keep a calm outer appearance regardless  of how upset it makes you or they will be yanking your chain til the cows come home... Generally , if you do it right , the teen years are a temporary situation so there is an end to it.

If they have friends you don't like  and consider detrimental, best approach is NOT the frontal attack. Just make it difficult for them to see  these friends without it being obvious what you are doing... If you do need to scream out of frustration,, go in your room and scream into a pillow. Never let a teenager know they are getting to you.... PowerSurging

 

 I don't know where to begin.

But over a year ago, my son came to me and my husband (not his dad) and asked for our help. He said that he and his wife were getting divorced and he needed a place to stay. My husband and I talked about it and agreed to let him move in.

After a year of living in a war zone where his ex-wife would go off on me, my husband or anyone who would listen outside our door, we decided to buy a home to house us, my son and his 3 children. The stability of the kids were at issue. The mother was threatening to give them up to us every other day or she would dump them off on us. The youngest wasn't even 10 months old. So I felt as if I was the only one who could give these children a home that they fell safe in and know that it would be there.

When I bought the house, it was agreed that my husband and I would pay the bills for a while in order to assist my son in getting off on the right financial foot. He found a good job and started to work. Then after a month he was hurt on the job. That took him out of the workplace for around 5 months. Since he was only receiving a small paycheck it would barely cover his and his fiance's bills. Yes, he found a new person whom I let move in because I was terrified that the old wife would weasel her way back into our lives if the newer improved model wasn't around 24/7. I know, it was dumb. But here we were paying for all four of us and then the 3 kids from February to almost August.

Then there was an agreement made that the kids were shared 50/50. So at least they were gone a week and home a week. I was able to ignore it, but by now my husband was seething. He was footing the bill for everything and pretty angry about it, and with good reason.

At the end of August my husband and I almost ended up divorced. So I found us an apartment. But the plan was for me to pay the mortgage and let my son pay the utilities until his fiance finished college this February. My son went back to work in October and promised he would pay allo the bills, except for the mortgage. I got a job and started paying the mortgage myself.

Well, turns out I am still paying the mortgage and now the utilities that are still in our name because he says he hasn't been able to pay any of them. He almost had the water shut off.  The sewage authority would have placed alien on our property from non-payment, the gas bill was forgotten 2 times. The other day I was there to gather up coats out of the basement for us and the house is trashed. Food, clothes, clutter and new bills from bill collectors that have ended up in the collection bureau. There is so much more to this story, but I guess I am wondering how I can get him out of my house so I can sell it? The house is too big for me and the bathroom isn't on the first floor where I need it to be with my disabilities. It's not that he doesn't pay anything. He does keep the phone, Internet and TV Dish on and can afford cigarettes, eating out at McDonalds and bowling each week. But he can't pay the bills or me back when he screws up and wants money.

I also was driving the one child from the elementary school to daycare after school. But now I think I need to work a daytime job and he said it was just like me to be unreliable by backing out of transporting his son to daycare. I feel so used. And I did it to myself. But I would rather work in the daytime so I can at least spend time with my husband at night.

Any tough love advice out there? I am suffering from Crohn's Disease and Diabetes and today just found out I have Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. I need to take care of myself and get the pressure off of me.

A Mom who's had it!

My name is Sarah Gumm. I am a 21 year old college student who has just recently shared with my family that I was sexually abused for 8 years of my childhood. The sexual abuse started when I was 4 years old by my Great Uncle on my mom's side of the family. It lasted until I was approximately 11 or 12 years old. This has taken its toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I went through a period of cutting myself when I was 13 until I was 18. I was a very frustrated and angry child. I can proudly say I have not cut myself for over 2 years now. I did not tell my secret to any one until I got engaged to my fiancé’, Zach. The reasons why I didn’t tell my secret varies from because I was scared to the fact that my father farmed his farmland. That farm land helped make up 1/3 of our household income. I also did not want to burden my family with this issue and felt it would be better if I just kept it in. However, during premarital counseling I realized that was not a healthy way to live. When I told my parents and family members about the sexual abuse we decided to pursue criminal and civil actions.  In the beginning of the criminal trial we got my uncle, my abuser, to admit to sexually abusing me. He confessed in a letter he wrote to me apologizing for what he did and he also verbally confessed to my mother and to the police; both confessions were recorded!! However, he is pleading not guilty and has drug this trial out for now almost 2 years. I have really good lawyers but he always seems to keep winning. I am frustrated because it seems he is always getting his way; shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I AM the victim HE IS the abuser! He is a wealthy man and I fear he may be doing some 'under-the-table business' with people concerning the case. Not only do I fear that but every one seems to be going easy on him because of his age.  He was 66 when he abused me and is currently 86 years old. I do not feel that he should get an easier punishment, if any thing, I feel he should get a harsher one for he should have known better.  Also, we are not suing him for what he could do in the future but for what he has already done in the past!! I just am so angry because the law has allowed a person who has confessed 3 times of his sexual abuse and yet he is still walking the streets 2 YEARS AFTER it was brought to the authorities’ attention. I am writing you this in hopes that maybe I might be able to shed some light on not only sexual abuse and its effects, but how the justice system seems to deal with offenders, or lack there of.  I am also hoping you could help me in some way, some how, with my case. I have begun to feel that bringing this out into the open has been a mistake due to the lack of results I have seen. I do not want to feel that telling this secret has been pointless, however, I cannot help but to feel that way for I have not seen the law punish him for his crimes he has committed. I want to get some justice; I feel it is only fair. I am permanently scared by his actions and have to live and deal with what has happened to me for the rest of my life. Why should he get off scot-free while I’m having to serve a life sentence?  I do not know what to do any more....

 

UPDATE:

My abuser just got an incompetent to stand trial. Yet again, another let down and this one made me furious. I am furious because he lives on his own, pays his own bills, takes care of himself, drives his own car, goes to dinners with friends, goes to church, and runs his own errands… but yet he is too incompetent to stand trial. If he is incompetent, aren't I? I mean, I do all the things he does. I am so frustrated that no one seems to care about the truth or the fact that a person who has admitted to sexually abusing a 4 year old for 8 years is getting off scott-free. THIS is exactly why people who have been abused do not come forward. This man has admitted to abusing me 4 times and 3 of which are recorded!! Why isn't he in jail? Why is he allowed so many rights while I get none? Why does he get away with this? I feel that there is no justice in this world and people do not care about anyone else but themselves. I didn't come forward with all of this to just get re-victimized and hurt all over again. I didn't come forward with all of this to not get listened to and to not get some justice. I came forward so I could possibly help future victims. I came forward to help myself and those around me. I came forward so I could get justice and closure. And I also came forward with hopes of someday sharing my story. I wanted to share my story so that people would understand that this is a serious issue that has serious effects. With this, I felt it was my last chance to get heard. I appreciate you taking the time to read this...

 

 

Sarah E. Gumm

Whenever I get stressed, I jsut try to channel all that stress into energy and go work out at the gym

Well i have come to this....I am 19 and don't know what to do about anything. I am dealing with a life time of problems. I live with my aunt and we are both going crazy...I should start from the beginning.

Well since i can remember my mother was always hitting and yelling bad things at me and my older brother. I never really knew my dad ,my brother did but my dad  really didn't want anything to do with me.when i was about 7 years old I stayed with a friend and her dad molested me. I didn't tell anyone until a year later when i was asked about some things. At that time when i need my mother the most she said it was me who caused these things to happen . Well when i was about 9 my mom started to write this man who was in prison for no one knew why. Well when i was 10 she told me and my brother she need to start her own life and she was going to move to West Virgina to live with this guy and we had to find some other place to go. My brother moved in with our dad and I moved in with my aunt. All my life i looked at my aunt as a mother more then i did my real mother. My real mother had left me and my brother more then once. So when she was planning on moving she said we would have one last day together before she moved to WV but that was not true. My aunt had went to church and my mom and I was going to spend the day together but a hour before my aunt got home my mom could not take dealing with me anymore and wrote a note and pinned the house keys to my shirt and left me sitting on the porch crying my eyes out. I  was messed up for along time over that . But i had moved on with my life  and was doing better. then we found out that my mother knew the whole time that this man was in prison for being a child molester. That hurt me deeply and i could never trust her again. Then my aunt and uncle who had no kids at the time tried to help my aunt Vicki who i live with. But as years went on they had kids of there own and my aunt and i would help out by babysitting some times,  as they had more kids the more they stop asking for are help and started using. us as full time babysitters. My aunt  Vicki never learned how to drive  and she also has problems with her leg so she could not walk or stand for long periods of time .so it was like if you look after our kids then we will help you if you don't do as we say your on your own. This has been going on for years until now. At my Grad. party my dad came and said he was going to buy me a car well i knew deep in my heart that  was not going to happen but i let myself get all happy. Well when that turned out to be a lie my aunt and uncle said they where going to fix up this car they had and was going to give it to me. they said to my face that they where not going to be like my mom and dad and said they where going to  really do this for me. But that was in July now it is January and the car is fixed but they are driving it around and not caring that i need a car to get a job. We where babysitting there kids from sun up to sun down with out getting paid and kept being told that the car would soon be mine. Then one night when my uncle got home from work he said that the reason the kids are so bad with me and my aunt was because we antagonize them .But then a day before that  he said we need to spank them more. Also he would pick at me by saying that the job that i did have was nothing and why should he be worried how i was going to get to and from work even when he was off work and had nothing else to do. He would say i should get my fat ass up and walk. But where i work is not in walking distance so i really can not do that. Even more i could not do that in this winter weather we are having. So me and my aunt said we had all we could take. He even called his wife thinking it was funny that he upset us and she called to see what happened. well we told her that we had been waiting since July to get this car they said they where going to fix up for me. so that i could get a better job and do the thinking we need to do from day to day. Even so we could make it easier on them and take the kids to and from school. But no they wanted to keep lieing and saying we are still going to give you the car. So i am at the point i want the car now or i don't want them in my life at all. I am about to be 20 and i have nothing. I am the most sad, sick feeling 19 year old i know . I need help really bad cause the answer to my problems comes in the form of a car. I know most people say things can not make you happy but being free and being able to have a way to get where i need to go and do what i need to do is the best freedom i could ask for. I feel like i am at the point i can not even go to a doctor appt. so i can see why i am having head aches and my aunt has not been to the doctor for her high blood pressure in about 2 years. I am so scared she is going to die or do something to get out of this state of life we are in. We have no washer  or dryer to do are clothes so we have to wash them in our bath tub and hang dry them. I have to try to catch a ride with who ever i can find to take me to the store to buy food. and i walk down town to pay bills and get my aunt Vicki's meds. I catch a ride to work by who ever i can find if i can find someone. So as you see i live a sad sad life. i feel so sad and aloe inside like ever other person can not see the torment i life with. so let me ask you what do i do or what can i do?

 

Hello everyone, I just joined the group. And I am in dire need of advise.

I am a 26 yr old married mom of 2 amazing boy's, Stepmom to 1. I have been with my hubby for a little over 7 years now..

I can not stand my stepchild's mother. She gets on my last nerve. And I just want to get over it. It has become such a serouise issue that I somtimes cant sleep at night. I am constantly thinking about how much she interfear's with our live's. And I so desperatly want to get over it. Please Someone help!