Topic : Coping with Stress

My name is Sarah Gumm. I am a 21 year old college student who has just recently shared with my family that I was sexually abused for 8 years of my childhood. The sexual abuse started when I was 4 years old by my Great Uncle on my mom's side of the family. It lasted until I was approximately 11 or 12 years old. This has taken its toll on me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I went through a period of cutting myself when I was 13 until I was 18. I was a very frustrated and angry child. I can proudly say I have not cut myself for over 2 years now. I did not tell my secret to any one until I got engaged to my fiancé’, Zach. The reasons why I didn’t tell my secret varies from because I was scared to the fact that my father farmed his farmland. That farm land helped make up 1/3 of our household income. I also did not want to burden my family with this issue and felt it would be better if I just kept it in. However, during premarital counseling I realized that was not a healthy way to live. When I told my parents and family members about the sexual abuse we decided to pursue criminal and civil actions.  In the beginning of the criminal trial we got my uncle, my abuser, to admit to sexually abusing me. He confessed in a letter he wrote to me apologizing for what he did and he also verbally confessed to my mother and to the police; both confessions were recorded!! However, he is pleading not guilty and has drug this trial out for now almost 2 years. I have really good lawyers but he always seems to keep winning. I am frustrated because it seems he is always getting his way; shouldn’t it be the other way around?  I AM the victim HE IS the abuser! He is a wealthy man and I fear he may be doing some 'under-the-table business' with people concerning the case. Not only do I fear that but every one seems to be going easy on him because of his age.  He was 66 when he abused me and is currently 86 years old. I do not feel that he should get an easier punishment, if any thing, I feel he should get a harsher one for he should have known better.  Also, we are not suing him for what he could do in the future but for what he has already done in the past!! I just am so angry because the law has allowed a person who has confessed 3 times of his sexual abuse and yet he is still walking the streets 2 YEARS AFTER it was brought to the authorities’ attention. I am writing you this in hopes that maybe I might be able to shed some light on not only sexual abuse and its effects, but how the justice system seems to deal with offenders, or lack there of.  I am also hoping you could help me in some way, some how, with my case. I have begun to feel that bringing this out into the open has been a mistake due to the lack of results I have seen. I do not want to feel that telling this secret has been pointless, however, I cannot help but to feel that way for I have not seen the law punish him for his crimes he has committed. I want to get some justice; I feel it is only fair. I am permanently scared by his actions and have to live and deal with what has happened to me for the rest of my life. Why should he get off scot-free while I’m having to serve a life sentence?  I do not know what to do any more....

UPDATE:

My abuser just got an incompetent to stand trial. Yet again, another let down and this one made me furious. I am furious because he lives on his own, pays his own bills, takes care of himself, drives his own car, goes to dinners with friends, goes to church, and runs his own errands… but yet he is too incompetent to stand trial. If he is incompetent, aren't I? I mean, I do all the things he does. I am so frustrated that no one seems to care about the truth or the fact that a person who has admitted to sexually abusing a 4 year old for 8 years is getting off scott-free. THIS is exactly why people who have been abused do not come forward. This man has admitted to abusing me 4 times and 3 of which are recorded!! Why isn't he in jail? Why is he allowed so many rights while I get none? Why does he get away with this? I feel that there is no justice in this world and people do not care about anyone else but themselves. I didn't come forward with all of this to just get re-victimized and hurt all over again. I didn't come forward with all of this to not get listened to and to not get some justice. I came forward so I could possibly help future victims. I came forward to help myself and those around me. I came forward so I could get justice and closure. And I also came forward with hopes of someday sharing my story. I wanted to share my story so that people would understand that this is a serious issue that has serious effects. With this, I felt it was my last chance to get heard. I appreciate you taking the time to read this...

Well i have come to this....I am 19 and don't know what to do about anything. I am dealing with a life time of problems. I live with my aunt and we are both going crazy...I should start from the beginning.

Well since i can remember my mother was always hitting and yelling bad things at me and my older brother. I never really knew my dad ,my brother did but my dad  really didn't want anything to do with me.when i was about 7 years old I stayed with a friend and her dad molested me. I didn't tell anyone until a year later when i was asked about some things. At that time when i need my mother the most she said it was me who caused these things to happen . Well when i was about 9 my mom started to write this man who was in prison for no one knew why. Well when i was 10 she told me and my brother she need to start her own life and she was going to move to West Virgina to live with this guy and we had to find some other place to go. My brother moved in with our dad and I moved in with my aunt. All my life i looked at my aunt as a mother more then i did my real mother. My real mother had left me and my brother more then once. So when she was planning on moving she said we would have one last day together before she moved to WV but that was not true. My aunt had went to church and my mom and I was going to spend the day together but a hour before my aunt got home my mom could not take dealing with me anymore and wrote a note and pinned the house keys to my shirt and left me sitting on the porch crying my eyes out. I  was messed up for along time over that . But i had moved on with my life  and was doing better. then we found out that my mother knew the whole time that this man was in prison for being a child molester. That hurt me deeply and i could never trust her again. Then my aunt and uncle who had no kids at the time tried to help my aunt Vicki who i live with. But as years went on they had kids of there own and my aunt and i would help out by babysitting some times,  as they had more kids the more they stop asking for are help and started using. us as full time babysitters. My aunt  Vicki never learned how to drive  and she also has problems with her leg so she could not walk or stand for long periods of time .so it was like if you look after our kids then we will help you if you don't do as we say your on your own. This has been going on for years until now. At my Grad. party my dad came and said he was going to buy me a car well i knew deep in my heart that  was not going to happen but i let myself get all happy. Well when that turned out to be a lie my aunt and uncle said they where going to fix up this car they had and was going to give it to me. they said to my face that they where not going to be like my mom and dad and said they where going to  really do this for me. But that was in July now it is January and the car is fixed but they are driving it around and not caring that i need a car to get a job. We where babysitting there kids from sun up to sun down with out getting paid and kept being told that the car would soon be mine. Then one night when my uncle got home from work he said that the reason the kids are so bad with me and my aunt was because we antagonize them .But then a day before that  he said we need to spank them more. Also he would pick at me by saying that the job that i did have was nothing and why should he be worried how i was going to get to and from work even when he was off work and had nothing else to do. He would say i should get my fat ass up and walk. But where i work is not in walking distance so i really can not do that. Even more i could not do that in this winter weather we are having. So me and my aunt said we had all we could take. He even called his wife thinking it was funny that he upset us and she called to see what happened. well we told her that we had been waiting since July to get this car they said they where going to fix up for me. so that i could get a better job and do the thinking we need to do from day to day. Even so we could make it easier on them and take the kids to and from school. But no they wanted to keep lieing and saying we are still going to give you the car. So i am at the point i want the car now or i don't want them in my life at all. I am about to be 20 and i have nothing. I am the most sad, sick feeling 19 year old i know . I need help really bad cause the answer to my problems comes in the form of a car. I know most people say things can not make you happy but being free and being able to have a way to get where i need to go and do what i need to do is the best freedom i could ask for. I feel like i am at the point i can not even go to a doctor appt. so i can see why i am having head aches and my aunt has not been to the doctor for her high blood pressure in about 2 years. I am so scared she is going to die or do something to get out of this state of life we are in. We have no washer  or dryer to do are clothes so we have to wash them in our bath tub and hang dry them. I have to try to catch a ride with who ever i can find to take me to the store to buy food. and i walk down town to pay bills and get my aunt Vicki's meds. I catch a ride to work by who ever i can find if i can find someone. So as you see i live a sad sad life. i feel so sad and aloe inside like ever other person can not see the torment i life with. so let me ask you what do i do or what can i do?

Hello everyone, I just joined the group. And I am in dire need of advise.

I am a 26 yr old married mom of 2 amazing boy's, Stepmom to 1. I have been with my hubby for a little over 7 years now..

I can not stand my stepchild's mother. She gets on my last nerve. And I just want to get over it. It has become such a serouise issue that I somtimes cant sleep at night. I am constantly thinking about how much she interfear's with our live's. And I so desperatly want to get over it. Please Someone help!

Hello, I'm not sure if a Dr. Phil staff member will read this or not, but I'm hoping one will.  I love Dr. Phil's show and watch almost every day.  He mentioned on one of his shows (I think it was the sex show) that he would have information on dealing with stress on this website.  Well, I've looked all over and cannot find any info on stress except here.  Did I miss it?

Thank you for your time!!!!

Stop complaining and do something if that doesn't work we are all just human. Give yourself credit only u can really know what u do in order to give yourself full credit. Don't dwell on what u can't change and always take your time for u even if u don't want to. I always feel sooo busy so when my friends do want to get out I feel like i just need to stay home and take care of business I finally realized I will NEVER have totally free time and i have to MAKE myself get out but when i do  i feel sooo much better It's my way of letting go and going out to do ME and u know us moms need that. Life is too short cherish every moment u could be gone tomorrow. Laugh at everything, find any little not funny situation and find something about it to smile about believe me if u seen my life and all the crazy messed up things in it but still being able to find something amusing about the same thing that's made me cry you'd know u could do it to. LAUGHTER IS THE BEST MEDICINE.