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Topic : Coping with Stress

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:52:50 am
Author : dataimport
Is stress ruining your life? Have you discovered great coping strategies or ways to reduce the anxiety of living? Don't be stressed, kick off your shoes and talk with others!

 
ritehere
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October 1, 2005, 8:01 am PDT

Support groups

Quote From: brandi24

Since 2002 (when I was 21) life has gone down hill.  Isnt that supposed to be the best time of your life?  It was the worst for me. On Valentines Day of 2002 my father  passed away.  My father and I had been fighting when he died so of course I have alot of guilt.  My brother and sister did not want the responsibility of controling his estate, so of course I had to be the one to do it and it was not fun at all. That had to be the most stressful period in my life.  

  

 Also that year I was diagnosed with crohns disease. No one in my family understands the pain that I go through almost daily with the disease. I have been in the hospital 2 times since Aug 04 and my weight has been up and down.  Right now I am not happy with myself.  We were told that it was hereditary but we cant find anyone in our family who has had it.???? 

  

I am recently married although right now I am separated.  I have a waitressing job and business is slow so I am not making money, therefore  I have to stay with my mother. 

  

I have been through alot at such a young age.  I know that I am smart, beautiful ,and I always try to look at the positive.  I know everything happens for a reason although we may not understand why it happened at that particular time eventually we will get it.  I am thankful I have a home a job and a car.  But it is still hard trying to cope with everything that has happened and my daily stresses. 

  

Any suggestions on how to deal with the stress? 

 It sounds to me like you could really use some support. It also sounds like you are a very independant person who may have trouble asking for help. Not only can a support group help you vent and will understand exactly what your going through, you may make some friends. When you are facing major life difficulties you can feel so alone, but there are always others out there that have gone through it, or are going through it now. There is strength in numbers, but you have to reach out first.
Take care of yourself.
 
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ilovetheoc
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October 1, 2005, 2:34 pm PDT

Hello

Quote From: normalita

Thanks for the kind words.  You may be right.  I am sure that I have distructive thoughts and I am always looking for the bad stuff.  But, I can't ignore actuality.  This stuff actually happens.  There is no connection with playing with my grandson and the IRS.  But this is the type of thing that happens.  I have a good day and have fun, the next day I get something in the mail, or a phone call and everything I enjoyed is slammed to the ground.  I am not supposed to be happy.  I can go around and think good thoughts and talk to myself and say I am not going to be sad today.  But it never fails.  I could sit and meditate and try to calm my mind, only to be jerked out of tranquility by the phone ringing.

I wish I had an outlet where I could just post a message and tell all this fowl people that think they need to jerk me around, to stop.

I also wish I knew how to handle people better.  I have drawn so many lines in the sand and set so many boundries that I don't even remember them all.

I am doing some better, because I have managed to get away from alot of the negative stuff in my life and move on and the way I am feeling now, may only be some residual feelings left over.  UP until now I have lead a very negative life where alot of people thought they needed to run me or tell me what to do all the time.  I have spent an insane amount of time, trying to get away from them and I have, but I still have work to do and I guess I am just tired of itl.

 

I am so confused.  I watch Dr. Phil just about everyday.  I love him.  In my mind he makes alot of sence and even if he is not talking about a subject that relates to something I am dealing with I always seem to come away with a little pearl of wisdom that I can apply to my own life.  I have been at this struggle for 30 years and it is not an easy task to just leave behind.

 

Thanks again for writing.

 

 

Hello 

My name is Christina, i just started writing on this message board and i just found out that i have anxiety and stress related disorders and i'm only 15 years old. I get stressed and anxious over the littlest things like if i miss my favorite shows (The O.C. and Dr.Phil) . Like you i love Dr.Phil i think everything he says makes sence in my mind and he is the one that influenced me to become a Phycologist when i'm older. And i have a big crush on his son Jay and when i found out he was engaged i was upset and depressed for like 4 days and i still am ( a month later). I just recently went to see a doctor at the CLSC and she said that i have stress and anxiety and i took a blood test and i'm going to find out the results on the 14th of october. I'm really confused and scared and don't know what to do. i hope i get some answers soon  

*Christina* 
 
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lilmshen
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October 4, 2005, 7:25 am PDT

Letting Go Of Worry

Believe me..if anyone knows anything about worry....it is me.  If I dont have something to worry about, I will manufacture something..At any rate, I seem to be like alot of others, if I worry then everything will be good and no bad things will happen...NOT TRUE...I just read something very interesting about letting go.  How do you hold onto something that ISNT there?  Something that is already gone?  Let go of the bad things, they are "gone" and they are in the past.  I am only writing this, because today, I've had some major revelations come to light myself today.  I am continually and have been continually suffering from anxiety/worry/stress.  I am tired of not feeling good.  I'm tired of being anxious all the time and always seeming to NEVER have a good day, where I can actually smile and "live in the moment".   Today I've let it all go.  The choice is yours to have a good day...or not.  "What If" you have a good today?  "What If" you actually live in the moment?  "What if" you chose to let go today and live free of anxiety/stress/worry? 
 
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lilmshen
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October 5, 2005, 7:55 am PDT

HAVE A PLAN..

The number one thing at the top of the list, that is the most detrimental to any anxiety/panic/stress problem is: "THE WAY IN WHICH WE TALK TO OURSELVES".  Alot of people with this disorder find that alot of there anxiety is from things they CANNOT CONTROL. (I.E. Death, Medication, Being a passenger in a car/plane and etc...a spouse who could walk out at any moment and so on.)  Control issues, are very much at play here.  However, we CAN control our emotions with how we view each of these and how we chose to respond...(what we say to ourselves about the event).  I have kicked myself in the @** soooooo many times about not being a good parent.  I should've done this, I should've done that.  I should've...I should've....I should've...BTW who says you should've???  What if you make mistakes?  Every parent does and every child they have raised will and the cycle continues...There is no such thing as perfection in parenting, the work place in this whole world period, so we need to quit being so hard on ourselves.  Let's not have any expectations.  Let's just go with flow as if we know nothing and approach each day with a ready to learn attitude.  When we try to go "against" and "control" outcomes of things, anxiety sets in.  Be kind to yourself...talk to yourself and give yourself good advice as you would a friend.  Accept life..this is the way it is...And if I'm going to die...I'm going to die living!  
 
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fyte4acure
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October 7, 2005, 9:46 am PDT

In numbers we are strong! Yes I agree!

Quote From: ritehere

 It sounds to me like you could really use some support. It also sounds like you are a very independant person who may have trouble asking for help. Not only can a support group help you vent and will understand exactly what your going through, you may make some friends. When you are facing major life difficulties you can feel so alone, but there are always others out there that have gone through it, or are going through it now. There is strength in numbers, but you have to reach out first.
Take care of yourself.

I don't know you but I do know you are very wise!  Yes, in numbers we are STRONG! 

  

Support groups are so great!  If one doesn't want to meet in person, there are a number of support groups online now, which are annonymous.  Gosh I hope the spelled that right, ha ha!  Support groups have helped me in many ways. 

  

Yours truly, 

Kristie : ) 

fyte4acure 
 
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myplace
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October 7, 2005, 3:57 pm PDT

Talking about stress

Hello everyone, this is my first time to post a message here.  Stress is all to common to many people on a daily basis.  I would count myself within that "many".  Seems that I can talk all day about everyone else's stress but am not sure at all how to deal with my own.  I have tried meditating, medicine, visualization (I am very good at this one), etc. and it continues.  I am 44 years old and I have two children my son is 25 and my daughter is 18, and I am a grandma.  I raised both my kids on my own because I had not my son and I may be dead today.  I work as a CNA at a local nursing home, and I am a full time student (masters of social work).  I was to be married 4 years this last May but he died in my arms that March.  I was devastated and had no clue what to do.  That is when I went back to school and I graduated last May with my bachelor of social work.  The last 3 years I have resided with my parents for the most part to help take care of my parents who are ill (mom had diabetes and kidney disease, and dad has cancer), and to focus on my education (I also worked full time).  Living with you parents at my age is rough on a good day but my mom who is very capable of doing most everything has seen fit to think she cannot, not even the smallest matters.  Mom is one of those people who are miserable and wants everyone to miserable with her.  My father is a compulsive gambler and stays away a lot of the time (I personally think it's to have some peace).  My mother said to me just yesterday that she know whats wrong with me, she said that I have Internal and External Chaos................hmmmmmm is there such a thing???? I think most of my stress and chaos comes from her.  Don't get me wrong I do love my mom I just don't like her most of the time.  She is belittling, and horrid on a persons self-esteem.  I guess maybe I am writing to vent.   

Julie 
 
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ritehere
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October 8, 2005, 9:14 am PDT

I agree with having a plan...

Quote From: lilmshen

The number one thing at the top of the list, that is the most detrimental to any anxiety/panic/stress problem is: "THE WAY IN WHICH WE TALK TO OURSELVES".  Alot of people with this disorder find that alot of there anxiety is from things they CANNOT CONTROL. (I.E. Death, Medication, Being a passenger in a car/plane and etc...a spouse who could walk out at any moment and so on.)  Control issues, are very much at play here.  However, we CAN control our emotions with how we view each of these and how we chose to respond...(what we say to ourselves about the event).  I have kicked myself in the @** soooooo many times about not being a good parent.  I should've done this, I should've done that.  I should've...I should've....I should've...BTW who says you should've???  What if you make mistakes?  Every parent does and every child they have raised will and the cycle continues...There is no such thing as perfection in parenting, the work place in this whole world period, so we need to quit being so hard on ourselves.  Let's not have any expectations.  Let's just go with flow as if we know nothing and approach each day with a ready to learn attitude.  When we try to go "against" and "control" outcomes of things, anxiety sets in.  Be kind to yourself...talk to yourself and give yourself good advice as you would a friend.  Accept life..this is the way it is...And if I'm going to die...I'm going to die living!  

 But just telling yourself to accept things, to let things go, doesn't always work.

The best ways I found to overcome anxiety and stress were reading Dr Phil's book SELF MATTERS and learning to self hypnotise and meditate.

Doing all of the exercises and inventories in SM cut through all of the denial and faulty thinking I had. It showed me how I aquired the faulty thinking processes and attitudes that contributed to many of the bad decisions and mistakes I had made in my life that continued to haunt me, although they were in the past. It swept away all of the self pity/self abuse I heaped on myself. In the end, it did not underline and prove once and for all that I was a worthless loser, which is what I was afraid would happen. I'm a very good person who made some mistakes that were entirely logical given my circumstances and experiences.

Self hypnosis and meditation give me powerful insight as to what is true and what is illusion in my life and the world around me, and is a wonderful calming technique.

"Every parent does (make mistakes) and every child they have raised will and the cycle continues." Yes, we all make mistakes, but we are not doomed to continue harmful cycles.
 
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ritehere
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October 8, 2005, 9:23 am PDT

Grieving

Quote From: myplace

Hello everyone, this is my first time to post a message here.  Stress is all to common to many people on a daily basis.  I would count myself within that "many".  Seems that I can talk all day about everyone else's stress but am not sure at all how to deal with my own.  I have tried meditating, medicine, visualization (I am very good at this one), etc. and it continues.  I am 44 years old and I have two children my son is 25 and my daughter is 18, and I am a grandma.  I raised both my kids on my own because I had not my son and I may be dead today.  I work as a CNA at a local nursing home, and I am a full time student (masters of social work).  I was to be married 4 years this last May but he died in my arms that March.  I was devastated and had no clue what to do.  That is when I went back to school and I graduated last May with my bachelor of social work.  The last 3 years I have resided with my parents for the most part to help take care of my parents who are ill (mom had diabetes and kidney disease, and dad has cancer), and to focus on my education (I also worked full time).  Living with you parents at my age is rough on a good day but my mom who is very capable of doing most everything has seen fit to think she cannot, not even the smallest matters.  Mom is one of those people who are miserable and wants everyone to miserable with her.  My father is a compulsive gambler and stays away a lot of the time (I personally think it's to have some peace).  My mother said to me just yesterday that she know whats wrong with me, she said that I have Internal and External Chaos................hmmmmmm is there such a thing???? I think most of my stress and chaos comes from her.  Don't get me wrong I do love my mom I just don't like her most of the time.  She is belittling, and horrid on a persons self-esteem.  I guess maybe I am writing to vent.   

Julie 

You may be stuck in a cycle because you have not allowed yourself to grieve and get over your husband's death. It sounds like you immediately got busy by going back to school and life has taken over ever since. Now, events with your parents may be stirring the pot, and bringing up responses to them that were never resolved at an earlier time in your life.
I would look into grief counseling, and do some personal work involving your losses incurred with the death of your husband first. I know you never actually married, but he was your husband none-the-less. Then tackle your relationship with your parents. You may have to find a way to separate yourself from them as they are very demanding. It's not selfish to care for yourself and give yourself the time to take back your strength and power, you are more effective in the world when you are whole.
 
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marie2025
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October 10, 2005, 1:03 pm PDT

How to cope with life

Hello everyone.  This is my first time here and feel that I need to get my feelings out in the open. I am 34 years old, single with no kids. I know we all look at our lives and wish we could go back and change some things but I have to wonder what prospects do I really have for the future. I am a shy and quiet person who tends to stay to myself most times. I like being around people that I know and it's hard for me to make new friends because I'm always afraid they won't like me for me. I don't always express myself and tell people how I really feel about things, especially things that have some type of impact on me. In my personal life I was engaged at one time but my fiance past away three years ago. I feel now that I may never have another relationship because my self image is low. I don't think I could attract any one else because of my weight and also because I don't posses a positive attitude about myself. My professional life is not that much better. I just recently lost my job and now worry if I will be able to pick up the pieces and move on. I procrastinated in a lot of things that I do. I just want to have peace in my life. I have so many goals in my life but never really do anything to obtain those goals. How do I get a handle on things and make a fresh start? 

  

  

Marie  
 
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jewels1
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October 10, 2005, 3:20 pm PDT

MUSIC TO RELIEVE STRESS

I have found an excellent way to relieve my stress and reduce some of life's anxieties.  And that is music.   There are so many different genres of music but some are specifically geared at helping to reduce stress.  Either way, if you find some kind of music that you like, you can kick back, close your eyes, and focus on the music instead of your problems for a while.  I find that taking my mind off things, if only for a while, helps me to reflect and problem-solve, and feel more energized and better ready to handle things constantly being thrown my way. 

  

I like a lot of music but my favorite artist for just such a purpose:  BRADLEY JOSEPH 

  

He's a wonderful composer/pianist/keyboardist, who creates the most emotional music I've ever heard.    A lot of his music is designed to help the listener "calm, compose, and renew".  And some of his music is fun and upbeat which really helps my mood too - gets my bootie moving to clean this house!  LOL  

  

What is your favorite music to help relieve stress?   

  

  
 
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