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Topic : Self Image

Number of Replies: 1173
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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:53:12 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have a positive or negative self image? Share your struggles and tips with us.

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October 23, 2007, 1:30 pm CDT

How insensitive of your family!

Quote From: Jenn

I had a baby about a year ago. I was very thin before I got pregnant and I looked really good. But now even though I have lost much of the weight I gained during the pregnancy I do not look the same way that I did during the pregnancy. I don't think that I look bad, but everyone else seems to think so and they make comments all the time like, "Boy you sure have gotten big." or, "You sure have spread out." My father-in-law frequently says to me, "Boy your legs sure have gotten huge. Your butt is really huge." My husband says that he loves me but that I am on the verge of really being unattractive to him. The thing is that I am only about 20 pounds over my original weight and I really don't feel that I am very overweight. I was a little underweight before. I am heavier than I used to be, but everyone makes out like I am morbidly obese or something. It is as though they can no longer see the things in me that they liked before. I am really smart and funny. I'm a good listener and a good friend, but no one cares about that anymore. Every time any of them look at me they feel they have to make some comment about how "huge" they think I've gotten. I am so sick of this. It really makes me feel bad. I have told my husband this, but all he says is, "Well I'm just telling you the truth and so is everyone else. You don't look as good as you used to. If you don't like what everyone is telling you then lose some weight." My husband says that I am 60 pounds overweight. If I lost 60 pounds then I'd be anorexic. I don't know what to do. Does anybody have any ideas?

As for your family members:  rude, rude, rude!  Were they born in a barn?  Do they want some hay? (=

 

Nevertheless, in order to make YOURSELF feel better, try walking around the neighborhood at a fast pace with appropriate walking/running shoes.  It will help your body AND your mind.   Your husband is being insensitive when he says things about your weight...my word, you just had a BABY!!!  Forget the verge...he is very unattractive to me (by his comments anyway).

 

You sound like me.  I was actually underweight until I had my first baby.  The weight that I did gain fell off within 6 months.  I know--I was fortunate.  However, I gained more weight with my second child who was stillborn.  I was so depressed that I never lost the baby weight.  When I got pg and had a baby 2 years later, I had 15-20 pounds to lose.  It happened...just give it time, and try walking.  It's the only thing that works for me.  I started walking again a couple of months ago and now walk about 45 minutes every day.  I love the feeling and the weight loss.  Remember to give it time:  I know this is old, but Rome wasn't built in a day.  I hope this helps.  Hang in there!!  Diane

 
November 4, 2007, 11:54 am CST

Help my daughter wants to move out

i need advice my daughter wants to move out to be with her boyfriend 24/7. She is continually causing arguments with me when she is at home and I feel like she just hates me. She has told me the only reason she is here is because she doesnt have a job to move out. We give her absolutely everything including a car, petrol money, spending money etc as we want her to get ahead in her life,  I dont know what to do whether I should let her move out and stop all means of financial providing for her in hope that she will appreciate all we have done for her.

Any advice would be appreciated

 
December 1, 2007, 2:05 pm CST

is it just choice

Is life just a choice I've heard many say it before.

There is no such thing as an accident of that I'm not so sure

Hindsight suggests there's more.

 

A life alert three year old boy a middle son to be

Taken from his squatters home his brother the last to see

An accident the cause burning pain one fee.

 

Where he went what he'd learn who he might be

Life was mean lessons by the ream no love until eighteen

He was infected by strangers mostly unclean

 

Abandonment and tears future hidden fears

His life change so dramatically he didn't feel for years

A life time of learning from society labeled peers

 

Chameleon like indifference to life's ebb and flow

His spirit wouldn't hide but it did get very low

Shutting out memories with many a painful blow

 

Learning fear no help was near except a voice in his inner ear

His baby years infected and often he as blamed

Was his life his choice or is life pre-ordained

 

Where did he get his strength to survive from if not from within

Did he choose the life he was living

Did he choose to be neglected to be blamed

Did he choose to be abused generally confused, never tamed

Did he choose to be emotionally tested to be molested again and again

Did he choose to carry a faulty gene with pain

 

Tell me Dr Phil Garry Zukav John Grey anyone if you will with the wisdom you've obtained

Was his life his choice or is life pre-ordained

 

 

 
December 6, 2007, 4:15 pm CST

image

    I have met people with no arms and no legs, the cause thalidomide, I met a man who could only move his head, the cause polio. I have met people with burns all over there body. Now that is body image problem.

   I consider my self very lucky because i've seen so much and i have burns on my arm my back and on half my head no hair has ever grown back, the cause an accident when i was three, i limp badly due to a badly damaged hip and have done for 40 plus years, i have one 12 inch scare on my stomach left side and a 4 inch scare on my right side another two scares 4 inches long on my damaged right hip the scares are due to a genetic problem my back is twisted.

   I was told freqently i was no good, i was beaten abused molested and neglected. I should have a body image problem but i don't why? because of people i have met and because i know there is a reason for everything. get real be honest with yourslf. Do you really have a body image problem or is it just in your head.  

 
December 21, 2007, 3:28 pm CST

Self Image

Moreso than worrying about how you look to others, health concerns take a higher priority. If you feel good about yourself, you look good.
 
December 23, 2007, 11:33 pm CST

relocating with my family

I could use some advice or insight here. 

 

I am transitioning into a new job, potentially in a new city and state.  I live in interracial relationships with my Lesbian partner and our adopted grandson/son.  We've been debating what will be our best move when I do get a job, should we adults not be able to move at the same time.  Should he come with me, his primary caregiver and go to gal--or should he stay where we've lived for several years so he wouldn't have to leave his Grandmother (my partner), school with its fabulous teacher and staff, and his scattered-around-town siblings?  What kinds of questions should be asking of ourselves and each other?  How do we weigh our personal needs with those of our child? 

 

All thoughts toward creating a peaceful and positive transition will be greatly appreciated.

 
January 2, 2008, 11:49 am CST

advice not needed

Quote From: champagnedoll

i need advice my daughter wants to move out to be with her boyfriend 24/7. She is continually causing arguments with me when she is at home and I feel like she just hates me. She has told me the only reason she is here is because she doesnt have a job to move out. We give her absolutely everything including a car, petrol money, spending money etc as we want her to get ahead in her life,  I dont know what to do whether I should let her move out and stop all means of financial providing for her in hope that she will appreciate all we have done for her.

Any advice would be appreciated

  

  "let" has nothing to do with it.  She has her mind made up, she will leave.  She needs to  be lt to "bang her head against the wall", so she can know how it feels. 

 give her support and love, tough love withno monetarial support.  When she leaves your home.  she needs to make her own., HER way.   send her on her way,  be kind .

 
January 6, 2008, 12:15 am CST

Big Kids Club

Quote From: champagnedoll

i need advice my daughter wants to move out to be with her boyfriend 24/7. She is continually causing arguments with me when she is at home and I feel like she just hates me. She has told me the only reason she is here is because she doesnt have a job to move out. We give her absolutely everything including a car, petrol money, spending money etc as we want her to get ahead in her life,  I dont know what to do whether I should let her move out and stop all means of financial providing for her in hope that she will appreciate all we have done for her.

Any advice would be appreciated

  • HOW old is your daughter?  Is she the age of majority?
  • WHY doesn't she have a job?
  • WHY are you giving her absolutely everything?
  • WHY are you tolerating the habitual arguing in YOUR home?

She's only there because she doesn't have a job?  Why then, doesn't she GET a job?  Seriously, why are you enabling this type of spoilt brat behaviour?  Are you afraid of losing her?  Are you giving her everything just so you won't lose her?

 

If she's not in school, she should be employed FULL time and paying you rent.  In addition, she should be helping with the mundane, day-to-day, household chores that are necessary to run a functioning household.  Using YOUR car?  She had better learn how to fill up the car because there aren't "gas fairies."  Unbelievable.

 

To be with her boyfriend 24/7?  Is he not working either or does she expect him to pay for her way in life?  Sorry, but life doesn't work that way.  To paraphrase Shakespeare, "You've got to be cruel to be kind" and in this case, I'd advise you cut her off financially completely.

 

Let her live with her boyfriend, get a job, etc.  She wants to join the "Big Kids Club" and that means employment, responsibility and making your own way in life. You and the rest of the world do not own her a living.

 

If you want her to get ahead in life, the school of hard knocks unfortunately, is the road sometimes travelled.  My guess is the she'll be back and when she does come back, have a set out rules written out that are to be followed.

 
January 6, 2008, 12:43 am CST

Unbelievable

Quote From: Jenn

I had a baby about a year ago. I was very thin before I got pregnant and I looked really good. But now even though I have lost much of the weight I gained during the pregnancy I do not look the same way that I did during the pregnancy. I don't think that I look bad, but everyone else seems to think so and they make comments all the time like, "Boy you sure have gotten big." or, "You sure have spread out." My father-in-law frequently says to me, "Boy your legs sure have gotten huge. Your butt is really huge." My husband says that he loves me but that I am on the verge of really being unattractive to him. The thing is that I am only about 20 pounds over my original weight and I really don't feel that I am very overweight. I was a little underweight before. I am heavier than I used to be, but everyone makes out like I am morbidly obese or something. It is as though they can no longer see the things in me that they liked before. I am really smart and funny. I'm a good listener and a good friend, but no one cares about that anymore. Every time any of them look at me they feel they have to make some comment about how "huge" they think I've gotten. I am so sick of this. It really makes me feel bad. I have told my husband this, but all he says is, "Well I'm just telling you the truth and so is everyone else. You don't look as good as you used to. If you don't like what everyone is telling you then lose some weight." My husband says that I am 60 pounds overweight. If I lost 60 pounds then I'd be anorexic. I don't know what to do. Does anybody have any ideas?

How rude and inconsiderate some people are!

 

Honey, it took you almost  a year to have a baby and it can take a year or so get your body back to its pre-pregnant shape!  How do YOU feel about yourself when these buttnucks aren't saying asinine things?  Pretty good, right?  Well, to hell with them, then.

 

As for your husband ... how perfect is he?  Bet he's no George Clooney; more like George Constanza!

 

WHAT is your father in law doing even LOOKING at your backside?  Doesn't this comment make your husband wonder about his dad?

 

Ohhh, the fact that you gave your husband and his dad a child/grandchild ~ does THAT mean nothing?  How SUPERFICIAL can these two guys be?  They are more plastic than my credit card.

 

Who is "everyone" that your speaks of?  Your true friends wouldn't say anything.

 

Sounds like the gene pool needed some chlorinating and thank God you came along.

 

You take care of YOU and if and when you want, or feel like losing any more weight, do so on YOUR terms.

 

They say that you can tell what a woman will look like later in years by looking at her mother.  My retort to that is if you want to see how your man will treat you, observe how his dad treats his own wife.  BTW, what does your mother in law say, if anything at all?

 

Next time grandpa dearest says something about your backside, tell him that his mouth has gotten bigger too and is directly proportionate in size to your behind.

 

Next time hubby says that he's not attracted to  you, you calmly say, "Likewise."

 

I'd say that I was sorry for being so irate but I'd be lying.

 

Keep your head high and being a good person.  BTW, it took me about 18 months to get my figure back.

 
March 11, 2008, 4:44 pm CDT

my Image...

Well, i'm a teen going through all the skrewed up stuff in a girls life... oh my gosh...

I can't stand the acne that I have. It makes me very unconfident. I hide my face a lot with long bangs, and nobady likes it. My mom hates it and tells me to stop covering up my beautiful face, of course my reply is  I'm not it's just like... the style...    which of course it's NOT...

oh what in the world...

 
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