Topic : Self Image

I love this thread b/c I struggle with this all the time! Who doesn't?

 

Here is an article that may help you look at things a bit differently...looking on the INSIDE not the OUT!

 

http://www.bettyconfidential.com/ar/ld/a/Mirror_Mirror_on_the_Wall.html

Its so sad to constantly observe women who have poor self image and the media is 90% of the problem.  They present an unrealistic of the average women as being, thin, happy, the perfect mother, friend, wife, child, etc. NO one is perfect.  To be completely honest, Im fed up with women constantly berrating themselves..."I cant believe I just ate that" or He'll never be interested in me"  Lets stop this lunacy!!!!!!!!!!!  Lets exude confidence and inner strength.  Thats what is truly attractive-not to mention truly important.  Just as obesity and teen sex are epidemics, so is this.  While their is no magic pill for this, we can counter-act the media's influence by encouraging healthy lifestyles (i.e. eating, exercise, faith,entertainment, etc...)  Let us highlight our strengths and embrace our flaws!  Let us look in the mirror everyday and say, " I love my eyes, or lips, or even butt!!!!!"  I know this sounds cheesy but as a young child I can never once remember my mom ever looking in the mirror and saying something positive about herself.  What was my take on this?....well, i grew up thinking that women were not supposed to embrace their bodies and be confident...that was being a 'show-off. '   well, i am 20 years old and guess what?...its not- and unfortuntley i learned the hard way (spiraling into an eating disorder.)  Not to say women are ALWAYS happy about there bodies, but let us at least try quiet the voices inside our heads that say we are not good enough!

I agree with you!  The media is horrible for that.  Do you ever see a overweight woman on a TV or movie.  No.  Do you see a normal wieght person in a magazen.  The worst of all is the Barbie doll who starts the unrealistic weight a girl, teen girl and woman should be.  If Barbie would be so small a size 0 wouldn't fit, her breast would be so big all she would be crawling on all fours.  This is wrong!!!  Then they have diet pills showing the thinnest people you could ever meet.  Except for very few though.  The the air brushing is so bogus.  It is the stupidest thing on the earth.  Sure there thin but lets maker her thinner!!  I had anorexia starting at age 18.  I got down to 109 pounds.  I went from that to binge eating.  Then I went to bulima.  Now I'm free of that but I'm still overweight.  I want to lose wieght so bad but I'm not going to do that again.  It just have to get off my butt and do that.  I have days I have I good self-image and other days it is low.  It is far better than it use to be.  It always was low many year ago.

After many years of envy, jealousy, wanting revenge on beautiful people, I have come to the conclusion that it was my fears that was keeping me in this state of comparisons. I have found that the more I work on improving my life, my looks, etc. the less competitive I felt about others. We have to learn to accept ourselves, and do everything in our power to make our lives successful and productive and also like the person we see when we look in the mirror. to me, if I can like what I see, then I really don't care about what someone else looks like, or has. It becomes insignificant to an extent.

 

And it is trued, all people suffer. It is a part of life. Beauty, money, power, do not protect from life. People die. Natural disasters happen. Children get sick. Parents dies. Rejection happens. Disappointments are daily, just like in our lives. No one is exempt from life suffering. I think what we see is an air of narcissim in many people. People who are really good looking, rich, etc. have come to believe that they are better then others, which separates them, which makes them lonely in many instances. They too have to work on these grandioise thinking, because they feel everything should just come to them, they are also disappointed because they too are surrounded by shallow people.   It can be very unsettling not to have at least one good relationship....to be able to trust just one person enough to know that they like you for who you are, not what you look like or what you have.  People like this attract people that are weak and insecure. Its a double edged sword.

 

Back to self image. I think it is insane how much emphasis is placed on advertising to tell us what we need, want, got to have. I now try to stay out of malls where I will spend money foolishly, watch only selective shows on t.v. so as not to influence negative messages of "I am less then if I don't look like this, or have that, or talk like this, or drive this car, or wear these shoes, or have blue contacts when my eyes are really a deep brown"....the media tries to tell us that who we are, is not good enough.  So, my suggestion is to stop allowing advertising to run your show. Stop looking around at people with an envy if they are beautiful and get all the attention, but observe what it is doing to you, how it is affecting you, how you are allowing it to affect your happiness.

 

I think we should all strive to be healthy. Kimi

I have a horrible self image. i'm 28, not over weight, a single mom. i should be happy but i'm miserable. i hate looking in the mirror. at one point i would just put my hair in a pony tail daily just to avoid seeing myself. i have severe depression which makes this worse i'm sure. i used to be so confident but i'm not sure where that confidence went. the only link i can find is this gradually started after my dad died two years ago. he was all i had. i dont know how to love myself any more. i hate myself. i hate where my life is at. help!?

yeah...  I used to put my hair in a really tight pony tail right after washing it because I thought it would make me look less attractive.  Yet I didn't see myself as attractive in the way I saw some people did and I didn't want it.  I don't do that now.  I actually cut my hair off so I couldn't.  Well, I didn't jus6t cut it for that reason.  I once began to discover me and I was becoming more confident in that girl and learning more to love her and then she sufficated.  Anyway this is about you.  Did you feel as if your dad was what helped make you like was he that one person you had??  I hope my question is really what i am asking!  haha!!  if I said it right.... oh i am 27

The pain of losing a parent is hard and it take a very long time to heal, if ever, really.

 

My mom died two years ago too and I notice a lack of interest in maintenance. I still dress nice, take showers, shop for pretty things, but inside I feel like a hollow shell. The facade is starting to fade and I am beginning to feel like I am weakening; giving up.

 

I also know better.

 

I know that sometimes we have to go real low in order to see the gift that is being given to us, albeit in a package wrapped not to our liking. I know that all humans suffer with loss of parents, children, friends, there will be those that lose a  parent today, or tomorrow. There is so much suffering but we are never alone in our suffering.

 

The one thing I notice now, that mom is gone, is my looks don't seem to matter now. She was the one that always told me I was beautiful, sexy, smart. Now, I have remind myself every now and again. We must go on and be as confident and secure without our confidents and security blanket. In this, we find ourselves.

 

Peace.

I have this strange thing. I hate pretty people...well maybe not so much as hate but  I get really angry whenever thers a beautiful or pretty person around. Makes me feel like chum. I admit I don't like my looks one bit. There are so many things I would love to switch or change about myself. I absolutely hate mirrors  I've taken my mirror down im my room and dread even passing by them. I always find something new I dislike about myself. This has not just begun this has been going on most of my life since maybe middle school. People are not shy to tell you that you are ugly. I remember a complete strnger passed by me and told his friend that I was ugly.  I was hurt and scared thinking it must be true if a strnger notices. I basically don't care what I look like, no point.  Some people are meant to be pretty while others are meant to be nice.  Well I'm a push over.

 

This message was inspired by the Dr. Phil episode where the woman wears a fat suit for a day to see "how it feels" to be fat. 

 

First, simply wearing that suit for a day gives her NO idea of what it is like to be fat mainly because (here's why this fits in this forum) the way it feels is 100% the result of inner emotions and ideas.

 

The stares she encountered and attributed to feeling a certain way, may have been due to any # of things besides others' judgements, including her wearing a full sweat suit to the beach on a hot summer day or that the people at the gym recognized face but couldn't quite figure out how or why she was 200 lbs heavier than one week ago. 

 

The stares "fat" people get are the same ones that make hotties feel great about themselves!  Its your thoughts and feelings reflected back at you.  If you feel and think good about yourself, the stares validate that. 

 

The REAL issues with being fat stem from what we have done and continue to intend to do TO OURSELVES. 

 

We know that we went to 5 fast food drive-thrus for lunch, then ate a 1/2 gallon of ice cream as dessert for 2 large pizzas as dinner.  And, that we have been eating that way for years, and, that we intend to continue to eat that way! 

 

Years of knowing that we are treating oursleves badly, followed by actions that validate our thoughts are what make being fat feel SO terrible.

 

Associated physical challenges contribute, but follow far behind the mental images we have of oursleves as the result of years of negative programming.

 

Now the GOOD news!:  A HUGE percentage of all those years of negative programming will ALL melt away with your first commitment to eat sensible, healthy meals, affirmed by actually doing it. 

 

The more you do it, the more you wil want TO do it and the hits just keep on coming.   

 

Just make small steps in the direction of health and happiness.  If you can't actually do anything, just LOOK for something TO do in the way of increased health everyday.

 

Tell yourself, "I love you and i'm dong good things for you."  Instantly, you can feel better about yourself.  Once you feel better about yourself, IT DOESN't matter what others say or think! 

 

Pretty soon you'll be reading food labels to make sure you're getting your RDAs, looking for ways to reduce fat, increase fiber and have more energy during the day for use in exercise. 

 

You'll begin to see small changes in  the way you carry yourself and hold your head. 

 

You will love yourself and, when you love yourself  it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. 

 

Also, remember, there are some genuine people who will like others, reagardless of whether or not they are a few lbs "over" weight.  Find and hang on to them.  Those are your real friends. 

 

 

Cheers and Love,

 

 

 

 

big_daddeee