Topic : Self Image

The pain of losing a parent is hard and it take a very long time to heal, if ever, really.

 

My mom died two years ago too and I notice a lack of interest in maintenance. I still dress nice, take showers, shop for pretty things, but inside I feel like a hollow shell. The facade is starting to fade and I am beginning to feel like I am weakening; giving up.

 

I also know better.

 

I know that sometimes we have to go real low in order to see the gift that is being given to us, albeit in a package wrapped not to our liking. I know that all humans suffer with loss of parents, children, friends, there will be those that lose a  parent today, or tomorrow. There is so much suffering but we are never alone in our suffering.

 

The one thing I notice now, that mom is gone, is my looks don't seem to matter now. She was the one that always told me I was beautiful, sexy, smart. Now, I have remind myself every now and again. We must go on and be as confident and secure without our confidents and security blanket. In this, we find ourselves.

 

Peace.

I have this strange thing. I hate pretty people...well maybe not so much as hate but  I get really angry whenever thers a beautiful or pretty person around. Makes me feel like chum. I admit I don't like my looks one bit. There are so many things I would love to switch or change about myself. I absolutely hate mirrors  I've taken my mirror down im my room and dread even passing by them. I always find something new I dislike about myself. This has not just begun this has been going on most of my life since maybe middle school. People are not shy to tell you that you are ugly. I remember a complete strnger passed by me and told his friend that I was ugly.  I was hurt and scared thinking it must be true if a strnger notices. I basically don't care what I look like, no point.  Some people are meant to be pretty while others are meant to be nice.  Well I'm a push over.

 

This message was inspired by the Dr. Phil episode where the woman wears a fat suit for a day to see "how it feels" to be fat. 

 

First, simply wearing that suit for a day gives her NO idea of what it is like to be fat mainly because (here's why this fits in this forum) the way it feels is 100% the result of inner emotions and ideas.

 

The stares she encountered and attributed to feeling a certain way, may have been due to any # of things besides others' judgements, including her wearing a full sweat suit to the beach on a hot summer day or that the people at the gym recognized face but couldn't quite figure out how or why she was 200 lbs heavier than one week ago. 

 

The stares "fat" people get are the same ones that make hotties feel great about themselves!  Its your thoughts and feelings reflected back at you.  If you feel and think good about yourself, the stares validate that. 

 

The REAL issues with being fat stem from what we have done and continue to intend to do TO OURSELVES. 

 

We know that we went to 5 fast food drive-thrus for lunch, then ate a 1/2 gallon of ice cream as dessert for 2 large pizzas as dinner.  And, that we have been eating that way for years, and, that we intend to continue to eat that way! 

 

Years of knowing that we are treating oursleves badly, followed by actions that validate our thoughts are what make being fat feel SO terrible.

 

Associated physical challenges contribute, but follow far behind the mental images we have of oursleves as the result of years of negative programming.

 

Now the GOOD news!:  A HUGE percentage of all those years of negative programming will ALL melt away with your first commitment to eat sensible, healthy meals, affirmed by actually doing it. 

 

The more you do it, the more you wil want TO do it and the hits just keep on coming.   

 

Just make small steps in the direction of health and happiness.  If you can't actually do anything, just LOOK for something TO do in the way of increased health everyday.

 

Tell yourself, "I love you and i'm dong good things for you."  Instantly, you can feel better about yourself.  Once you feel better about yourself, IT DOESN't matter what others say or think! 

 

Pretty soon you'll be reading food labels to make sure you're getting your RDAs, looking for ways to reduce fat, increase fiber and have more energy during the day for use in exercise. 

 

You'll begin to see small changes in  the way you carry yourself and hold your head. 

 

You will love yourself and, when you love yourself  it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or feels. 

 

Also, remember, there are some genuine people who will like others, reagardless of whether or not they are a few lbs "over" weight.  Find and hang on to them.  Those are your real friends. 

 

 

Cheers and Love,

 

 

 

 

big_daddeee