Topic : Self Image

hello!!!  wlcome!!!!

LOL!!  I don't know why i just welcomed you again instead of just saying hi and well you know i hope you are doing well today!!   

  

  

Hi.  I have always seem to show signs of depression.  I have been on Lexapro before.  I am going to the doctor soon to help with this and the weight loss.  I have all but isolated myself in the last couple of years.  Don't know why.  Just me and Hubby.  (and no, he didn't do it).  I do feel better when I go to the gym, the problem is getting the energy to go.  I need help

hehe like on leagally blonde...... exercise causes endorphans and endorphans make you happy LOL!!  sorry i just had to say that!!  I am sorry that things are so hard for you right now.  I am glad your going to go to the dr.  maybe there are somethings that you have never really delt with so it makes it easier for you to slip back into that depression.....  i think you should do something special for yourself!

i like that i sure do!!!

When I look into my mirror, I don't see someone I even recognize.  When did I get so old and ugly?  When did the light go out of my eyes?  I can see why no one wants me, why my BF left me to be with someone younger.   

  

I don't know who I am anymore.  I used to think I was at least attractive, but I'm not anymore, and I don't know what to do to get back there.  The stress of the last few years has taken its toll on my looks, and I don't think there is a cure. 

  

I have gotten to be a recluse, don't even want to go out into the world looking like this.   

it gets hard not to look at the outside and just think about who we are and then we begin to let what we see on the outside define how we see ourselves as a person and it distorts our personal veiw of who we really are........  the people out there don't care as much about how we look as we do but that is hard to see or doesn't seem to matter often when we are disqusted with what we see it is hard to think someone else would not be but often they see us more like we really are then we do.......  i know it does not make it any easier hearing that stuff but when we here that stuff and do something with it that's when things can change.......  i don't like what i see when i look in the mirror but i have to remember that i see a distorted veiw of me and if i let my distorted physical view control me then it will take over and start to define me more and more......  we are not distorted people but we fight with distorted views......  it's hard but it can be beat!!!  it's about more then what we see when we look at ourselves it's how we see ourselves on the inside and if we don't like the inside chances are we won't like the outside either........

 don't know that I will be on this week........  I have been praying about what I can fast besides food because we all know that is not something I can do......  i really feel like the computer unless it is for school work and e-mailing my counselor back home if i need to that i am suppose to fast the computer all though if there is something i feel i should share then I will get on to write about what God may have done that day in me, through me or what He spoke to me........  this weekend i am suppose to be going to a conference......  i iwill leave on thursday and come back on sunday.......  so it will be really amazing!!!  if anyone needs special prayer request you can e-mail me at greenerain@hotmail.com  if you have anything you need to share.......  i will be going in to check for important school e-mails and different things and i will keep my eye's out for any letters from any of you........  i hope you all have a blessed week.......  it is going to be so hard not to be on the computer but if it is not a sacrifice then it isn't what i need to fast and this is probabley the biggest sacrifice i can make right now........  i know your not suppose to just tell people your fasting but you all would think where is she why isn't she around!!  I will miss you all tons!!!

I'm not really sure where to start with this.  I'm new and have never posted a message and wasn't sure where to post it.  I will just start off by saying that i'm looking for opinion's don't be afraid to hurt my feelings.  I'm desperate.  I am in what most people would call a "perfect" relationship".   I'm am so in love  and so is he.  We've been together and unseperable for 2 years now.  We knew from the start we were where we needed to be in life.  He loves me sooooo much and I know it.  He would do anything in this world for me and he gives me alot of attention.  Everything is wonderful except for " I " have this on tinsy winsy problem called,  ok you ready...."jealousy".   There I said it.  It's actually totally embarassing to me to talk about.  He tells me all the time how pretty I am and  I really think that he thinks so but the problem is myself.  I can't see it.  He has a little bit of an idea how jealous I am but I don't make it an issue because I would die if i ever lost him.  He's my life. I'm jealous of things on TV even.  I'm jealous of people we meet in the stores that he know's.  Well pretty women anyways.  I get nervous going out to eat because i'm wondering what the waitress is going to look like.  When we go places i automatacaly look around for a pretty face and if the looks i feel anger boiling up inside me.  And I totally trust him.  The problem I can't stand the toughts of him looking at anyone else.  I know he would never do anything but still I dont' want him to look at pretty women.  I can be getting ready and think I look fine and i see him watching a pretty woman on TV and I just want to cry.  We don't  talk about this because he's not doing anything wrong, it's just my inscurities and bless his heart he tries hard not to hurt my feelings he avoids certain situations to not make me feel this way.  I hate this feeling inside me, the feeling that i'm not pretty enough.  It's killing me on the inside. and it's not ruining our relationship because i refuse to let it.  I don't bring it up to him but on the inside i feel so awful.. When certain things come on TV i get so mad at him if he watches it but i never say anything because it's never anything bad that he's watching even.  I mean i've even been jealous of pretty women on sitcom shows.  How sad is that?  I'm horrible.  Thing i can't figure out is why i'm feeling this way.  He's so good to me, the issue is within myself.  Even in the grocery store or at the redlight if he looks at other women i feel so angry and inscure.  What's wrong with me?  And how do i get over this  I don't want to be this person.  I hate is.  Any advice would be greatly appreciated.  Thank you.