Quote From: jessalynThank you Julie for your reply. I am 28 and i have 2 children 8 and 7. I've been married before but the marriage didn't cause my jealousy problems. I've been in my new relationship for 2 years and i just hate it that i'm so insecure because we really have a great relationship. I guess i'm just looking for the right answer from someone else when really it's up to me. I'm just not sure how to shake this. It's so childish. He's great though because he does have a hint in how i feel and i can tell he tries hard not to hurt me. It's just so crazy as to why i would feel this way. It's almost like i want him to think that i'm the only girl in the world, the way im feeling is acutally selfish. Like hello it's all about me here, why are you looking at that hot chick..lol...I'm crazy i guess in someways.... Am I selfish?? Am I crazy?? I'm trying so hard to do better and just when i think i am sometimes then something comes up and BOOM there's that anger boiling up inside me for no good reason. I mean it would be different if he watched porn and nasty things but he doesn't even do that am i pathetic or what?? This seems very imature for me because really in all other aspects in life i have a good head on my shoulders and very mature about things, but it's like this just drives me nuts... Ok for instance, while i'm at it this is an example of me....I called him the other day and he was in the hardware store, which i hate for him to go because of all the little young "girls" working in there. But anyway I heard a young girls voice, then another one so i was like what are you doing and he was like i'm tryin to check out but the "cashier" is having problems then i heard those "girls" laugh and then he said well she fixed it i'm going to check out now i'll call you back in a min. I love you. Well i was furious at the thoughts that there was young girls there among him and that he might be looking at them....what's going on here, does anyone have any idea? Am i being controlling or what is it?
I guess where I am confused is that you say you didn't have feelings like this when you were married before. I don't know you so it is hard to figure this whole thing out. Do you have a close friend or relative who you could talk to about this? They would know you better and maybe could shed more light on it. Some questions you might ask yourself in the meantime:
Is there something about this particular relationship that makes you feel insecure? I would ask if he is flirtatious, but you describe him as very tuned in to you feelings. Is he the type of guy that alot of girls seem to hit on? If so, maybe you are worried that he might fall for one of them. Do you have issues about who is prettier when you see other girls? Remember, he seems to be crazy about YOU, so this shouldn't matter so much. Do you worry about how perfect girls look on TV and magazines? Remember that they are airbrushed and touched up...this isn't reality.
Is there something from earlier in your life that is unresolved? Was there sibling rivalry where you may have felt that a brother or sister was getting more attention than you. Do you have anything in your past that would give you a fear of abandonment?
Maybe it is none of the above, but those are things to think about. In the meantime I noticed that you do say alot of negative things about yourself in your post like pathetic, crazy etc. Try to change your dialogue about yourself to positive things. Get "Self Matters" by Dr. Phil.
I was shy and insecure when I was young. I married young and remember worrying about similar things. But I realized that my guy really loves me (we are still together after many years of marriage) and that I can't worry about who is younger, prettier etc. It is important for you not to feed too much into this whole thing because you don't want to come across as if you need constant reassurance that he loves you. Enjoy being with him and no matter who is around, remember that you are the one he chose, not the hardware store girls or the ones on TV. Hope this was helpful. Julie
