Topic : Self Image

I have never been on a message board before, I guess you can say this is unchartered territory for me.  I feel lost within myself.  I recently acknowledge to myself that I made such a stupid mistake so many years ago and I want to fix it but do not know how.  Years ago I got married to a wonderful man who I still love passionately, but was not my controlling mom's first pick for me.  My husband and my mom are two pinnacle people in my life and it kills me that they are are civil to each other but that their is an invisible wall between them.  

   

When I married my husband I made a dumb decision to put myself on the back burner and live to make these two pinnacle people happy.  I have through the years been able to make some of my husbands life long dreams come true. I have also been able to do the same for my mom. And as I was doing this a piece of me died inside every time.  I woke last week and looked myself in the mirror, "REALLY LOOKED" and I did not know who was the person looking back at me.  I had become my own stranger.    

   

I do not know how to stop being a shell of a person and start being a person.  I do not know how to start making my dreams come true...I am starting to think I have no dreams anymore.  

   

   

Is their anyone out their that can help me start putting myself back together?  

I have a very negative self image.  to me it does not matter what anyone say they could tell me I'm pretty a million times I still would not belive it.  i do not see myself as being pretty or worth anything.  There are somedays I just don't know if I really am going to make it through.  I can never see anything good in myself.  I will think I look pretty for a little bit then I take a picture or look in a different mirror I am ugly as can be again.  I know this is destroying me but I don't know how to stop it.  Nothing I or anyone else does is going to help me.  I am pretty much stuck.

Hi I have been frustrated lately. I was raised by a good family but I do realize they had problems. I feel like a lot of my problems come from the way i was raised. My dad was controlling.  I was spanked as a child but it was not all the time but i know that normal when i was younger. i have 2 children. i do not spank them. it didnt work anyway with my son. i take privilidges away from them which works. they are good in school. they make A's and B's. i feel lost quite a bit. i dont know what i want to do with my life. i take 2 classes at a local university it is about a 45 minute drive. i am so frustated with school. i dont like to study. i want to make better grades i have been going to school since 1990. i need to finish but one thing or another has happened and i didnt get finished with school.  i saw my mom growing up as a quiet woman and in a lot of ways my dad controled her mentally. she cooked, cleaned, etc. she was not a happy person from what i could see. she didnt have any friends. she sat in her recliner at home most of the time. i wish i would have had a more confident mother. i am not a confident person. i feel like i could get out of the house more. i just want more out of life. i feel like my family contols me in my subconscious. i think about moving sometimes but i think they wont like it and what if i dont like it. i feel like maybe getting away from them may help. i dont know what i am so afraid of. i felt like i was never good enough growing up.  i dont know why. i had some counseling a few years ago which helped now i am scared to go back and it costs so much. i dont have insurance to pay for it.

Doctor Phil. I think that Image Self is good and not bad aswell. I just watch tonight show about Danger Escaping is a really good show.  See you next week. Well I had better close now.------- 

Sincerley Your. Russell Vlaanderen.------------------------------------------------------------------------------ 

I too suddenly found I had "lost" myself in marriage. I was someone's wife, mother, my parent's daughter, my siblings' sister...........but where was I now? This ties in with the self image topic also. I am one of 8 children born to wonderful parents. But I was always fat, even at birth. That set me apart from so many things. My doctor told me a few years ago that "all your happiness depends on your weight" and he is absolutely right. But..........it is because of the way you are viewed. I was in an abusive marriage for 8 1/2 years, then left without ever looking back. Only one of my sisters and my best friend knew about the situation, and I swore them to secrecy. I lost nearly 100 pounds when the doctors discovered a homone imbalance and gave me the medicine to correct it. I later married again and had two children, I am still married (over 20 years now) and if I gain any weight I withdraw back into myself. I gained a lot of weight with the second pregnancy and it took several years to get it off again. In the meantime my oldest child entered kindergarten. None of the other mothers would give me the time of day. When I once again lost this weight, suddenly they were all my "best friends", now I was "worthy" of being noticed and befriended by them. I got strong though, and learned to look after myself and do some of the things I had always wanted to do. I have had many health problems over the years but didn't think much about it until last spring when they had to remove my last ovary. It threw me into menopause in the worst way. But worst of all, I have gained about 20 or more pounds back, and I can feel myself withdraw again, I don't feel worthy to be here, I feel ugly and embarrassed. I don't go see people because I fear their reactions. I feel desperate. But this doesn't help you. I think you should pick something that you have always wanted to do and if you have a sibling or best friend ask them to go with. Take a trip somewhere you have always wanted to go, even if it is local. If you don't have someone to go with, get a camera and get in your car, drive to the beach or mountains, anywhere the peace can settle over you and you can FEEL again. Take a deep breath and think about the things you still want out of life, and go for it. We only get one chance and we as women (wife, mother, daughter, sister) have a tendency to get lost in the people in our lives, in their needs and wants. Now it's time to see to you, and your dreams. Listen to the song by Diana Ross called "It's My Turn". You will understand. Good luck to you, find you, and know you are worthy of recognition.

This is my first time here,so i'm a little scared.First of all just know I do not judge people until I get to know you and then I still might not judge.I have been judged my entire life.I am 31 years young,married to a somewhat controlling man.I am overweight,I am a housewife,no children.We have been trying for 11 yrs.I have a very low self esteem.My husband has always said I am pretty,but for the last month he has said I need to lose weight and exercise.He's not exacly mr.universe.I do not look in full body mirrors because I hate myself and the way I look.I am 5ft7in,and weigh around 230lbs,blonde hair,grn eyes.Last year my husband and i separated for a couple months due to his anger problem.He was put on meds,recommended to go to anger mngment classes.He took the meds for about 3months went to only 1 class.I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder.Hey noones perfect,we all have our downfalls.I am unable to work because of this.I have always wanted to be a country singer,actress,voiceover,etc..I am the type of person who likes to help others.I have a mentally disabled sister,my mom has severe heart disease,my mother-in-law is bipolar and I usually help them whenever i can.I have been through quite a bit in my life.I just don't know what to do about my self image.There are days i do not want to face the world.I just sit and think of how disgusting i look and how fat i am..When my husband comes home from work he asks me if I exercised today.My reply of course "no,didn't have the energy" I do not have the energy,and sometimes my husband makes me feel like i'm a bad wife,cuz i might not have done the laundry,vacuumed etc...He has asked what do you do?I just feel horrible,useless,and alone.Can I actually feel exhausted about feeling like this?Is there anyone who feels like this,or am i actually crazy.I feel very angry at my husband sometimes for things he says to me,or his actions.I know I could never make it without him.I feel so alone.Please let me know if you feel like this.My husband will probably get angry if he finds this,so please only contact me here.Thank you.

I've always been self-conscious and self-depreciating with really low self-esteem, yet now that I've lost weight and people compliment me a lot, it seems I am lost both in my low self-esteem and arrogance. And they generally coexist, so it's not like, "Oh, I've had a bad day, I hate myself" or "Oh, what a wonderful day, I *heart* me;" it's usually an "I'm awesome...but I'm fat, ugly, and no one gives a crap about me" sort of thing.

It's kind of exciting, actually.

You must be a beautiful person to write in on behalf of yourself and your husband, even though he seems unsensitive to you and your emotional needs.  He is not finding problems with you he is only reflecting his own self image problems, but that doesn't mean you should soulder the burden of his emotional delusion.  I am no therapist by any means, but I was a very abused child who grew into a man than treated his wife the same way I was treated.  It was never her I was so angry and nit-picking at, it was always me and my wrong image.  You may want to save him from his depression, but if you do not take care of yourself how could you ever help anyone else.  Like I said before, you must have a special kind of inner beauty to want better for more than just yourself, but for him.  Search yourself and assess your needs!  You are special, I can prove it...I am the world's vainest man (ha ha) and you caught my eye with your inner beauty....I have no idea what you could look like, but what I do see is a caring woman reaching out for the help she deserves....BEAU..TI..FUL!!!  Keep reaching...there are so many like you...with you...you are never alone!!  I'm so proud of women like you, on the verge of discovering your untapped potential of being loved by yourself, first....keep looking for the help and comrads...YOU DESERVE IT !!!! 

I do not have a clear cut definition of self image.  Here's my definition of self image  

  Self Image- the way you view yourself in terms of physical qualities, self worthiness,  

             and self definition of success ( using the gifts God has given you)  

  

  

  

  

Lately, I have been truly struggling.  I have felt much self anger and have become too upset with myself.  Two days ago, I scratched myself 3 times in a day.  I feel like there is no escaping from this depression and self anger cycle.  I have seen psychiatrists and therapists in Corpus Christi.  The doctors just want to prescribe medication.  Therapists will only work iwth me on the  surface issues.  As soon as things get deep, the therapists clam.  

  

I mailed letters to Robin McGraw  3 different times and sent her  2 e-mails.   I sent both Dr. Phil and Robin a long e-mail letter on May 9th.  I know they are too busy to respond.  At least I can look myself in the eye and say I tried to get help.  

  

My troubles with self image result from the reaction others have toward me, not the reflection in the glass. I'm average looking and I'm just fine with that. However, no matter how hard I try to change things, I am frequently rejected by others because of my personality and communication style. I am not a bad person, I try hard to be morally upright, ethical, respectful and polite. My few true friends admit that they sometimes get irritated with me, but these are wonderful people who value me and respond to me based upon my actions, not how I communicate.   

   

Unfortunately my social life and my career are always in peril because of how acquaintances perceive me. When I'm feeling caring and concerned, I come across as snippy and condescending. When I'm feeling confident and passionate about a project, people tell me I'm being overbearing and controlling. I tend to get very red-faced and cry when angry or embarrassed. When I have just cause to be angry or on the defensive, people tell me I deserve poor treatment from others because I'm so annoying.  This hurts deeply.  

   

I've tried counseling and self-help books. I make a conscious effort to improve. I bite my tongue and try to ignore or accept other's behavior when I find them insulting. But I can't seem to make any real progress in the self improvement area. As a result, I don't make new friends, people avoid working with me on projects and I am frequently purposefully left out of social gatherings. The kindest of my colleagues tolerate me, most talk negatively behind my back and a few have outright sabotaged my efforts.   

   

Here's an example of what I deal with daily: I was wrongfully accused of doing something heinous at work. My accuser has a vendetta against me, a history of dishonesty and false accusations and performs poorly. Yet, my superior told me that because of my demeanor, he chooses to accept the accusation as true.   

   

Anyone know how to teach someone to become socially acceptable?