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Topic : Self Image

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Created on : Thursday, July 07, 2005, 08:53:12 am
Author : dataimport
Do you have a positive or negative self image? Share your struggles and tips with us.

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May 20, 2006, 12:43 am PDT

Self Image

I've always been self-conscious and self-depreciating with really low self-esteem, yet now that I've lost weight and people compliment me a lot, it seems I am lost both in my low self-esteem and arrogance. And they generally coexist, so it's not like, "Oh, I've had a bad day, I hate myself" or "Oh, what a wonderful day, I *heart* me;" it's usually an "I'm awesome...but I'm fat, ugly, and no one gives a crap about me" sort of thing.

It's kind of exciting, actually.
 
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May 20, 2006, 3:46 am PDT

just finding light myself

Quote From: scales74

This is my first time here,so i'm a little scared.First of all just know I do not judge people until I get to know you and then I still might not judge.I have been judged my entire life.I am 31 years young,married to a somewhat controlling man.I am overweight,I am a housewife,no children.We have been trying for 11 yrs.I have a very low self esteem.My husband has always said I am pretty,but for the last month he has said I need to lose weight and exercise.He's not exacly mr.universe.I do not look in full body mirrors because I hate myself and the way I look.I am 5ft7in,and weigh around 230lbs,blonde hair,grn eyes.Last year my husband and i separated for a couple months due to his anger problem.He was put on meds,recommended to go to anger mngment classes.He took the meds for about 3months went to only 1 class.I suffer from panic/anxiety disorder.Hey noones perfect,we all have our downfalls.I am unable to work because of this.I have always wanted to be a country singer,actress,voiceover,etc..I am the type of person who likes to help others.I have a mentally disabled sister,my mom has severe heart disease,my mother-in-law is bipolar and I usually help them whenever i can.I have been through quite a bit in my life.I just don't know what to do about my self image.There are days i do not want to face the world.I just sit and think of how disgusting i look and how fat i am..When my husband comes home from work he asks me if I exercised today.My reply of course "no,didn't have the energy" I do not have the energy,and sometimes my husband makes me feel like i'm a bad wife,cuz i might not have done the laundry,vacuumed etc...He has asked what do you do?I just feel horrible,useless,and alone.Can I actually feel exhausted about feeling like this?Is there anyone who feels like this,or am i actually crazy.I feel very angry at my husband sometimes for things he says to me,or his actions.I know I could never make it without him.I feel so alone.Please let me know if you feel like this.My husband will probably get angry if he finds this,so please only contact me here.Thank you.
You must be a beautiful person to write in on behalf of yourself and your husband, even though he seems unsensitive to you and your emotional needs.  He is not finding problems with you he is only reflecting his own self image problems, but that doesn't mean you should soulder the burden of his emotional delusion.  I am no therapist by any means, but I was a very abused child who grew into a man than treated his wife the same way I was treated.  It was never her I was so angry and nit-picking at, it was always me and my wrong image.  You may want to save him from his depression, but if you do not take care of yourself how could you ever help anyone else.  Like I said before, you must have a special kind of inner beauty to want better for more than just yourself, but for him.  Search yourself and assess your needs!  You are special, I can prove it...I am the world's vainest man (ha ha) and you caught my eye with your inner beauty....I have no idea what you could look like, but what I do see is a caring woman reaching out for the help she deserves....BEAU..TI..FUL!!!  Keep reaching...there are so many like you...with you...you are never alone!!  I'm so proud of women like you, on the verge of discovering your untapped potential of being loved by yourself, first....keep looking for the help and comrads...YOU DESERVE IT !!!! 
 
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May 20, 2006, 6:51 am PDT

What is Self Image?

Quote From: labelfree

What really is a self Image?  Im really truly not sure?

I do not have a clear cut definition of self image.  Here's my definition of self image  

  Self Image- the way you view yourself in terms of physical qualities, self worthiness,  

             and self definition of success ( using the gifts God has given you)  

  

  

  

  

Lately, I have been truly struggling.  I have felt much self anger and have become too upset with myself.  Two days ago, I scratched myself 3 times in a day.  I feel like there is no escaping from this depression and self anger cycle.  I have seen psychiatrists and therapists in Corpus Christi.  The doctors just want to prescribe medication.  Therapists will only work iwth me on the  surface issues.  As soon as things get deep, the therapists clam.  

  

I mailed letters to Robin McGraw  3 different times and sent her  2 e-mails.   I sent both Dr. Phil and Robin a long e-mail letter on May 9th.  I know they are too busy to respond.  At least I can look myself in the eye and say I tried to get help.  

  

 
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May 20, 2006, 9:00 am PDT

a little further than skin deep

My troubles with self image result from the reaction others have toward me, not the reflection in the glass. I'm average looking and I'm just fine with that. However, no matter how hard I try to change things, I am frequently rejected by others because of my personality and communication style. I am not a bad person, I try hard to be morally upright, ethical, respectful and polite. My few true friends admit that they sometimes get irritated with me, but these are wonderful people who value me and respond to me based upon my actions, not how I communicate.   

   

Unfortunately my social life and my career are always in peril because of how acquaintances perceive me. When I'm feeling caring and concerned, I come across as snippy and condescending. When I'm feeling confident and passionate about a project, people tell me I'm being overbearing and controlling. I tend to get very red-faced and cry when angry or embarrassed. When I have just cause to be angry or on the defensive, people tell me I deserve poor treatment from others because I'm so annoying.  This hurts deeply.  

   

I've tried counseling and self-help books. I make a conscious effort to improve. I bite my tongue and try to ignore or accept other's behavior when I find them insulting. But I can't seem to make any real progress in the self improvement area. As a result, I don't make new friends, people avoid working with me on projects and I am frequently purposefully left out of social gatherings. The kindest of my colleagues tolerate me, most talk negatively behind my back and a few have outright sabotaged my efforts.   

   

Here's an example of what I deal with daily: I was wrongfully accused of doing something heinous at work. My accuser has a vendetta against me, a history of dishonesty and false accusations and performs poorly. Yet, my superior told me that because of my demeanor, he chooses to accept the accusation as true.   

   

Anyone know how to teach someone to become socially acceptable?  

 
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May 20, 2006, 9:23 am PDT

Point in my childhood change my life

 

     Everyone of us has thought about some event in his life, he will never forget it. Some people think that they can change their life, and some of them believe that event has not change their life. I believe that, some of the events in our life can change our life in different way.

  

 

  

 

     This is my opinion for many reasons. The main reason is that an event can change your thought in both directions (Right or wrong). I remember that special event in my childhood that affects my life forever. It was the day when my best friends died in front of me, and I couldn’t do anything to save them.

  

 

  

 

    In this day I went with my best friends to the sea to play and swim. As I recall it I think they drowned in the dark deep of the sea when I was with them. We were three boys swimming alone, when the accident happened. I was shocked and I didn’t know what to do, because both of them drowned in the sea. I didn’t know if I can help them and take them out of the dark deep sea.

  

 

  

 

  I believe that accident happen because it was my fault first of all. They died and I lived. That event happened before seven years ago. I hold this blame for the rest of my life, I think that event has changed my life in some way.

  

 

  

 

   In some moment I feel that, I wish it never happen, but someone of my friends told to me to think in what choices I have to make in the time that was given to me.                    

  

 

  

 

 
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May 20, 2006, 12:44 pm PDT

The Problems

Some days it doesn't seem like it effects me, but deep down i know in the back of my mind that i'm thinking about how disgusting i think i look. I have the love of my life telling me that i'm the most beautiful thing he's seen but i see all these girls who are thinner than tooth picks and just get the feeling and paranoia that he's thinkin "Wow,  she's hot." It just makes me sick to my stomach that he actually looks normal and he's got this retarded looking girlfriend, me.  I hate having to look in the morning at myself. Some people say that this can be because of childhood influences by parents or friends. I realized i got it from my mother, except i'm much worse. We say the exact same things except i don't stop the critizism. I can take it as far as i can sometimes. It's actually hard sometimes to believe i'm getting compliments b/c I've never ever had anyone give me them besides family, friends, and kind people. But i'm starting to realize that i may be hurting others by thinking that way about myself. I usually lie. And somedays i think i actually look good, but the feeling never seems to last as long as i want it to. Yet, i keep telling myself that i don't care about what anyone thinks of me and i truley don't, but it seems that my appearance is the only thing standing in my way from being as happy as i should be. 

 
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May 20, 2006, 1:01 pm PDT

Possible Help

Quote From: oddball13

My troubles with self image result from the reaction others have toward me, not the reflection in the glass. I'm average looking and I'm just fine with that. However, no matter how hard I try to change things, I am frequently rejected by others because of my personality and communication style. I am not a bad person, I try hard to be morally upright, ethical, respectful and polite. My few true friends admit that they sometimes get irritated with me, but these are wonderful people who value me and respond to me based upon my actions, not how I communicate.   

   

Unfortunately my social life and my career are always in peril because of how acquaintances perceive me. When I'm feeling caring and concerned, I come across as snippy and condescending. When I'm feeling confident and passionate about a project, people tell me I'm being overbearing and controlling. I tend to get very red-faced and cry when angry or embarrassed. When I have just cause to be angry or on the defensive, people tell me I deserve poor treatment from others because I'm so annoying.  This hurts deeply.  

   

I've tried counseling and self-help books. I make a conscious effort to improve. I bite my tongue and try to ignore or accept other's behavior when I find them insulting. But I can't seem to make any real progress in the self improvement area. As a result, I don't make new friends, people avoid working with me on projects and I am frequently purposefully left out of social gatherings. The kindest of my colleagues tolerate me, most talk negatively behind my back and a few have outright sabotaged my efforts.   

   

Here's an example of what I deal with daily: I was wrongfully accused of doing something heinous at work. My accuser has a vendetta against me, a history of dishonesty and false accusations and performs poorly. Yet, my superior told me that because of my demeanor, he chooses to accept the accusation as true.   

   

Anyone know how to teach someone to become socially acceptable?  

Hi. My name's Tiffany Turner. You know i've had some extreme issues with this factor and i still do. It has effected me greatly but once i began to realize that if someone doesn't want to accept me, than they don't deserve to know me. Alot of people made fun of me and i was usually bullied. This is a big part ot my problems with self image.  I never trusted anyone until i met someone who was just like me but different in many ways. We connected and opened up to each other. I guess i can say that i got this tip/behavior from her.  I never show anyone the real me unless i've gotten to know them and that i can trust them. I also don't open up if i know that we wouldn't be the greatest friends. I guess it's all about confidence in yourself and in who you want to be accepted by. But don't ever try too hard (let me rephrase that) don't even try hard for anyone to accept you. You can only be yourself once that person has already seen a simple glimpse of who you really are. There's over a billion fish in the sea, so there's gonna be someone who's gonna love everything about you and your personality. It's been my experience that you get what you want the moment you stop looking. You just have to wait it out or go looking for them. I hope this helps.
 
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May 21, 2006, 10:03 am PDT

Self Image

Quote From: tooemo

Hi. My name's Tiffany Turner. You know i've had some extreme issues with this factor and i still do. It has effected me greatly but once i began to realize that if someone doesn't want to accept me, than they don't deserve to know me. Alot of people made fun of me and i was usually bullied. This is a big part ot my problems with self image.  I never trusted anyone until i met someone who was just like me but different in many ways. We connected and opened up to each other. I guess i can say that i got this tip/behavior from her.  I never show anyone the real me unless i've gotten to know them and that i can trust them. I also don't open up if i know that we wouldn't be the greatest friends. I guess it's all about confidence in yourself and in who you want to be accepted by. But don't ever try too hard (let me rephrase that) don't even try hard for anyone to accept you. You can only be yourself once that person has already seen a simple glimpse of who you really are. There's over a billion fish in the sea, so there's gonna be someone who's gonna love everything about you and your personality. It's been my experience that you get what you want the moment you stop looking. You just have to wait it out or go looking for them. I hope this helps.
Thank you so much for your response. Things you said about being bullied and not easily trusting others hit a nerve -PHYSICALLY! Tears came to my eyes, my face flushed and my breathing changed. And that is a big part of my problem. I am a grown up; but when certain buttons are pushed, it is like reliving the pain from  my own experiences with bullying and the resulting lack of trust. I get this physiological response that I can't hide. You seem to have progressed to a point of controlling yourself much better than I. Do you have any specific methods, ideas, etc. that I could practice to get to where you are. I hope I'm not seeming ungrateful, but what I think I need is a method of adjusting my brain and retraining my body to avoid those kind of responses. What I need is a personality makeover. If I wanted to makeover my face, I could look in a magazine and get directions of where to put the makeup. I don't think my feelings are anymore sensitive or deep than the average person. But I can't get a handle on how to control the physical responses. I'm open to any suggestions.
 
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May 21, 2006, 10:30 am PDT

Self Image

My self image involves my husband.  I'm self employed and do the best I can at keeping all the bills paid, even while going through cancer treatments.  I think my husband is only here because I support him.  He says he loves me but does NOTHING to help support the household.  He keeps the yard work done, does little fix-up jobs on the house but that's all.  We don't sleep together, he refuses to go anywhere with me and generally treats people poorly.  He is really cute with me at times and after 16 years of marriage and since my cancer diagnosis he's finally remembering my birthday and our anniversary.  Still......  he won't help financially and won't change anything he's doing.  At one time he threatened to take my house if I tried to divorce him.  His name is not on the title, I bought the house with my late husband but since I've supported him for 16 years, I'm told there is precedent for that to happen.    

Since my cancer was diagnosed, I've gone through surgery, chemotherapy and radiation.  The surgery took one breast, the chemotherapy took my waist length hair and the radiation took my energy.  I still do the best I can, which isn't too bad, but the future is uncertain.  Since hubby won't work, I fear for if and when the cancer returns and I'm unable to continue working.  I am on Medicad, Social Security Income won't even  pay my house payment and I feel as though I'm held hostage to a man that's only here because I support him.  What is wrong with me that I have to pay to keep him here?  I'm told I'm still attractive, a little weight gain from the treatments but still within normal limits, I try to look and do my best but I can't shake the feeling that I have to buy his friendship.  This has never really been a marriage, I guess, but I'm told I'm loyal to a fault.  Needless to say my self-image is as low as dirt.... 

  

 
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chillin'
May 21, 2006, 5:12 pm PDT

Shout Back!

Quote From: oddball13

Thank you so much for your response. Things you said about being bullied and not easily trusting others hit a nerve -PHYSICALLY! Tears came to my eyes, my face flushed and my breathing changed. And that is a big part of my problem. I am a grown up; but when certain buttons are pushed, it is like reliving the pain from  my own experiences with bullying and the resulting lack of trust. I get this physiological response that I can't hide. You seem to have progressed to a point of controlling yourself much better than I. Do you have any specific methods, ideas, etc. that I could practice to get to where you are. I hope I'm not seeming ungrateful, but what I think I need is a method of adjusting my brain and retraining my body to avoid those kind of responses. What I need is a personality makeover. If I wanted to makeover my face, I could look in a magazine and get directions of where to put the makeup. I don't think my feelings are anymore sensitive or deep than the average person. But I can't get a handle on how to control the physical responses. I'm open to any suggestions.
I'm so surprised that you got such a reaction to my message. I hope this doesn't change your views about it though b/c you said you're a grown up. Well, i'm only 16. But back to the subject. You talk about controlling yourself. I've never thought about controlling myself. Although i guess i can do a good job until it gets totally out of line. So all that i can tell you is that when i'm in that particular situation, i just take in there comments and throw them back at the commenter. However, i do this in my head (as in i don't say what i'm thinking.) I'd probably get in serious trouble for it. And that's a good point. I think about all the goods i have and if i did get in trouble, I'd have to pay the consequences. And in this stage of my life, i have too much on my heart to even think of givin that person what they really deserve. So i basically hold it all in (which doesn't sound smart) and i eventually forget about that situation. Although, like you said it never really goes away, I'll save all the raging feelings for another day and go on with my life. And continue looking for whatever it is i'm searching for.  Thanks for responding. I'd never imagine that i'd get a response like this. You've made my self image issues fade slightly which may not seem much to you but to me, it's a totally different view.  I'm always willing to talk.
 
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