Topic : Self Image

I get so angry because i know that I am abusing the temple that God blessed me with.....  I have been doing these over the years but they just have grown and grown.......  Like for the longest time I just hit or bit myself.....  then about hmmm sometime just over a year ago i started to burn and dig.........  Before any of the self harm came the eating disorder.......  I this self harm when i am frustrated, angry, ignoring hurt or whatever like i just don't want to feel.......  wheni have anxiety attacks, to calm down, for sooooooo many reason........  like when there is a part in me that wants to cry but i say no........  sometimes i really don't know why i do it.........  even the other day food of the day (errrrggg i didn't want to eat) was a healthy choice meal (i kept it but i walked 2 miles which really wasn't enough)........  anyway i was getting up and some how knocked the thing over and it had just a little bit left in it so i went to the bathroom and started just digging and digging.....  like a punishment or something it seems like when i look back at it...  ahhhhhhhh I am sooo cofused and feel so alone!!!  Well, once again when i say that I do want to say i know that God is here with me but that doesn't keep me from feeling so alone..........  i just wish i could disappear right now...  but i know tha tisn't really what i want even though that is how i feel does that make since......  nothing i ever do seems good enough for me it can always be better and actually it gets quite frustrating.....  Even not to long ago i was upset with God because He loves me so much and because He has a purpose for me so i told Him all about it i just let Him know how i felt.........  i felt bad doing it but i think God can handle us telling him how we feel.......  if someone else was doing this i would want them to know there are other ways to cry and it is good to feel things.....  i would probley say other things but yeah.......  i would tell them it is ok to mess up and not to feel quilt or shame for what they do it will only make it worse..........  don't let anger and anger well yeah i don't know......  i just want to go somewhere and hide!!!!  I just want to curl up somewhere and cry!!!

 

 

Hello everyone!!  I'm new to the group and look forward to getting to you you all. 

 

I'm in the same boat.  Some days I have confidence and other days I don't.  Over the past few years I've gained about 42 pounds due to a medical condition.  I think that has a lot to do with my self image.  I was always thin and now I'm not.  I keep hearing Dr. Phil say that self image and body image aren't the same thing.  I hear it in my mind.  But tell it to my heart.  I didn't realize until recently how much my body image meant to me.  In a way it's postive because it's causing me to see myself in a new light.  I realize I'm the same person I always was.  But my body is different.  It doesn't seem like my body.  It's an adjustment.  Is anyone else in a similar situation?     

That is so great that you are getting where you can seperate the two things and not let them keep getting together and messing with your head LOL!!!  that's just what happens they just must get together and have a ball trying to mess it all up for us and how we see ourselves hehe i am trying to think of it antimated LOL!!  I don't know why i do that sometimes but i do LOL!!!  No matter what i feel like it just happens and then if i am really sad it makes me smile cause i get kind of tickled with myself.........  i don't like what i see when i look at me but well i can't seem to really like me the other way either........... 

Sometimes kid....You gotta take it one minute at a time.....

 

All these little tricks the digging the biting the whatever there coping skills.

 

For a more so much for bigger picture....

 

As I said I am NOT a doctor...

 

Invisible????

 

Yeah me 56 days ago...I was contiplaimplanting killing myself or becoming magnificent  I quit my last coping skill smoking the "devil cancer sticks"  Newport 100's  What a sleek cool image that was   NOT...  Well at least I think it was 56 days ago  My quit day was June 1,05  I cant keep up now because today I don't even wear the patch anymore I turned my last addiction over to my Heavenly Father..

 

PLEASE TODAY GO OUT TO THE BOOK STORE AND BUY DR. Phil's LIFE STRAGIE BOOK it saved my A@@!  I want you to go to college as prepared as you can......Walk into adulthood armed with as much information as possible.

 

Leave the dysfunction of your youth behind you.  You will see in those 304 pages how frickin great YOU  are and why it is you do what you do and how to stop all this behavior  TRULY!  hey I did so can you!  GO today....

 

If I lived close to you I would take you but I don't...If you don't have the money go to the library....There really is no excuse for stopping your greatness to come...

I don't even know if i know what to say today....  yeah i don't have the money to go to the book store and get the book......  i have a few cent in my little piggy bank thing and that is all i have.... 

 

yes i do i wish i could just disappear!!!  but then again i don't want to......  i just want to scream and just hit something until i can't do it anymore........  i could go for the longest time i think

 

I want to stop I think i don't know i am so confused......  i mean i don't want to die i want to live to help others and to fullfill what God has puposed for me......  I wouldn't ever kill myself on purpose and i am so angry that i know if i don't stop that is what is going to happen.....  all i do is always tell myself ooo that's not going to happen to me i awill be just fine and well yeah i don't know...

 

my favorite thing to do is praise and worship i could do it forever and ever i may not always feel happy when i do it i may feel all kinds of ways but it isn't about that it is that i know i am lifting God up and bringing Him glory.

 

well i would keep writing but i have to do somethings so i will be back on later in the afternoon time

 

cya then sister

 

your friend

Hisjewel

and read the book before you start college xoxoxox

i have to many other things to do right now then to do that.......  i am trying to study for the ACT which i will take when i get to school and so many other things........  i well yeah i don't know but i  really need to go this time.......  you  know there are so many things i know about so mucho f this stuff i mean i have helped other people (well God through me)  and know so much but when it comes to me well yeah i don't know what happens

Why not helping you?  Where are you?  I see you do you?

hey i had a few minutes in between the things i have to do to come home and cool off......  it is like super extreamly hot today and i can't use the AC in my car.....  i also have on jeans today so well yeah haaaa my next place i have to go takes like 45 min or so to get to ahhhhh

 

why not help me i don't know......  i guess i just can't i don't know........  where am i ummmm "i'm lost i've gone to look for myself if i should return before i get back please ask me to wait"  or "I think i'm here but i'm not sure"  those are two quotes i have heard is that a good answer to your question.......  ummmm sometimes i think i see me but i just well bury me somewhere in the middle of everything else

 

well i should get some drink haven't had a thing today and i have a hot ride ahead of me......  i'd where shorts but i get uncomfortable feeling in them sometimes i think just cause the only ones i can seem to get that fit me decent are shorter ones haaaaaaa

 

cya later

Always be a first-rate version of yourself,  instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

 

 

Judy Garland