Topic : Self Image

my life is just crazy... but im not going to explain that all. Im almost 16 and my parents are divorced, i live with my mom most of the time and shes re married.. the the whole being remarried thing was cool up until resently.

My "family" go into a big fight which was quite common at that time and my step father was being just horrible telling me that i didn't see his family as a family that i only loved my fathers side, which my mom agreed with. And i just got sooooo mad because my mom knew that wasnt true and she always side with him on everything, like one second she'll agree with my but then when he says something shes on his side. so that night i got  so mad that i disided to tell her about what happened about what ill call "the thing", im not going to get into it because i perfer not to relive it. she belived me and i tole her it was one time it was a lie it happened more than once, but i knew if i told her, actully i didnt know how she would react. all she did was tell me no tot tell anyone else.  i knew she wouldnt divorce him.. i knew it i just wanted her to see him. and after that i was no longer his duaghter, i was no longer any thing to him. he has not said i love you to me since that day not a hug not a word... and my mom acts like its okay. the way he talks to me now, the was he make me feel. says im fat. that im stupid. and he called me an alcoholic because i got a sin burn on my nose so it was red, and he know that hurts me because my father is an alcoholic..

and finally i broke down last night. and my mother she stood up for him, after what he did to me she stood up for him!!! that broke me down. i think now, what if i marry a man like him?? how do i know? what if my husband does what he did to me to but to my kids? what do i do? how do i not fear men? how can i trust them, when i have none of them in my life? i feel now that me telling was wrong.. that maybe this wouldnt have happened if i was quiet. most of all how come i feel like all of this is my fualt, and i dont want to cry about it but a donno how to deal with it if no one will listen, if no one will help.. if you could help me id appershate it. thanks.

Dear sorry your going threw this. You had to get mad to tell your mother what he did to you? That's something that you should've done from the first time it happen. You mother seems to be trying to keep confusion down in the home. She told you not to tell no one? This is not exceptable. She should've went to the police about this if your talking about what I think you are. Then she should've conforted him with it. He would've denied it, but he would know she knew and you told it. You never was his daughter honey. Why would you want to hear I love you from him if he done such a thing to you? You have things you need to deal with. You and your mother seem to except the fact that he has done this to you more then 1ce. He is trying to break you down because his secret is out in the open. As long as he could touch you with out no one knowing his love would forever show, but now you will be all things to him that's not right. He lost his power over you. Your mother is just as sick, because she has excepted him in his mess. I think you should report him. You need closer to this. As long as he is in the home you will start resenting your mother.  You will not marry a man like him. Let a man find you. The Bible say a MAN who finds a wife finds a good thing and favor with God. Your mother standing up for him is a sign of her being insecure. Maybe it took her a long time to find a man I don't know, but the fact is your not the 1st and you will not be the last REPORT HIM!! This is NOT you fault. You never keep quiet about something like this. Your 16 SHOUT IT OUT!!  it's never wrong to tell something of this matter. If you would like to chat email me brightness19634@aol.com or brightness1963@comcast.net  write Doc phil he will get you the help you need. If you feel like your mother does not care enough you have to take steps at this yourself. Please go to some 1 with this that will listen

All I would like to say to you is.....1st you have to except who you are as a person. Love yourself enough to do some walking. Cherish your self enough to want it, and stop looking at you in other people. You got the key when you said " the first way to lose weight for MYSELF! " it starts with YOU! in YOU! about YOU! far as your husband and your thinking he is ashame of you. Well when you lose the weight don't go around them lol.  You will be okay just keep your head up. You can not dwell in this or you will never get UP and do it!

HELPING YOUR CHILD DEVELOP A

HEALTHY SELF-IMAGE

1. Create a positive, loving, and secure environment.
2. Be sensitive… respect their thoughts and feelings.          
3. No self-criticism.
   (do not allow child to call his/herself names)
4. No sibling rivalry.
5. Discover the gift in your child.
   (do not impose your wishes/dreams on your child)
6. Develop your child's gift.
7. Develop self-confidence…others opinions do not determine who your children are.
8. Discipline in an emotionally healthy manner.
   (The age of regulation from 1-7.  Our part is to regulate them by defining clear values with consistent consequences in order to help them for internal regulations.)
9. Teach self-control.
10. Encourage positive character qualities.
    (honesty, cheerfulness, loyalty, integrity.  The age of imitation from 8-12.  Be a good role model and lead by example.)
11. Teach children to work…always in demand. 
    (work alongside them to teach them how to clean and do other things)
12. Complete their chores.
    (assign age-appropriate chores)
13. Keep up with their schoolwork.
    (work with them on math, sight words, building vocabulary, writing)
14. Teach children to communicate with adults.
    (take turns talking, listening skills)
15. Teach manners…basic politeness.
16. Encourage friends of high character.
17. Have a Family schedule.
    (this reduces time pressure and fatigue)
18. Healthy amount of sleep.
    (bedtime is a health issue)
19. Healthy diet.
20. Laugh together.
21. Touch.
    (hold hands when praying, hug to feel connection, love of parents)
22. Accept or correct physical problems.
    (get braces if you can afford it or fix things that you can, especially if they lead to torment.)
23. Reward efforts more than results. 
    ("I did my best", some kids may be smarter or better.  Praise the efforts of how hard the child tries over whether the child won or made a certain grade.  Ask them if they did their best.)
24. Serve others.
    (teach kids how to serve others)
25. Develop pride in being part of something bigger than them.

NOTE:  I believe that parents play a role in helping children grow up to become adults with a healthy, positive self-image.  It's not about thinking you are better than everybody else, it's about feeling like you and your life matter regardless of what anybody else thinks.  It's about having confidence, emotional security, character, and liking who you are. 

     As a school teacher I am supposed to discipline the kids before I start giving the lessons.

 I usually find it hard to do though cause the children won't obey and I try many things and what

 I read now will help me and the kids I influence. But I still have many questions of how to get kids on their best behaviours coz we (teachers ) are close to the kids.

  I need more of that,

 With best regards,

 Elias Negatu

O my! what bad luck huh? your not doing nothing wrong your just at a stand still in life. Maybe you need to move in a more productive city or town. A bigger one. Hair is something a woman always want done, Massage? wow! were you live lol. Maybe you can get a small business loan and open your own business. For doing hair and the massage thing. Open it up and start teaching it again. 911 set alot of people back. Far as real estate that's a hard one with the way people money is due to lack of work.  Idaho is that a small town? My advice to you is to try to start your own business. I know money is tight, but anything is possible. With the stress of this world anyone would love to get there hair done, and a good body rub lol good luck!