Topic : Self Image

 No matter how busy you get, take a few moments everyday to just breathe. You have your whole life ahead of you and I think you will find your way.

thanks!!!!

I hope someone can offer me some advice! I have a TERRIBLE problem with assuming that people are thinking the worst of me. I believe that people don't want me to call... they don't want me to be around them... they think I'm fat, disgusting, incompetent, or just plain stupid. Consequently, every conversation I have with anyone includes ME putting myself down in acknowledgement of what I believe they are thinking about me - and before anyone else gets the chance to do it first! (Does this make any sense?) It affects all aspects of my life in that friends that I have don't stay good friends for very long because of my consistent negativity about myself. It keeps me pretty lonely - and even MORE down on myself! A vicious cycle! I hope someone has been through this before and can talk me out of this!

I have worried about 'how I look, how I come across to others' ever since I can remember. I have been through therapy for self esteem and it helped really well up until my husband said a very hurtful thin ti me a few months back. I was doing so good, lost about 50 lbs, became more involved with family and friends but noticed my hubby wasn't wanting sex as often now. It took severl trys to get him to open up and talk about it. Then he blamed HIS lack of desire on my flabby belly from losing the weight! Not only did  I feel hurt, I felt trapped in a no win situation. I don't have $6 grand for plastic surgery and corsets only hold it in until it comes off! He basically told me he didn't want me anymore. Now my self image is down the toilet again! What do I do??

Think about what you may be getting out of this situation. I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but you ARE getting a payoff here. I know because I was in your predicament. I was pathetic, and who expects much out of a pathetic person? I didn't have any friends, but nobody expected anything of me either. Of course there was more to my payoff than this, but bottom line, you DO get something out of it. Once you understand why you are doing this, what you're afraid of, and how you got into this pattern of self thinking, you can begin to change things. Use any tools available. I used Dr Phil's book SELF MATTERS first, then his weight loss book when it came out, in addition to hypnotherapy, meditation, and exercise.  You must be sick and tired of your life and want a change bad enough to do what it takes to change. Good luck to you.

One of Dr Phil's Life Laws is the one that says there is no reality, only perception. I don't know your husband, but he may be afraid of the changes you are going through, and trying to sabotage your progress. Think about the way you feel now, as opposed to the way you look. You may have begun your journey to weight loss in order to look better, or be more appealing to others, etc., but now that you HAVE lost weight, aren't the physical benefits the most rewarding aspect? DO NOT let others undermine your efforts because of their petty concerns. They will adjust on their own, or you can help them to adjust. My husband tried to put the brakes on my weight loss also, he doesn't want me at the weight I want to be, and the weight my doctor wants me to be (just so you know I'm not trying to be a super model or something, it's a healthy goal.) Whatever his fears are, they are not realistic. I'm not trying to gain attention from others. So, have a talk with him. The skin will take up in time with exercise, or you can save up for surgery, but don't do it for him. Whenever you do something like surgery for somebody else, it backfires.

To reassure someone, to make yourself available, and to inspire hope in others is a beautiful gift.  Especially when done all at once in a few sentences!  Thanks for your faith- here's a positive message to slip in where a negative one once was! 

~Sunshine~ 

its almost like  being afraid of what everyone else thinks. 

  

i mean my friend has a big bust. and im no more than a A cup. 

  

who gets attention? 

  

what is perfect? 

  

is it the magazine cover? or is it what everyone else around u thinks u should look like. 

  

We all here there is no such thing as "perfect" 

  

yet... how come we need to be? 

I have a really bad embarrassing habit.  I can't stop picking at my face.  I think that the only way to get blemishes gone quickly is to take them off myself.  It's gotten so bad that it affects my self esteem and my life.  I don't go out and do things with people because I feel so ashamed and embarrassed about how I look and what I've done to myself.  I wear heavy make-up all the time to cover up what I've done.  I don't let anyone see me without make-up on.  I feel as if everyone is staring at me, even though my friends have assured me that I always look fine.  Nobody knows how bad this is or what I hide under my make-up.  I know though.  It really upsets me.  I don't know how to stop.  Can anyone please help me?