Topic : 05/22 The True Life of Marcia Brady

Thanks for your kind words. 

A few years ago, I sat around a Thanksgiving Dinner table, all (mom's side) family assembled.  I was kind and inquisitive about my sister's life, goings on, has she heard from so-and-so.... trivial and polite things.  I even expressed concern during grace about her recent accident.

While everyone at that table watched, she insulted and demeaned me at every turn.  I probably got up 3 times during dinner to step outside before causing a "scene".  Sad to say, but it's true, her husband (I'm not a fan) actually MILDLY said something to put her in her place, but she didn't pick up on it.

While mom and everyone watched the abuse, I just sat there shrinking.  I left before dessert in tears.  That was when I decided "THAT'S IT!"  My family "LOVES" me and allows this to happen????

NO ONE should have to leave a family meal in that condition.  ESPECIALLY when we are supposedly giving thanks for our blessings! 

I'm far happier on the other side.  Holidays suck for me, remembering our "Brady Bunch" past of kindness, but they are better than being abused at the family table.

I just hope ONE PERSON who has this going on realizes that there IS hope on the other side.  You might long for what once was, but what once was is no more.  Many times, you just can't go back.

I was interested in the program, because of the obvious passive-aggressive behavior being exhibited.  I think that a large portion of people are passive-aggressive, and a portion of those are truly psychotic, that is, they don't even see that what they are doing is "wrong".  They're so good at this behavior and have been doing it for so long, that it has become them.  From my mother-in-law to the principal at my children's school, I run into this A LOT.  So far, the only thing I have found that works is to just disconnect and not engage.  Nothing good ever comes from interacton with these people.  They don't get it, and they never will.  And the symptoms or signals seem to be pretty universal:  1)  they keep their lives compartmentalised, that is, they don't mix friends, family, work, etc.  They will even split families (conquer and divide).  They will keep things in chaos, by pitting friends, family, everyone, against each other.  They keep the lines of communication down and not working.  They become they conduit through which all information passes from one segment to the next.  They will tell blatant flat-out lies to each, so that no one has all or even the correct information.   2) they NEVER take responsibility for their actions.  It's always someone else's fault or doing, or some even, or some thing.  Never them.    3) they can never tell you "who" exactly gave them the information - nor can they ever give a straight answer or evidence for any accusations they are making.

These people (like Maureen's brother) are not "control" freaks.  Control freaks are more perfectionists, they're a little scary about everything being "just so", and I know a few of those.  But they don't weave webs of monstrous proportions, and keep everyone separated in their lives.  They don't tell one story to one person, and different story to another person.  They just need to control their environment and that of the people around them, mostly for security reasons.  Passive-Aggressives are truly crazy, psychotic types who come across as nice, wonderful people (that's part of their act).  They are charming and charismatic.  And only the people who double check what they are told by these people, or start to think something isn't right (but they can't put their finger on it) begin to realize that there is something wrong with these people.  That's why its so easy for them to convince people that someone is crazy.  Because they are very careful not to get caught and they are careful about what they tell to who.

I am hoping that Dr. Phl continues with this, so that I can see how he deals with this type of behavior.  I have a husband and mother-in-law that are professionals - and a school principal/situation that fits this to a "T". I am anxious to determine whether I can get through any of it with my children unscathed, or whether it really is time to cut bait and leave.

My Mother is going through a situation similar, but not the same.

My Grandfather and my Mom's uncle both owned a home together and it was decided that when anything happened to them, that my Mom would get half the house and her cousin the other.

A surviving brother of my Grandfather's and uncle is still living in the home but does not own it.

My Grandfather passed away in 1994. His brother promised him that he would state in his will that my Mom would still get half the house, which he did. He passed away in April of 2005.

At that time, my Mom and her cousin became the owners. They were to have everything transferred into their names, deed, etc. Her cousin took it upon herself to deal with the house and is brainwashing the surviving Uncle into thinking my Mom is after his money. It is stated in the deceased Uncle's will that if they cannot afford to keep the house that one of them can buy the other half out or put the house up for sale and split the cost. My Mom has done everything possible to keep the surviving Uncle in the home as long as possible, but can no longer afford the house. She knows that my Uncle has the money to get another place. Anyhow, my Mom had the house appraised and offered her cousin to buy her out. Her cousin doesn't want to pay a dime for anything ,so she asked the Uncle to give my Mom the money and he said no. Her cousin does not want to pay my Mom anything or put the house up for sale because she wants to keep it. This has been going on for two years since the other Uncle passed away. My Mom can't afford the house anymore and nobody is working with her. Her cousin is telling the surviving Uncle that my Mom is money hungry and wants to kick him out on the street. My Mom just wants the house off her back and to do things according to what the will states. She only wants what was left to her in the will. Nothing more, nothing less. She doesn't want to hurt her Uncle and knows he has the money to go somewhere else . She would not be doing this if she could afford to keep the house. Her cousin has totally brainwashed the uncle and now all are against my Mom making her feel like she is the bad person and that the house was never her Father's to begin with, which we all know is a lie.

Dr. Phil,

First, let me say that I love you and your show.  I believe that what you do is so important yet find it difficult to understand how someone can see how  elders are abused and merely respond by saying:  "well, it just goes to show that no matter who you are you can still have personal issues or I never watched the "Brady Bunch" instead of understanding the families pain."

Dr. Phil, it is of great sadness, pain and shame that I admit to you that I have such a brother.  He also was the middle child, always had a tremendous temper, hate for all the siblings, never worked for any long periods consequently lived off my parents, took everything he believed or said as gospel even if it wasn't true.  He manipulated my parents to get whatever he wanted and would lie, cheat and even steal to get there.

After our stepfather past away and mother received her inheritance, my brother began to isolate our mother from the family to gain control of her and her money, convinced her that none of her other 6 children wanted anything to do with her, em brassed her about her children and continued to tell her we only wanted to steal her money.  He never allowed her to spend anytime, anywhere without him and this included time with her brothers and sisters, her children or grandchildren. There was one exception with one of her sisters, for whatever reason, aligned herself with our brother.

When my sister spoke with Mother's doctor regarding medical issues around 2000-2001 approx.  her doctor in this brief conversation with her stated that;  " she was concerned about the nature and frequencies of Mother's injuries."  Needless to say, my sister was very upset and scheduled a conference call to discuss with us what the doctor had said to her.

To make a sad story short, we got our bottoms home and went to the local senior services to find out what, if anything we could do.  They said they could not do anything without proof which by the way, is the most difficult to prove because seniors are not abused in front of someone else.  They referred us to a local attorney to file for conservator ship, we paid a visit to Mother under police escort with our brother screaming in the background that we were only there because we had found out the Mother had given him full power of attorney.  He also yelled to all of us that he was not finished yet and that "they" intended to have her will changed. First, we were not aware of her changing her POA because she had appointed a joint POA  and she had agreed on her final needs in 97 that she appeared to be happy with.

In the mean time, we had Mother evaluated and our brother was out busy selling (giving) away Mother's property and borrowing $100k here and there to get his hands on her money.  We later ended up with a Family Law Master, an attorney, and all the family members in a hallway being badgered by our attorney stating that the 5 siblings that filed a complaint against our brother for financial and physical abuse of our Mother could not win this case as the doctor had denied the statement she made to our sister.  It was recommended to us that our brother be appointed conservator, we were told that was Mother's request, and this would allow the W. Va. law to watch over her money and Mother's well being.  Who were we to go against our Mother's wishes and we were convinced by our attorney, how naive were we to think the legal system could monitor one senior citizen.

Our mother spent the last 5 years of her life living in isolation, under filthy conditions, in and out of the hospital for falls, dehydration, abnormal weight loss, lack of medical attention for an infected leg from a fall and we even later found out he even locked her in the house when he would leave.  Let's compound this story as I forgot to mention Mother was legally blind also.

The last time I saw my Mother was a few weeks before she past away and she had all ready stopped talking to anyone and was in a nursing home.  She looked like a poor homeless person she had black and blue bruises from her neck down and her feet were so atrophied that they looked like baby feet.

When my youngest sister went into the funeral home our brother told her that Mother didn't even have any clothing to be buried in and he was wondering if she had anything she could bring in for her?  She did, of course but it is even sadder that this is a true story and this could happen to any family because who would ever think a brother or sister could or would abuse a parent.  It is the unthinkable and the laws are not there to protect them.  

When Mother past our brother had managed to spend all of her cash, sell (give away) a piece of her property, we are not even aware of what happened to her personal things and we are awaiting our depositions for protesting his changing the will. By the way, the month she changed her will she had fallen but no surprise here either I am sure.  I wish this family "lots of luck" as our Mother was also turned into an unknown parrot saying things that were totally bazaar and we believe she had to say these things in fear of her life.

Good luck to them.

Maureen,

Please let us all know how this turns out.  I know I've made some pretty stupid mistakes...and quite surprised that I have managed to survive my youth....I hope the best for you...I'm about your age + or - a little.  I know that just when you think things are going along OK - finally - something like this happens.....I know you must be a lot tired of all of this .... hopefully your father will be able to watch Dr. Phil's entire taped show, but you and your brother know that a great big something has to be done to get this straightened out......I don't have any magic words here, but my heart goes out to you and if I could give you strength, I surely would.

NJW

In my opinion, her brother suffers from many, if not all of the classic Border Line Personality Disorder ("BPD")  symptoms (narcissism, isolation, intimidation, suicidal threats, etc...).  Dr. Phil's website has an entire message board dedicated to this subject, so won't go into details as to the cause/symptoms of that disorder.  However, I believe Dr. Phil missed an opportunity to address another real concern - getting Maureen and her other brother real counseling regarding the disorder.  Specifically to help them understand that Kevin's behavior is not within their control and to help them stop enabling Kevin's BPD behavior by setting firm boundaries.  This is necessary so that Maureen and others do not accept Kevin's projections (i.e. assigning his failures, shortcomings, fear of abandonment issues, and parental abuses onto others).

Having lived thru the same with loved ones in my family, I understand how it is a very vicious cycle.  Psycologists/Counselors often either fail to diagnose the problem, or simply do not have the tools and dedication to properly treat those with BPD.   Ironically, people with BPD assume they do not need help and that it is everyone else but them that are screwed up and may in fact blame the victim as having BPD.  

Starting point/Resources to help understand it:

"Stop Walking on Eggshells" - Mason/Kreger

"I Hate You, Don't Leave Me: Understanding the Borderline Personality - Kreisman

"Lost in the Mirror" - Moskovitz

"Understanding the Borderline Mother" - Lawson

Thanks, martiriggs, for replying to my post with an argument you've obviously thought out.  Others, such as the person who calls herself "anotherstory," merely attack without any explanation.  That's why I try to steer clear of this message board (and perhaps I'll be told to kiss off once this is posted).

My concern is this:  If the woman who had gone to Dr. Phil and said that she thought her brother was brainwashing her father hadn't been Maureen McCormick, attractive star of the treasured TV hit "The Brady Bunch," she probably wouldn't have gotten the time of day, and I seriously doubt that Dr. Phil could have deduced from the video footage that her story holds up and that the brother is a criminal-lunatic.

Like I said in my first post on this matter, those two guys in the video look like my pop and me.  (It just so happens that when we go out on a sunny day, we might both be wearing white shirts.)  When they are approached by an emotional Maureen McCormick, they do not seem like the bad guys you sometimes see being confronted by a local TV news crew.  They reacted in a reasonable manner.  Others on this board have pointed out the very things that Dr. Phil said during the show--that they tried to walk away, that they made accusations in return (such as Ms. McCormick's well-documented battle with illegal narcotics), that they laughed at some of the things Ms. McCormick was saying (the biggest laugh came from the father when Ms. McCormick said to him that the men had previously agreed to apologize to her ... for what? even I'd like to know).  Perhaps others have stronger capabilities of perception than I, but I just didn't see evil men in that video.

What I did happen to catch is that one person ran up to the other two in public, catching them off guard, with a camera crew in tow, tears flowing, desperation in her voice, making vague, stammering accusations and dramatic pleas.  This same person, I want to remind you, has a documented history with drugs and emotional problems.  She is not completely innocent either, is she?

Now, that's just what I collected from viewing this episode.  Those are the most honest perceptions and objective observations I can offer.  Perhaps the two gentlemen in the video are a couple of smooth operators, and perhaps this story is a little more complicated that we yet know.  We haven't even gotten the brother's and the father's sides of the story yet!

During the video footage, the brother was insistent on their submitting to a lie detector test (often a bluff made by someone who is lying, so I am suspicious).  If it can be pulled off, I think that'd make for a compelling future broadcast.  And though I've always enjoyed "The Brady Bunch," and I admire Ms. McCormick's beauty very much, I'm going to reserve my judgment about the people she accuses of treacherous crimes until I can get a clearer view.

I didn't think she was acting so much as trying to keep it together. How horrible this all is for her and her brother. I hope this turns out well for them. the dad seems almost like a robot. very very sad.

On the other hand I have to say i think in general maureen is a very couragous woman. i can appreciate her wanting to air the skeletons in her closet her way instead of being the victim. I hope that was a self defining moment for her when she did that.