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Topic : 05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 209
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:42:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It was the affair that rocked the DrPhil.com message boards. Bettie says her husband, John, destroyed her trust when he had a six-month relationship with her sister, Molly — an affair that occurred under Bettie’s own roof! John and Bettie are back, and now they have a new family feud. Bettie says her relationship with her mom, Virginia, has been strained since they last appeared on the show. Bettie says she feels a lot of resentment toward her mother for protecting Molly while Molly was having an affair with John. Bettie and John are trying to heal their relationship and move on, but they say Virginia keeps interfering by calling their kids to pump them for information about their marriage. Now, Bettie doesn’t want her children to see or speak to Virginia until they turn 18. Plus, find out what makes Virginia storm offstage. Can Virginia be a positive part of John and Bettie’s life, or should she stay out for good? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 26, 2007, 2:47 pm CDT

WOW!

I was not impressed with the way Dr. Phil handled this situation.  It seems that he just wanted to attack the Mom and believed everything that the husband said.  I don't believe that the husband is being honest.  I think he is turning the daughter against the Mom because the husband knows that the Mom knows the whole true.  VERY DISAPPOINTED DR. PHIL!
 
May 26, 2007, 9:42 pm CDT

05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Quote From: our4sons

She's, so, afraid she can't find another man, she'll take what she can get---SCUM! 

 

Wow! I misread that sentence, then. Others may have read it the way you meant it but I am also sure others read it the way I did as well.

 

You're still coming off as awfully angry, though.

I guess I am angry.  I sat there & watched this show & saw how smug John was & so full of himself.  I, just, want to shake Bettie & say "Get rid of this louse".  I'm sure Dr. Phil sees right through him.  If he follows this further, I'm sure it will come out, John has cheated again, & of course, Virginia's meddling will be to blame, even though , John is solely responsible for his own actions.  I, just, hate to see a woman let a man control her like Bettie does.  She needs to realize, she CAN do better & she IS worthy of better.
 
May 27, 2007, 9:14 am CDT

‘Low self esteem’

Betty obviously has very low self esteem. That is the only reason a person would stay with a man like that. But with a mother like Virginia what else can you expect. Her mother favors and enables her sister. I am glad to see Betty is in therapy and just maybe it will back fire on John. Maybe once she starts her healing process and starts to love her self she will know she does not need John anymore.

Maybe that’s what Dr. Phil is hoping for?

 
May 30, 2007, 9:07 pm CDT

I Agree

Quote From: maryengel

Can't blame Molly for not wanting to get back together with her mother and sister.  The Mother clearly favors the sister and she can do no wrong.  The look on Virginia's face shows that she is right and no one can convince her otherwise.  She lies so much it is pathetic.  She kept saying she did not cal the therapist a quack when we know full well she did.  Get  Virginia and the sister out of their lives and the marriage may have a chance.
This woman, Virginia, needs help. She seems to have some real mental health issues. Regardless of the past, this couple appears to be doing 'the work' that they need to in order to save their marriage and family. It really seems that there needs to be distance, in every way, between the couple and Virginia. She is toxic to that relationship. She is toxic to herself, but that's her choice if she is unwilling to explore her participation in this sad drama. I actually think that Virgina may have had some severe trauma in her younger years that resulted in arrested development , she is so self absorbed and unable to see or feel outside herself, much like a child.
 
May 31, 2007, 2:59 pm CDT

its a crappy feeling

I have been married for almost seven years to my high school sweet heart. a few months ago my very close sister confessed to having phone sex with my husband while he was  out of town working. My hus. didnt even tell me!!! She said that they were texting naughty stuff to each other, they said stuff like,  they wanted to have sex with each other and would tell each other what they would do to each other if they were together. After it was all out in the open my hus said he was being really stupid and would have never slept  with her and was just feeding a fantasy.

While i was unawear of what was going on my sister and i decided to go on a road trip and meet up with my out of town hus. (it was her idea) At the time i was like, yeah that would be fun so we met up with my hus and during the trip they later admitted to kissing about 4 times when i was in the bathroom or around the corner.   So, even though they never had sex i still feel cheated. i dont know if this is a good enough reason to leave a what has been an awesome relationship. Their phone affair lasted about a week and a half. im just really confused, sometimes i hate both of them and other times i feel like it is something i can forgive.

 
June 15, 2007, 11:21 pm CDT

Aftermath

Quote From: freckles21

I have been married for almost seven years to my high school sweet heart. a few months ago my very close sister confessed to having phone sex with my husband while he was  out of town working. My hus. didnt even tell me!!! She said that they were texting naughty stuff to each other, they said stuff like,  they wanted to have sex with each other and would tell each other what they would do to each other if they were together. After it was all out in the open my hus said he was being really stupid and would have never slept  with her and was just feeding a fantasy.

While i was unawear of what was going on my sister and i decided to go on a road trip and meet up with my out of town hus. (it was her idea) At the time i was like, yeah that would be fun so we met up with my hus and during the trip they later admitted to kissing about 4 times when i was in the bathroom or around the corner.   So, even though they never had sex i still feel cheated. i dont know if this is a good enough reason to leave a what has been an awesome relationship. Their phone affair lasted about a week and a half. im just really confused, sometimes i hate both of them and other times i feel like it is something i can forgive.

WOW that is serious stuff. I'm most likly not the best to take advice on a issue like that. I over reacted to a photo I found in my husbands stuff, of him with his arm around a woman, which turned out to be the owner of the local bar in another country, and it wasn't the only photos, everyone was taking photos with her. But I was angry, I'm very easily made jealous. I think i stayed angry for about half a year, and if I think about it too much now I can get angry.

 

But this is what I do, I think about all the times past and current of sweet things he does for me and says for me. And how my husband made a mistake and wasn't thinking clearly. People arent purfect and have there times of very stupid things. If you love your husband and can trust him once again, then that is great. But sorry, and this is where I'm bias, your sisters doesn't sound like she should be trusted. Or atleast never allow them to be alone together or near each other atleast for your piece of mind. And don't feel bad if you don't always trust your husband, make him work for his trust back. What he did was cheat, even if there was no intercourse kissing and sexual talk with someone you know, alteast I do, counts as cheating.

 

Just my opinion

 
August 14, 2007, 7:56 pm CDT

Grrrrrrrrr

John was all high and might wasn't he, why blame his mother-in-law for him screwing around?  Was she in the bedroom unzipping his pants for him?  Ah No!

 

He will cheat on her again since he knows she will put up with anything from him now (and blame it on someone else even).  Molly was to blame too, but that man doesn't seem very ashamed of himself either and she has "forgiven" him.  If he sits in the garage smoking weed with children he IS A BAD PARENT!!!  Simple.

 

The last time he sat there with a straight face and lied, now he admitted that he told her he loved her (but he didn't really hahahahaha), now he tells his wife he loves her and he isn't cheating (why would any sane woman believe him anymore?).  That man needs to stop pointing his finger at other people and start FULLY accepting the blame for his own actions.  Pointing the finger at Virginia takes the pressure off him and he sure took alot of pressure off during that show.  If Bettie ever leaves him she'll have to be tested for any STD available, because this guy will surely be risking it again.

 
August 14, 2007, 8:12 pm CDT

HI JOHN

Quote From: our4sons

Why does Bettie seem to forgive a husband with apparently a TONNE of issues

 

 

Ummm... because he admits to his wrong doings & is working to repair them while the mother not only lies & refuses to admit to her part in this (and knowing & helping to hide is a major part), she has no regrets.

 

Sounds really simple to me.

Are you John?  I've read all your posts and every one is pro-John, just because he verbally says words it doesn't make them true.  Just ask his sister in law about how he told her he loved her (and he now said he didn't) and ask his wife about those little wedding vows he took promising to be with her only (and he wasn't).  John is also a criminal if he smokes drugs with a child.  Only JOHN would defend the actions of JOHN and believe the LIES out of the mouth of JOHN.  Have a nice night JOHN.  He "admits his wrong doings" HA HA HA classic!

 
January 18, 2008, 4:19 am CST

Dr. Phil hard on mother?

As I am viewing the Dr. Phil show in Ireland and we are a bit behind the USA shows, I felt that I had to post my first ever message on the message boards to express my opinion.

Although the relationship with the mother, Virginia and her daughter Bette was fraught with difficulties that went way back I felt that Dr. Phi was quite hard on the mother.

Bette's main problem was the fact that she has a rude, overbearing, aggressive, disrespectful, unfaithful husband who had at least one affair with Bette's sister.

Bette's sister was a horrible woman who thought she had a right to go into her sister's home and replace her in her husband's bed etc...
Bette is right to cut this horrible woman out of her life especially as she had not shown any remorse for her actions .

The sister was trying to throw the heat off herself by implicating that her mother knew of the relationship and by trying to let Bette assume her mother approved of the relationship and so favoured the cheating sister over Bette.

Bette's main problems are her cheating husband and her untrustworthy, younger sister who she now has nothing to do with.

Bette has transferred most of her anger from her sister to now being angry with her mother for withholding information from her. This anger is helping her husband to hide from his part in this fiasco as he was the one who broke his marriage vows and had a taboo affair with the sister of his wife.

Bette's mother may not be perfect and her personal life was not the reason why Bette's husband had an affair and so was not, in my opinion relevant to the show. Dr. Phil had no right to bring this up in order to humiliate this woman any further than need be. I felt this was adding to the show 's drama nothing more.

Dr. Phil would be better speaking to Bette directly and asking how she could have her self esteem restored and help her to be the woman who could ask herself difficult questions as to why she allows the man in her life to dishonour in such a way. Then help to give Bette the confidence to surround herself with people who allow her to be her own person and not be a daughter at odds with her mother, a sister usurped by her own younger sister and most of all a wife and mother disrespected and disgustingly treated by her own husband.
 
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