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Topic : 05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Number of Replies: 209
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:42:38 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
It was the affair that rocked the DrPhil.com message boards. Bettie says her husband, John, destroyed her trust when he had a six-month relationship with her sister, Molly — an affair that occurred under Bettie’s own roof! John and Bettie are back, and now they have a new family feud. Bettie says her relationship with her mom, Virginia, has been strained since they last appeared on the show. Bettie says she feels a lot of resentment toward her mother for protecting Molly while Molly was having an affair with John. Bettie and John are trying to heal their relationship and move on, but they say Virginia keeps interfering by calling their kids to pump them for information about their marriage. Now, Bettie doesn’t want her children to see or speak to Virginia until they turn 18. Plus, find out what makes Virginia storm offstage. Can Virginia be a positive part of John and Bettie’s life, or should she stay out for good? Tell us what you think!

Find out what happened on the show.

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May 19, 2007, 12:18 pm CDT

I remember this...

I definitely remember this family the last time that they appeared on this show (From three months ago). Basically, it's very sad that things can't be worked out between them. Bettie should definitely get along with everyone, including Molly for what she's done. And all Virginia wants is for Bettie to do that. But sadly, I don't think that's going to happen. I do wish they can all get along with each other & forget about all of this, or at least for the children's sake. If they truly have hearts, they would do this.
 
May 19, 2007, 6:48 pm CDT

05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Quote From: manofgoods

I definitely remember this family the last time that they appeared on this show (From three months ago). Basically, it's very sad that things can't be worked out between them. Bettie should definitely get along with everyone, including Molly for what she's done. And all Virginia wants is for Bettie to do that. But sadly, I don't think that's going to happen. I do wish they can all get along with each other & forget about all of this, or at least for the children's sake. If they truly have hearts, they would do this.

Why should Bettie "get along with everyone"? Her sister had an affair with her husband!!!! Can't you see that it was wrong?  Bettie & her husband need to work this out  between the two of them and the mother & sister need to mind their own business!

 
May 19, 2007, 7:05 pm CDT

re:secret love

how could the sister be involved with her sisters hubby or soon to be ex? i find it distrubing to say the least that we as humans have such low scrooples and could do that to your own family. doesnt say much that the sister( having the affair) or the husband could do that, i cant believe family doing that to there own flesh and blood.  dr: whats wrong with our world and whats wrong with this picture? i find it disturbing and very sad actually.  well wish them well, and hope u gave it to them i know u did. i love u dr phil.......and your wife too, u2 r awesome.......
 
May 20, 2007, 3:35 am CDT

re: secret love

once again I cant believe that grown adults who may or may not give a damn about each other consistantly use their own children as pawns in their marriage  and or relationship.  you have got to be kidding me!  I have this belief call me crazy but here goes people who should not have children should not have children.  they are children themselves and have no idea of the consequences that can occur to their own children.  I personally do not have any and that was by choice.  I have dogs and I have always said that their is no such thing as a bad dog only bad dog owners well the same can be said about parents.  who knows the emotional damage that this is causing them and that will last them into their own adulthood from these problems.  now these two so called adults need to get their act together fight it out between themselves and leave their own children alone!
 
May 20, 2007, 7:13 am CDT

Get out and stay out!

I cannot believe that the sister would even expect to be a part of their lives after having an affair with her brother-in-law! That is obsurd. First of all, she has to be really selfish and jealous to sleep with him. In addition, it would be cruel to subject her sister to the memories of her and her brother-in-law together. And, I don't see how they can heal their marriage with her around. So I say, "Get out and stay out!"
 
May 20, 2007, 8:08 am CDT

REPEATED INFIDELITY - MALE AND FEMALE

If you are with in a relationship with someone, you expect the relationship to grow and deepen over time; you expect a heart connection to be made and maintained.  You operate your life based on this expectation.  When your partner in the relationship does not or cannot make an emotional connection, the relationship becomes very painful.  Some of my favorite books that provide a great introduction and insight into personality types most capable of repeated infidelity are:

 

 

Why is it Always About You?  The Seven Deadly Sins of Narcissism by Sandy Hotchkiss AND Emotional Blackmail:  When the People in Your Life Use Fear, Obligation and Guilt to Manipulate You by Susan Forward

 

Malignant Self Love:  Narcissism Revisited by Sam Vaknin MAYBE The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide - How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho by Dr Brett Tate

 

Get Me Out of Here:  My Recovery From Borderline Personality Disorder by Rachel Reiland OR The Angry Heart by Joseph Santoro and Ronald Cohen

 

Emotional Unavailability:  Recognizing It, Understanding It and Avoiding Its Trap by Bryn Collins OR Stop Walking on Eggshells:  Taking Your Life Back...by Paul Mason and Randi Kreger

 

How to Journal for Therapy:

http://arar.essortment.com/therapyjournali_repu.htm

 

 

There are marriages, relationships, and families that are so destructive the only option is for a person to get out.  Get out with the little bit of sanity you may have remaining.  As painful as it may be, make a promise to yourself to leave.  Leave so you can begin a life of healing and recovery.  Leave so you can learn to live a joyful, peaceful and fulfilling life.

 

 

Hope it helps!

 

 

 
May 20, 2007, 9:59 am CDT

05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Quote From: dedicated2u

how could the sister be involved with her sisters hubby or soon to be ex? i find it distrubing to say the least that we as humans have such low scrooples and could do that to your own family. doesnt say much that the sister( having the affair) or the husband could do that, i cant believe family doing that to there own flesh and blood.  dr: whats wrong with our world and whats wrong with this picture? i find it disturbing and very sad actually.  well wish them well, and hope u gave it to them i know u did. i love u dr phil.......and your wife too, u2 r awesome.......
Scruples
 
May 20, 2007, 11:00 am CDT

05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Quote From: missellie420

Why should Bettie "get along with everyone"? Her sister had an affair with her husband!!!! Can't you see that it was wrong?  Bettie & her husband need to work this out  between the two of them and the mother & sister need to mind their own business!

Look, I'm a guy & I know what she did was wrong, & should be ashamed for that, & what I'm trying to say is, you can replace another man, but you can't replace another relative.
 
May 20, 2007, 1:43 pm CDT

05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

Quote From: manofgoods

Look, I'm a guy & I know what she did was wrong, & should be ashamed for that, & what I'm trying to say is, you can replace another man, but you can't replace another relative.
Why on earth would you want to keep that kind of a relative close to you?   Just because you share the same genetics doesn't mean you have to share your lives.
 
May 20, 2007, 6:41 pm CDT

Keep her close

She does not need to forget about her sister. She is family, if she was strong enough to stay with her husband, then have a small relationship with her sister, just keep a close eye on them both, it takes two. Life goes on and you have to forgive and never forget. What does not kill us makes us stronger.
 
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