Topic : 05/23 Secret Love: The Aftermath

You call that progress?  Take your blinders off.  He's a snake through & through & I'll bet he's already been cheating on her, again.  She's, so, afraid she can't find another man, she'll take what she can get---SCUM!  He's appears to me to be a great manipulator.

Since John and Bettie are working on their mariage -- apparently Bettie has forgiven John for his affair with her sister, which John fully takes responsiblites for . Who are we to judge what these two are accomplishing with their marriage counseling?  Despite this -- Virgina can't tell the truth, regardless. She may have a right to angry but who gives her the right to tell bold-face lies? Her creditablity is zip.  In sum, Virginia never got any of Dr. Phil's points or own any responsibilites for her actions.  Plus, when confronted -- with calling their  Therapist a "Quack" -- Virginia lied her butt off!  She is argumenative,  defiant and way too defensive -- and  totally obnoxious! 

 

Virginia -- This time your behavior was extremely rude towards Dr. Phil,  during the entire show.  Frankly, once you returned back -- from stomping off -- like child, you contributed nothing to working towards the goals Dr. Phil wanted for you,  per "grandmother" and mending your relationship with your daughter.  By the end of the show,  I had determined that you have some serious mental issues.  1.  You don't listen. 2. You don't know how to listen. 3. You won't listen. 4. Your agenda was more important  then anything or whatever anyone said to you -- you kept your own fight going. 5.  You've got to learn to listen -- and shut-up!  You acted like a complete  moron!  Apparently, you don't care how you act or talk to anyone. You're the type that has to be "right" regardless -- And for pete's sake -- stop your pathological lying.  It's plainly Stupid. And butt-out of your daughter's and her husbands -- marriage.  You are making this mess worse for yourself and your daughter.  Shameful!  We learned you are not a Marriage Expert -- Plus you've had an affair during the time John was having his affair with your daughter.

 

What exactly is your grip, Virginia?  Affairs are not okay? Or who the parties in an affair is okay -- as long a they aren't your "love child" daughter and John?   Affairs are Affairs.  Adultery is Adultery.  If its quacks and walks like a Duck -- It is Duck!  Don't try to split-hairs here. Your self-rightousness -- made you look like a jerk!

 

For the record:  Since John admits to his affair, and Bettie and John  want their marriage to continue and they are working hard to save it -- it is no ones elses business -- but their own.  They have chidren to consider. 

 

Divorce is not the cure all -- end all -- solution when a spouse has had an affairs, etc.  Divoirce has server consequences for the children.  Foremost, let's be realistic -- in many divorces, this results in placing the spouse and the children into proverty; emtional, mental poverty of being seperated from both of their parents, as well financial proverty.  If John and Bettie can repair their marriage -- which apparently they are able to do -- they should be supported by their family -- including Virginia.  Passing Judgement on John as the "dirt-bag" and kicking him to the curb, solves nothing!  If Bettie wanted to Divorce John -- she would have done it.  John maybe controling, etc., but he's not pulling any wool over either Bettie' eyes or their theropist, or Dr. Phil, at all.  And John knows his faults are his and he owned them, and I believed he is doing his best to change his behaviors, thinking and mend his marriage with Bettie.

 

Bettie is the one who has big issues with her mother, Virginia.  And rightly so.  As we all concluded.  Nothing got fixed.

 

 

 

As my husband and I watched this, we both said the Mother-inlaw is lying. shame on her, double shame on the sister. what happen to loyalty. if you can not trust you own mother/sister who are you suppose to trust.

All of this nonsense about the mother-in-law is a convenient smoke screen for the real issue that the husband is worthless.  The wife can control interactions with her mother and keep her kids away from her if she wants.  That's her right. 

John deceived his wife in the worst way and he does not seem remorseful.  He looks arrogant and more than happy that the mother-in-law takes the focus off him. 

There's never an excuse for an affair and particularly one as hateful as this one.

Bettie needs to get herself and her children into a healthy space with peace and strength.  If that excludes members of her family, so be it.  It definitely should exclude the self-righteous narcissist that she is married to.

Sometimes when I read these message boards, I think I have watched a completely different show.  I wasn't impressed with John at all. I think that John has learned how to provide the answer that puts him in the best light and off the hook as soon as possible. The intro for Virginia was pretty heavy handed. It put her in the worst possible light. I am not saying that she has handled everything well. She certainly has some disfunctional issues but she has been part of a much larger disfuncional situation. Bettie stood up to greet and hug her mom. John started hammering on Virginia. Bettie has a very solid complaint and that is that Virginia seems to have sided with the sister and may have even known about the affair. Its possible but suspecting an affair or even knowing some details does not make her responsible. That is a classic being between a rock and a hard place. There are two people responsible for the affair, JOHN AND THE SISTER. John is not solely to blame (like Virginia seems to feel) and the sister is not solely to blame (Bettie and John keep the anger going here). They were both to blame so John should stop blaming anyone but himself because he could have stopped it. Bettie should blame John and the sister but not her mom. If Bettie has forgiven John, then fine. That is her choice as his wife but that is HER choice. She cannot dictate to her mother that Virginia has to forgive John. That is up to Virginia. However, Bettie can state clearly to her mother that she has forgiven John and wants a chance to rebuild her marriage and that based on that she is insisting that Virginia keep her opinions to herself unless asked. John should stay out of the Bettie/Virginia relationship. He's got no right to point fingers. There were a few really disturbing things on the show including the power struggle over whether Virginia called the therapist a "quack". It is my understanding that the quack comment was made after Virginia was told that the therapist said that Virginia was "toxic". I think it is completely unprofessional for a therapist to label someone that they have never met as "toxic". I think that Virginia did call her a quack but that it had been said in the heat of the moment. It was a wisecrack and not an overall evaluation of how she felt about the therapist or therapy in general. Then, there was the comment about John smoking pot in the garage. John pried that out of Virginia and then volleyed with something about her. Well.....does John smoke pot in the garage  and who is he smoking with? Why wasn't that question answered? And another thing...is Bettie lying around all day in her pajamas? Is it possible that there is something going on that Virginia has every reason to be concerned about? I don't like these shows about dysfunctional families where one person gets beat up on. Bettie......you need to find your own voice. You have people around you that tell you what to think and feel. You don't need your mom to tell you if your husband is having an affair, you can figure it out yourself. Start really listening to your inner voice and you will be able to deal with ALL of the people in your life including John and your mother. I disagree with many writers about Bettie's relationship with her sister. I think that relationship might be permanently severed. Sleeping with your sister's husband is way over the line. It may be hard for Virginia to accept that permanent rift but that is the reality of that situation. Bettie, I wish you happiness, you truly deserve it after everything you have been through.

I understand your point & for me, personally, I believe I would agree. But she doesn't. She's chosen to work with him on their marriage.

LOL!

 

That made me laugh.

"You call that progress? Take your blinders off. "

 

What? Coming clean to both his wife & therapist? Demanding that his MiL respect their boundaries? Accepting that he made a mess within the marriage that he has to clean up and that it may take the rest of his life to do so? Then yes, that is progress for them.

 

"He's a snake through & through & I'll bet he's already been cheating on her, again.  She's, so, afraid she can't find another man, she'll take what she can get---SCUM!  He's appears to me to be a great manipulator."

 

I didn't see her claim that. Did I miss that part of the show? Also, do you know them personally? You seem awful mad at them to call her scum & him a snake. Just curious :)