Topic : 08/28 "Who Am I?"

The only thing that has roled out of her mouth so far has been Excuse after excuse after lousy excuse! My heart goes out to Savannah. I hope this experience puts some closure on that part of her life.She will never get satisfaction from her encounters with her  biological mother.It is indicative of who she (mother) is. I hope she can take comfort that she has an awesome Dad. She never  had a Mom. Its sad, but true.

 As I began watching this show I felt it was important for me to explain my similar journey and where I am now in case it helps someone out there.

I grew up feeling as though my father did not want my brother and I. He decided when we were young, that he didn't want to see us anymore. It truly affected who I was and I could not have a relationship that was normal. At the age of 19 I was in college I decided I was going to find him and confront him on my feelings of abandonment. All I wanted was for him to regret what he had done and have to see the pain it caused me. My stepfather adopted me at 15 so I had a man who wanted me but it did not stop the feelings and devastating life choices I made due to a need to be loved by a man. My mother did not know this but she decided to visit me and tell me a family secret. The man I knew as my biological father was not my father but my brothers and my father was someone else. She refused to tell me who he was because she said he was dead and his family did not want me and she did not want me to be hurt by his family. My world fell apart. The man I thought was my father didn't want me was never even my father, my name was not my real name, my birth certificate could not be found (I have never seen it and it has kept me from getting a license in the state I live) my brother is really a half brother and I have no clue if I have any family. The worst feeling was that I don't know my other half. I do not know what he looks like and I still have feelings of half a person because I just want to know what of him do I have. Are my hands his (because they are really big for a women)? Do I have his hair, eyes? How about a medical history? There are so many questions I will never have answered. I really spiraled downward and my drinking became worse. I had no feeling of being wanted at all. I came from a great family but this has always been a hole in my heart and my world. I am now 33 and have dealt with this. I no longer drink, I have a wonderful family and I have returned to college. I am a productive citizen but this is one of the most difficult things to deal with and my heart goes out to all those who are going through it to. I would not wish this on anyone. I always have an ear open for those struggling with similar situations.

 You ar enot crazy as my mom waited until I was 19 to tell me my father was not my father and my real father was dead and his family did not want me. There is much more to my story but I have to let you know that I have always wondered about who the other half of me is, what nationality am I, what is my medical history and the list goes on. I doubt I will ever feel completely whole as I have half a family but I can not change it and will never have the answeres I want. Your not alone! I do not push my situation as I do not want to hurt my step-dad who adopted me and I do not want my mom to have to continually discuss something she no longer wants to deal with it. I have no idea if my real father knew me and I am told his family swears I am not his as supposedly they were told. I could talk for hours It has taken 14 years to get to where I am and deal with this. I am always hear to talk if you need someone who understands.

 My husband's parents divorced when he was 4 years old. Mike never saw his dad again. Someone had told Mike they had heard his dad had died in 1973 but when we contacted the cemetary, they said they had no record of a John Joseph Amos being buried there. We ended up having to ask our congressman to help us find him. He IS buried at Fort Dover National Military Cemetary - apparently the people working there just didn't want to help us until they were contacted by the congressman. The obituary showed that Mike's dad had a sister in Baltimore, Maryland but we couldn't track her down. We finally gave up trying to learn anything about Mike's paternal family but it has continued to bug him that he knows so little about his Dad. Mike's mom refused to talk about his dad and now she's been dead for 13 years. Recently Mike's step-dad passed away and in sorting through the personal belongings, Mike's baby book turned up. It shows that Mike's grandparents were actually named Mr. & Mrs. C.F. Cashman! Now we don't know if Mike's dad was adopted or if his mom accidently listed his maternal great-grandparents as his grandparents. We know Mike's dad was in the U.S. Army and served in Korea and Vietnam. His death certificate shows he was retired from the Army when he died of a heart attack at age 42. Mike is 48 and fears he is running out of time to find out something about his dad. We have no way to give our children and grand-children information about their paternal side of the family. Does anyone know how to track down information when the people involved are all dead?
Sincerely,
Sonia Amos

 I have been watching today's show about the mother that left her 3 children and never came back or looked for them. My mother left me when I was only 5 years old along with my 2 brothers and sister. This show wasn't good, and I didn't agree with getting on to the mother. She left for whatever her reasons were. I had a mother that left me that I met later in life and was thrilled to have in my life, why she left was her own reasons. She went forward with her life and remarried and had a great life and frankly I was happy for her. Was I hurt she left me and my siblings? Yes, but the bottom line is, she left and didn't come back. It wasn't about me, it was about her, and she mattered too, I  think I always knew that. Something bad must have happened for her to just leave one day, was there anyone else to blame? I don't know, but I knew and know it wasn't about me and crying and feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to do anyone any good. This girl on the show, her mother left her, it wasn't her fault, she needs love and support and understanding to know that, and it can't be undone, it's been to long. You have one of two choices here in a hard situation like this, accept that she left and move on with your mother now a part of your life, or let it go and forget this person that forgot you. Asking these hard questions aren't going to heal, because the bottom line is, there's not good answer, and the mother won't ever be able to provide a good answer. She did what she did, it can't be undone, nailing her to the cross for her choice which we weren't in her shoes, we don't know and never will know why, IF we do know, we probalby would choose not to believe it. I guess I knew that all my life, that it was up to me to make something of myself, to love myself, and to do the best I could for my own children and family, but the bottom line is this, I can't change what my mother did to us children, but I can change myself. As it stands, my mother is dead now, I never really was close to her, I never really did get to know her, it was just the way it was. Do I love her? Most certainly, she gave me birth and did something right in that short time she was with me, because I grew up a nice good person.
I feel bad for this poor girl on the show today. She wants something no one can give her, the pain to go away. It never will go away,  but she can make it better by accepting, her mother did this thing, no reason will ever be good enough as to why she did as she did.  So either choose to accept what she did and have her in her life or choose to not accept it and not have her in her life. This girl has the power to heal herself, it's within her. Blame never healed anything. And the mother, she needs forgiving before she can carry on in any relationship. She made a mistake, a horrible mistake that hurt  3 innocent children.  She's had to live with this for years, maybe it didn't bother her, if not, then the choice to not have her in your life is simple.
I'm sorry for writting so much, and I know many may disagree with me and I"ll be the minority, but as a child who grew up without a real mother and later forgave the mother that left her, it's just something I thought everyone should consider. In the end, with my mother gone now, I can remember some good times with her. And I think in my heart, though she never told me why she left, that she needed to leave and that it was for the best of everyone that  she did.  It was just meant to be, and nothing now can change it,. It made a better person of me, more understanding with empathy.
Very Sincerely, Christy

Unfortunately, my mother was not cut out to be a mother, and had five kids. She is deceased now, but we were not close. I was the only girl of the five kids and she just wasn't nice to me at all. I think if someone is not a good parent the children may be better off without them. I would certainly have been. I am a grandmother now and adore my grandkids, although she never wanted to see them. She wanted to be the center of attention at all times and I just stopped going around her. There weren't any tears at her funeral. She kept saying she wanted to die anyway, so she got her wish. She was 83 and wanted to die like both her brothers had. Anyway maybe these folks on the show were better off being raised by someone who actually wanted them.

Hello everyone I am 32 and I actually found out when I was 13 that the person who was listed on my birth certificate was not my father. According to family he has no idea I was ever concieved. It really hurts that he was not even given an option. My mother at the time was married to another man but they were seperated and even knowing he was not my father allowed my mother to give me his last name. They parted ways shortly after my mother leaving with me and leaving my brother and sister behind. I know that my mother belived that it was for the best but I grew up not even getting the chance to know them either. I have not seen my sister since I was 3 luckily I have had the chance to see my brother. I talk to my sister from time to time but neither of us can afford a trip to get together sadly my mother also has not been able to visit her either. Ever harder in all this ordeal in all of this I learned that I also have another sister my real father has a daughter. So in closing if anyone knows a John Robert Conklin "assuming the name is correct" and he had a daughter who would be about 13yrs or so older than me her name is Margret please contact me. I have been looking for some time to no avail.

 

Thank You

Misty Stover"Blewett"

This story is soooo close to my heart!  I am 58 yrs.old, but when I was 12 yrs. old, I was looking thru my grandmother's old family Bible where I saw her entry for my birth and there was another last name for me instead of the one I had always known.  There was also an entry for a wedding date for my mother and my "dad" that was 3 yrs. after my birthdate.  I was stunned and shocked and didn't know how to react.  I was afraid to say anything to my mother because she was never easy to talk to.  So, after a couple of weeks of sleepless nights, I talked to my grandmother, whom I was really close to.  She and my grandad sat me down and told me the truth--that my mother had me when she was only 16 and that my real dad had left before I was a year old. 

They had begged my mother to tell me the truth but she refused and it was never discussed.

Over the years, my mother and I had a lot of conflict and relationship problems, but the issue of my birth never came up.  My grandparents told me that my real dad would come by each year and get a school picture of me and that he did that until I left college, then he quit coming. 

When my dad died at the age of 87, my mother finally acknowledged it for the first time by saying that he loved me as if I were his own.  I knew that--after all, he adopted me and raised me as his own!  I still knew nothing about my real father except his name.  When I developed kidney trouble, I questioned my mom (who was dying), but she either didn't know the truth, had forgotten or just didn't want to tell me.  My grandmother think that she didn't know--we feel like she and my real dad never married (because she didn't divorce before marrying my dad) and they never saw any official papers.  So, I still know nothing about him and really don't care, except for the health issue.   I know that it is a shock, though, to find out something like this no matter what age!  It stays with you your whole life--always wondering what he was like, etc.

My father left when I was 2, but I had a step father that was THE BEST in the world. After years of wondering where I came from, what type of health problems ran in his family, how many siblings I had, I started searching. For some reason, my Mom would only give me his name, she couldn't remember his birth date, when or where they were married, nothing. I think she remembered, just didn't want him to take any part of me from her, which would have never happened. I searched and searched, and found nothing but a dead end road. Then I remembered hearing that he was in Florida, so I changed the search route...still nothing. I finally just put it in the back of my mind and stopped searching. When I was 31 I found a friend who had heard me speak of the pain of not know knowing my father, my siblings, or anything. I not even seen a picture! She came to me one day and said that she was going to give me the best Christmas present EVER, she was gonna find my Dad! She handed me some papers with alot of listing with his name and phone numbers, I looked over them and pointed at one that began with a 666 number and I sarcastically said "That will be him." Guess what...it was him! I cried when she called and told me, he wanted me to call and although this was what I had been wanting, I couldn't make myself call. I heard his voice on speaker phone and all I could do was cry. Finally that night my husband came in from work and he called... after he calmed us both, I grabbed the phone. The feeling was crazy that was running through my body, because I always thought that I would have HATE and nothing else for him, but I was calm and just said "Hi Daddy!" We talked and talked, we planned to meet for the first time on Thanksgiving. I found out that I had 7 sisters and two brothers!!!! Wow, a lot to take in huh? Well, we hung up at 11:14 p.m. and I went to bed. My husband woke me up the next morning  and said, "Get dressed, I am taking you to see your Dad." No, thats in a few days I said. Well he told me that I had sat up in bed all night crying and talking and that all he could make out was "I love you." I made arrangements for my children so that I could test the waters before I told them about what was going on. As I was leaving from dropping off my youngest, my phone rang. I got excited because the caller ID said "Daddy!" A voice came over the phone that I did not know, it was my sister. That was one of the worst phone calls of my life, a little girl who had always hopes to meet her Dad and find answers heart was crushed. My Dad has passed away about 45 minutes after our phone call from a dialantin overdose. I have become close with my siblings and step mom, but I just cant understand why this happened this way. Please, don't ever give up on your search for answers, time is all we have and life is too short.

I don't understand why Savannah wonders who she is.  She is Savannah - a big sister and a daughter.  Savannah knows who her biological parents are, and where she comes from.  She wonders why her mom left her, that's completely valid, but not to wonder who she is.  When her mother left her, it didn't change Savannah's identity.  Dr Phil called Peggy her "real" mom.  She isn't her real mom.  A real mom doesn't leave her children behind.  She is the birth mother and nothing else.  My real mom is the person who raised me and is always there for me.  She isn't the person I happened to come out of.   I don't think the whole story has been told.  Why did Peggy leave?  Did or does she suffer from depression or drug use?  Peggy chose to feel like a victim in this and put the blame somewhere else.  What made her want to hide from the rest of her life?   In the 2nd part of this episode, I could completely relate to the gentlemen looking for his birth father.  Finding out the missing part of your genetic make-up is important.  It also gives you the missing pieces to your life.  I wish him lots of luck.  In the 3rd part of the episode, the poor girl doesn't even know when her real birthday is.  Rena has every reason to wonder who she is - she may never know.  I'm glad she will now  go to college - to be able to move on with at least part of her life.