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Topic : 08/28 "Who Am I?"

Number of Replies: 403
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Created on : Friday, May 18, 2007, 12:42:57 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1
(Original Air Date: 05/24/07) What if everything you thought you knew about yourself was a lie? Today’s guests are real-life unsolved mysteries. First, Savannah, 27, has never known her biological mother and has always felt incomplete. She says her mother, Peggy, vanished when she and her sister were very young, and she’s always wondered why her mom never tried to find them. Dr. Phil reunites Savannah with her mystery mother for the first time in over 20 years. Dr. Phil attempts to get to the bottom of why Peggy left her children and moved on to form another family, but Peggy says it wasn’t all her fault. Can this mother and daughter forgive, forget and start over? Next, George, 38, recently found out his family’s secret: the man he knew as his father is not his biological father. His mother was the only one with the answer to who his father was, but she died two years ago and took the truth to her grave. Now George is left wondering if there is a man out there who doesn’t even know he has a son and grandchildren. Then, when her mother passed away eight years ago, Rena, 18, learned that her birth certificate was fake, her social security number belonged to someone else, and she didn’t exist anywhere on paper. Without an identity, Rena says her life is on hold. She can’t get financial aid for college, she can’t get a driver’s license, and she can’t travel out of the country. Share your thoughts about the show here.

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May 19, 2007, 9:45 am CDT

Who Am I

I can really relate to this upcoming show and will make sure not to miss it.  I am one of those people in the same situation.  At the age of 5 days old my biological mother handed me over to my maternal grandparents to take care of me because her life at that time was somewhat "screwed up".  Whether this is true or not, I will never know.  Later when the time came for biological mother to come and get me, it shook up my grandparents so much that she could not follow through.  During my elementary years, my grandparents raised me who are now deceased along with my mother, but I always felt somewhat out of place.  When I reached the age of approximately 13 or 14, I find out that this woman I have been calling my aunt for many years is in fact my biological mother.  For some reason, all parties involved felt that this was a secret to keep from me as long as possible and the only way I found out anything different was through my younger stepbrothers.  In the meantime, my mother had remarried and had three other kids after me, all boys.  I had no idea for many, many years this hidden secret.  My first question was well then who is my father?  Of course, this was a family secret also.  The maternal side of my family never to this date gave me any information about my biological father other than what his name that is listed on my birth certificate.  I have made many inquiries and many internet searches to end up at a dead end position.  To this date, I am currently 50 years old, I have no clue if there is other family that I may have or if my father is living or dead.  I just wanted to write this note, because I can very much relate and it is a part of my life that is very depressing and saddening.  I always said that if I have children when I got older, no matter what, I would never put them in that position.  Unfortunately, God never blessed me with any children either.  So now, I have three stepbrothers, 2 of whom I have not seen  since the funeral of mother and my "baby" brother who is now 35 years old has moved from NYS to Ohio because of a possible internet date relationship which went sour.  I miss him so much, we keep in contact as much as possible, but it is tough to mingle at parties, bbq's etc. when many of my friends have children and/or siblings or whose parents are still living.  I feel very alone and out of place.  I look forward to watching this show, no matter what!!!  I am unable to catch the Dr. Phil Show during the day hours.  I catch it on prime time in my location and I am surely a fan.  Keep up the good work Dr. Phil.  I wish I had a man, friend, doctor like you when I was growing up.  I mostly appreciate the fact that you have no problem telling people like it is.  I admire you for telling them "like it is". 

 

Sincerely,

 

Debbie G. from NYS

 
May 19, 2007, 12:00 pm CDT

Who Am I

I can't wait to see this show.  Our family has a big secret that we do not know how to handle.  My brother-in-law had an affair with his brother's wife that produced a child.  The child is 44 now and her biological father is dying with cancer.  Her mother can't decide whether or not to tell her that he is her father.  The father who raised her knows all about it but doesn't want her to know.  Now someone has told some of some of her cousins so it seems like everyone knows but her.  I hope this show will give some help with this situation.

What would some of you do?   Most people say dont tell her but her mother feels she has a right to know.

 
May 19, 2007, 4:18 pm CDT

Who am I? Tell HER!!!

Quote From: svaughan10

I can't wait to see this show.  Our family has a big secret that we do not know how to handle.  My brother-in-law had an affair with his brother's wife that produced a child.  The child is 44 now and her biological father is dying with cancer.  Her mother can't decide whether or not to tell her that he is her father.  The father who raised her knows all about it but doesn't want her to know.  Now someone has told some of some of her cousins so it seems like everyone knows but her.  I hope this show will give some help with this situation.

What would some of you do?   Most people say dont tell her but her mother feels she has a right to know.

My husband found out the exact same thing at a family gathering...it was not a fun time... he was so upset that so many people knew this "secret", and that he was never told.  It explained so much about his dad..why he didn't care about the kids, etc... my DH found out also that the possible father died the day he was found with my MIL...ran off, got drunk, rolled his truck.  Please...tell her now!  She is going to find out...she needs to hear it from her MOM or one of her siblings...not a distant cousin who wants to gossip.  

As far as genetics goes...it does not matter much... family is family.  Wether or not it's the "dad" or "uncle" who fathered the child...it's still the same family...unless grandma....naw!, well who knows.

 
May 19, 2007, 4:48 pm CDT

Total Understanding

I have been waiting for this topic to come up.  I am 30 years old and when I found out i was 11 years old, my mother didn't tell me i found my baby book, and in the fathers name was this man's name who i didn't know. This has always been an underlying problem between my mother and I.  She told me the story and I have always had the gut feeling that soemthing wasn't  true.  I just don't know.   I have done a US Search on the web.  I know his full name birthdate, and where he lives.  If all i could get was just a picture of him.  Everyone says i look like my mom but I don't.  I am married now finally happily, but this thing about my biological father keeps going thru my head.  I want to see him once and meet him one just to see for myself.  My mom gets upset when I talk about it so I never bring it up anymore to her.  The last time I did it was 6 months ago and she said she thought he died.  I have a stepson who is14 now and he has never seen his mom.  She left him and his dad when he was less than 6 months old.   Now he is getting to the age and him and i have had conversations about it.   He is getting curious like any person would and I understand, but I don't know what to say.  His mother now, who left sends cards on holidays and was calling but the boy would never talk to her.  He says I am his mom, but he calls me by my name not mom .     I want to find my father but I am scared that it will cause to much trouble.
 
May 19, 2007, 5:28 pm CDT

if only....

I'm 17 years old and at the age of three was taken away from my parents. Well my birth father and my step mother. They sexually abused my sister and I. At age 10 my father decided to contact me i didn't know who he was or why i was called his little girl. At the age of 13 my aunt and uncle got the adoption finalized. we fought with the foster care in Florida for ten years. Ive been Teresa for the past three years and all the time before i was Laura.

 

I just found out that my birth parents wanted to keep me! I also found out i had a half sister named Laura. And  that i have three brother some where in the Florida foster care system. They have been there seance birth!

 
May 19, 2007, 6:56 pm CDT

When is the best time to reveal the truth?

when it's the best time to tell a child about the truth, in regards to the real  biological father.  We're thinking 18, because we're assuming that this teenager, should be able to better handle that information, and make reasonable decisions.  Please help Dr. Phil, you are a true blessing!  We wish to tell now, we're very concerned about possible negative effects & reactions. What should we expect or do? Recommendations please!  
 
May 19, 2007, 7:03 pm CDT

How/when to tell?

Although I birthed both of my children, they are only distantly related to me. My husband and I used my niece's eggs due to fertility issues on my part.  Now I have 2 healthy beautiful children and no one, except the three of us, knows the truth.  Should the children be told?  If so, when and how?  What about my brother and his wife?  They are technically the grandparents.  Of course we talked about this before we went through all the procedures, but it was all so abstract then.  Who knew if we would even be successful?  But now that they're here I find myself shying away from disclosure.  I don't want an elephant in the room!  Help!

PS - With so many women nowadays using egg/sperm donors this is a growing issue.  I'd really like to know how others are handling it.  A few decades ago children were rarely told they were adopted.  Now it is common for a child to know and acknowledge being adopted.  I wonder how children of "the miracle of modern chemistry" will be regarded.

 
May 19, 2007, 7:14 pm CDT

Family secrets

I learned at 65 that my parents were really my grandparents and that my birthmother was one of my sisters. My "parents" had both died by the time I was 9 yrs old. I then went to live with my married sister ( she was 16 yrs older than I). So I actually lived with my birth mother 'til I was 18 but didn't know it. I was really angry with everyone but I know they have their side. I have always been against family secrets. My aunts, uncle, some cousins, great grandparents all knew ( we lived in different cities). I finally was able to get a birth certificate and it does list a father. Even my last name is different. I know it is just a name on a piece of paper and he may not even know about me but something in me wants to know more about him. He has half my medical history, plus what characteristics did I get from him. I am trying to come to grips with the fact that I may never know but I have a hard time with that. I always want to know the end of a book, movie, etc. Anyone that I think would know any details is dead. I did learn that I was first given to a childless cousin, but that my "grandmother" came over everyday and one day decided to take me home and raise me.
 
May 19, 2007, 8:37 pm CDT

my mother and i both can relate in some ways

 I have been looking for my real dad for years with no success. I know some things about him but just can't locate him. My mom always told me the truth about her first marriage and I have a great dad that adopted me when they married I was 2 but I would love to meet him some day. But my mom was not as lucky. My grandmother told her a man was her dad all her life. After my grandmother passed away my mom begain to look for him. When she found him she then found out he was not her dad. This past weekend my mom found out the name of her real dad by my grandmothers best friend. The one thing  my mom has wanted her hole life was a father and my mom is 60 years old, she has never gotten her wish.

 

                                                                                                  thank you

                                                                                                    Karla

 

 
May 20, 2007, 5:12 am CDT

who am I

I am 45 yrs old and I still ask the question of : WHO AM I....

I met my bilogical mother some years ago, but I have yet to get information on WHO IS MY FATHER.

Thsi is a very touchy topic for many as such my self fore being complete as a being {a human being.}  Nature has its ways of playing with the emotions of oneself and I am still allowing the game to go on in my heart and mind wich by the way is effecting my mind.

My emotions towards my "mother" is an if I talk to you I do and if I don't its no great loss.

 

I deeply know she knows what I should know and she won't say.

Oh!, by the way "mother"  is doing the same thing to my brother who she as well gave away for adoption many years ago as well.  What a lovely pattern this woman has and what a way for us her children to have too live. There is more to this story but the more I write the bitter I get about this woman who is "mother."  Now if only  I knew who Dad was than just maybe I'll see and feel who I AM... The true fact of WHO AM I starts with what I AM.

I have green eyes and Im light skin who can pass for a spanish woman or as "mother" says I am half black.  Ok does that explain why I have curly that needs a perm here and there? NO IT DOESN'T!!!!!! What it tell me is that there is an answear to my question and "mother" is in control of it. Shame on you "mother."

 
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