Ugh...I'm sorry you're having so much trouble with these message boards. Believe me, you're not alone!
Anyway, now this is all making a bit more sense to me. Here's what I'm thinking (with a bit of guesswork thrown in, I guess!).
In some ways, he sounds like a fairly typical early-stage alcoholic. For example, I think I mentioned before that alcoholics would rather do anything than focus on our addiction, so we start pursuing other things in an attempt to "solve the problem". Your son is doing this - he's tried everything from CBT therapy to fitness to avoidance of social life! And while these are not necessarily "bad" things, they're a poor substitute for treating the underlying problem, which would be the alcoholism.
I was in that same mindset and I managed to put together six years of abstinence between my first and second rehabs. I was convinced I was handling it on my own. So I "tested" it -- and a month later I was in full withdrawal and begging for detox. I went through a 28 day program, where I developed a support group, an aftercare program, and a commitment to attend AA meetings. I was too scared not to do these things!
And that, I think, could be the problem with your son - he simply isn't scared enough. And until he gets scared, and he wants sobriety more than anything, nothing will work -- including AA. It's a simple concept, but I can guarantee it is also the hardest of all for family members to accept: You are completely powerless over his disease.
(On this "disease" concept, just in case it confuses you, I've found that it helps sometimes to compare it to juvenile diabetes. Both diseases are chronic, progressive, incurable, genetic in origin and treatable. Each has a "quick fix" - for the diabetic, it's the insulin shot. For the alcoholic, it's abstinence. But in both cases, "managing" the disease involves much more than this, and includes changes in lifestyle, diet, etc. A diabetic who only takes the shots but ignores the many problems that can arise from this disease will become very sick. And the same can be said of an alcoholic - we need to "learn" how to not drink.)
Here's my suggestion. First of all, you mentioned that you learned about his addiction from a family therapist. Obviously, I have no way of knowing whether or not this therapist knew what he was talking about (many don't), but I would strongly encourage you to go to an Al Anon meeting - ASAP! And it's for similar reasons that you want your son to go to AA - you will find amazing support there from people who have lived your life. You will get ideas and help from those who have come out the other side. This is all critical, because alcoholism is a family disease. I grew up with 2 alcoholic parents and I'm still battling some of the residual issues! Also, your son might be inclined to take some of this more seriously when he sees his parents in a support group. Forget family "therapy" - it has nothing to do with this. And Al Anon is free!
As for your son (here I'm doing some bigtime guesswork) it almost sounds as if he's developed a comfort zone in your home. It's a lot easier to hang with Mom and Dad than make an effort to get out and meet new friends. Because he's 23, it might help with the socializing if you start pushing him to be more independent. Are you unconsciously sending signals to him that you like having him home? If so, and even if it's for his own safety, it may be indirectly causing more problems than it's solving.
