Topic : Addiction Support

God bless you and your family. just remember, this is a cunning and baffling disease. The Big Book says that a man or woman MUST reach their rock bottom before they can be helped. Unfortunitly sometimes it is too late. I pray each night for the ones that are still out there suffering and also for the children and significant others that have no say so in this matter. I will pray for you and your family. I hate alcohol, the disease, and the damage it does to otherwise good people. Good luck to you. I know now all the pain I caused and I hope yur husband realizes the good he has in his life before it is too late.

No where in the Big Book does it say that a person MUST reach rock bottom before they can be helped. In fact everbody's bottom is different. The Big Book does say that "Many feel we could have stopped if we had acted while there was still time." All that is required for an alcoholic to be helped in the rooms of AA is a desire to stop drinking and I quote "If you have decided that you want what we have and are willing to go to any lengths to get it" 

  

Statements that say a person must hit rock bottom to be helped discourage people who are not at bottom from seeking help for fear of being turned away because they still have their job, house, family etc.  I personally did have to hit my bottom to come to terms with this "High Bottom drunk" but I have met many in the Fellowship who are recovering long before they hit their bottom. Our primary purpose as the opening statement at meetings says is to stay sober and help other alcoholics to achieve sobriety. It does not say to help only those alcoholics who have hit bottom. 

  

I'm not meaning to pick on you personally but I have been reading and studying the Big Book daily for over 17mos and It find it's message to be inspiring to alcoholics of all stripes weather they be on skid row or Dr's Lawyers and Indian Chiefs. 

  

So to all those still suffering out there at your bottom or not  the rooms of AA are always ope and ready to help. 

  

Peace and Namaste 

  

Mischif 

That's great news!  My first encounter with AA was a lot easier than your son's, because I had already developed a support system through my rehab.  I never had that challenge of walking into a room full of  strangers, knowing no one.   

  

So if your son was able to do that and connect with someone....well, good for him!   

  

  

Just when this board got going again everybody vanished -Maybe your all watching the olympics? 

Anyway - hope you are all well 

  

Mischif 

hi i'm jenn and i've been with my boyfriend for 2.5 years and 1year ago he was in rehab for 8 months for a cocaine addiction. And i just recently found out he doing it again. He told me he wanted to stop but he's not and I don't know how to help him or what to do??  does anyone know what to do? i don't want to lose him i love him so much! It would hurt me for him to leave me again for rehab but is that what he needs????? 

  

jenn 

I was just reading about cocaine addiction in my college library- it really is a devastating addiction.  My old man was addicted way back, so I know what you are going through.  The best advice I can give is educate yourself because you are not dealing with your boyfriend, but a brain that is addicted to cocaine.  His brain is hungry for it like food and sleep and he wont stop unless he absolutely wants to.  Want to make it easier for him if he truly wants to get better?  Move away from the supply, because if he wants to stop but keeps on running into those triggers, its going to mess with him and his brain will scream for it and if he doesnt fall off the wagon, he will make your life hell.  Just learn everything you can, and dont be surprised if he never stops- it is something you cannot control.  Expect the worst, hope for the best.  But if he chooses the drug over you in anyway, prepare your heart to let him go, because you are worth more than any drug on the earth.  And if you think about it, he already has.

I don't know if you guys get over here much, but I've seen comments like mischif's in other message board threads, as well.  And the question I keep meaning to ask is -- why don't ya'll have a hyperlink at drphil.com that takes us directly to the message boards?   

  

I must be missing something, because it seems like such a no-brainer.  And I know Dr. Phil has tried to promote the boards, at least in the shows I've been able to see. 

  

Honest, this is the only site I've ever participated on where you can't go directly from the homepage to the boards.  It really might help a bit for people who get lost, particularly with a topic like this one that's already somewhat buried. 

If you read through some of the posts that are here, you'll get a lot of the answers you seek.  But the short version is --  you shouldn't be worrying about what he needs.  It's on him to figure that out and, until he does, he'll keep using.   

  

What you need is a support group like Al Anon or Narc Anon.  It isn't just for the "support" you'll get - it will also give you a much greater understanding of your limited ability to control or impact his addiction. 

  

In an ideal world, you'd tell him goodbye and then tell him not to contact you again until he's picking up a year sobriety chip at an NA meeting.  Of course, I'm sure you won't do that - I didn't either - but I can pretty much guarantee you'll reach a point where you'll wish you had. 

  

His behavior won't change because you want it to, regardless of how much he loves you or how many times he claims he wants to quit.  (Words are cheap.  Besides, what else can he say -- he plans to keep using??)     

  

His behavior will change only when he decides he wants to get sober more than anything else.  It could be next week or it could be in 20 years.  The only decision you'll need to make, if he continues using, is how long you want to share his misery.    

  

What is left after you have tried everything. 3 1/2 years of counseling, in patient, out patient, jail, probation, love, tough love. How do you help someone who cannot seem to find it within him  to help himself.  I refuse to bury my son to this drug but do not know what else to do to help him. Where else to go. Who else to seek help from. I feel all of our resources have been utilized. Hopefully someone somewhere can say something to me that I have not already heard over these past years. How do you make it through a day without crying, thinking about it, letting it consume you. Any feed back would be helpful. 

Thanks 

Renee 

A lot of people here are going to tell you that you can't make your boyfriend get better and that's a fact. The best thing you can do is get help for yourself so that you can set strong boundaries and learn why you feel that this person is the best you can do.  

  

I was raised by an alcoholic father and a mentally ill mother. I became an alcoholic myself though it took me 30 years to figure that out. During that time I was in two abusive marriages one with a cocaine addict and other with an alcoholic. So from both sides I can tell you what you are setting yourself up for.  Years of emotional and financial insecurity as he chases the drug then rehab. There will be arrest's and bail to post. In most cases the addict has difficulty holding a job. So you will become the primary income source for your family. If you have children you will soon find that you and the kids will always take 2nd place to the drug. 

  

My first husband, thaecocaine addict, would become violent when he was usuing and one night he fractured my skull and orbit of my right eye because I wouldn't give him the rent money so he could go buy drugs. That was when I left him. That was over 10 years ago and I know he has put at least two other wives through the same hell. 

  

As a alcoholic myself I can tell you that when the disease starts talking to us we have little or no ability to turn away from it unless we are entrenched in a strong program of recovery with others like ourselves. I have been sober and without any desire to drink or use for almost 18months now but I know that I am only one drink or one pill away from being right back where I started in Sept '04. 

  

If he wants rehab he will do it. Nothing you do or say will change the fact of his addiction. Remember no addict ever really recovers from his/her addiction. But we can be in recovery nad stay sober if we give our lives over to a power greater than ourselves. It is only through a constant consciouse contact with our spiritual side that we find health and happiness 

  

Peace  

  

Mischif