I started out as pain management patient, while going through five major back surgeries.
In the beginning the meds were Lortabs, somas and, Zanaflex. One year later I was on 50mcg Duragesic patch every 72 hours, five years later, 100mcg Duragesic every two days and, five 800mcg Fentora a day and two 1200 mcg actiq at night to sleep.
In the beginning, the back pain was the worst part of my day, but now the narcotic pain is far worse than the back pain could have ever been. I am at the point where I can’t focus, concentrate, or even drive. I am always feeling scared for no reason. I am confined to my room; I stay in bed and cry because my life is gone and because what I have become. I am in constant withdrawals, I tried to detoxify my self two years ago, but the vomiting, the convolutions and, the seizures broke me after five days. I went to my doctor and he told me that had I continued much longer than I did, it would have killed me!
So with his help we tried three more times to detoxify. We used buprenorphine, subutex and, suboxen but each time had the same results, and each time ended back on fentanyl but a higher dose each time. Because of the narcotics I am just a shell of the man I once was. Nobody understands what has happened to me or what I have become. The pain, and the loss of both my memory and basically, my life, has led to me praying every day that I could have my life back without the narcotic painkillers.
I asked my pain management doctor " what am I to do?" he said the he did not know, but as patients we expect them to be miracle workers, to be know alls and, to keep us safe, but doctors are only human, they do make mistakes. The only do what the patient ask of them, and then the patients get mad at them when they do it, so what are they supposed to do? My response to this is that when they prescribe things, They know what it does, how it works and the long term effects if it on the patients. They should not take the drug representatives word as law on these things; they are essentially used car sales men in dress clothing.
Before fentanyl I had back pain, yes, but I also had a life. I would go and do things and yes it was painful but, it was at least doable. Now, "life" with fentanyl, I am sorry but it just does not exist on my very best days, only in my dreams and prayers does it exist now! I cant find anybody or any place that will except my medicare willing to help, florida rapid detox will help, but i dont have fifteen thousand dollars, and no body will loan me the money, because the amount of my income, I beg for help and get nothing, I dont want anything for free, I pray every night, not to wake up the next morning.
My story Edwin Polatty, edpolatty@bellsouth.net
