Topic : Addiction Support

I was going to answer with a quote of your message but I wanted to address specific points and with the format used here that's hard to do. First let me introduce myself. I am known here as Mischif . I am a recovering alcoholic and addict. I drank for 30 years and  got involved with sleeping pills and uninjectables about 5 years ago. In a way I glad I did because if I hadn't gone into the hard stuff I probably would have just drank myself to death. I come from a long and distinguished line of Alcoholics so heavy drinking was not something that was looked down on in my family. So I know only too well how it feels to grow up in an alcoholic family and to be an alcoholics myself. You said that when you confronted your mother about drinking, "She admitted to drinking too much, but said she had no desire to change.  Since then her health has taken a drastic decline, and she has become an absolute hermit."  Well that's exactly what we alcoholics do best - we isolate ourself so that we can better wallow in our own world of self-pity and resentment. Rest assured that this has absolutely nothing to do with you! It's just a major part of what alcoholism is all about the Bog Book tells us that "Our bottle's were but symbols of our disease." Also I will tell you that everything you have heard about an alcoholic wanting to get help is true. If she doesn't want it you could lock her in a treatment program and she would still come out drinking. trying to get an alcoholic that doesn't want to help sober is like trying to teach a pig to sing. You'll only wear yourself out and really annoy the pig. It's just analogy and I'm not calling your mother a pig. I know that this tears you apart but the fact is you may never have a close relationship with your mother again. So instead of trying to get her to change you need to go to her and say that you accept that she doesn't want to change but that you can't stand by and watch her die nor do you want her grandchildren to see her like this. Then and here's the really hard part - you have to let go with love. 

I am very worried about you right now - You have a husband and children to worry about and something that you have said makes me think you are on the slippery slope to co-dependency. You said....

"I am fearful that she is dying, and I need to do everything I can before it is too late.   Her own mother was an alcoholic, and died at a young age from health issues related to alcoholism.  We have several other family members who struggle with addiction issues.  I am also determined to break this cycle of alcoholism that runs through my family" 

The only other advice I can give you about your mom is hand her a Big Book of AA and a meeting directory and offer her a ride to a meeting or find someone in the fellowship who will go talk to her. Contact the General service office in your area and they will help make the contacts. 

As far as breaking the cycle goes remember you can't fix an alcoholic who is drinking but you can show your own children through love and guidance how to live in the Sunlight of the spirit. Since children of alcoholics are 60% more likely to become alcoholics than children of non-alcoholics it is important that you speak to  them about the family history and how to avoid the pitfalls of this devastating disease. Teach them to live in today. To have the serenity to accept the things they cannot change, the courage to change the things they can and the wisdom to know the difference. Start with this new generation and build strong happy people. 

Good luck and God bless you! 

Mischif

I hadn't forgotten you -- I've just been really busy. 

When I said you remind me of myself, it's not so much the specifics as it is the reactions you're having  (although, like most chicks my age, I do have my male horror stories :)   

Here's the biggest issue, I think:  You sound really bright.  For what it's worth, so am I.  And bright people sometimes have even more trouble with accepting alcoholism because we're not used to taking such a simple concept at face value -- we want to analyse it, we want to complicate it, we want to explore all options blah blah.  In fact, when I got out of rehab, I told my boss (who had been incredibly supportive) that most of the traits he valued in me as an employee -- such as my analytical mind -- actually worked against me in AA and in fighting all this. 

So, while everything you say relating to chemical imbalances may or may not be true, if you are in fact an alcoholic, addressing these chemical imbalances will not treat the alcoholism.   I do think people can situationally drink too much, but it won't "make an existing imbalance worse" simply because the imbalances themselves are different.   

A weird analogy would be if you were diabetic and got fat, and then became depressed by being fat.  Antidepressants might help the depression, but your pancreas still has that pesky insulin issue :) 

I do have a question for you.  As busy as I've been, I haven't forgotten that you were to see the nurse last Friday (I think)!    Did you get a prescription of any sort and, if so, for what? 

PS - I don't mean to sound like I'm lecturing, but again...there's a lot of me in all this.  If your goal is to be alcohol-free, you can't get caught up in every side issue that comes along (and there are lots of them!).  It's not complicated at all unless me make it that way to avoid addressing the fundamental issue that we cannot drink safely.   

Howdy.    I'm sorry you're going through all this. 

I am the oldest of 3 and I, too, grew up in an alcoholic household.  My mom drank from the time I was in 1st or 2nd grade and she steadily deteriorated.  She died at 48 when I was a senior in college from esophageal varices (a byproduct of cirrhosis).  My dad started drinking heavily when I was in about 6th grade and basically spent the rest of my childhood in a blackout.  I, too, am an alcoholic with 15 years sobriety (as of last week!). 

I do understand everything you're saying, especially the feeling of powerlessness.   Here's what I would specifically suggest: 

First, you need to get yourself asap to an Al Anon meeting!  You will find lots of support, ideas and understanding there. 

Second, it's true that alcoholics won't change until they're ready, but that doesn't mean family members can't provide a bit of a jump start in that direction.  For example, is your mom healthy enough for an intervention?  In case you don't know what these involve, one person in the family "spearheads" the session by inviting concerned family members and hopefully at least one outsider to attend.  Everyone tells your mom what her drinking has done to them and how it has hurt them.  However, the most important part of all this is that there must be a plan in place.  Does your mom have insurance that would enable her to go to rehab?     

There's a couple other ideas about interventions that I can share if you're interested.   

Finally, in terms of stopping the cycle in your family, there's nothing you can do about your genetic blueprint, or that of your family members.  However, a little education goes a long way!   Every family member who is married to an alcoholic needs to be at Al Anon.  It's not just the support they'll get there -- it's also that they will learn how to not enable the alcoholic.    

Most alcoholics who live with others are able to continue to drink because of the enabling of these people.  They don't realize they're hurting the alcoholic (in fact, it's often done to "help) but it allows the alcoholic to continue drinking and at the same time to maintain family membership.  This is what needs to change. 

Guess I'll start at the beginning of my story.  My mother was diagnosed with AD back in 1997 so her doctor said she could no longer live by herself.  We hired my oldest daughter to move in with and take care of her but that didn't work out as she is an alcoholic and kept getting into trouble very often.  At that time she and my mother were living 50 miles away from where my husband and I lived so I couldn't keep close tabs on her so we bought a home in the same town where we lived so my mother and daughter could live there and I would be able to check on my mother every day.  I had a great job at that time but my daughter started drinking and would go out and leave my mother alone all night ........she also drank a whole lot and was arrested several times so after about a year of putting up with that my husband and I decided it would be best for me to quit my job and move in with my mother so I could take care of her.  We moved in with her in August 1998 and after living here for 3 days reality set in and I bawled constantly.  My daughter continued to live with us but she would go out and get drunk almost every night so I told her I couldn't deal with that anymore so I asked her to move out, called her daughter to come pick her up but she refused to leave with her. After a big quarrel she finally decided that she would move out and go live with her daughter.  In January of 2000 my mother started complaining with chest pain and I knew that I had to get her to the doctor but we had a big snow storm and I was afraid to walk her out to the car because I thought she might slip and fall.  I decided to call an ambulance and they immediately responded.  While checking her out one of the Paramedics dropped a huge oxygen container on her foot which fractured every bone in her big toe.  Anyway, she ended up having to have the toe amputated and after that she wouldn't walk anymore so that made it really hard on me since I had to get her out of her hospital bed and into her wheelchair umpteen times a day.  She got really sick again so took her to the hospital and found out that she had suffered both a stroke and heart attack.  She was in the hospital for several days then they transferred her upstairs to the skilled nursing home section so she could get physical therapy and try to learn how to walk again.  While there she fell out of her bed and landed on her knee and at first she just had a red mark on it but then it turned into cellutitis and she ended up having to have it amputated.  She spent 2 nights in the hospital then was realeased and we brought her home.  After that she never stood up again and I got so worn down from having to do everything for her that I thought I was going to die.  In November of 2000 she got a kidney infection and was really ill (by then she was receiving Hospice care).  A nurse came and inserted a catheter and put her on antibiotics, liquid Ativan and Morphine but nothing helped so on the 4th day she developed a temp of 105 so I called the nurse, she came and checked her out and told me the antibiotic wasn't working so the next morning I got up and checked her temp and it was 107 degrees (I had been sleeping on the floor beside her bed all the time that she was so sick), I called the nurse and she told me that my mother was dying, she came to my home and stayed all day and we watched my mother slowly die.  It was the most horrible experience I had ever had and I bawled constantly because I missed her so much.  I got so severely depressed so my husband took me to the doctor and he put me on 20 mil of Paxil and 3 mil of Klonopin to be taken every day.  I was taking Elavil at that time too.  After a few months of taking Paxil I started gaining weight and over a period of 6 months I gained 60 lbs.  I'm 5ft 8in tall and at the time when my mother passed away I weighed 116 lbs.  My normal weight had always ranged between 120 and 126 pounds.  After I gained the weight I wouldn't go anywhere because I didn't want anyone to see me and here it is almost 5 years later I still haven't lost any weight even though I stopped taking Paxil around 4 years ago. I still refuse to go anywhere unless I absolutely have to so I'm pretty much homebound now.  I think that Klonopin causes weight gain so I want to get off of it but don't know where to start. 

Any advice would be appreciated. 

Thank you very much. 

Beverly 

Sorry this post is so long. 

I'm sorry.  I think I posted my message on the wrong message board. 

Beverly 

I'm sorry you're having all this trouble, but if your question is related to getting off the clonazepam, you might be in the exact right place! 

Just so I'm straight on this, are you saying you have been taking 3 mg per day for almost 5 years?  In other words, what I'm wondering is - has your dosage increased at all during this time? 

I have a 43 year old daughter who has been addicted to Vicoden for over 7 years.  She usually takes 10 or 12 tablets a day.  I have begged her to go into a rehab facility so she can have help weaning herself off of them but so far she refuses to do that.  She has memory loss,  sees and hears people talking even when she is at home by herself.  She feel like part of her body parts are missing.  Sometimes she forgets how to eat, how to swallow, how to write a check plus a whole lot more. 

How can I talk her into getting help?  I'm desperate!! 

Can someone please advise me what I should do? 

Thank you very much. 

Aimee 

Hey!  What a great post...........to say you got the gerbils in my head spinning would be an understatement! 

I'm not sure why but ..............I'm very willing to talk about my "brain pathologies".........just not sure I'm comfortable doing it here.  It's not that I wouldn't wish someone to learn  (or not feel alone) if they were to read my words..........I just seem to function better in a (very) small circle.   

As you seem to remember............I am NOT a lover of technology.......so I don't know the answer to: 

Is there any way to correspond in a more private (while still TOTALLY safe) way? 

That's MY question......and here's the answer to yours!!   I was prescribed Wellbutrin XL at 150 mg for one week then 300 mg to follow.   I've been on the happy pill now for three days.   

The HAPPIEST part of today was that I actually got an "emergency interim restraining order" against the whack job!  It took ALL day in court (MANY cases) but it was worth the wait.  I swear, if ever there is a cause to take up.............. 

I ABSOLUTELY MEAN NO OFFENSE TO ANYONE  BY WHAT I'M ABOUT TO SAY.............sitting in that courtroom today felt very surreal.  I don't think I'm a "typical" restraining order requestee.........though I know (logically) there is nothing "typical" about any of it.  I just feel MUCH better having been HEARD and the order granted. 

Anyway......I'm way off topic.  You hit the nail on the head in your e-mail.  I've actually told my therapist that I wonder if alcoholics aren't even a BIT more curious........passionate........COMpassionate..................INTELLIGENT  (in a certain way).   

YIKES!!  Time for bed!!  Hope to read your thoughts soon.............. 

Sterling 

Just replied but not "with quote" so it didn't turn up right here???   Please know I responded and you may need to go back a few pages...................... 

WHAT ever happened to letter writing????  :)  LOVE the TECHNO life........it makes ALL of our lives SOOOOOOOOOO much easier!! :) 

(I absolutely did NOT mean that!) 

Sterling 

Howdy.  

I'm not a doctor, but there's something else going on with your daughter besides the Vicodin.  I say this because people addicted to prescription narcotics do not typically exhibit the symptoms you describe, particularly hearing voices.   

I'd guess that either she's taking other drugs she hasn't told you about (which wouldn't be surprising at all) or she has an underlying mental illness that is complicating matters, which is also a possibility.  In either case, she sounds borderline psychotic. 

Have you talked to a lawyer about having her declared incompetent?  Laws vary from state to state, but she needs to be in a facility (hospital, psychiatric institution) that can completely evaluate her medically and mentally.     

Is this a possibility?