Topic : Addiction Support

hello to all,I am an addict of cocaine and also a alcoholic .i have ben using cocaine for 3 ysr.in the 3yrs. i have the most 6 months clean. I am 2 weeks clean now and hopefully start a new outpatient program soon .If there is anyone out there who can  me  tell can a marriage survive this rollercoaster ride i have taken it on? my marriage is such a mess.and all of the blame lays on me .my husbands remarks it what i cannot deal with. but also  should i even be in a relationship i am so screwed up right now !!!! any advice would be accepted . thanks girllost.......

Then don't divorce or separate at this time. Early sobriety is a very confusing and stressful time. AA and NA tell us in recovery not to make any major changes in the first year of sobriety! If your husband is support of your efforts at sobriety and you are serious about getting and staying clean. Then get through your outpatient program. I would also suggest that you start attending 12-step meetings. The people you meet there and the support you receive will help you sort through the chaos that your life has become. Also you must be willing to acknowledge your addiction without defending it. When I was just a few days sober my husband told me he was going to leave and take our son because I was a "F'ing addict". I looked him in the eye and said you know your right. I then said "You don't owe me anything but will you please give me a year to get sober." He did that and I have now been sober over 13 months. Things are not perfect between us but we are still together and working on our marriage. Good luck as you trudge the road of happy destiny! I shall keep you in my prayers. 

  

It's never too late to live happily ever after. 

  

Mischif  

thanks for getting back so quickly, i will take your advice. i am going back to work today 10 to 8 so we wont have much time to argue,i so hope i can help others as you are someday .i am thinking of going to a meeting frieday ,it is hard when you dont have a program ! this will not be my first.i do realize and iam reaching out and thanks to you i have someone to corasponde with this will help until i start my outpatient .have a great day to all off to be a productive citizan GIRLLOST...

Hi Beverly,  

First, I'm so sorry to hear about all the health problems and the death of your mother. It's very hard to see them go through so much agony. My mother at 83 several years ago, fell asleep and never woke up. We should all go so peacefully. 

  

To continue, I have been on Klonopin for 5 years. Only 1 MG per evening. I have never experienced weight gain taking it. If you do a Google search on Klonopin (Clonazepam) you will find it does not cause weight gain. However, the Elavil and the Paxil you were taking does.  

  

I was mis-diagnosed with Fibromyalgia several years ago and was put on both of the later mentioned medications. Starting at 10 mg and going up to 100 per day over the course of several months.  

  

I am 5' 8 1/2", always weighed about 120 - 130 pounds. I went up to 185+. The medications weren't doing anything anyway with the Fibromyalgia symptoms, so over the course of time, I weaned myself off of them, and am now down to my 130 pounds with which I am very happy about.  

I am still taking the Klonopin with no ill effects or weight gain.  

  

As it turns out, I have Multiple Sclerosis. If you go to the National MS Society page and go under treatments and find Klonopin it will give you a list of  the side effects. Klonoping is used usually for seizure disorders as they involve the central nervous system. MS involves the nerves in your brain. 

I do have some of the side effects listed regarding the Klonopin but usually over the course of time, some of them go away. 

  

If you are on the Elavil still and decide to go off of it, remember to not just stop taking it. This and the Paxil you were on should always be gradually decreased over the course of time to get completely off of it.  

  

It took me 6 months to wean myself off of Elavil. As I did so, so did my weight decrease. 

So take care with these and all other medications used to treat depression. 

  

I also am a firm believer of more natural cures than prescription. I take a lot of vitamins and natural herbs for my MS.  

  

I was in nursing years ago. Always do your homework on medications you are on. Years ago before computers were commonplace, we used a Physicians Desk Reference to cross medications. Today the internet is so close at hand and a lot faster in finding information.  

  

Take care, Valerie 

  

  

  

Hi, I need some advice from a longtime addict.  My brother, who is 2yrs younger than me has been in trouble since he was 13, he is now 33.  He has served many years in jail and has been free for about 3yrs now.  He has been smoking cocaine ever since.  He will tell his girlfriend that he is going to the store or going to work and then he wont be seen for a week.  He then admits himself into a rehab program and does great there.  When he goes back home he is good for a couple of weeks, sometimes he makes 2 months, then back out to binge, then back into a mental institution or rehab facility.  Our mother has disowned him, my sister will not let him stay with her any more and he just recently left his girlfriends house on a binge and called me to stay at my house.  He just got out of rehab about 1 month ago.  He went to work for a longtime friend of his and I said that he could stay at my house.  He was there for 2 days and now he's out on one of his binges again.  I know he hates what he is doing.  He has said that he feels alot of guit and shame and wants to do right by his children, but this urge of his is taking over.  He has burned all of his bridges.  When is enough, enough.  He is a great kid otherwise, with problems.  How can I help him to stay on the right track.  Oh and I forgot to mention, he was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and misses his meds frequently, but has binged while on his meds continuously at one time.  Thanks for any advice.

My Grandson just turned 20 years old and is not real into drugs yet. He smokes Pot we know of and he got into this when he started college. Got with the wrong group, he came from a small school and had only one friend in his home town. Good kid in school at home town, but he was always picked on by the other kids all thru school. He had no self confindence, but pretends he has it all together. In college he got involved in a Frat. house and it all started from their, his grades went down and he started dropping classes, then he dropped out of college. He said he wanted to get his hear on straight and work for a year.  Then he wanted to go back to college and his parents said okay but he would have to make good grades and stay away from drugs. Oh he promises to change, but now we find out he has dropped most of the classes he signed up for and his parents paid for. This time his parents made him live at home and commut to school. 

We are thinking of sending him to a rehab group, but we don't have any experience in this matter, we need help. We live in Texas, is there somewhere we can get help before he gets worse. Please help us.  GrannyF 

I am dealing with an individual that I want in so many ways to see them get help. He trys not to drink but it's a never ending failure.  I know in my mind that I can't beat this for for him and I try to give the best advice I can. What made you turn your life around? What was the breaking point.

I know how you are feeling. My boyfriend is an addict. He does the samething your brother does but he is on Ice or Meth. He is also diagnosed with Bipolar disorder. I do not understand my boyfriend eithor. I do know that he will never change. I love him so I stay with him. I just let him do what he needs to do. If anyone else knows another thing to do please let us know.

Hi...where do I begin?  I am 35 yrs old and addicted to prescription pain meds. I had been taking pain meds as prescribed since about 1998, (for back pain and migraines) but in the summer of 2001, I was introduced to a "dealer" by a friend.  Soon I learned that by taking more pills at one time, it produced a feeling of euphoria which was great to numb not only my physical pain, but emotional pain as well.  My boyfriend of four years had broken up w/me and two roommates had just moved out of my home so I was depressed and facing serious financial difficulties.  So like I said, the "euphoria" was great to numb me and my problems.  Within months of being introduced to the street dealer, I developed a serious opiate addiction and about a $150/day habit.  My boyfriend (who was totally unaware of my addiction) and I reunited and I had also downsized to a smaller, less expensive home but the cost of my drugs was still almost more than both of our incomes together.  I began to borrow from Peter to pay Paul.  I struggled to keep my utilities turned on, didn't pay my housepayment for months at the time, sacrificed eating to pay the dealer, etc. etc.  My boyfriend continued to hand me most of his paychecks (which continued to "enable" me) and never really tried to figure out why the bills still weren't being paid.  He never really knew anything about paying bills so it was easy to lie about everything.  By now he knew that I was popping pills but he just seemed to turn a blind eye to it all.  I ended up losing my job at a great company where I had over 11 years of seniority.  I spent several months looking for a job and went on dozens of interviews but never got hired anywhere.  Then out of the blue, my "dealer" committed suicide and I was facing serious withdrawals and the sickness that goes along with it.  And that's how I ended up making an even worse life-changing decision.  Desperate for my pills, I began forging prescriptions.  I knew that I needed serious help and I begged my b/f to marry me so that I would have medical insurance and get myself into rehab., but he wouldn't do it. I believe his main reason for not wanting to marry me was because for years I had sought help for infertility and he wanted kids.  So, after forging scripts for about six months, I found out that my name had been red-flagged by the state pharmacy board.  By then, I was so desperate for help that I broke my own rules (for not getting busted) and went to a pharmacy during the doctors office business hours.  I was about 90% certain that I was going to be arrested that day and even chose to wear clothes that I thought would be comfortable...'just in case.'  So with my name being red-flagged, the pharmacy staff called the dr's office to verify the script.  While I was waiting for the script to be filled, I was walking around the store, talking on my cell phone and even saw that the pharmacy tech. girl was on the phone and giving me that look like, "you're so busted."  Yet I stuck around, went up there and paid for it and picked it up and that's when they had a couple big guys take me to the office.  My problem was so bad that even while I was waiting for the cops to come, I managed to open the bottle and swallow ten pills (not all at once.)  By the time it was all said and done and I was on my way to jail, the cops had gotten a print-out from the doctor of how many scripts I had filled over that seven month period and they initially charged me with every single offense.  It was a total of about 74 felonies and my bail was about $233,000.  The cops thought for sure that I was selling the drugs because the pharmacist, doctor and a narcotics detective had all said that if I was really taking that amount that I would be dead!  Well, I almost did die a couple of times but somehow my little 125 lb body can handle 400+ milligrams of hydrocodone per day. 

  

Well anyway, my charges got dropped down to one count of obtaining a c/s by fraud and one count of burglary.  I guess where I live, anytime you go somewhere with the intent of committing a felony, you can also be charged with burglary.  I guess because I had never been in any kind of trouble before I got a damn good deal from the DA.  I had to plead guilty to the two charges but upon successful completion of a court-administered drug rehab program (called "drug court"), then I could withdraw my plea and have my case dismissed and sealed.  I began the drug court program around the end of February 2004, but I was still using.  I had also began dating a new guy.  Around April 21st, I got sent to jail again for two weeks because I was still "dirty".  The judge said he'd get me clean one way or another!  So I did my time and vowed that I would use that opportunity to stay clean and finish that program the way I was suppose to.  Imagine my surprise when around the middle of May I find out that I'm six weeks pregnant!  Now I have the best reason in the world to stay clean.  In December, I gave birth to a beautiful, healthy baby girl.  The unfortunate part of it was that I had to have a c-section due to pre-eclampsia...and that meant that I had to take pain meds - my nemesis.  The rules of the drug court program is that you're only allowed to take meds if you're actually hospitalized.   By the time I came home from the hospital I was clean again.  I managed to stay clean and complete the program and I "graduated" in March 2005.  So now I have a 4 four-month-old wonderful daughter and a sealed record.  Every reason in the world to do the right thing and keep my life on the right path, right?  Wrong.  Not for me...the addict. 

  

In June, my daughter's father and his two other daughters from a previous relationship came to live with me.  We got married on July 31st.  If you're thinking that maybe I added a few too many complications to my life so early in my recovery, you'd probably be right.  By July I was using again and by July or August, I was forging prescriptions again.  On Nov. 3rd, I got caught again and arrested.  Honestly if it wasn't for my baby, I'd wonder if there's really any hope for me.  How could I do this to HER?  Nevermind myself.  I just keep making one bad decision after another and even my "friends" are starting to give up on me.  Most of them really supported me through my first arrest etc. but now they are giving me the cold shoulder and one in particular who really helped me a lot over the past 1 1/2 years has now said he's "done with me".  And they don't even know the real reason why I went to  jail last week.  They think these were old charges and I had warrants.  Every time I reach out for help it seems like no one is really there for me.  Even the people at the rehab that I went to for a year.  About a month ago I had set up an appt. to talk with my old counselor for an hour.  When I got there, she said she was "sorry" but she only had about 10 minutes to spare for me because she had to go to another meeting that had just come up.  When I reach out for help it just doesn't seem to be there for me!  I know I have to take responsibility for my actions and problems but it's awfully hard to get thru this by myself.  My husband also knows about my problem but he doesn't really seem to know what to do to help either.  I've never been great at two-way communication so it's hard for me to explain what I really need from him. 

  

Anyway, thanks for reading and letting me share and get this off my chest.  Obviously there's a lot more to my story but I don't want to write a book!  Oh, I have my first court date next month so I don't know what's going to happen to me this time.  Could be drug court again, could be prison.  Please feel free to respond if you have any suggestions/advice/support or whatever.   

  

I read your whole story because it's an awful lot like mine. The one thing that screamed at me was that through out the whole saga of addiction, arrest, jail, rehab and slips back into the addiction you never once mentioned attending 12-step meetings. Why! This is where you'll find the one thing your post is screaming for -people who will listen and understand. These are people who have been exactly where you stand today. However these are also people who will not cosign your actions. I honestly thought I was a hopeless case. Near the end I was drinking close to a quart of vodka a day plus taking a variety of pills and that was all just for maintenance against withdrawal. I no longer got "high" or any sense of euphoria. So not being able to face withdrawal or AA/NA where "God was going to fix all my problems" I tried to kill myself. 

  

Well to make a very long story short - I went to rehab started AA/NA meeting and started working the 12 steps. I have been sober for 13 months, 15 days, 6 hours and 49 minutes (but whose counting). Just kidding about the minutes and seconds. Today I live a life that is beyond my wildest dreams. I am happy healthy and grateful. I have absolutely no desire to drink or use drugs and my worst day sober is 100% better than my best day drunk or high.Best of all AA/NA is free. Most groups would like a buck or two as they are self-supporting but no one will kick you out if you can't pay. Please give it a try. Write to me here if you want support. 

  

God bless and keep you in the palm of his hand 

  

Mischif