Topic : Addiction Support

And left untreated only gets worse never better. The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous states, "We are convinced to a man that we are in the grip of a progressive disease."  The problem is that an alcoholic won't be treated unless he/she admits they have a problem and seeks treatment. Society does not rush out to gather in the addicted and treat them simply because the relapse rate is so high and because it ius largely considered self-inflicted. An Alcoholic who truly wants recovery will get better.  In the meantime those who love that alcoholic are doomed to suffer if they fall into codependent patterns of behavior.

  

 

  

 

Codependency – is an addiction in its own right and those caught in this pattern need to take a long hard look at what they are doing to themselves. Nobody makes you stay with an alcoholic and the fact is that love shouldn’t have to hurt like that.  You’ve been in this relationship for a while and his drinking has only gotten worse. What makes you think that’s going to change? If you really feel that you cannot leave then I would suggest that you get to Alanon or CODA meeting so that you can learn why you feel you have to suffer this way and then learn how to create strong boundaries with this man and stand by them.

  

 

  

 

I have been there done that – I am in fact a recovering alcoholic/addict and codependent so I’ve been on all sides of this issue. Recovering from codependency is very much like recovering from any addiction. You have to live in today. If you spend you time with one foot in what was and the other in what will be your just pissing all over today.

  

 

  

 

Hope this isn’t too harsh for you to take – but I’d hate to see you get to where I was when I got out of my codependent relationship $65,000 dollars in debt and lying in a hospital bed with a fractured skull.

  

 

  

 

Peace and Namaste

  

 

  

 

Mischif 

Hi Indian, 

  

I just wanted to pop in and give you an update on the situation.  So far, my daughter's friend has NOT gone back to the drugs!!!!!  She is still clean, and has been tempted so many times, but is staying strong!!!!  We are so proud of her, she did it all on her own!!!!   

  

Now, we are working on her mental health....she really needs to get out of that house.  I would be willing to take her in, especially now that she is clean.  However, it looks as though we are moving in a few months to another city about a 4 hour drive away.  I don't want to invite her in, and then say "ok, you have to get out now so we can move", then she will be really stuck.  If she needed or asked for a temporary place to stay, I would definitely bring her in.  I guess it is another "wait and see" situation!! 

  

Anyways, I just wanted to let you know how well she is doing, and say thank you again for all your help!!!!!   

Take care, 

Tammy 

Hi 

This is my first time here, and am amazed at how many people there are like me.  

My story - My husband - a cocaine addict. Able to snort 3g in an evening or morning - it didn't matter. The father of my two children. The man who partied with alcohol and cocaine the night I was in hospital with a threatened miscarriage of our first child. The man who endlessly promised to give it up. Pretended to give it up, failed, lied, disappeared on numerous occassions. He nearly lost us all.  I shouted, cried, moved out - nothing works, because it's nothing to do with us. The relationship with the power is the user and the drug. This man is still my husband - and has been clean for 8 months - thanks to Narcotics Anonymous. Everyone in the NA group has been there, done that. Most of them worse. But these people never judge. They accept you and help you. If there is any advise I can offer, it would be to try and get your partner to one of these meetings. If he truly wants to give up rather than lying to sooth his conscience and to calm your relationship, but is a slave to a drug - get him to a meeting.  

I still live with a shadow over me. Some part of me died during the years of addiction I lived through. I love my husband, but it's not the innocent love that it used to be. I still sniff his wallet for traces of cocaine. I still have nightmares that he is using again, and ignores me. But this life is 100x better than the life I had before. 

We are now a normal family of four. My husband works, I work and look after our children. We go out, and have fun.  

Try to get your life back. 

  

"I don't know how to help my son". 

  

I think you've already figured out that you can't help him.   All you have to do is look back at the "help" you've given him in the past, which really ended up enabling him. 

  

While it's always tough to love an addict or alcoholic, I imagine there's a special "hell" involved in being the parent of one.   

  

Read mischif's post about co-dependency.  You're probably driving yourself nuts with second-guessing and guilt, and this is only natural.  It's also completely pointless and generally irrelevant.  The best thing you can do right now is take care of yourself by getting into a support group like Narcanon or Alanon.   

  

As for your son, you didn't mention detox or rehab programs.  The only thing I can suggest might be to offer to get him into a hospital detox, where he can get the drugs out of his system and learn about NA and other programs.  If he is not begging for something like this, then he's not scared enough.   And there's only one thing that will make him scared enough - more consequences of his drug use.  Maybe prison will be that one thing - I hope so! 

That is awesome news!    

  

Also, thanks so much for your updates.  In so many cases, people suck us into their situations and then disappear just when we're getting curious.  I imagine part of that is the bizarre board format, but that isn't all of it, and I really appreciate hearing how this is going.  

  

At any rate, kudos on your success thus far!   I really hope this girl can find a way to get the stability she deserves.   

my brother is 31 yrs old and has been an alcoholic since about 15 yrs old.he has been diagnosed as bi-polar and has hepatitis c,which has progressed to chirrosis.Once he has had just 1 drink he can't stop on his own.He has been to detox 3 times in the last 3 months.He wants to get help and stay sober but can't do it on his own.He has been on a waiting list for a rehab for a month but the government hasn't released the funds for help with state funding.He doesn't have a job,(he has been working through a temp service off and on)so there is no insurance,He lives with my mother who lives on $900.00   social security and has no savings.He and my mother have called every phone number they can find to try to get some help.In January he was told at the hospital that if he continued to drink he would die.My mother allready barried one son and has become so depressed and sick with worry somtimes she can't even get out of bed.He had a very bad childhood that i believe he drinks to mask his feelings.My father was a very violent alcoholic,He beat my mother up quite often.At 5 yrs old my brother was run over by a car and was in the hospital for quite a while and then in a body cast for a long time.At 6 yrs old he was hit in the head with a metal baseball bat and his head swelled to almost twice its size.At 10 yrs old he broke his leg in numerous places and was in traction for a while.At 13 he was alone with my dad fishing and my dad went into cardiac arrest and was having convulsions, he came to and got them home,later that day he went into cardiac arrest again and died with my brother watching.Roughly 2 yrs later my brother became an alcoholic and drug addict and has been in and out of jail and prison the rest of  his life. Maybe if they got some kind of rehab in jail it could have helped,but they don't they just lock you up and then send you back out into society.He has spent more time of his adult life locked up than not.   He got diagnosed with hep c about 6 yrs ago, he was addicted to meth and probably used a dirty needle.He has been clean from meth for about 3 yrs.I'M SCARED HE WILL DIE SOON IF HE DOEN'T GET HELP!

Well i made a mistake... a huuge one!  

Mostly i cut myself constantly  and i tried to stop it. i didnt cut myself for a week now but today morning i slipped while pouring a glass of water and i hit my face on the metal part of the door! i ran back into the kitchen and washed my face and it was only a little cut. As soon as i drank my water and sat on my bed i was fast asleep and what i didnt notice was my face was itchy... i woke up with my face red from itchiness and blood trickling down my face... i just cant tell my parents 'hey mom, hey dad, i cut myself and today i itched my self to bleed!' 

But what i did was that i forgot my dad was COMPLETLEY high-tempered and any little reason was to make me in huuuge trouble. So i told my dad that i slipped and just 10 minutes ago me and my dad were fighting on how i got that thing on my face. I kept on saying i fell he kept on saying i got burned and he wants to know how! 

I dont want to tell him i cut or else IM DEAD FOR SURE! 

What should i do? 

Guyz... Please reply my message below, I reallly nneeed ADVICE and PRONTO :( 

This is not only for ( ur grounded 4 a month) actually i am worried if i get bashed on my face by my family:( 

  

If you feel you are in danger of being injured by a family member then you need to leave your house and go to the authorities for help. If you can't leave call 911 and get them to come to you.  If you are a cutter and have fresh injuries and police see them you may be taken in for evaluation. This will get you out of the home when you are in danger and you can get treatment as well. Cutting is not a healthy response to life's stresses and you need to get treatment to developer healthy coping skills. 

  

Hope this helps 

  

I really don't have any other advice for you except if you truly feel you are in danger get out. 

  

Mischief 

The term alcoholism refers to a problem, its not recreational, here or there usage anymore, its resulted into an addictive and abusive problem! Does it get worse, you are living it out as it escalates and has been getting worse. Originally he was "a nice guy" even when "drunk" you said, and now, he's changed. Thats where the problem begins. Now he no longer see's the same results. Im worried because you say, just a few years ago it all started changing and got worse. Why do you think that may be? History of alcoholism, anger issues? Question is, how long will you settle with him verbally and mentally abusing you, and your friends now. Never should you ever have to settle for that. He say's he's "busting your balls eh" in a very rude and ignorant way thats for sure. You just watch his behaviour for your own safety. I think its a mixture of both, a personal problem maybe from childhood who knows but something personal that has now meshed with alcoholism!.....Good Luck  to you! But you come first remember that..