Topic : Addiction Support

Quote From: the_indian

First, I'd agree with everything you're being told here.  Just a couple of things occurred to me. 

  

First, Koren Zailckas wrote a gripping account of what it's like to be a wild kid in college.  Any of my college roommates could have written that same book.  Bottom line:  She has nothing to offer an alcoholic in the grip of a chemical dependency.   

  

I bring this up only because too many people out there claim to speak for alcoholics when they can't (I realize Koren isn't claiming to be an alcoholic).    However, If she is truly an alcoholic, her story is far from over.   

  

It reminds me of that lady who claimed she had been an alcoholic and she had the key to stopping by herself.  She wrote a book, made the talk show circuit -- and then several months later was drinking and driving and caused a horrible wreck, where someone was killed or seriously injured.  Big oops. 

  

Secondly, you made the comment that you like message boards because you can be truly honest.  That's fine as far as it goes, but if you're really interested in changing your life (and I assume you are, or you wouldn't have logged in here) it isn't about talk - it's about action.  I completely understand your feelings about taking this outside the 4 walls of your house, because I was exactly the same way.   And I'm almost glad they didn't have message boards then, because I probably would have done exactly what you're doing!  I can see me sitting there night after night, drink in hand, tapping away on a keyboard under the mistaken illusion that I was helping myself. 

  

  

  

  

  

  

Quote From: angela38

hi deb, i wish and hope so bad that in 10 years i can say the same thing. im getting ready to look up where the meetings are held in my town. for some reason i feel so ackward. my husband might look at me and think WHAT????? last time i told him i wanted to stop drinking maybe only have a drink on a special occasion ,he brought home lots of alcohol for mixxed drinks. i said why did you do that after i just told you i wanted to stop and he said its for tonight we have company comeing over. well i did drink that night but not like i normally do. im just to the point im SICK of it i hate the control it has over me. for some reason i seem to be at my weakest during that time of the month. i should probably keep a journal and i bet i would see a pattern. well thank you for your input and i will talk to you later. 9 days without and still going.  

  

angie 

Quote From: the_indian

First, I'd agree with everything you're being told here.  Just a couple of things occurred to me. 

  

First, Koren Zailckas wrote a gripping account of what it's like to be a wild kid in college.  Any of my college roommates could have written that same book.  Bottom line:  She has nothing to offer an alcoholic in the grip of a chemical dependency.   

  

I bring this up only because too many people out there claim to speak for alcoholics when they can't (I realize Koren isn't claiming to be an alcoholic).    However, If she is truly an alcoholic, her story is far from over.   

  

It reminds me of that lady who claimed she had been an alcoholic and she had the key to stopping by herself.  She wrote a book, made the talk show circuit -- and then several months later was drinking and driving and caused a horrible wreck, where someone was killed or seriously injured.  Big oops. 

  

Secondly, you made the comment that you like message boards because you can be truly honest.  That's fine as far as it goes, but if you're really interested in changing your life (and I assume you are, or you wouldn't have logged in here) it isn't about talk - it's about action.  I completely understand your feelings about taking this outside the 4 walls of your house, because I was exactly the same way.   And I'm almost glad they didn't have message boards then, because I probably would have done exactly what you're doing!  I can see me sitting there night after night, drink in hand, tapping away on a keyboard under the mistaken illusion that I was helping myself. 

  

  

  

  

  

  

Quote From: the_indian

First, I'd agree with everything you're being told here.  Just a couple of things occurred to me. 

  

First, Koren Zailckas wrote a gripping account of what it's like to be a wild kid in college.  Any of my college roommates could have written that same book.  Bottom line:  She has nothing to offer an alcoholic in the grip of a chemical dependency.   

  

I bring this up only because too many people out there claim to speak for alcoholics when they can't (I realize Koren isn't claiming to be an alcoholic).    However, If she is truly an alcoholic, her story is far from over.   

  

It reminds me of that lady who claimed she had been an alcoholic and she had the key to stopping by herself.  She wrote a book, made the talk show circuit -- and then several months later was drinking and driving and caused a horrible wreck, where someone was killed or seriously injured.  Big oops. 

  

Secondly, you made the comment that you like message boards because you can be truly honest.  That's fine as far as it goes, but if you're really interested in changing your life (and I assume you are, or you wouldn't have logged in here) it isn't about talk - it's about action.  I completely understand your feelings about taking this outside the 4 walls of your house, because I was exactly the same way.   And I'm almost glad they didn't have message boards then, because I probably would have done exactly what you're doing!  I can see me sitting there night after night, drink in hand, tapping away on a keyboard under the mistaken illusion that I was helping myself. 

  

  

  

  

  

  

Quote From: pharmadeb1

There is no subsitute for sitting IN THE ROOM with people just like me who can see my face, hear my words as they come out of mouth unedited and then gently but firmly call me on my crap. 

  

I love AA 

Quote From: skyblue555

I am so sorry to hear about your troubles with your brother.  It is so difficult to know what to do.  Currently I am in the process of separating from my fiance (been together 5 years) because his drinking has almost gotten out of control.  He is divorced and now wants to move his 12 year old son in to live with us.  I am a nervous wreck because of his drinking and can't even think about caring for a child.  That might sound selfish, but it is so terribly stressful living with someone who drinks and drives and you get calls from the police to come and get him (2 DUI's).  Three days before his son came for a visit a police officer called me at my job and asked me to come get my fiance because the police dept. had received calls that he was driving all over the road.  I had to leave work giving my boss another lie and pick him up.  The officer let him go because his breathalizer was just under the legal limit.  I saw my fiance speaking nicely to the cop, but I knew that he wouldn't be that way with me.  He was out of control in the car - kept banging on the door, turning up the radio, etc.  Finally he said I don't care any more and unbuckled his seatbelt and unlocked the door and opened it while I was driving about 60 miles an hour!  He tried to get out and he is a very large man and I was screaming and trying to hold him in the car.  Luckily we were close to home and I got him there safely, but I haven't been able to recover from that experience.  I am now so stressed and anxious.  I've seen my doctor and she told me I've lost 20 pounds since May.  I am now about 95 pounds and still can hardly eat from nerves.  I have to force myself.  I don't sleep at night and am always tired.  My fiance had the nerve to say a week or so back that the only reason we are not staying together is because of his kids.  In other words, I don't like them or want them.  He completely ignores the fact that he is an out of control alcoholic.  How can he care for a 12 year old?  He is going to kill himself with his actions or someone else.  He has told his family what a horrible person I am regarding his son and because they live out of state and don't know what's been happening, they believe him.  This man was so dear to me in the beginning and I loved him very much.  It is breaking my heart now to see him spiral downwards.  He is depressed, very overweight, and drinking constantly.  He won't live long.   I've read so many books on alcoholism and how to help your alcoholic and I've attended Al-Anon meetings and tried to be loving and supportive (as per the books), but to no avail.  Is there anyone else out there living this life?  I want some peace for myself, but I fear for what will happen to him when we are no longer together (he already has missed a car payment and is in debt.  Before our breakup I would have helped him and he would then pay me back)  He is terribly verbally abusive to me and it used to break my heart.  Some men from AA have met with him and told me he is heading downward and I need to get out because they fear for my safety.  I agree with them (he has not touched me yet).  It is so difficult to love someone yet let them go for the sake of your own mental and physical health.  My heart is just aching all the time.

Quote From: alcatraz

What I say isn't crap. I just wanted a place to talk. That's all. Sorry. xxxx

Quote From: angela38

hi deb, i wish and hope so bad that in 10 years i can say the same thing. im getting ready to look up where the meetings are held in my town. for some reason i feel so ackward. my husband might look at me and think WHAT????? last time i told him i wanted to stop drinking maybe only have a drink on a special occasion ,he brought home lots of alcohol for mixxed drinks. i said why did you do that after i just told you i wanted to stop and he said its for tonight we have company comeing over. well i did drink that night but not like i normally do. im just to the point im SICK of it i hate the control it has over me. for some reason i seem to be at my weakest during that time of the month. i should probably keep a journal and i bet i would see a pattern. well thank you for your input and i will talk to you later. 9 days without and still going.  

  

angie 

Quote From: mischif12

If you go to www.asoberplace.com you will be able to find meeting anywhere in the United States and Canada there are even links to meetings worldwide. Don't worry about running into someone you know none of  us sitting in the rooms of AA got there by accident - we all earned our seats. WE are always proud and happy to welcome the newcomer I remember how scarey it was for me to walk into that first meeting but I have never felt more loved and accepted as I do in that room. 

  

Peace and Namaste 

  

Mischif 

  

Happy sober and free 20 months and counting 

Quote From: pharmadeb1

Her experience and mine were identical.  And I still feel that way every time I walk in the AA meeting room...I know I'm home. 

  

You go Angie!  We're all with you as you walk through the door. 

  

Deb