Topic : Addiction Support

How do you help someone and give them support when they are an alcoholic?  I'm trying the way I know to be supportive but, not to baby them.  I believe that you have to show them it's hard in order for them to get anywhere, but then again be there for them when they do hit a rough patch.  What or How should I approach the situation?  

Thanks, 

~J.  

My personal belief is that laying down clear expectations and consequences in a very firm manner is the way to go.  My husband was very clear to me that if I did not get help, he would take our daughter and leave...and I knew he meant it.  It was not because he didn't love me, but he could not subject our daughter to the danger of being home with an active alcoholic.  It was the wake up call I needed to get help.  Empty threats are useless...you have to be prepared to follow through.  I saw bottom and knew there were only two roads...healing or loss of everything.  It was up to me to make the choice about which road I was going to take.  When (or if) the alcoholic seeks help, jump in their court as the biggest cheerleader.  Let them know how proud you are.  If my husband had let my behavior continue by being lovey-dovey with me, I don't believe I would currently be walking around on this earth right now.  And if my choice was to continue with my alcoholism, I would prefer that my family not have been subjected to that.   

I would encourage you to attend Alanon to get support for yourself. 

All the best, 

Holly 

P.S.  My parents are also alcoholics and the way I deal with that is to love them, but protect myself and my family.  When I visit either of them, I never leave my daughter alone with them after "happy hour" begins.  I live by example, love them, but leave them to conduct their own lives.  I openly talk to them about my own disease and healing, but I cannot control their behavior.  I can only keep myself and my family safe.  So, to me it's a different situation depending on whether the alcoholic is in your home or not.  Alanon can give advice on both situations. 

We have recently placed my mom in an assited care facility.  She has suffered from depression & anxiety for years - but in the past year - has gone from independent living to needing constant care.  WE (her siblings) believe she is severly addicted to prescription drugs.  She takes 2mg of ativan - 3 times a day.  She also takes another 'mood altering" drup - begins with a K ... Keplar or something like that - 3 times a day.  She has been falling a lot.  Within 1 hour of taking the ativan - she is so high - it is difficult for her to communicate & walk.  A couple hopurs later she is fine - but then she takes another dose.  It does not seem like her psychiatrist is concerned & the nursing home likes to keep them dugged up.  Where can we go for help? 

An anti-anxiety medication.  Could that be it?  

I have a master's in gerontology and used to practice in a nursing home.  I saw similar things with regard to over-medication however knowing nothing about your mother's case would not dare to comment.  When families came to me with these concerns I suggested to them to go to the physician and ask him/her how much of his/her training and practice is with older adults and what kind of work up has been done to assess: 1) drug interaction; 2) rationale for every medication prescribed; and 3) what alternatives are available and the benefits and risks for your mother.  

That's all I know.   Good luck.  

Deb  

My problems started when I lost my parents within 6 months of each other. We moved to Florida to deal with their estate, ended up staying, hubby got a job 3 hours away, moved, left me with kids, and i sterted drinking....straight whiskey to help me go to sleep with him away. I was living in my dead parents house trying to sell it and my husband was 200 miles away. I was terribly lonely, daughter being a teenager, had a life of her own. Yes, I worked full time, but it was at night when I started drinking....to go to sleep. Oh and did I say that I also smoke marijuana? Yes, I have a severe addiction to smoking. Relaxes me....doesn't every addict feel better after.... Then I moved to be with my husband as I wasn't fond of weekend marriages, he would come home on Friday night, leave Sunday night.  Oh, forgot to tell you I also went through 2 years of college to become a medical coder, got a great job after graduating, 3 months into the job, started having unbelievable panic attacks, couldnt go out of the house, still can't.... 

Well I have now come to the conclusion it is affecting my mental state. I would rather stay in my bed, in my pajamas, watching television, alone. I don't work as my  husband sold my car when we moved here and hasn't ever been able to afford to buy another. So I watch my 2 year old grandaughter 12 hours a day, stay in my apartment, 24/7 and feel myself sinking deeper and deeper. On weekends, my husband who works 10 hours a day, is too tired to do anything so I usually do a few sleeping pills and sleep all weekend. Then before I know it, it is Monday, and time to start all over again. Im not sure if this is what this board is for, if it isn't I apologize, but boy does it feel good to say it aloud. And if this isn't a typical Dr. Phil story, I don't know what is.... But I would never go on TV to publically state my problem, so   thanks for listening   Anyone else have my problem, or close to it?  Please write me. I need someone to talk to so bad... Thanks :) 

I've been twice to rehab and have been to several meetings there within. Nothing worked.I am currently in process of loosing boyfriend number 4. Having been with him for 2 years. :-( I like my life to some extend and don't drink every evening, as stated before, but when I don't drink I turn to cigs or tramadol or prescribed sleeping pills....just as long as I have something in my system. I used to be bulimic and that was my "output" of stress. Then I was a gym rat that ran for 2hrs plus every day (probaby the best thing I did!!!. Sadly then I truned to alcohol. I justify it by the fact that I am British and it is part of our culture...especially now the World Cup is on...and now England have been knocked out :-( even more reason to drink.... I've been drinking every weekend since I was 14---so did all my Brit friends.... But seems like I'm the only one that turned out to be an alcoholic/drug abuser. I've never taken illegal drugs apart from weed and that was only 3 times (dont like it). 

Anyway, sorry for going on and on. It is a choice, I agree, but I also have ADHD and am always on-the-go and lack self-control, thus it's harder for me. I'm not trying to make excuses for myself....am I? ADHD is a proper psychological condition. I don't take meds. for it because they are too expensive. 

How are you doing guys? 

Love Emily xxxxxxxxxxx