Topic : Addiction Support

The silence in my T.V. room is scary.

My husband and I just watched a football game and every time something great happened I'm hoopin' it up and he isn't even smiling, not making a sound.

 

My husband is ? hungover? depressed? mad at me, for what I have no idea? just silent and unemotional. (OU won the game! and he didn't even say a word!)

I want to run out of the house and scream for conversation attention interaction exchange something any thing!!

 

This happens every night and all weekend every weekend, really. Unless of course he has been drinking and then I can't get  him to hush. He tells me the same thing  over and over. not just the same thing from one night but night after night and we have been married now for almost 17 years.

We have no conversation other than discussing our son and his sports. And even that he is limited to what he will say to me and has only started sitting with me at sports functions in the last year. (my son is now in High School and plays for the school team).

 

I have tried online and in person Al-Anon meetings. I feel supported but I still come home to silence and a thirsty form  in "his chair".

I have tried going and doing things by myself and for myself but still the silence and I am so alone. I saved 2 dogs in the last year for someone to talk to in the house and do things with, they are a blessing but still the silence and the boredom.

 

I have "trapped" him in the car begging to know why he won't talk to me. I have cried sitting in front of him asking for him to just give me more of YOU please.  I have asked him to go with me to do multiple things, car shows, sporting events, movies, dinners, heck just run out to the dog park, and he won't leave the house unless it's to go to work or get drinking supplies/cigs.

He has had a heart attack and still smokes and drinks like a freight train!

 

I have written him letters explaining his daughters want him to walk them down the asile when they get married. I want our son to have him in the stands when he plays college ball. I want a friend and a buddy a partner a lover.

We have slept apart for years, he snores when he has been drinking, it rattles the roof and besides that he wakes me up trying to suggest sex and I am so far emotionally detached from him I have no desire to have him touch me.

If we don't have an emotional connection I certainly am not going to  have a physical relationship.

Believe me I want one!

I'm rambling, I'm frustrated, I'm lonely, anyone have dinamite to blast him alive, out of his chair, or a suggestion for me?

I'm out of rope and need a suggestion please!!!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/alcoholism/47857-quitting-what-expect.html

My sister is going though some kind of substance addiction.  I was raised by two great parents and I never even tried drugs and I will never understand how she found this path.  She racked up thousands of dollars on their credit card before they found out and canceled it.  She calls whenever she has a Migraine and needs medicine, or can't pay for things.  She told them she needed help recently and then while they were out of the house she came by with a letter she had written saying all kinds of cruel things and that they were no longer parents to her. She demanded money and threatened to sue them if they didn't give it to her.  She owes them almost 15, 000 dollars on items she has charged with access to their credit and through identity theft.  They are blindsided and hurt.  Every time they try to confront her she rages and leaves or hangs up on them.  She hangs up on me every time we speak and tonight told me she "had nothing to say to me" before hanging up.  If you keep giveing him money he is going to use it for drugs just like my sister would.  I know it hurts and I feel like I am helpless to get my sister through this because I believe the substance abuse is to drown out psychological damage from extreme abuse she suffered in a violent relationship.  All I can tell you is I think my family is at the foot of a very high mountain we'll have to climb before she gets "better".  If we keep staying involved in her life she is going to hurt us every step of the way.  At what point do you let go?  she live out of the house with a scab of a human being roomate who I know has helped her access drugs.  I hate this is happening to my family, it is surreal.  Hang in there and protect yourself.  He needs an ultimatum to seek treatment or to be arrested if you can prove he uses drugs and if he turns down help you have to be able to let him go. 

keep going to al-anon for support. Perhaps there is a message your not hearing?

 

As scary as it may be, perhaps you should consider life beyond your husband. It is frustrating, it's lonely, but.....are you not already feeling alone?

 

Is your husband making an effort to stop drinking? Have you tried any counselling with him?

 

At some point, only you can make the decision for yourself and your children what life will look like in the future.

 

One of the sadest but most telling was watching a young man whose mother stayed with an alcoholic for as many years as you. He has no relationship with her and doesn't really want one. He resents all the years she spent with her husband and all the sadness this young man witnessed.

 

Your thinking of the future and that's good. Take the time to really see the possibilities. What if he doesn't stop drinking and it's now ten years later? You'll still be wishing, more pain suffered and perhaps in the process damage the relationship you have with your children beyond repair?

 

I hope to god not......but..... I see the pain in this young man's eyes and it breaks my heart!

 

Sometimes the best medicine is to mourn the loss of what we hoped for and move ourselves to a better life!

 

I pray you find the answers and strength you need!

Coffee  :)

I am a functioning drunk.  I can go without drinking when I need to.  Why though does it consune my thoughts during the day. I fight with myself to drink or not.  I make bargains with myself, etc.  I have done AA.  Great when it was far away so no one knows my problem.   (chapter disbanded)  Always worried I might know someone. ( makes me weak.) Too many of my friends/neighbors/etc. are drinkers.  If I could do this in privacy, I would feel more comfortable.  Need some help.  Drinking is a negative in my life, just don't know how to work on it myself.

 My mother is a "non-functioning" alcoholic. She drinks morning noon and night. No job, lives with enabling boyfriend in small town. I have tried several methods of helping her...sometimes she has wanted help, a couple of times I had her legally committed out of fear for her safety.  I am married and my little sister is in our custody (16 yrs old).  My question is...should my mother be allowed to stay with me if she is getting help? My husband has huge reservations and I also lean towards no. But I keep thinking...if she had cancer or some other disease...i would have to take her in. She is obviously out of control. If alcoholism is a disease, than is it no different than having cancer? That's where I am lost. I keep thinking that I can help her by letting her live with me...but it would put a HUGE strain on our marriage. What do you think? Honestly, I have no idea. What would you do if it were your mom?

HI

Am trying to find out where you send people with a drug addiction.  Sorry to say I have never seen your show myself. I was talking to my neighbors and they told me there was a place that you send your guest for help.  Somewhere in San Antonio TX. I have a son that is 21yrs old. He needs help with drugs and a mental problem. Oh hell I need help too, trying to understand addiction. I am trying to get him on my husbands insurance. There is nowhere out there that will help without insurance or money. We live in Roanoke TX. So San Antonio is not too close but not that far.

Thank you for you time,

Sandy

if you click the link above for general mental heath resources there are several. One is in hunt texas called la hacienda.

 

For yourself, you can check for narcanon, or alanon. You can find great support and great info at the meetings. They are free and usually only ask for donations.

 

Good luck

 

Coffee :)

Unless your mother wants to stop there is nothing you can do. If she really does, the trick is you need to set ground rules that are non negotiable. In other words, one would be "NO ALCOHOL". Another might be, "Attend alcoholics anonymous". You might consider making sure she has stopped drinking before you allow her to live with you?

 

You have to have tough love if you are going to survive this. The last thing you want is to "TRY" to help your mother and lose your family in the process. You need a solid plan "BEFORE" she comes to live with you!

 

Have you considered going to alanon? It is for family members or friends of alcoholics. They "KNOW" what you are going through and will have great suggestions for you and your husband about setting boundaries and how to follow through.

 

One of the hardest is to turn off the feelings of "DUTY" to help at all costs. The only way you will help her is to "get tough", set the rules, and if she breaks them, toss her out to suffer the consequences of "HER CHOICES". Are you strong enough to toss her out if she doesn't follow the rules?

 

If your mother had cancer and chose to ignore the doctors advice, could you simply stand by and watch her die? Personally, hell no!

 

Another thing to consider is your sister. She is living with you because? What effect will it have on her to have your mother under the same roof? You may want to consider talking to your doctor about the emotional problems it may cause for her.

 

I'm so sorry your stuck in the middle. Really take the time to think about the negatives and positives for everyone before you jump in as the "DUTIFUL DAUGHTER"!

 

I pray for you and your family!

Coffee :)

You can go without drinking when you need to? So, If I said you need to never take another drink again you could do it?

 

What is it that worries you about maybe meeting someone you know? If they are there, then they have the same problem you do?

 

Isn't it the secrecy that enables you to drink?

 

My best suggestion for you is to go back to AA. From my understanding the odds of you doing it yourself without the support is very unlikely.

 

I pray you find the courage to seek out what you really need!

Coffee :)