Topic : Addiction Support

Hi.  Sorry you're going through all this, but I think it's really awesome that you're stepping up to the plate for your little sister.

As for your mom, the short version is:  No, do not even think of letting her stay with you!  First of all, you're right that it would strain your marriage, and you're already going above and beyond the call of duty with taking in your sister.  Right now, your priorities should be your own little "family". 

Second, it's true that alcoholism is a disease, but each of us who has it must take responsibility for taking care of it.  Your mom hasn't reached that point  yet, apparently.  And until she does, any "help" you try to provide is going to end up enabling her.

What I would suggest is to get yourself to Alanon, where you'll meet people in your own situation.  You'll get support, but you'll alse get "educated" about the rights and wrongs of dealing with an alcoholic parent. 

I know it's emotionally draining - my mom died at 48 from this disease.  And there is help for her....but until she asks for it herself and really wants it, your only recourse as her daughter is to stay as far away from her addiction as possible.  It will entrap you without your even noticing it and you have a separate life now that you deserve.

I also  agree that it is a wonderful thing you are doing for your sister.  I also don't believe you should have your mother come and live with you because it will  put a strain on your marriage

You feel you have an obligation to your mom.  Somewhat,  she is a grown woman and has

obviously lived like this a long time.  She knows how to survive.  Unless she tells you that she

needs help, and really means it .  I say your doing something to help her already by taking

care of you sister, and at 16 years old is no minor job. My husband on the other hand is a

functioning alcoholic, gets up and goes to work every day, never misses.  At night drinks

and drinks until he is wasted.  Goes to bed and every night is disoriented as to where the

bed and bathroom are, if you get my meaning.  In the morning  he has no memory of  doing

any of the things, urinating  on the floor, banging into the wall, missing the bed, walking around

naked. I've lived like this for a long long time.  Do I feel it is a disease?  Sometimes yes and

sometimes no.  I've tryed everything I know to help him but he enjoys it too much and it is more

important than me or his family I guess.  Your mom must be a little depressed to not have any

ambition.  My husbands sister was like that and what her daughter did was get custody of her

mother because she was not in control of her life at that point.  Her mom has been working for

13 years and just now started drinking a beer or two.  I feel that is because she is alone too

much.  She is always working and I feel that is so she is not home too much alone.  I pray fpr

you and your family .

I am a mother of a 17 yr old son  who is adicted to marijuana and cocaine. He is ruining his life.! The school called me today.. He has missed 6 days of school already this year,(school just started). I had no idea that he had missed these days. I am a very straight-minded person. I have made uncountable calls to try to get him help. I cannot get anywhere, at all. I have been told at one place, that it would take money to get him the help that he needs. Also, he is on a Medicaid HMO, that requires to fo be evaluated before they will even think of paying for any services at all. My son states that hewill not go to get evaluated. He has stated that if we take him to an appointment with a counselor we will never see him again. The resources available to us are very limited due to financial hardship.  I don't know what else to do. The school also told me that he talks and brags about using drugs. I was so embarassed. I come from a church-going  family. I have tried to do everything right for him and my other son. I have been married to their father for 21 yrs. now.  I don't know what to do, HOW DO I GET HIM THE HELP THAT HE NEEDS?  I believe thathe has been doing drugs for about a year, now that i look back on things. He is a senior in HS. Last year he quit basketball, which he loved very much. He played since he was in pre-school and is very talented. PLEASE HELP ME HELP MY SON!  I will appreciate any information and advice. We live in a rural community, I stayed here because i thought it was safer to raise the kids here than a city. I am afraid that my son is gong to die from cocaine poisioning.

Please respond.

Lioness376

I Tvo the Dr. Phil show everyday and saw the story about Florida Detox. I watched the  story and it could have been my own.  I am too a single mother with and addiction problem to pain killers. .  As I watched, I am going through everything she went through.  Taking pills before I even get out of bed, watching for the UPS man and thinking all of the time, how many pills do I have left and when are my refills due from the many places that I get them from, will I be able to shower today etc.  You would never know by looking at me that I have this problem.  I am involved in my sons schoold, I go to field trips,  I get manicures and peducures and even botox, restylene and hair extension. I am high maintenance in most eyes.    THEN, Florida Detox came up and sounded like the answer to my prayers.  I have checked into many rehab facilities but most are extended stay which I cannot do..  My parents are both dead and I have 3 siblings (only 1 that I am close to, who lives in MN and has her husband and children., the other 2 are addicts that don't live productive lives, one is  twin borther. that has been an addict for over 20 years. ).  FLORIDA DETOX WAS MY ANSWER Not only did it sound wonderful but when checking where it was, I live only 3 miles away.  THIS WAS THE ANSWER.  I COULD NOT BELEIVE THEY ARE PRACTICALLY IN MY BACKYARD.  I thought wow. I am calling them first thing in the morning.  I went to bed the first time in 5 years happy and excited.  Then, the shoe dropped.  They don't take insurance and it costs 15,000.00.  I felt like I had been kicked in the stomach.   Everyone makes it sound like it is so easy to just go and get help,  IT IS NOT.   So here I am still>>>>>I have tried to stop taking them but become so ill, I just can't do it as much as I truely want to, I can't bear the pain.  I cannot even last 1 day.  This is absolutely controlling my life.  Anyone have any suggestions on how to do this alone??????  I beleive that twins have a special bond and wonder sometimes... will I be addicted to these as long as he is an addict.  We have had so many things happen to us that are similar,  I broke my foot and he broke is arm on the same day and we had car accidents on the same day.  Mine was minor but his was serious, he was in a coma for 5 days.  We now call when something of this type happens to warn the other to be careful.  DOES ANYONE KNOW IF FLORIDA DETOX WILL DO PAYMENT PLANS?  I figure, the amount that I spend every month on the pills, I could easily pay this money to them.  I don't want to call and ask this question, it sounds really stupid.  I posted this message one other time but have not heard from anyone.  I am getting more desperate by the day.  If it weren't for my son, I am not sure if I would still be here to write this.  It sacres me that there may come a day that I may not be here for him.  My son is 7 and we are very close.  I am all that he has and he is all that I have.  His father has never been in his life and we don't see family except every couple of years or so.  I never dreamed that I would ever feel so alone., sad, desperate and so very afraid. 

 I get manicures and peducures and even botox, restylene and hair extension. I am high maintenance in most eyes. 

Only you can choose!

A phone call to find out about possible payments is stopping you? I don't want to call and ask this question, it sounds really stupid.

This is absolutely controlling my life. (so it is controlling your son's life too!)

My son is 7 and we are very close.  I am all that he has and he is all that I have.

When the reason is strong enough you'll pick up the phone or figure out a way to put aside the money. The things you claim are high maintenance are very expensive. Bet it wouldn't take long to get the money together?

Coffee  :)

I have not been doing this too long and I don't know how much help you are going to get.  You

will get advise and possibly ideas and just knowing that there is someone listening pretty much

helps.  Now in regards to your quote.  It sounds like your husband has been drinking a long time

You seem to think he could stop if he wanted to.  No, he can't,  he can stop for a little bit,  he can

curtail the drinking but unless he really wants to he won't.  I can say this because my husband is

a night time wine drinker.  a half a gallon a night gussler.  I have tried everything.  He loves it too

much.  I have tried to divorce and because of the children, I didn't.   There is one thing I will say

DON'T leave unless you are threaten.  He can leave.   Also, you did not say how young your

children are.  Mine are grown now and I am finding out how much the years of this has affected

them.  They all love their dad but can't stand to see him drunk.  They try and avoid parties and

stuff like that so they don't see it and get ashamed.  I am fortunate that he is the kind of drunk that people like to have around,  unbelieveable I know.  He becomes funny , loud and passes

out.  If he was mean., I would of never of been married for 32 years.  Although,  It affects the

childrens lives no matter what so there is a lot of help out there get on the computer.  Find out

things you need to know before you make any kind of move.  Start saving a little on the side.

Check out places in your community most place are free and will give you some advice.  Then

you make the choice for your family.  It sound like his family won't be too surprised but believe

me he will and this just might wake him up.  God bless you and your children

It seems that your life is very simular to mine in so many ways.

My son did not even smoke ciggs. in high school but he drank and smoked pot. I live in NC in a town called "race city" where my son Jimmy worked building homes (Carolina Panthers homes). What I am getting at is... you need to take your son by the hand or the ear and get him into some kind of counsling or rehab while you still can. And as far as him saying that you will never see him again, at least in your heart you will know that you tried. I wish that I had your time. My Jimmy now lives with me in a creamation urn since 7/16/05. He was 26-yrs old when he accidently overdosed. You know what? He was respected by all that new him, he worked 6-days a week and loved kids and had the kindest heart with the elderly. I now have one son who is 25 and is so angry at his brother because he looked up to him.

My Jimmy left me due to cocaine and I cry and sob every single day.

I will never be the same, ever.

Help your son no matter what he says - he is still your baby!!