Topic : Addiction Support

I have been with my fiance for almost 5 years now and we have a wonderful 2 year old son. When we first started dating his was heavy into smoking pot-and since we had our son I thought he was cutting it out. Unfortunatley I was wrong. Over the past year he has been an overall disappoinment. He was taking our son to and from daycare, and when he got home I had to get something out of his car-and he had a bag of weed in his glove box. Now that's serious to me, if he would have gotten pulled over and was caught for that, our son would be gone.

Recently him,his brother and his freind all went to an amusement park together. Both his brother and his friend are pretty heavy into drugs. I asked him if he was going to smoking pot, and assured me over and over again that he wasn't going to. They took my suv to the amusement park, so in th morning I was looking for my car keys in his short pockets, and found another bag of weed. I am so crushed that he keeps lying to me about it, and keeps putting our son right in this. I have given him so many chances and am at a loss of what to do. He keeps putting grief on me and why I don't trust him, but he's never given me a reason to trust him. I really need help.

        i am having alot of problems with my dad.  He as always been a really heavy drinker all my 19 years of life.  He also has anger issues to the extreme.  He used to hit my brother, sister, and i when we were younger over the simplest and littlest things, like not replacing the torliet paper or lookin at thim wrong.  In the past two years he has gotten on an anti depressant which seemed to help a lot.  But when he drinks the effect seems to go away.  He has tried to kill himself 3 times once he has to be hospilaized.  Now his abusive behavior is starting again.  This past weekend he was arrested for choking and pinning my younger brother up against the wall for  saying peace intead of bye.  He was ordeded not to be within 100 ft of my brother.  BUt my mother seesm to think he has changeed in the past 5 days.  he even threatned me and called me every name he could and i'm 5 months pregnant.  She sair she will let him come back alcohol and all.  She has never stood up for us my whole lif e and seems to be choosing my dad over us.  i know my dad has not changed and will probably be even worse.  i am terrifed of him hurting us really bad and not even remember anything.  I was the one who had to call 911 that night he hurt my brother and i was the one who had to comfort my little brother after this cuz my mom cared about my dad.  i don't know what to do i'm scared!

I'm really sorry you're going through this!  My parents were both alcoholics, and my dad was similar to yours, except it was me who took the brunt of his anger.

You're in a tricky situation, because you're still practically a kid yourself, yet you're a legal adult and you do need to protect your younger brother (and possibly sister - you didn't mention her age). 

But there's a couple of things you might try.  First, call your local Legal Aid to see if you can talk to an attorney.  If there's a court order barring your Dad from getting within 100 feet of your brother, your mother may not have the option to let him return, unless she wants to get in trouble herself.  Protect your brother at all costs!  If Mom ends up with a contempt citation, it may or may not be the wake up call she needs, but you do not want to get a phone call in the middle of the night that your suspicions are confirmed and you no longer have a brother. It's not as far fetched as it sounds.

Also, even though you won't want to do this, I would get myself to an Al Anon or Alateen meeting.  For one thing, they might know the answers to the above questions.  Hell, there might even be an attorney there.  More importantly, though, you'll get support.  You really need this kind of support. 

Finally, if you can engage any other adult relatives in this, do so.  If this has been some sort of "family secret", you're an adult now and you're perfectly free to break that silence. 

Even if your brother is physically ok at the moment, he's being psychologically damaged with every passing day.  Kids treated the way he's been treated can erupt without warning in ways that destroy (or end) their life on the spot. You are completely justified in taking any steps necessary to protect him. 

  For anyone that feels like they are affected by another's addiction - Al-Anon can and will give you the tools to take care of yourself in this difficult situation. 

This is a 12 step program for YOUR recovery from the affects of someone's alcoholism/addiction.

The situation will improve if you apply the al-anon ideas.

Even if you are in another 12 step program, you can change your hat and come to Al-Anon as well.

I have been attending Al-Anon meetings for over 10 years and I will gladly correspond with anyone that needs help.

Peggy

Being a professional in the human services field myself, if you have a legitamite concern over the objectivity of  your case worker speak with her supervisor. If you find that her supervisor is unwilling or unable to come to a amicable solution in regards to professional integrity being in question, simply ask your worker  or her supivisor for her (the CPS wokers)registration number and contact number for the agency that has her registered as a Social Worker. It is mandatory that all "Social Workers" are registered, therefore she will have a number and by law is required to give it upon request.

If she does not have a registration number then she really is not a "Social Worker" even if she is employed in the humanitarian field. If this is the case still contact the Government agency that regulates the "Social Work" profession and speak to them about your issue. They will take the necassary steps to investigate your concerns.

This is a last resort and I strongly encourage you to try to work this out with the Supervisor and the worker before taking this step as it is drastic, and the Regilation Board does not take concerns lightly.

However, if after trying to come to a positive solution in regards to the best environment for this child, you find you that you have no other resort but to have the Social Work Reglatory Board get involved then  do so. This Childs Life is at stake Hun and whatever happins for better or for worse will determine a lot on how the rest of her life will be lived.

Let me know how things go for you and those children, they really do deserve a fighting chance Hun, however, any fighting is going to be up to a loving, caring individual, I am thinking you are that individual.

Let me know how things go for you .

Tammy

Thanks for your kind words - My that's anold post - I have no been sober 2 years and 10 months and am actively involved in AA and Al-ANON. Your right it helps. I am still married and He's settled into a pattern of  being a periodic. We adjust and get by and I would trade my life today for the hell I used to live. My message is there is hope out there for those who seek it.

Peace and Namaste

Mischif

You're not going to like what I say, but prisons and hospitals are full of people who have "seen the light".  It's easy to see it when drugs aren't an option.

Your brother may be well-intentioned, but in my opinion you're putting way too much faith in him right now.   The only way you will know if he can stay sober is when he gets out and you can see how he responds to real life without drugs.  The odds are against him, at least until he gets into a solid recovery program. 

Even if it could be worked out that he gets the 2 girls in April, that's the worst scenario of all for both him and the girls!   He needs a chance to focus on living outside of prison minus drugs and they need stability and security.

Beyond that, I can't really comment on what to do.  You say you fear adoption because you'd never see them again and I understand that.  But just looking at it objectively as an outsider, it appears to be in the kids best interest (unless you can somehow get them yourself).  But if you do that,  please do not plan to hand them off in April.

Your brother needs to earn the right to have custody of them.  And he hasn't proven a thing yet.

That is great news that your brother is willing to try and leave his old life behind in order that he can begin a new one :) .

Keep yourself healthy and happy, first and foremost.

It is not going to be a easy road to travel with your brother, as you probably already know.

With that being said, I sure hope that you continue to come here and talk if you need to talk.

If you would like to talk to other addicts in recovery or dealing with a family member in recovery, come on over to http://www.ccnchat.com/login.php

The room is called:  "staying in today" and there is always some one around to talk to, I go there a lot find it to be a really good place to go and talk about recovery, and just conect with people that understand.

Really really hope things go well for you and all your family.

HUGS

Tammy