Topic : Addiction Support

My dear friend of 30yrs is going through this with her husband over his crack use - they are about to lose his business and their marital home - she still loves him and even though she moved out last April she cries about him daily - he has her on an emotional rollercoaster - I try to be here for her but she needs someone that is in her shoes to truly understand her situation I believe. We live in Virginia - don't wish to post her email without her knowledge but if you would contact me I could put you in contact with her - getting ready to call and tell her - pls email me at swallace40@cox.net if you would like to be connected.

You are in my prayers - Susan

My name is Drew, and I'm a thirteen year old girl. I'm sending this email to you to tell you about the things going on in my house hold, and wondering if you may be able to help.

In the past five years my mother has been an alchoholic. Just this year, she faced it and went to rehab. But that wasn't before we had awful late nights when she would drink and become nasty.

My mother -Donna- can be the sweetest person ever, exceptions when she drinks. When she drinks, she becomes nasty mean, and calls each of us a large sum of names. In my family, we conclude of me, my sister Jordan (10), my Father Greag, my GrandMother Gail, and my mother Donna. But, we also have adopted a child with bellsindrum, she is now 36.

My grand mother Gail has a stroke and seizure nine months ago, and she was left with out being able to talk or walk. During those months, she has lived with us, and we faught to get her medical care, eventualy gaining a company called We Care, to come in and help. She is now able to talk some what, and walk with a walking stick, but not very much.

You may be wondering why I'm telling you all this and it is because it all leads on top of each other. My mother tells us the reason she drinks is because of the 'stress' of taking care of my Nana, the stress of taking care of us, and the house. And me, and my sister feel a burden because of so.

Lately, things have become worse. After she left rehab, she began to drink again, and now it's constantly. Most of the time, I carry my mother to her bed, to sleep after her and my father have had a loud yelling fight, because she's drunk. My sister sits and listens to it all, and my Nana does also.

I am not telling you this so you can take me and my sister away, I'm telling you this in hopes you can talk to me, and maybe offer us some help.

Thank you, and if you need any more information you may ask.

Drew

( This message here was suposed to go straight to Dr.Phils email box. But because of errors, it wont go through)

To my stupidity, I have been sitting on this subject far too long and the rerun show you had on Aug. 18,2008 just brought it boiling up again.

I have been in addiction recovery since 1986.  I worked very hard, got in NA service work and basicaly would have stood on my head and tried to fart Dixie if that's what it took to stay clean.

I have watched a previous guest, who was once active in her addiction, go around with a camera and photograph addicts who are at deaths door, Sarah and her twin to be precise. I have been on many a `12 step call and I have NEVER EVER even thought of taking a camera. I went to try to get someone in a secure place who was dying of their disease.  How on God's green earth could this Joanie go out in her van with her camera and video an addict scoring the dope and then letting them shoot up in the back seat?

I cannot imagine any sane person doing this and you, Dr. Phil showing it on TV.  If I were trying to HELP someone in this dire condition I would have hog tied them to the seat and drove them for immediate medical safety whether they stayed or not. I wonder how Joanie would have felt if Sarah had died shooting herion in the back seat of her van??  Now maybe there was some other support personal there that was not shown on TV.  Is this the kind of 12 step call you support Dr. Phil?  If so, I would be dead if you showed up on my personal call.  Ms. Joanie needs to shove her camera where the sun don't shine and I feel you show a grave miscarriage of a 12 step call if you approve of this. I pray I never see this Joanie and her camera again.

You are doing the right thing.  It may be the hardest thing you have ever done, but until he realizes his own problems, all he will do is push them off on you.  He has given up on himself and until you get out, he will keep doing what is working for him.  I have been married to an alcoholic for over 13 years and if I had it to do all over again, I would walk away the first time he got drunk in my presence.  Now we have children and I can't take them away from him.  He is the best husband and father when he is sober, but he is unrecognizable when drunk.  When I got regnant with our first child, he promised to slow down the beer consumption.  Before I even knew I was pregnant with our second child, he went out with a friend one night, played pool and darts and drank until stumbling.  He got a ride home and went to his workshop and tried to hang himself.  I cut him down and his father brought him beer a couple months after that.  It is a never ending cycle as long as there are people who allow it to happen. I fought with his dad regularly about it, but he ignored my begging and pleading for help. My husband didn't want to die, he just is stupid when drunk.  I have already said to myself that when our kids are out of college, I am leaving him if he is still drinking.  I can't make him quit, all I can do is not let him drink around us and not buy it for him.  Now I just use this as a life lesson for our children.  My children have both sworn never to drink (remember, it is hereditary) and never to marry someone who drinks often or until drunk.  I keep reminding them that not all people who have a drink with a group of friends is an alcoholic, but someone who drinks alone is definitely one.  It is sad really.  When I was a child, I never had even  seen someone drunk.  Now I get to give my children life lessons based on what they have seen their own father doing - it breaks my heart.  When I married him, I was so deeply in love.  Now, I love him but I don't think I am in love with him anymore.  I would like to thank the alcohol for that.  It is hard to love a person that doesn't love himself. 

I do not believe in only one love per person in a lifetime.  WALK AWAY and don't look back.  Even if he cleans up, there will always be a big problem that never completely goes away.  Marriage is time consuming and hard enough without that problem ALWAYS being there.  Find the man that deserves the love, loyalty and patience that you are willing to put into a relationship.  He is out there waiting for you .  I will be thinking of and praying for you.

 

 

got a sick feeling in my stomach when i watched the videos this woman took.

I have beed clean and sober for over 14 years, and have worked with hundreds of addicts both personaly and professionaly and there is no way i would ever video tape those poor souls for the world to see!

The videos could come back to haunt some of those and they may not be able to live with what they see and what millions of others have seen of them. they are in their bleakest most darkest hours, but if they do come out the other side into the light those videos will always be there as a constant reminder to people of how the addict used to be.

I recall one show were this woman brought a woman to the show who was struggling with an addiction, and i was horrified when joanie, volunteered information about this womans exploits!

I will never ever forget what she said about that poor woman, i literally wanted to step through the tv and slap that woman and ask her who the hell she though she was, sharing such sensative and humiliating information about a woman she supposedly cares for!

I am sorry that was my reaction to what she said, it does not mean i condone or advocate violence, but we hall have a reaction like that at one time or another when a serious breech or trust, confidence and justice has been condoned on national tv. no?

For those that are not familiar with individuals who truely do take to heart helping those that are suffering, fist of all we do not document, video tape, or share any thing shared in confidence, and we sure as hell do not go on national tv! Joanie, it is not likley you will even come to this board, but if you did I would say this, For the love of God stop using these poor people to make your self into a celebrity guru for addicts! You are not a represenative, simply for the fact what you are representing is deplorable! I am curious did the woman that you shamed and humilitated on tv who was seeking help, did she get past the hurt, betrayal and humiliation of what you said and get sober?

to the poster, I too feel a sick feeling in my stomach when i see that woman, i have no love for her, and as one addict to another, Joanie we know what you are really all about! But thinking and doing are two very diffrent things~!

Tammy

 

It sounds like you're in a pretty sad situation, Drew, and my heart goes out to you. You must feel trapped between a rock and a hard place - being left with so much responsibility, yet being so young yourself; enduring the verbal abuse and name calling, yet wanting the best for your mum because she's your mum; feeling helpless yet needing to be the protector for your family. That's a pretty big burden for a youngster, and sis, from what I read you seem incredibly compassionate, intelliegent, mature, polite, and you're on to it for reaching out for help. It's a shame your message didn't get into Dr Phil's email box, do try again. I'm proud of you for reaching out for help. You need to tell a trusted adult about your situation, someone who you know will do the best noo only for your family, but for your mum as well. Is your dad able to help in some way?? Is there a teacher you could talk to, or a school counsellor? Let us know how it goes. And remember, you and your sister are NOT burdens at all to your mum, her addiction to alcohol is. She needs to go back to rehab. Am praying for you. Hugs!

My son is 35---he lives 2hours away in another state. I thought he was doing well, although in the past year I was beginning to wonder if he was drinking too much; mainly from seeing his blog and myspace messages.

Two days ago he told me he was going to scale back his 'partying' and he was telling me and other's for accountability. He said he'd go out for dinner, have 2 glasses of wine, then go to a party, drink more wine, which let to doing drugs, which lead to unsafe sex, which resulted in him staying up all night. But he was going to scale back.

I asked if he is addicted. He said no.
I asked if he was in trouble and he said no, not yet. He just wanted to stop before he crashed and burned.

Then he told me he was way way behind on bills. Hubby and I helped him get his house 3 years ago to the tune of 25 thousand. We are not rich, we refinanced to do this. He is way behind in all bills, says he. He is almost 2 months behind in mortgage. I asked what was he saying? That he wanted a loan? or was he just telling me his financial state. He said if I could help it'd be great. I told him I wasn't in the business of helping anymore and if he wanted a loan, he'd have to ask. We'd have to write it up, he'd have to pay it back. He said he'd send me his total indebtedness and we could decide if we wanted to help.

I asked him if he could please not do cocaine for 6 months. He looked funny, said, yeah he could, but he didn't want to. He again said he's not addicted, except maybe to the 'lifestyle.'

I told him this sounds like 'drugie talk' to me. He said for me to please not let MY experience [my mother was a heroin addict, bother a crack addict] bleed into his experience. Be open minded. I said, I am and I'll research.

I researched today. I have found NOTHING that says this is okay. I have found NOTHING to reassure me that he just has a small problem...and everything that says he's in trouble. But of course he can't see it.

I am 'thinking' of paying 1 month back mortgage to the company [not giving him money] and asking him to give me a quick deed form, signed, so that if he misses another, I'll sell his house. He'll say I don't trust him, blaa blaa...I'll say if he trusts himself NOT to miss another payment, it will be okay.

He had a good job. He quit to do videoography and editing, free lance. He had a company that was paying him, but now they've let him go. He SAYS he'll get a job, wait tables if necessary...

I am really really triggered because of my mother's addiction. I think all druggies lie, I think he might be. Then I wonder, am I being too hard BECAUSE of my background. I don't drink or drug--but wow, if I never knew why an alcoholic would grab a drink, I know it now. I'm spinning, and can't stop. I'm bleeding out. I can't believe drugs are invading my life again, and this time through my kids who I dearly dearly love...

HELP!!!

Sorrry===how do i start my own thread??? ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!

At the top of this board click on Post a message!

My girlfriend of 3 years has had an ongoing addiction to prescription pain meds for the past ten years. I helped her get off them once but realize she is now using again. Her behavior has become very unpredictable. She is frequently hours late for dates and has no reason for being late. She has lost three jobs in 2 years. Inspite of not having a job she always has plenty of cash which makes me wonder where it is coming from, again she can't come up with an answer. I am having a hard time deciding if I should just move on and let her deal with her problems or if I should give her another chance. We did discuss treatment but she said she can get off the drugs by herself. I don't believe it. After the first time she told me she would stay clean and I feel that sticking by is only enabling her and we will do this many times. Right now I do not trust her and and feel that the drugs have ruined any chance at moving forward in a relationship. Her family tells me to leave and let her hit bottom but I find that hard since I do love her. Advice?