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Topic : 05/28 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 3

Number of Replies: 118
New Messages This Week: 0
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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:08:44 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil continues his work with The Dr. Phil Family, an out-of-control, angry group with a long history of infidelities, betrayals and bitter resentments. Melissa’s boyfriend, Randy, joins the family at The Dr. Phil House, but Gene and Myra are not happy to see him. They think that Randy is a liar and a thief, and the reason Melissa has gained about 100 pounds in the last five years. Gene and Myra attempt to talk to Melissa about her weight, but Melissa is anything but receptive. Then, because they often blame each other for the chaos in the family, Melissa and Gene are assigned to bury the hatchet long enough to cook a family dinner together, without help from anyone else. Will these relatives be able to follow the rules? After dinner, a family meeting turns heated with accusations and tearful confessions. Dr. Phil joins the family and confronts Melissa and Randy about their sometimes violent relationship and Melissa’s mismanagement of her health. Can this couple create a nurturing relationship for the sake of their autistic child? Will Melissa do what it takes to gain control over her weight? Share your thoughts here.



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May 28, 2007, 3:26 pm CDT

What's goin on?

You Know, I really like this family..I think just from observing them that they are great people, and really do love eachother..kinda reminds me of mine...they just don't know how to treat eachother...That happens alot, in alot of families. I am totally routing for melissa; I see alot of her in me..but she's a fighter!! She's gotta leave her boyfriend though..Once he's out, she'll have fought half the battle...  What I am interested in knowing is this.....  Why was her "Boyfriend", during the discussion that was  goin on sitting next to her brother so closely?  Two brother's on a couch, not sitting close to eachother... and for some reason, Mellissa's  older brother and Boyfriend comforting eachother??  What is goin on!!!!?? Something seems a bit off to me...Are the two of them best friends??  I really think that boy has no place there... At least until Mellissa is comfortable with her own issues.

 

I hear you girl...you love him...But that does not mean he is good for you and your child ;)

 
May 28, 2007, 3:33 pm CDT

I Feel For Melissa

I understand the frustration this young lady is battling.

 

I was in a relationship in which I felt hopeless and discouraged when I got pregnant with my first child.  It was a struggle just to get out of the bed each morning.  My daughter's father was of absolutely no help, before or after she was born.  While I was pregnant, I commuted 1 1/2 hours each way, 5 days per week while he stayed home and played video games.  He was in school so I tried to support his endeavors.  He agreed to get a job and I tried to be patient.  I exhausted my savings trying to support him while he continued to sit around, lazy, lying and manipulative.  I was so determined to have what I believed was the ideal family--Mommy, Daddy, and Baby together under one roof--that I was willing to sacrifice my own emotional well-being.

 

I soon came to the realization that my daughter would benefit more from having a stable and calm home environment with just her Mommy, than to struggle financially and live in constant strife with a non-contributing, manipulative Daddy in the house.

 

It is very difficult to be a single parent, but even harder to be the parent of your own child, as well as someone else's adult child.  Melissa will begin to feel like herself again once she is able to let go of her on-contributing partner and realize that she has the strength to care for her son on her own.  I didn't have family that I was able to "dump my child off on," but I did have a support network.  I see that her family is very concerned and I believe that they would be willing to help with Melissa's son if she lived near them.  Just surrounding oneself with those who truly care and avoiding those who don't can help you to get back on track.

 

Melissa, sweetheart, you have so much to offer your son.  I believe that you can be a wonderful and effective Mommy.  Just remember that your family is only hard on you because they see your potential and they truly care about you and your son.  Allow them to encourange and help you.  Soon you will begin to see that you are able to make progress on your own.

 

P.S. I left my daughter's father for good when she was 3 months old and raised her as a single parent (with family support, of course) until she was 3 years old.  I am now married to the most wonderful husband and father--more wonderful than I ever could have hoped or dreamed for!

 
May 28, 2007, 3:42 pm CDT

My Family, Another Last Name

I quite often tell people, I don't have a family, I have relatives. We never bonded. We didn't fight, we just ignored each other and each went in our own direction. My mother died 8 years ago - I don't really miss her. I haven't spoken to one sister since 1999, the other since 2002, and my father since 2005. If gven the chance to make last minute, graveyard amends, I'm not sure I would want to.

Bottom line - for those of you for whom there is still time - use it to the best advantage, and salvage what you can
 
May 28, 2007, 3:44 pm CDT

I was Melissa...

I am stunned at how much I saw of my (former) self in Melissa. I also have an autistic child, now nearly 13, and I want to say, first of all, to her, Take heart, hon'. There is help and hope! I know *exactly* what it's like to be doing *everything* in the hopes that my child will be able to do the things other kids his age find so easy and natural, and I know what it's like to be the "lone wolf," too. For five years, my husband and I only talked if we were fighting, and it was always about the state of the house and/or our son. I was terrified we would divorce, and somewhere in there, I also had another child who desperately needed my attention, and serious health problems related to a condition I was born with that could kill me. It *does* get better, with hard work, the right therapies, and age.

 

During that time, I also ballooned. I gained about 150 pounds from the time my husband and I met to August of '05, when I discovered how I could take care of myself, still eat, and actually lose weight. I have lost over 93 lbs since then and thank Weight Watchers for saving my life and giving it back to me so much better than it ever was before! I still have more to lose, but now I know how, and when I do, it will be gone for good. :)

 

Dr. Phil, I also have to say to you that I love watching your show, but some things are out of your expertise and therefore not yours to judge. I can tell you that autism is such a beast that, among other things, it can cause a young, non-verbal child to completely destroy a house in seconds. It's very possible that Melissa worked hard to keep the house in a condition it could be lived in, but dealing simultaneously with her son's autism and trying to manage the house was likely an impossibility. It certainly was for me! I was sure we would have the house condemned and lose custody of our kids because of what this disorder was doing to our lives. Please have some compassion and realize that "tough love" is only part of what is needed.

 

 

LIZ in RI, a loyal fan :)

 
May 28, 2007, 3:46 pm CDT

What is Melissa missing?

Maybe a job and treatment for depression?!  The only time a "healthy as a horse" person can sit in a house all day, watch TV and eat is when they are depressed.  Depression over your situation and not being happy with your life will take away all motivation to make any kind of change, no matter how much you hate things the way they are.  Melissa, get a job.  Your son is in school/day care so why are you staying home all day?  Get out of the house, get away from the fridge, do something you can enjoy and be proud of; and become the woman and the mother that you and your son deserve.  Love you girl friend!  You can do it!

 
May 28, 2007, 3:47 pm CDT

05/28 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 3

I'm sure the only reason that Melissa gorges herself on comfort foods must be the boyfriend Randy. Surely it has nothing to do with mom and dad and the family dynamic. Melissa has

grown up with nothing but dysfunction. Is it any wonder she sought out a bad relationship.

To try to solve her eating problems with a couple of fruits and vegetables and an afternoon of badgering her is just ludicrous.

 
May 28, 2007, 3:58 pm CDT

Child with autism

My best friend has a son who is autistic.  He was lucky enough to be diagnosed at about 18 mos. old, and has gotten into a school near Harrisburg, PA called the Vista School, which is specially for autistic children.  They, and his parents with instruction from school workers, have done WORLDS OF WONDERS with her Ryan, yes his name is Ryan too!!  He is now going to a regular pre-school part time, and going to the Vista school part time.  He is supposed to start regular kindergarden with a worker from Vista going to the regular school, at least part time!!  I have watched this boy go from being totally non-social, would only sit on a couch and rock, to almost as "normal" as any other child.  He still has issues, such as screaming outbursts, but they are certainly much less frequent then they used to be.  The 1st time he came up to me and said my name (after being in the Vista School for almost a year), babbled something that neither his mother or I understood, then ran away laughing, I will never forget!!  He now talks and interacts with me everytime I see him, which is wonderful to have happen, knowing and watching where he had been!! 

 

I hope Melissa can find a school like Vista for her son!  If she can't, then she should consider moving to an area that has one, like near Harrisburg, PA.  It surely would help her in finding herself again!! 

 
May 28, 2007, 3:59 pm CDT

Does the boyfriend have a boyfriend???

Was it me, or did it seem the boyfriend was much more infatuated with the older brother than Melissa? They were all wrapped up on that sofa, where there was clearly plenty of room. HMMMMM.....sure seemed comfy all laid up on each other. He should have been holding his wife, instead of his wife's brother!
 
May 28, 2007, 4:07 pm CDT

These folks need a wake-up call

I do not understand what this family is doing in the Dr. Phil house. They evidently are clueless about the process. That deal today about the cooking, that was a real eye-opener. The idea was that Melissa and Gene would perform a task TOGETHER and all that entails such as commuincation, sharing,  delegating, etc. It was NOT about eating a "nice" meal. Who gives a rat's behind if there was potato salad or not. Tuna sandwiches would have been fine . It had NOTHING to do with the food per se. But Myra had to butt in and take over. Of course Melissa would feel like a fifth wheel.  What is the point of being in the house  if you aren't  going to follow Dr Phil's directions?
 
May 28, 2007, 4:08 pm CDT

Melissa (Dr Phil's house )

 Dr. Phil,

 

I am writting to you reguarding the Melissa in your house, i am a single mother with 3 childred and also 3 grandchildred, but it really bother me so much that  Melissa kept on saying that her child with autism has her stressed out so much and i heard that so many times thoughout the program, and it really hurt me so bad to hear a mother say that about her child. my youngest child has autism and he is the best thing that ever happen to me, yes i can feel her pain and sorrows, but to blam a child that has no voice that hurts, yes she will have to go though her son bitting and hitting but he will over  come all of  that in time, but for her to blam the way she is on her son, that isn't right. i have never ever blamed my childred for being depressed or angry , but one thing i have learned is i never blamed my childred for anything. i put myself into school, to better my life and my childred's life.  but the only thing that kept me going strong is my youngest child shane ( the one that is Autism) he is the best thing that ever happen to me i don't see him as a copout or for my pain i see him as a blessing GOD HAS BLESSED ME VERY WELL  AND MORE FOR HAVING A SON LIKE HIM

 

take care

 

cheryl

 
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