Topic : 05/28 A Dr. Phil Family on Fire: House Intervention, Part 3

I am just amazed more than anything about the fact that NOBODY seems to take one bit of accountability for their actions.   Everyone has a million excuses for why they do this and why they don't do that - how on earth can they expect anything to change if they aren't even truthful with themselves?  

 

Melissa doesn't apparently doesn't realize how much energy she is spending trying to keep herself the way she is - I would  probably have to count on two hands just how many times I heard the excuse "I'm bored, I have no life, I have nothing to do but sit on my butt and watch TV".   This made me want to scream!   Is she expecting someone to do it for her?  She does have some control over these things.  

 

 

I also have an autistic step child who is now 8.  His mom basically abandoned him and he has been raised by his father alone untile we married.

 

I have written to the Dr. Phil show asking him to do a show on autism.  This disorder is a rising problem in both Canada and the United States.  Sadly there was no response.

 

My husband was a single father, having to stay at home and care for his son.

 

He kept himself busy, took his son to Nursery School, parks and MacDoanlds.

 

Depression is a dreadful thing, its even worse when your child is autistic.  There are days we are going crazy if he repeats that word again or screams for something long since gone.

 

Perhaps its too hard to go out with her son.  There are lots of resources here in Canada one can get in touch with that can help.  Perhaps she could find the same in her town.

 

No matter what, we never blame our son for what happens because he can not help himself

I am a single mom of two great kids. My 13 year old daughter is a handful on her own. Add to that her 8 year old autistic brother, and things really get complicated. I have all kinds of compassion and understanding for Melissa and her troubles dealing with the enormous responsiblities that come with an autistic child. But for her to blame her son for her not having a life is ridiculous. He is a precious gift no matter how challenged he may be in life.

 

I live in a rural town, but I still find services to help my son to become the adorable boy that he is. It hasn't always been easy, but you learn to adapt your lifestyle to the needs of your family. No, I don't have tons of time to do absolutely nothing or some guilt free pleasure for myself. But when I do get a little time, I cherish it and make it sustain me throughout my troubling times. I have managed to hold down a full time job and graduate from college, all while taking care of my kids on my own. If Melissa really wanted to go have a life, she would make it happen. Instead she plays the "oh woe is me" card and this of course is going to stress her relationships with her family and her son's father. Even if she could go for a 20 minute walk everyday would help her in so many ways.

 

I do know from experience that many autistic children have 3-5 favorite foods and they will not deviate from them. It has taken me 8 years to get my son to eat as much as he does, and currently the only veggie he will eat are raw baby carrots. Not big ones cut small. He knows the difference, and will not eat anything else. It is  not just about flavors to them, it is about textures. The are very super sensitive in all of their senses. And by having him watch you eat them, doesn't always work either. Sometimes I have to trick my son into eating something because I tell him he forgot he liked it the last time. But health wise my son couldn't be healthier. He is just autistic.

Dr. Phil is right when he discussed her weight problems. If she doesn't take care of herself today she won't be here tomorrow. I really hope that she listens to Dr. Phil and will accept the help that she desperately needs. I also hope that he gets her some help with learning some new ways to communicate with her son so that she can see that there is a way to open up the boy she thinks is trapped inside his own body.

I imagine they have cleaned up their act for the cameras. They're probably worse than this at home.Maybe it's just me but I have not enjoyed watching this family the way I usually enjoy the families in the house. By "enjoy" I mean it is usually like watching a reality soap opera. For some reason I'm just not liking it this time. It's almost boring. And I don't think DrP is going to be able to help them, because they are pretty much ignoring his advice. I think this house is a bust.

I love Dr. Phil but have never really had anything "click" with me until he said what he said to Melissa today.  When he said that she didn't have a right to not take care of herself... that really hit home with me.  I have 2 children (twins) a boy and a girl who are almost 3.  I have really let myself go.  I have been a stay at home mom now for a year.  I have approximately 150 pounds to lose and most days it seems impossible.  I am angry and ashamed with who I have become.  I want to be the best mother I can be and I know that being the size I am is not only bad for myself but bad for my kids. 

Dr. Phil, if you read these posts, I would love to see a show about more people like Melissa and moms that have fallen into a rut.  I would love to crawl out of this whole I am in but I don't know where to begin.  I understood what you said to Melissa and it was as if you were talking to me.  My question is, "Now What?"  How do I turn things around and be the person I used to be (spunky, vibrant, beautiful, motivated, excited about life...)?

 

 

Oh my goodness!  I just watched my taped show of this family.  Did anyone notice that Melissa's boyrfriend and her brother were sittin arm and arm???????? A little strange since he should have been sitting with his girlfiend.....most men aren't this affectionate!  Could it be he is dating her to cover up for his relationship with her brother!????????? Honestly, if you have it taped, play it again and you will see what I mean. 

I too noticed that the boyfriend was all curled up with his legs tucked underneath him and he had his arm around the brother.  Even when he was crying in a nother scene, I think it was the other brother that comforted him.  Very strange.  I'm surprised Dr. Phil didn't say anything.

When i watched the show I was totally shocked as to HOW much the dr phil family IS so much like mine...I also have been raising a autistic son for 13 yrs on my own...My childrens father died 4 yrs ago the enormous strain his outbursts and inability to communiciate complicated BY my own family resenting HIM to the fact we didnt come around very much..and i so feel sorry for Melissa..I also feel very trapped in my house becus of his behavior odd to others BUT really unless you walk in our shoes pls keep your mean comments and stares off my son and stop treating me like my son is circus act for you to stare at.....we dont take family vacations because he walks off if left unsupervised...i have bars all around my home with locks we lock from the inside.....I feel so very depressed in the past 4 years I feel so trapped and emotional n physcially kept away from the world...ME and my 14 yr old daughter watched the show and cried so hard for her an randy because that used to be and the kids dad....both of us so full of disapointment the hrs ive spent asking god why me....why send this child to me and not just that why take away a innocent childs ability to live a normal life and I do cry often i wonder whats gonna happen to him if IM not around anymore....OR what is going to happen to him when im too old to take care of  grown man...Goodness her family needs to surrround her with love n encouragement pls before she dips deeper into depression as i have been in one for 4 yrs next month...her parents treat her exactly like mine do me....always got a solution but it never works for me.....im sending u lots of hugs and tears from me and my daughter....Love u melissa.......

Melissa,

I can’t say I know what it’s like to raise an autistic child; I know it must be very hard at times. I do know what its like to have a dysfunctional family and battle with being over weight. I really wonder if your son has anything to do with your weight. I have found with myself that my eating is just how I have learned to deal with all the hurts in my life. I have had to do a lot of soul searching and after losing over 100 pounds I find myself falling back into old habits when I am unhappy. I have not had an opportunity to get outside help so I’ve had to do a lot of research on my own. Even though I always thought I was a good looking woman I really did not love myself very much. My eating was self destructive. I hope you will get all the help you need and I am sure the Dr. Phil show will help you. This is a list of things I did that seem to help me maybe they will help you to.

 

1.  You have to want to lose the weight more than anything else.
2. Ask your higher power everyday for strength
3. Start to look back into your past hurts and make a forgive list of everyone that has hurt you. Go through each person and say out loud I chose to forgive this person, even if you don't feel it yet.
4. Make a list of things you like about yourself, repeat them out loud until you believe them.
5. Get a photo of someone you think is beautiful and think you could look like when you lose your weight.

 

Good luck to you

I dont think ppl realize how much work we do in one day making sure they dont get out of the home...trying to find food they like n eat on a constant basis....How alone we actually do feel in the home 24/7...YOU try finding daycare for a austic child OR how many dr offices reject you when u call for an appt only to be told Sorry we dont accept autisic kids..