1st, i must say, thank God that we have you, Dr. phil, on this planet! Dr. phil, you are a God send! you have helped so many people, including me & MY farmily! my husband and i tape you & oprah back to back on a weekly basis! WOO HOO!
k, now, 'bout Melissa... i was once where she is now, i WAS 100 lbs overweight at 1 time in my life, but i had to go the 'gastric bypass route.'... at 1 point (4 years ago, November 13, 2007 will be 4 years since my GB surgery) my doc said to me, "if you don't have this surgery, you might NOT live to see 50!" i was having a LOT of health problems and i won't go into them 'cause it's too numerous to mention, but let me say, by God's Grace, they are ALL cleared up since losing the 100 lbs! WOO HOO AGAIN!!!! (LOL!) i'm NOW going on 49 come September and i'm a grandma! WOO HOO AGAIN! ok, 'nuff with 'the sillies'... i had some hard times in my life, 1 being that my son almost died from a staph infection at 11 days old. i am 5' 9 1/4" tall and at that point, i was a bit under 200 lbs. i'd always been skinny, VERRRRRRRY skinny my whole life. i wore a brace on my entire torso for scoliosis (curvature of the spine for those who dunno AND i had to have life saving surgery for it as well. my scoliosis was progressive and if i didn't have the surgery, my spine would have crushed my heart & lungs and i would have died, but, by God's Grace, i'm here, alive and in very good health! YAY! so, being in that 'contraption' (bruce the brace as i called it... LOL) and then a cast for 9 months, from my neck aaaaaalll the way down past my hips, to midway down my tushy. NINE MONTHS in that thing! a plaster cast like ones worn for broken limbs! i was NOT able to remove it to sleep, the brace yes, the cast no. so, i was quite uncomy when i had it removed 2 days prior to my 18th birthday. i had the surgery 2 months after turning 17. i'd worn the milwaukee brace from age 12 1/2 to age 17. as i look back on it now, i'm amazed at myself. i'd often used my sense of humor to get me thru all the hard times. you know, having to wear it in the 1st place, then, people staring 'cause they didn't understand that 'thing' on me! u can imagine. so, after being in the cast for 9 months prior to surgery, i FINALLY was FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!! well, i felt TOTALLY naked without a brace or cast on me, i felt very vulnerable, so, what did i do? i 'protected myself' with fat. at that point in my life, i was 18, 5' 9 1/4" tall and 125 lbs (you'd turn me sideways and i'd disappear! LOL!!) i was a 'tomboy' my whole life so, all that running around and sports kept me thin no matter WHAT i ate OR HOW MUCH of it! but, things changed as i got out of my brace. i wasn't as active, and slowly but surely, i started to gain weight, not TOO much, but when i married my 1st husband, at age 20, i was between 125 & 130.. so, not TOO much weight gain there. then, we moved out of state (he was in the military and it was my 1st time moving away from home, at least we were on the same coast, the east coast, i'm from new 'yawk' (brooklyn) and we lived in norfolk, virginia. anyway, when we 1st moved there i knew NO one, just him. i'd made friends easy, no prob there but all my family & friends were back home in brooklyn! i'd even left my BICYCLE home! ugh, not fun... so, i got lazy... then i got pregnant! WOO HOO! so, i 'ate for 2!' no such thing ladies! WHEN you are pregnant, ONLY eat for ONE & eat healthy! so, i 'ballooned' up to 192 the day before my son was born. i was 145 when i 1st found out i was pregnant. so, i kept going up & up etc... it was all to 'protect myself'... THEN, my 1st husband, being in the navy, was away (and unable to get out of it) on a military cruise when our son was born. i had to have an emergency C-section (all due to my scoliosis surgery, my spine was fused with my pelvic bones, but i hadn't known that and i was unable to give birth vaginally, my son's heart rate was dropping etc... so, the C-section....) on top of THAT, i felt guilty 'cause i felt i SHOULD have known I'd have to have a C-section, (i'm Jewish, i am unable to help having guilt - lol) THEN on TOP of that, my son developed a staph infection that he almost died from at 11 days old, so, all the guilt heaped on top of all that i was already stressing about, made me eat even MORE! THEN, when my son was 2, my 1st husband 'came OUT' during our marriage! (i KNEW there was 'something' but i just could NOT 'put my finger on it' so to speak... so, what did i do? i ATE MORE!!!) so, by the time my son was 7, i was ALMOST 375 lbs! i won't go into all that occurred afterwards, but i KNOW i was eating because i felt 'guilty'... the things that were running thru my mind: was it something I did that caused him to turn gay? was i not a good enough wife (he'll tell you 'no' but he was very manipulative and he STILL is a 'bleep!' but i'm happily remarried since 2000, just to let you all know, to the love of my life! WOO HOO!) did I cause my son to have a staph infection? (he'd actually caught the germ from the hospital! i'd had a c-section (in jan '81) and in those days, they kept me there for 1 week, plus, he was slightly jaundiced too. so, by the time we'd gone home, he was 8 days old, i'd noticed he wasn't acting right! turns out it was that massive infection, too long to go into all of it, but he had a 50-50 chance of either being allergic to penicillin or not 'cause his dad isn't but i am.... ok, so, due to all the stress & guilt i was carrying around my whole life PLUS, being raised in a dysfunctional family! my dad died (he was misdiagnosed and if they'd given him a tracheotomy, God willing, he'd be 77 1/2 and alive today! they said he had 'acute laryngo tracheo bronchitis' which in 'English' is 'croup'... he did NOT have a cough which IS ALWAYS associated with 'croup' but he just could NOT breath... turns out, he had 'epiglottitis!' and the ONLY cure for THAT IS a tracheotomy! so, when he died at age 35 in '65 (my sis was 9 and i was 6 1/2) my mom became mentally & physically abusive, 'nuff said 'bout that. so, I'd had a VERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY low self esteem my WHOLE LIFE and having to wear a brace on TOP of all that crap? ugh! did wonders for me, i'm telling ya! sarcastically speaking of course... well, the point I've been TRYING to make, after all my 'blabbling'... i was in 'super guilt mode' 'cause of EVERYTHING that i just ate and ate and ate etc.... i felt there was something i could have done to 'fix' my husband, but obviously i wasn't woman enough, turns out, i wasn't MAN enough! (LOL) and i was 'racking my brains' trying to figure out HOW did i do that to my son (the staph infection!) which obviously i didn't do. we'd gotten home when my son was 8 days old, and when he was 10 days old, i noticed he wasn't acting right... so, i took him to the emergency pediatrician at the hospital where he was born. he had a low grade fever at this point, but the doc there just dismissed my fears and said, he's fine, just give him 3 drops of this liquid Tylenol for babies. so, i 'pushed' my fears aside and i did what he said, well, that nite, but son did NOT sleep at ALL in his crib, ONLY in my arms, no matter HOW asleep he was (I'd lift his arm and let his arm drop and he'd be TOTALLY asleep!) as SOON as I'd put him in his crib, he'd SCREAM as if he was being hurt! so, all nite long, he was in my arms, in the rocking chair. that was the ONLY way he was able to sleep! that next morn when we woke, he had no definition of a chin, he whole THROAT was ALL SWOLLEN & RED! he was BURNING UP with fever! 103.8 to be exact! for a newborn to have THAT high a fever, u KNOW it's bad! so, we rushed to the hospital, then they finally admitted him after doing all that they could there, 'cause they had NO CLUE what it was.... so, i had MORE guilt heaped on me 'cause i did NOT listen to my 'gut' telling me to MAKE that pediatrician (the day before) listen to me! so, i ate even more! my son suffered his WHOLE LIFE with strep throat & tonsillitis! all because of the 1st staph infection that WERE in his tonsils! i had no clue! but all that time, since he was born, I'd been going from ENT (ear nose & throat doc) to have them look at his tonsils... not ONE DOCTOR would listen to me 'cause i was 'just a worried mother!' well, at that time in my life, i was on welfare (social services i think they are calling it now) and medicaid. so, all the docs I'd take my son to never listened to his whole life of strep & tonsillitis stories. I'd had ALL my son's medical records with me and circled (too many to count) all the 'strep' & 'tonsillitis' that he'd had! his 1st year of life, he'd only had strep 2 times, then, each year he got older, he'd have it more often... it got so bad, that when he was in 2nd grade, he'd been absent from school 56 times! each time making up all his homework and keeping up with the class.. he was always so intelligent!! (he's now 26 & married and thank GOD NO MORE strep & tonsillitis!) well, 1 day, my son got sick with his throat, yet again, it was strep, just strep...at this point in his life, he was getting strep sometimes with tonsillitis every month! no exaggeration! being that i could NOT get any medicaid doc to help (because i KNEW in my GUT that it was because of that staph infection in his tonsils that was hurting him and so we went to an OUT of the medicaid system ENT (my mom paid for this doc) and this is the very 1st doc who took the time to actually READ ALL my son's medical records and he listened to what I had to say too about it being from that staph infection! all the other doctors 'dismissed' that!! so, he looked at his tonsils and said, "his tonsils look perfect. i don't see any reason to remove them but let's wait and see" sure enough after being on the antibiotic for 3 days, my son 'blossomed' with tonsillitis so the doc agreed to take out his tonsils! (YAY!) IN the waiting room, he'd come to tell us that 'he is fine' but he said, "his tonsils were so necrotic that they were POISONING HIS SYSTEM! it was ALL from that STAPH infection that he almost died from!" so, all my years of feeling guilty and not being able to do ANYTHING to fix or change things, I'd eat... i KNOW Melissa is feeling guilty for her son being autistic because she probably thinks that something SHE did caused it! or something she DIDN'T do caused it! no matter WHAT caused it...she eats... and eats and eats. and eats and eats... i understand it all so well... Melissa, my heart goes out to you as do so many other folk's hearts in this world who know your story. i know it's hard. i was in a 'state of depression' all those years when my son was growing up! i also kept my house a mess too so my mom would NOT come over! it was all related to her being mentally & physically abusive my whole life too... listen, i can go on & on but i just needed to 'vent' i guess is the correct way to put it... i know i kinda put things out of order in a way but i'm going to assume that you who are reading this get the jist of all that i wrote...
thanks for 'listening'...
God bless & love to all,
healing prayers for everyone!
stasi (pronounced 'stacy' but MINE is spelled correctly! LOL)
Dr. Phil continues his work with The Dr. Phil Family, an out-of-control, angry group with a long history of infidelities, betrayals and bitter resentments. Melissa’s boyfriend, Randy, joins the family at The Dr. Phil House, but Gene and Myra are not happy to see him. They think that Randy is a liar and a thief, and the reason Melissa has gained about 100 pounds in the last five years. Gene and Myra attempt to talk to Melissa about her weight, but Melissa is anything but receptive. Then, because they often blame each other for the chaos in the family, Melissa and Gene are assigned to bury the hatchet long enough to cook a family dinner together, without help from anyone else. Will these relatives be able to follow the rules? After dinner, a family meeting turns heated with accusations and tearful confessions. Dr. Phil joins the family and confronts Melissa and Randy about their sometimes violent relationship and Melissa’s mismanagement of her health. Can this couple create a nurturing relationship for the sake of their autistic child? Will Melissa do what it takes to gain control over her weight? Share your thoughts here.
