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Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 30, 2007, 7:51 am CDT

5/30 Ask the Authors

I want to say that having support with a diagnosis of an illness is key.  I was diagnosed with MS 4 years ago at 21.  I thought for sure that my boyfriend of 3 years at the time of my diagnosis would not want to deal with the illness and leave me.  Quite the opposite happened, he turned out to be one of my biggest supporters and we are still going strong, it will be 5 1/2 years this June with plans for a future together!  It took some work on both of our parts to get to where we are now but I am truly blessed.  He makes sure I take care of myself, he stays current on the latest research and findings, goes to every appointment with me, and so much more.  I couldn't have asked for a better person to go through life with and accept me, illness and all, through the good times and bad.  Thank you Dr. Phil for shining a light on MS!
 
May 30, 2007, 7:55 am CDT

Til death do us part???

There are people out there that say ABSOLUTELY to death do us part.  It took me a while to find that in a spouse.  I have hit many a health road block thru my life.  Physically abusive parents (they divorced).  First husband, when I became ill with endometriosis then cancer, he began drinking heavily and being physically abusive (just like my father, (just didn't realize it til later in life)).  Second husband, we fought like cats and dogs (Hmm like my parents, (just didn't realize it til later)). I got injured while living with him. I got run over by a fork lift while working, had major damage to the nerves and blood vessels in my foot and ankle.  Permanently disabled with Reflex Sympathic Distrophy.  His way of dealing with it was first to be "My knight in shining armor" or so I thought.  He proceded to tell me I was a fat lazy cow and only married me cause I was pregnant with his child.  Wow what an eye opener.  Found out he was having an affair with a woman he ran down to me and our children at the dinner table.  I considered suicide a few times during that rocky marriage til I realized if I did he would be raising my children. Wow bigger eye opener.  Long difficult divorce.  Life got much better after he was gone.  I learned how to do everything around the house differently.  Those jobs that we take for granted and are easy were very difficult now, see I could hardly walk.  I was considered by all the doctors to be a miracle.  During the course of my treatments I was told , I needed an amputation, then that I would never walk again, then that life would be too dificult, sell my home, move to an apartment.  Oh how stubborn I am. I made it thru thanks to god, my children and my stubborn attitude.  Oh by the way I now walk pretty well, most of the time without my cane and brace.  I do have other medical issues due to the way I walk, I am now prone to herniated discs. But, with all the diffuculties I have a wonderful understanding husband, My daughter Shayna from my first marriage, Daughter Skylar from my second marriage and my step- daughters Ashley and Brittney from my third marriage.  Ashley has made me a grandmother two times now.  My husband Michael is fantastic, he knows that on my good days I will attack life with gusto and on my bad days filled with pain that I am quieter and slower, but still enjoying life in many ways. 

  The whole point to my story is to let others know that even with a dibiliting disease or illness or injury, you always have someone to rely on, yourself and god.  Some people along the way will help some won't be able to handle it.  So be strong and live life.  Get rid of the stresses they will just pull you down.  Be good to yourself.

 
May 30, 2007, 7:56 am CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: debhgn

I read One More Day and it made a major impact on my life.  I have now taken the time to look, I mean really look at my mom, understand her choices in life and accept them.  She's in her 70's and since reading this book I now make sure I call her each and every day, and our conversations are so much more meaningful!  Thank you!!

A note for those who haven't read this book, the last three lines put a whole other spin on the book.  It was great to go back and read it again with a new light.
What a blessing this show was today. My mom died 3 years ago. She was in a nursing home from a stroke. I went almost everyday, and I look back now and am so glad that I did. It was very hard because she was a very controlling person but loved me unconditionally all my life. I miss her and this brought back a lot of memories. My family are now dealing with my father in law that has just gone into a nursing home. It is very hard for my husband to go and to be able to relate with his dad. I just try to encourage him and be there for them both. We are leaving shortly to go for a cat scan on his dad. They are looking for lung cancer. It will be a tough day but I know that with God's help He will see us through. I am going to buy " One more day" TODAY for us to read. Try to live each day to the fullest.
 
May 30, 2007, 7:57 am CDT

One More Day

I relate completely on this subject. I lost my Mom 1 month and 3days ago. I miss her so bad, my life is so empty without her. I wish I had known the day she would pass, I would have made her life so special as she did all my days. I am so sad now not being able to say that one last I love you, now all I have left is I sit by her graveside twice a day just trying to feel our closeness one more day.
 
May 30, 2007, 8:09 am CDT

Lean On Me

I loved the show today.  I was diagnosed with MS in March 1998.  Everything the couple were talking about sounds just like me and my husband.  He takes it harder than I do.  I have come to grips with the MS but he has a hard time with it.  But since I appear normal most of the time, he doesn't see the fatigued.  I am tired almost all of the time now.  I have not worked in the past 2 years.  I wish Dr. Phil could do more shows on MS and family so more people could understand.  My kids are grown now but even they forget that I need breaks during the day.  They get upset if I am not up to travel or vacations.  I am so glad Dr. Phil touched on this topic today.  Thanks
 
May 30, 2007, 8:24 am CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: wmalan62

I relate completely on this subject. I lost my Mom 1 month and 3days ago. I miss her so bad, my life is so empty without her. I wish I had known the day she would pass, I would have made her life so special as she did all my days. I am so sad now not being able to say that one last I love you, now all I have left is I sit by her graveside twice a day just trying to feel our closeness one more day.

I do understand how you feel.  Now, you need to ask yourself, "What would mom say about me sitting here feeling so bad?"  I bet she knows how much you love her and I bet she would not want you mourning her so badly,  if she was a wonderful person she would rather you celebrate her life and not mourn her death.  You need to live life to it's fullest and keep your mom in your heart. Honor her by living.  I am saying a prayer for you and for her.

 

Best wishes

Stacy

 
May 30, 2007, 9:20 am CDT

diagnosed with ms 2 yrs ago

My husband has been there  but not emotionally.  I went through this with help of my kids and my mom who also got diagnosed 8 months after me.  My husband would do my shots for me but there are days where he didn;t want to because it infered with his drinking.  When I got  sick on july 3, 2005 he went from caring enough to call 911 but went to a wedding on the 4th for 12 hours knowing i couldn't move from neck down .

 

My disabled son babysit me.   I having been thinking about move on to a better life without him just worried that he will be one of the crazy ex's.

 
May 30, 2007, 9:44 am CDT

He Does Not Understand

Quote From: skroger

I am sitting here at home watching your show and just crying.  I feel your guest today in so many ways.   I do not have MS but I have Lupus and when I heard that the mother was always working around the house and with the children and just trying to maintain a household.   I just sobbed.  I have 2 children and I go to school and work part time.  My boyfriend feels like her husband.  When the times comes to do what  I want, he thinks that I am fine but when he wants to do something I don't feel good.  I understand her so much.  I can't choose when to feel good and yes I know that he did not sign up for this, but I was diagnosed after we got pregnant with our daughter.  I know that it upsets him and sometimes my kids feel like  why can't my Mommy be here at the soccer game or the football game.  I really don't know how I get through it but I just do.  I know that I just do what I can for myself and my children. 

Any advise?

Sarah Kroger

I really think a Lupus support group may be the answer.  Your boyfriend should attend with you.  It's hard for him to see that when you feel better, of course you want to do things.  Then too, ask yourself this; If I feel better and want to do something, why not something I know he likes?  As to signing up, he either does or doesn't.  You can't ask him to, but he has to decide.  He can do that more correctly if he has accurate information.  That's where I think a support group could be of benefit.  Good luck. 
 
May 30, 2007, 9:55 am CDT

Education

Quote From: ceildh1

My husband had an accident two years ago, that caused him to become legally blind in one eye.  For eight weeks after surgery, he couldn't lift anything over five pounds, and thank goodness I have a driver's license, 45 minutes each way to the city twice a week to see the specialist (and I HATE city driving), plus making sure the kids were cared for, and dealing with the pain he was in, not to mention the meds he was taking in order to keep his eye.  Thank goodness everything turned out alright, and he is back to normal, ecept now he has to wear a bifocal in one eye (and he still can't see very well, and now suffers from headaches), but he is back to work and driving.  Compared to some diseases and injuries, that was a minor thing, and I found it VERY OVERWHELMING, suddenly, a vibrant, hardworking, active man, is reduced to having to depend on his wife and kids to do things he used to do for himself, I had to learn to do things he would normally do, and work full time as well, it was a rough spot for sure frustrating for all of us.

My point is, when an injury or disease occur, it can be very sudden, and devestating to the family, as a spouse the onus is on you to learn about the condition you need to deal with, some are more adaptable than others to change, and I find that sometimes there is NOT enough support for the patient's family, financial and emotional and even physical.

My advice would be to EDUCATE yourself, talk to the Doctors, read about the conditions, go online and join a board for families dealing with these things, LEARN what limitations should be expected.

Just reading the Blurb, this man sounds like he has no IDEA about MS, he needs to learn about it, I hope he has medical insurance, he has to LEARN to adapt but he might just need help and support to do so, not everyone (Male or Female) can deal well with disease and disability, some rise to the occasion without a second thought, others find themselves feeling helpless and unsureof what to do, this is why not everyone is able to run into a burning building to rescue someone.  It could be fear of the unknown, and with MS its hard to know what to expect from one day to the next, reaching out is the first step, a good support system would be the second.

"We fear that which we don't understand " so when it comes to disease and disabilities, we NEED to EDUCATE ourselves, the healthy partner NEEDS the information to help tem get through it as well.

Having read many of your other posts, it is no surprise to me that you were there for your husband in so many ways.  Bless you for that.  Dealing with disabilities is a very hard thing for both partners.  The "healthy" partner also becomes afflicted with the disease or condition.  They are just feeling different symptoms, that's all. 

 

My wife became disabled about four years ago.  I certainly had to learn a great deal of new things, but at no time did she have to fear my loyalty and love would vanish.  I am now becoming more and more disabled (literally) by the day.  She tries to help me, even as I try to help her.  Our lives have change so drastically that I would not have believed it beforehand.  But, the biggest point of all is that they remain OUR lives.

 

I think your husband is (almost, lol) as lucky as I am.  Take care of each other.

 
May 30, 2007, 10:00 am CDT

The Man

Quote From: evie_dee

I love Mitch Albom and his books. His stories will change your outlook on life. I read "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"-and I highly recommend it. You never know what kind of impact the people in your life will have on your life-that's what the book is about.

One More Day is on my list.

And for those that have read both of those books, pick up "Tuesdays with Maurie".

Mitch Albom is pretty well known in the Detroit area for his sports column for the Detroit Free Press. Also, he wrote an article about how Michiganders helped victims of hurricane Katrina for Parade magazine. If any posters haven't read that article, go to the Parade magazine website. They should have an archive of their cover articles. It was a very good article.

I have been a fan of Mitch Albom's for a number of years now.  Even in Florida he is known.  I have not read his book, but it seems to reflect much if how I have felt since losing both of my parents last year.  He provides an insight too few do not grasp.  The thing with me is that I did spend as much time with both of my parents as I could for the last twenty years.  I still would have liked to had one more day. 
 
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