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Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

Number of Replies: 235
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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 31, 2007, 5:49 pm CDT

I know the feeling!!!

Quote From: 2tfruitie

Thank you SO much for your response to what I would call an unrealistic message/comment.  It is NOT that easy for ALL people who have a dibilitating disease.  I was dx'd with MS a year ago (but my Neuro thinks I've had it for approx 7 years) - I do my best to keep a "positive" attitude.  However, when I cannot get out of bed, I cannot take care of my children, cannot follow thru with plans I have made because I am SO tired & weak...  I realize that I DO have MS, it's NOT going away, and NOT every day is going to be easy.  As a matter of fact, most of us have far more BAD days than good.  Putting on the "Happy MS Face"  does not give me energy or make me feel better physically OR emotionally.  Trust me - Given a choice, I would certainly choose to be the happy energetic woman I was several years ago!!  

 

So for me to read how "remaining positive" and "just accepting the disease" is going to get us thru each day - really pissed me off!  I agree with you in regard to how wonderful it is for those who can cope with their disease so very well and Kudos to them, really!!  Maybe I'm simply jealous because my Happy MS Face never takes away the pain, fatigue, tingling & numbness, most importantly the constant wondering when the day will come where I will need a wheelchair in order to get around?!  Yes, that may sound negative to others, but to me it is a reality and something that someday I WILL have to deal with.  So, for today - I will keep my Happy MS Face on, just so others won't have to deal with how miserable I feel inside and/or out, but that certainly doesn't make it "easier".

 

Anyway, you're probably wondering why I replied to YOUR message rather than to hers...  The truth is that I was too mad at the time to reply directly to hers and didn't want to insult what she may consider to be her intelligence?!  lol  Thanks for listening!!  ;)

Believe u me!!! I am married with 2 kids. No one understands the craziness of MS unless they have been through it! My husband tries to be supportive of me, my daughter rejects the idea that I have this gaud awful disease, my son tries and is very supportive of me and is always curious about where I'll have to give my next injection. I didn't order this life but I'm getting very good at living with it. I also feel that I am faking a happy face because I am on lots of days but I do still have a few good days with truthful happy smiles. I'll try to smile and cry for you and hope that they quickly come up with a cure for MS.
 
May 31, 2007, 5:53 pm CDT

Hope things start to look up soon!

Quote From: zoeybaby

This show was hard for me to watch, I was diagnosed with cancer the first week of this year, I had three weeks to comprehend what was happening to me, before surgery. My husband and I ran a car lot together. He was and is in denial. So i went to all the Dr's appts. by my self or with a friend. on the day of my operation (complete hysterectomy) he was not there for me emotionally. When I came home he completely rejected me, 2 weeks later he told me that he could not be married to someone with a terminal disease. that he needed someone to support him financially and take care of his needs.Then he moved out, through this time life was very hard, my liver became infected and started to spread.( I call this time my dark days.) A few days before I was to go back to work, I received a letter that I was terminated, great what next, he couldn't be married to me or work at the same company. I don't feel sympathy for him or the husband on the show. I am going to get through this hopefully only one more surgery in the near future. I am a survivor and hope that this never happens to anyone else.

I'm so sorry for all you have had to go through. I had cancer also, though not the same kind. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't, but I really hope things start to look up for you. My heart goes out to you and know that my prayers are with you on your upcoming surgery. I won't tell you that everything will be fine because I know that I got really tired of hearing it from everyone but I will say, even though it sounds cliche it's true....... That with God all things are possible. We can get through and overcome so much more than we ever thought possible. I know. I had to have my colon removed when I was only 22 because I had developed colon cancer from a genetic mutation I never knew I had. I found out soon after that that my 1 year old daughter will someday have to suffer through the same things I have if there aren't some major medical breakthroughs. Some days all you can do is grin and bare it. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. I know that God has a purpose for everything and everyone and that we become stronger through the battles that we face.

God bless you,

Lisa

 
May 31, 2007, 6:18 pm CDT

Thank you

Quote From: wennhappy

I'm so sorry for all you have had to go through. I had cancer also, though not the same kind. I can't say I know how you feel because I don't, but I really hope things start to look up for you. My heart goes out to you and know that my prayers are with you on your upcoming surgery. I won't tell you that everything will be fine because I know that I got really tired of hearing it from everyone but I will say, even though it sounds cliche it's true....... That with God all things are possible. We can get through and overcome so much more than we ever thought possible. I know. I had to have my colon removed when I was only 22 because I had developed colon cancer from a genetic mutation I never knew I had. I found out soon after that that my 1 year old daughter will someday have to suffer through the same things I have if there aren't some major medical breakthroughs. Some days all you can do is grin and bare it. Sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying. I know that God has a purpose for everything and everyone and that we become stronger through the battles that we face.

God bless you,

Lisa

Lisa,

Love your daughter, that will give you both strength. I cant even imagine how you deal with all that you have and will face. Sometimes when you talk with others it gives you a different perspective. My mother keeps telling me that God wont put any more on us than we can handle. I truly think I am at a breaking point. My soon to be ex and I were together for 8 years, I have 2 grown children and 2 grandchildren and one on the way. He is there Grandfather in there eyes and was good to them when we were together. now he wants to see my 4 year old granddaughter, I am trying to be the bigger person, but it is hard, he walked away with out concern or care for me or them. I don't trust him and am scared that he is up to something since he found out I have another surgery coming up. I am half afraid that since I have not been able to seek employment due to my health, he may try to take my house. I was told that he started dating right after he moved out and that he showed the new lady my house & property while I was having a treatment. I feel as though I never knew him. have you ever just felt lost and defeated?

 

 
May 31, 2007, 8:40 pm CDT

One More Day

The other day when Mitch Albom came on and started talking about his latest book I was very touched. 

 

You see my mother passed away just two weeks ago (as a matter of fact today would have been her 74th birthday).  I would love to have one more day with my mom, but not because I didn't spend enough time with her but it would be just to have one more enjoyable day with her.

 

 You see I got married and moved to a different state when I was 17 (I am 52 now) and until 10 years ago my mom and I lived over 1,000 miles apart.  We talked at least once a week and she came to visit at least once a year and I visited her about the same.  But 10 years ago she moved to my town and I was able to talk to her every day and visit whenever I wanted.  We made the most of the last 10 years spending time together and she got to know my kids better and know my grandkids from the time they were born. She was just the most loving mother, grandmother and great grandmother anyone could ever wish for.  She didn't know anyone in Toledo but me and my kids, but in the 10 years she was here she made so many friends and found a church family that just loved her.    

 

I had been telling my brothers and sister for the last year that mom was not doing well and they might want to spend some time with her.  They didn't seem to want to believe that she was that sick no matter what I told them, and the last time I took her to see each of them I could see that it would be her last visit, but I guess they just didn't want to believe it. 

 

She had a strong faith and knew where she was going, she told me she was ready to go but she just hated to leave her kids.  Fortunately we were all able to be there when she passed and I was holding her hand.  She looked at each of us in turn as if saying good by and then she looked back at me and smiled.  Within minutes she was gone.   

 

I guess what I am trying to say is I don't have one single regret.   My brothers and sister have all said now that they wish they had spent more time with her.  Take the time now and appreciate all your loved ones. 

 
June 1, 2007, 4:18 am CDT

You are absolutely right....

Quote From: dasaintfan

After I saw the mother and daughter and the issues that they faced I saw my daughter and I. She and I can not see eye to eye on anything. Our conversations are yelling and screaming as well. I try really hard however we can't go for more than one day without fighting, and  at times we go for a complete day without talking at all. I at times think it is better that way. She is 17 and will turn 18 in eight months and she too is counting down the months when she can leave and in her opinion never come back. I get really bitter because she treats me like trash she constantly belittles me and slaps me in the face with words that cut like a knife in reference to my past. She demands all attention be on her and not our other two which are 18 and 14 both of which are girls, and the relationship I have with them is great. With that all being said. I do plan to try not to yell and try talking if that does not work within the next few weeks or months then Dr. Phil I will be at my wits end and praying that you help us. I can't take it much longer the yelling is killing me but the silence is deadly...

Dana


the silence is deadly and the yelling does kill.  I could not have said it better myself.  It is not easy and is a long, long bumpy journey.  One day I hope all this will be worth it.  Good luck to you and yours.
 
June 1, 2007, 4:29 am CDT

YOU GO GIRL!!!!

Quote From: mmtt00

i realize my husband and i are older than the couple  (she has MS) featured on dr. phil, but the concept of commitment should be the same.
i was diagnosed with MS and I offered my husband an "out" and told him he "didn't sign on for this" , and he stopped me short and told me that  he certainly DID sign on for this when he took his marriage vows. 
i also have 13 steps to the laundry room and my HUSBAND works all day at 60 years of age and comes home and does ALL the laundry so i won't have to struggle with the 13 steps!!!
i would love to sit across from this young man and explain to him that he can be a MAN and nut up to this  challange and be a better person for it!!
why me?  why the hell NOT ME!!!  i'm not exempt and nither is he.


phyllis touchstone 54, disabled, difficulty walking, fatter than i used to be, sexual difficulties, have to cath myself to pee AND happy!  because i decide to be.


thank you

Good for you !!
 
June 1, 2007, 4:34 am CDT

I have Some Advantages

Quote From: 2tfruitie

Thank you SO much for your response to what I would call an unrealistic message/comment.  It is NOT that easy for ALL people who have a dibilitating disease.  I was dx'd with MS a year ago (but my Neuro thinks I've had it for approx 7 years) - I do my best to keep a "positive" attitude.  However, when I cannot get out of bed, I cannot take care of my children, cannot follow thru with plans I have made because I am SO tired & weak...  I realize that I DO have MS, it's NOT going away, and NOT every day is going to be easy.  As a matter of fact, most of us have far more BAD days than good.  Putting on the "Happy MS Face"  does not give me energy or make me feel better physically OR emotionally.  Trust me - Given a choice, I would certainly choose to be the happy energetic woman I was several years ago!!  

 

So for me to read how "remaining positive" and "just accepting the disease" is going to get us thru each day - really pissed me off!  I agree with you in regard to how wonderful it is for those who can cope with their disease so very well and Kudos to them, really!!  Maybe I'm simply jealous because my Happy MS Face never takes away the pain, fatigue, tingling & numbness, most importantly the constant wondering when the day will come where I will need a wheelchair in order to get around?!  Yes, that may sound negative to others, but to me it is a reality and something that someday I WILL have to deal with.  So, for today - I will keep my Happy MS Face on, just so others won't have to deal with how miserable I feel inside and/or out, but that certainly doesn't make it "easier".

 

Anyway, you're probably wondering why I replied to YOUR message rather than to hers...  The truth is that I was too mad at the time to reply directly to hers and didn't want to insult what she may consider to be her intelligence?!  lol  Thanks for listening!!  ;)

Thank you for your response.  I must say though, that I have two distinct advantages in that I am married to an RN and I have my own medical problems to deal with.  From my own experience, I'd say that, while there are days when I can act as if nothing is wrong, there are more days when it will get the best of me.  So that "happy face" becomes the lie that it truly is and people can either accept me as I am or more on down the road. 

 

Now, thank YOU for listening.  lol

 
June 1, 2007, 7:00 am CDT

To Rhonda

Quote From: startekoa

HI, this show really spoke to my heart a lot, I have had fibromyalgia for about 15 years and my family has never understood what it means to be in constand pain. The only one that has ever even understood is my mom. I found these letters on the net and would like to share them, I hope maybe the girl that was on the show maybe she can get them somehow and show her husband, my heart just broke for her I know what she is going through.  Although I do not have MS I do know what it is like to be in constant pain and fatiuge. I have handed these letters out to my friends and family and it has helped them understand me a bit better, hope to help someone here as well.

Thank you

Rhonda

 

A Letter to Normals from a Person With Chronic Pain   Having chronic pain means many things change, and a lot of them are invisible. Unlike having cancer or being hurt in an accident, most people do not understand even a little about chronic pain and its effects, and of those that think they know, many are actually misinformed.   In the spirit of informing those who wish to understand:
These are the things that I would like you to understand about me before you judge me.   Please understand that being sick doesn't mean I'm not still a human being. I have to spend most of my day in considerable pain and exhaustion, and if you visit, sometimes I probably don't seem like much fun to be with, but I'm still me, stuck inside this body. I still worry about school, my family, my friends, and most of the time, I'd still like to hear you talk about yours, too.   Please understand the difference between "happy" and "healthy". When you've got the flu, you probably feel miserable with it, but I've been sick for years. I can't be miserable all the time. In fact, I work hard at not being miserable. So, if you're talking to me and I sound happy, it means I'm happy. that's all. It doesn't mean that I'm not in a lot of pain, or extremely tired, or that I'm getting better, or any of those things. Please don't say, "Oh, you're sounding better!" or "But you look so healthy!" I am merely coping. I am sounding happy and trying to look normal. If you want to comment on that, you're welcome.   Please understand that being able to stand up for ten minutes doesn't necessarily mean that I can stand up for twenty minutes, or an hour. Just because I managed to stand up for thirty minutes yesterday doesn't mean that I can do the same today. With a lot of diseases you're either paralyzed, or you can move. With this one, it gets more confusing everyday. It can be like a yo-yo. I never know from day to day, how I am going to feel when I wake up. In most cases, I never know from minute to minute. That is one of the hardest and most frustrating components of chronic pain.   Please repeat the above paragraph substituting, "sitting", "walking", "thinking", "concentrating", "being sociable" and so on, it applies to everything. That's what chronic pain does to you.   Please understand that chronic pain is variable. It's quite possible (for many, it's common) that one day I am able to walk to the park and back, while the next day I'll have trouble getting to the next room. Please don't attack me when I'm ill by saying, "But you did it before!" or "Oh, come on, I know you can do this!" If you want me to do something, then ask if I can. In a similar vein, I may need to cancel a previous commitment at the last minute. If this happens, please do not take it personally. If you are able, please try to always remember how very lucky you are, to be physically able to do all of the things that you can do.   Please understand that "getting out and doing things" does not make me feel better, and can often make me seriously worse. You don't know what I go through or how I suffer in my own private time. Telling me that I need to exercise, or do some things to "get my mind off of it", may frustrate me to tears, and is not correct. If I was capable of doing some things any or all of the time, don't you know that I would? I am working with my doctors and I am doing what I am supposed to do. Another statement that hurts is, "You just need to push yourself more, try harder". Obviously, chronic pain can deal with the whole body, or be localized to specific areas. Sometimes participating in a single activity for a short or a long period of time can cause more damage and physical pain than you could ever imagine. Not to mention the recovery time, which can be intense. You can't always read it on my face or in my body language. Also, chronic pain may cause secondary depression (wouldn't you get depressed and down if you were hurting constantly for months or years?), but it is not created by depression.   Please understand that if I say I have to sit down,lie down, stay in bed, or take these pills now, that probably means that I do have to do it right now, it can't be put off or forgotten just because I'm somewhere, or I'm right in the middle of doing something. Chronic pain does not forgive, nor does it wait for anyone.   If you want to suggest a cure to me, please don't. It's not because I don't appreciate the thought, and it's not because I don't want to get well. Lord knows that isn't true. In all likelihood, if you've heard of it or tried it, so have I. In some cases, I have been made sicker, not better. This can involve side effects or allergic reactions, as is the case with herbal remedies. It also includes failure, which in and of itself can make me feel even lower. If there were something that cured, or even helped people with my form of chronic pain, then we'd know about it.   There is worldwide networking (both on and off the Internet) between people with chronic pain. If something worked, we would KNOW. It's definitely not for lack of trying. If, after reading this, you still feel the need to suggest a cure, then so be it. I may take what you said and discuss it with my doctor.   If I seem touchy, it's probably because I am. It's not how I try to be. As a matter of fact, I try very hard to be normal. I hope you will try to understand. I have been, and am still, going through a lot. Chronic pain is hard for you to understand unless you have had it. It wreaks havoc on the body and the mind. It is exhausting and exasperating.   Almost all the time, I know that I am doing my best to cope with this, and live my life to the best of my ability. I ask you to bear with me, and accept me as I am. I know that you cannot literally understand my situation unless you have been in my shoes, but as much as is possible, I am asking you to try to be understanding in general.   In many ways I depend on you, people who are not sick. I need you to visit me when I am too sick to go out. Sometimes I need you help me with the shopping, the cooking or the cleaning. I may need you to take me to the doctor, or to the store. You are my link to the "normalcy" of life. You can help me to keep in touch with the parts of life that I miss and fully intend to undertake again, just as soon as I am able.   I know that I asked a lot from you, and I do thank you for listening. It really does mean a lot.   \               ______________________________________________________________________________________       TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY:   I look normal. Don't let my outward appearance fool you; I am in pain. I am not the same person I was a year ago, or two years ago, or 4, depending on when it was you last saw me. I look healthy; I am not.   My condition changes from day to day, sometimes even hour to hour. Today I might be able to walk with you a few miles; tomorrow I may not even be able to get up off the couch. A week ago I felt almost human; next week I may feel like something less than what the cat drags in. I may want to do all the same things I used to: to work out, take long walks, socialize, keep some semblance of household order, but I may not be capable of it.   If I say, "maybe later", please understand and accept this for what it is, which is not an excuse. It is a reason. I don't enjoy my new limitations; I hate it. I might even be physically able to do today what you wish for me to do, but if I know without a shadow of a doubt that pleasing you will mean for me later an incredible amount of pain, I must say no. I'm not lazy. I just hurt.   I absolutely do not want pity. This is no reason to feel sorry for me--life is not perfect, and life happens to us all. This is the hand I have been dealt, and I intend to play it out. I don't blame the world for what I suffer, I don't rally against God. This is no one's fault. Not even my own.   I do not crave attention. I didn't decide one day that I was tired of living like a normal person, and that the means to a life of never again having to work, having my whims catered to, having friends and family treat me specially involved creating symptoms no one could see under a microscope. I loved my life the way it was; I was never depressed and I had plans. This isn't a cry for your attention. It just IS.   I don't feel sorry for myself. Why should I? Things don't always work out the way you'd like them to--this is one of those times. I can live with who I am now. I may not enjoy each day as much as I used to, but I still live for each day, and embrace whatever I can get out of life. Pain is my companion... But pain is not me.   The truly hard part--if you cannot accept me for who I am now, I am sorry for you. I won't waste precious energy chasing after you to cling to a friendship that probably wasn't as strong as I had once believed it to be. I cannot force myself to readopt who I was before and reassume the same roles. In this--preserving myself and my state of mind--I have to be selfish. If you cannot accept that I might not be able to contact you every day as I did before, or engage in the activites we once did, whether it was training together and working out together, or just bowling, then do me a favor and let's quietly part ways with no ill feelings. My life is going in new directions, and for me that might not be a bad thing. If the changes I have gone through disturb you, hold your criticism. I don't need it. I don't want it.   Life deals us all a bad hand occasionally. This is my turn. It happens, I accept it. I hope that you can, too.               ___________________________________________________________________________________________           Hi....My Name is Fibromyalgia, and I'm an Invisible Chronic Illness.
I am now velcroed to you for life.
Others around you can't see me or hear me, but YOUR body feels me.
I can attack you anywhere and anyhow I please. I can cause severe pain or, if I'm in a good mood, I can just cause you to ache all over.
Remember when you and Energy ran around together and had fun?
I took Energy from you, and gave you Exhaustion. Try to have fun now!
I also took Good Sleep from you and, in its place, gave you Brain Fog.
I can make you tremble internally or make you feel cold or hot when everyone else feels normal.
Oh, yeah, I can make you feel anxious or depressed, too.
If you have something planned, or are looking forward to a great day, I can take that away, too. You didn't ask for me.
I chose you for various reasons: That virus you had that you never recovered from, or that car accident, or maybe it was the years of abuse and trauma. Well, anyway, I'm here to stay! I hear you're going to see a doctor who can get rid of me. I'm rolling on the floor, laughing. Just try.   You will have to go to many, many doctors until you find one who can help you effectively. You will be put on pain pills, sleeping pills, energy pills, told you are suffering from anxiety or depression, given a TENs unit, get massaged, told if you just sleep and exercise properly I will go away, told to think positively, poked, prodded, and MOST OF ALL, not taken as seriously as you feel when you cry to the doctor how debilitating life is every day.
Your family, friends and coworkers will all listen to you until they just get tired of hearing about how I make you feel, and that I'm a debilitating disease. Some of they will say things like "Oh, you are just having a bad day" or"Well, remember, you can't do the things you use to do 20 YEARS ago", not hearing that you said 20 DAYS ago. Some will just start talking behind your back, while you slowly feel that you are losing your dignity trying to make them understand, especially when you are in the middle of a conversation with a"Normal" person, and can't remember what you were going to say next!
In closing, (I was hoping that I kept this part a secret), but I guess you already found out...the ONLY place you will get any support and understanding in dealing with me is with Other People With Fibromyalgia.       _________________________________________________________________

I have to thank you once again for your post.  It is helpful and I plan to share it with others.  It gave me a real boost to hear from someone else with this condition.  Best wishes,

 

Richard

 
June 1, 2007, 10:52 am CDT

Happy MS Face

Quote From: flrat69

Thank you for your response.  I must say though, that I have two distinct advantages in that I am married to an RN and I have my own medical problems to deal with.  From my own experience, I'd say that, while there are days when I can act as if nothing is wrong, there are more days when it will get the best of me.  So that "happy face" becomes the lie that it truly is and people can either accept me as I am or more on down the road. 

 

Now, thank YOU for listening.  lol

I feel for you.  I have spent the past 3 years with that "Happy MS Face", but now I sit here in my wheelchair and want to scream.  I NEVER let anyone know I was suffering.  I never sat down and rested...it would mean the MS was winning.  Most people did not know I had MS until it was so obvious and I could barely walk. 

 

I went to work one day and the next day I could not stand up. Within 3 months I was in the wheelchair.  I have SPMS now and have to have Novatrone (chemo drug).  So I hear your fears, I am only 31 and all I want to do is cry sometimes.  I had a problem with finding a neuro that could treat me since I had an allergic reaction to all the MS drugs, even the steroids.  I have to drive 2 1/2 hours to see my neuro, have the chemo, and drive 2 1/2 hours home.

 

Just keep fighting.  Do not let the MS take over your life.  Give it all you have and never give up.  We all know the day might come when the MS starts to win, but until then FIGHT!!  And that Happy MS Face is fighting and not letting the MS win for that day!!  My Aunt is 69 and has been fighting her MS since the early 70's.  I use her for inspiration.  She is paralyzed from the neck down, but still living life.

 
June 1, 2007, 11:59 am CDT

I Will NEVER leave my wife

Quote From: shawksie

 My heart aches for this woman dx w/MS and her husband . . . I wonder if he is not able to accept her illness and truly "be there" for her through this trial, if it wouldn't be better for him to just leave?

My Mom had MS; she was a courageous woman and managed to maintain a sense of humor and personal dignity in spite of decades with MS and 20+ years in a health care facility. She has departed this difficult plane of existance and I am thankful that she is no longer in pain and suffering, tho' I miss her terribly.

My Mom was the emotional glue that held my somewhat disfunctional family together and over the course of her illness, I truly believe that MS contributed significantly to the destruction of our family life. I feel that my Father disappeared further in to alcohol to mitigate his pain. I felt that I had to take on a role of "parent" long before I was out of my teens and beyond - this situation changed not just my life - it changed who I am. My siblings were drastically affected too in many ways that continue to this day.

I often wonder how life would have been, if there had been more support . . more knowledge of the psychological effects of chronic medical conditions on family dynamics . . . and more acceptance on my Father's part to help our family through this extremely difficult situation. Sometimes I feel that we would have been better off without him, and that my Mum would have fared better without the stress of his lack of acceptance and support. Stress is a real, contributing factor in MS and something that I truly believe contributed to the progression of the condition in my Mum.

MS is a horrible, unpredictable, devastating condition and if this husband thinks it is hard now - he has NO idea how difficult it can become. It is horrifying and painful to watch someone you love deteriorate in small increments over an extended period of time, as is typically the course of MS. It takes a Herculean effort to "stay the course" in a relationship with someone who has MS - a challenge for anyone to be sure. If this husband isn't up for the "in sickness and health" part of traditional marriage vows, perhaps he is better gone now, rather than later, to allow this woman to get on with the task of learning to cope with MS.

What do you think?




This is Sal from the show on Wednesday,

 

   I just wanted to let everyone know how overwhelmed I am by the response to our segment. What was said and viewed on the show does not scratch the surface of my wife and I's relationship and commitment to each other. I cherish my wife and children and in no way meant "I didn't sign on for this" to mean I would consider abandoning them. I am just scared to death at what we might possibly have to face in the future. My wife is alot further along in the adjustment to her disease than I am, and I do still have the "why us" mentality at times. My wife is one of the strongest and selfless people I have ever met, and I know that if a positive attitude can stay the progression of her MS, she will be fine. I just pray to God to give me the strength and serenity to handle our life if this is not the case.

   If our putting ourselves out there for you to see has helped anyone at all, our goal has been accoplished. May God Bless you all.

 

Sal

 
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