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Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 30, 2007, 3:21 pm CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Right after the show today, I called my mom and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me and that I plan on doing it more.  We have always been close and never been shy to tell each other how we feel.  I told her I plan on doing it a lot more.

 
May 30, 2007, 3:29 pm CDT

Sal and Nicole

I just want to say that it took a lot of guts to put yourself out there and say how you feel to help others. Since I know you both personally I have to say that I know you can over come any problems that will come your way. Dont let the people who take the  "you think your problems are bad look at mine"  additudes get to you. Everyone has their own personal issues to over come and problems to deal with and i dont see any of them airing them on a show to help others. "Why?" me is something everyone says when bad things happen to them.... its a normal responce.  Then you need to get past the why me and just make it all work...... some how....... and your on that road!

I am so proud to know you both and be a part of your lives. I love you both!

 

Your Best Friend for life

K.P.

 
May 30, 2007, 3:32 pm CDT

Missing Parents

I can relate to the girl who was crying about her mother but i felt that for my father my mother was verbally and physcially abusive, she is now 86. i was adopted and am an only child. i am fixing up a rm at my house for her to move in within the next 2 wks. for the past yr i have been driving 1.5 hrs each way bringing her food cause she cannot cook anymore. it was too much for me i had a heart attack 11/05 &10/06 i hope i can deal with her and know i have to.i have forgiven her for locking me out of the house several nites aweek when i was 9,10. i cann't hold on to it.  she is so helpless now ,like a child that i can deal with her better. i guess the Lord is helping me with inner strenght. i only wish i had an extra day with my dad to ask if he is proud of all i am doing. when he died i took off from work for his last 6wks, we talked but his main thing was please take care of mommie, i know you don't get along but she loves you,please take good care of her and i think i am. maria
 
May 30, 2007, 3:33 pm CDT

Deja Vu

While sitting in my living room watching the show today, I felt as though my story was being told with just a few exceptions.
I was diagnosed with Parkinsons Disease 15 years ago at age 37. I was a single parent of three small children. I had just returned to the work force a couple of years before so I was just beginning to launch my career and then this hit out of left field. Fifteen years later I have just had brain surgery that has had very positive results. I still work full time and my children are all wonderful, successful and contributing members of society. How did this all happen? I repeat a mantra every day and it goes like this: I got this disease, but it won't get me. I refuse to fill my life with negativity or people who are "downers" to be around. After 18 years of being divorced, I met a wonderful man 2 years ago and this past Valentine's Day we were engaged. My life is glorious. If anyone out there is struggling with a chronic illness, your attitude and your stress level will dictate the course of your illness. I continue to struggle every day with this disease, but I know I am surrounded with all the tools I need to continue to fight the fight and I choose life!
 
May 30, 2007, 3:35 pm CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

 I was watching the show just about the woman with MS, and I was crying too... I can total relate to her.  I have MS too and have to deal with so much guilt.  My family was so supportive in the beginning but then one of my sisters said, "well you don't look very sick to me".. .she was very abuse to me.. and since I was living with her after having to quit my job, finding my own place to live was imperative.. I am now in public housing and get help from a lot of different agencies, but it's still very hard to keep telling my friends.. "I'm too tired"... all they want to do is spend time with me and I keep backing out.  I get so angry because I want to do so many things but I can't.  I hate this disease.  I used to read a lot of books but I get tired of the one person who is rising above all the rest telling me that I should be just like them and that I'm just not trying hard enough.  I appreciate dr phil bringing this show and nancy to our tv's, but I still get the sense that she is not helping as much as she thinks she is... I just feel even worse that I'm not doing as well as she is.. that I just need to try harder... I don't know.. I don't know what to do except just be glad that someone is talking about it.
 
May 30, 2007, 3:39 pm CDT

I have MS too

Quote From: putergirl

 I was watching the show just about the woman with MS, and I was crying too... I can total relate to her.  I have MS too and have to deal with so much guilt.  My family was so supportive in the beginning but then one of my sisters said, "well you don't look very sick to me".. .she was very abuse to me.. and since I was living with her after having to quit my job, finding my own place to live was imperative.. I am now in public housing and get help from a lot of different agencies, but it's still very hard to keep telling my friends.. "I'm too tired"... all they want to do is spend time with me and I keep backing out.  I get so angry because I want to do so many things but I can't.  I hate this disease.  I used to read a lot of books but I get tired of the one person who is rising above all the rest telling me that I should be just like them and that I'm just not trying hard enough.  I appreciate dr phil bringing this show and nancy to our tv's, but I still get the sense that she is not helping as much as she thinks she is... I just feel even worse that I'm not doing as well as she is.. that I just need to try harder... I don't know.. I don't know what to do except just be glad that someone is talking about it.
I understand also.  I have MS also.
 
May 30, 2007, 3:39 pm CDT

Your daughter

Quote From: sheriebearlake

 I am the mother of a 24 year old girl who is very sick and has been for a year and not getting any better and no one can figure out what is wrong.  We have been told its a  brain tumor and cancer and muscular distriffy and on and on and no one can figure it out.  We live in a very remote town where there is little heath care but I do not have a problem taking her where she needs to go but she is also uninsured.  One of the many doctors we have seen said the only one to be able to figure this outr will be the mayo clinic.  All the other doctors have just thrown up there hands and said I don't know any more.  We are on the verge of loosing our house paying for her medical bills and still no answer and then no where to live either.  Does anyone out there know of any place to take her to find a doctor who will work with us and figure this out and be able to let her move on with her life.  She is still very young and needs to have a life not just sitting on her bed at her parents house becuase she is to sick to do anything.  
 Her illness is very different she has seizures and that we know but the all over body aches and the muscle spasams and the fatique and the dizzy and the sick to her stomach and the massive headaches and the on and on.  It seems never ending right now becuase I do not know what to do anymore.  Any one have any ideas? 
She just spent the last year of her life in her bedroom for the most part.   She did finish her degree on line this year so she has that behind her but it was very hard and most of the time she could not even type on the computer to get her assignments into the teacher becuase her hands swell and she con not move her fingers.   the time she just sitts here is the worst thing she can do and I wish I could get her out and doing something I know it would be good for her but most of the time I am unable to get her out becuase of head aches or any one or all of the problems and I have not even listed them all. 
If you know of anyone who would work with us and be able to figure this out I would really like to find out who they are and how to get a hold of them.   I forgot to let you know that she is an uninsured person she is to old for our insurance any more and becuase of her seizures she can not get insurance and if we can its really expensive and then they will not cover pre existing conditions.  I hope to hear from someone with some new ideas.  Thanks
 Has she applied for disability?  Once you are disabled you eventually qualify for Medicare, which makes the medical bills more manageable.  I understand it might be difficult to do without a diagnosis, but surely if she is having seizures they can pin some of it on that.  I have a younger brother who has autism/epilepsy and bipolar, and I know how scary the seizures can be.  My brother had surgery to implant what is called a Vagus Nerve Stimulator that keeps him from having gand mal seizures (the kind where the person falls on the floor jerking around.)  He still has lots of "small" seizures that can still be kind of troubling, and he also takes a TON of medicine, but a lot of more "normal" people have better seizure control.

At any rate, I think there may be some solutions and hope in your daughter's situation.  My personal experience has been that treatment and diagnosis have been a PROCESS.  People think you go to a doctor with a problem and tell them what's wrong and they tell you what pill to take or what suregery you need and that's the end.  Unfortunately, there are illnesses that can take along time to diagnose and get under control with treatment.  My best advice is to do as much research as you can.  If you do not have internet access at home, go to the library or maybe a friend's house and get online.  Join some groups and ask questions, but most importantly is to look for information about illnesses that have the symptoms yoru daughter has.  One thing that ocurred to me is that she may have soem time of seizure disorder and migraines, for instance.  In other words, she may have more than one diagnosable condition.

Good luck.  I'll be thinking about you and your daughter.
 
May 30, 2007, 3:42 pm CDT

Today's Show Regarding the spouse with illness

Dr. Phil

I related so well to your guest today. My husband lost a leg from diabetes in 1993 (before we were married)  I met him in 1994 and we were married shortly after that.  He never let his disablitity keep him from doing the things he wanted to.  In 2000 he had a heart attack and 4 bypasses. He recovered from that and he has been doing well up until 2 1/2 years ago when he started having complications with the other foot.  He went thru several medical procedures to prevent the lose of the other foot.  After a year of trying everything the doctors recommended, he ended up losing the other leg in Oct. of 2005 leaving both of us feeling very dissappointed.  We got thru that ordeal and he was almost ready to start wearing his prothesis when he started complaining of severe back pain.  We had several doctors look at his back and no one could give us a reason for the pain.  He had his gall bladder removed and to the doctors shock there was a gall stone the size of a golf ball.  We thought that would remove the back pain but it continued until he started running fevers and was very sick so he was admitted to the hospital in Nov. 2006 where after several test it was discovered that he MRSA (staph infection) in his spine.  The infection apparently had been in his system for some time and finally lodged in his spine.  This infection ate away the bone and the disc in his spine and in Dec. 06 he had back surgery to remove the infected disc. After the disc was removed the vertabre collapsed and thus pinching the spinal cord. This has left him with no movement of the legs or hips and he now is on so many medications for pain and other issues that the cost is increasingly impossible to pay.He can't bath himself or even do the simple task of going to the bathroom. I work a full time job and I have family and friends that help me with him on the days that I can't be home.  He was diagnosised last May with end stage Renal failure and he has to go to dialysis 3 days a week.  A personal care ambulance has to pick him up on the strecther because he can't travel sitting in a car.   The emotional struggle I face each day is beyond words but because I love him and I want him to know that I will be here thru everything, I could not even think about leaving him or placing him somewhere long term.  It is a hugh responsibility but I never think about the unpleasant things that go along with taking care of my husband that at one time was very capable and didn't want me to do anything for him.  He has always been a very proud man and this was very humiliating for him.  The bottom line is that I know if the situation was reversed, he would take care of me.  People say, "Oh, I could never take care of a disabled person" but I always tell them, "You do not know what you will do until you are faced with that situation, and there is no one else there to do it but you".

 
May 30, 2007, 3:42 pm CDT

One More Day

I lost my father in 9/06, at 80, he had been ill for many years with Parkinsons'.  We knew there would be a "final event".   I spent quite a bit of time with him the last 6 years of his life and told him many, many times how much I loved him and how proud I was to be his daughter.  When I was a child I always thought my father was really tall.  In truth he was about 5'9'ish on a good  day.  I began noticing he wasn't very tall at all infact, he was shrinking....how could this be he was almost a super hero in my eyes.  How could one person have such a generous, kind, giving, caring, humble spirit  and not be as tall as a Redwood in the Sequoia Nationl forrest? As he lay dying that last day, I knew, and told him, he was in the express lane for Heaven and reminded him that he had loved us all of our minute of or lives and he had loved him equally in return, and that would never stop. I told him he got to take all of that love him and we got to keep all of his love with us forever.  He taught us everything we needed to know and we would not forget it.  He had shown us by example what was right and to always do the right thing and never hurt someone to get ahead.  While we 4 children will continue to miss him for the rest of our lives, I am happy he is no longer in pain and whole again ( he bore it all with such dignity ).  I know we did what we could for him but still I think you have what I call the woulda, shoulda, coulda, you know that time you drove kinda close by his home and didn't stop, that sort of thing.  But my parents did raise to live on our own, be self sufficent, take care of our familys.....they raised us and let us fly the nest although they were happy to see us come back the used to say they were happy to see us leave. 

I encourage everyone to tell  all of their loved ones how we feel every chance we get, you never know when it will be the last time.    

 
May 30, 2007, 3:43 pm CDT

America and ALS

 I am a 52 year old woman living with the cruel disease amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.  As an active wife and mother of two beautiful, successful children I was unprepared for this diagnosis.  God did not give me this disease but I feel he prepared me by giving me such a wonderful family and a huge network of friends.  My wish is for America truly to be aware of this disease and get educated.  It is really not that rare and should the Bill for the National ALS registry pass, I think the statistics will be astounding.  As well as the statistics being helpful to researchers maybe  more will be concerned about finding the cause and a cure for Lou Gehrig's disease. 
 
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