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Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 26, 2007, 12:15 pm CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

I love Mitch Albom and his books. His stories will change your outlook on life. I read "The Five People You Meet In Heaven"-and I highly recommend it. You never know what kind of impact the people in your life will have on your life-that's what the book is about.

One More Day is on my list.

And for those that have read both of those books, pick up "Tuesdays with Maurie".

Mitch Albom is pretty well known in the Detroit area for his sports column for the Detroit Free Press. Also, he wrote an article about how Michiganders helped victims of hurricane Katrina for Parade magazine. If any posters haven't read that article, go to the Parade magazine website. They should have an archive of their cover articles. It was a very good article.

 
May 29, 2007, 2:13 pm CDT

Read and Reread One More Day

I read One More Day and it made a major impact on my life.  I have now taken the time to look, I mean really look at my mom, understand her choices in life and accept them.  She's in her 70's and since reading this book I now make sure I call her each and every day, and our conversations are so much more meaningful!  Thank you!!

A note for those who haven't read this book, the last three lines put a whole other spin on the book.  It was great to go back and read it again with a new light.
 
May 30, 2007, 6:20 am CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

My husband had an accident two years ago, that caused him to become legally blind in one eye.  For eight weeks after surgery, he couldn't lift anything over five pounds, and thank goodness I have a driver's license, 45 minutes each way to the city twice a week to see the specialist (and I HATE city driving), plus making sure the kids were cared for, and dealing with the pain he was in, not to mention the meds he was taking in order to keep his eye.  Thank goodness everything turned out alright, and he is back to normal, ecept now he has to wear a bifocal in one eye (and he still can't see very well, and now suffers from headaches), but he is back to work and driving.  Compared to some diseases and injuries, that was a minor thing, and I found it VERY OVERWHELMING, suddenly, a vibrant, hardworking, active man, is reduced to having to depend on his wife and kids to do things he used to do for himself, I had to learn to do things he would normally do, and work full time as well, it was a rough spot for sure frustrating for all of us.

My point is, when an injury or disease occur, it can be very sudden, and devestating to the family, as a spouse the onus is on you to learn about the condition you need to deal with, some are more adaptable than others to change, and I find that sometimes there is NOT enough support for the patient's family, financial and emotional and even physical.

My advice would be to EDUCATE yourself, talk to the Doctors, read about the conditions, go online and join a board for families dealing with these things, LEARN what limitations should be expected.

Just reading the Blurb, this man sounds like he has no IDEA about MS, he needs to learn about it, I hope he has medical insurance, he has to LEARN to adapt but he might just need help and support to do so, not everyone (Male or Female) can deal well with disease and disability, some rise to the occasion without a second thought, others find themselves feeling helpless and unsureof what to do, this is why not everyone is able to run into a burning building to rescue someone.  It could be fear of the unknown, and with MS its hard to know what to expect from one day to the next, reaching out is the first step, a good support system would be the second.

"We fear that which we don't understand " so when it comes to disease and disabilities, we NEED to EDUCATE ourselves, the healthy partner NEEDS the information to help tem get through it as well.

 
May 30, 2007, 6:37 am CDT

Coming to Terms !

I wish I had read "One More Day" before my mum passed away.  She has been gone now for 28 years and I still continually speak to her, hoping she can hear me and see me. We had had a very turbulent relationship, and when she was in ICU Emergency , apparantly dying from a very bad stroke, the doctor came over to me and asked if I wanted to go in the room and see her, I was frozen in time, fear of not knowing what to say to her washed all over me. I stuttered to the Medico that I couldn't go in and he looked at me with a shock type of look. I felt guilty, but I couldn't be bothered trying to make him understand why I couldn't face my mum on her death bed. Now it does bother me and I do wish that I had had one more day.

Sincerely,

Lory (Australia)   

 
May 30, 2007, 6:43 am CDT

lean on me

i look forward to reading this book i know all about stress and ms it can knock you down in a heartbeat i know the one thing that has helped me come out of a wheelchair and walker and that is horseback riding i wish more people with ms will try it  my dream someday is to have a small farm where i can offer free riding to people with ms and other dissabilities  thank you for this show . sallie
 
May 30, 2007, 6:47 am CDT

Living with MS

I was diagnosed with MS in November 2005. I know what kind of a toll it takes on not only the person living with it, but also the entire family. I really sympethize with the guest and her husband and know what they are going thru. My husband and mom told me when i first started looking in to the possibility of it that I was borrowing trouble. After I was diagnosed, my mom was all about reading up on and researching this disease so she could try to understand what was happening to me and how she could best support me. My husband thought and still does, that there is a magic pill out there they just aren't giving me because I don't have insurance. If i try to tell him what is going on with me his response is usually "Well I am tired too" or "yeah well i am in pain every day but you don't hear me complaining". A few months ago I came across a post called Understanding What Having MS Means. It was a big attention getter. I also sent it to friends and family. Most of the replies i received were "thank you for sharing this with me", or "I really didn't know MS could be that bad because you don't look sick."

 There are so many resources out there for people with MS and the spouse and kids who have to live with it. I have received help for utilities and rent from the local coalition and the MS Society. A Lot of the drugs needed for symptoms can be received free of charge or low cost thru the drug companies. My best advice is research all you can. Find out what is available from coping to medication. I also visit many online MS chat rooms and have made many new wonderful friends. It makes a person who rarely goes out in public seem much less secluded and alone.

 I would be happy to post "Understanding What Having MS Means" for anyone interested. The way it is worded helps people not living with MS understand a little more what it can do and just because you are "sick" doesn't mean that you don't want your friends to come visit you or that you don't want to hang out or do things with them, it just means that sometimes you may have to cancel things last minute or when you are tired it means you are tired now, not wait 15 minutes see how you feel then. It is very powerful and encouraging.

 

Thanks,

Becky

 
May 30, 2007, 7:19 am CDT

Today's Show about MS

I am sitting here at home watching your show and just crying.  I feel your guest today in so many ways.   I do not have MS but I have Lupus and when I heard that the mother was always working around the house and with the children and just trying to maintain a household.   I just sobbed.  I have 2 children and I go to school and work part time.  My boyfriend feels like her husband.  When the times comes to do what  I want, he thinks that I am fine but when he wants to do something I don't feel good.  I understand her so much.  I can't choose when to feel good and yes I know that he did not sign up for this, but I was diagnosed after we got pregnant with our daughter.  I know that it upsets him and sometimes my kids feel like  why can't my Mommy be here at the soccer game or the football game.  I really don't know how I get through it but I just do.  I know that I just do what I can for myself and my children. 

Any advise?

Sarah Kroger

 
May 30, 2007, 7:41 am CDT

Living with MS

I am so impressed with the way Dr. Phil explained MS on his show today.  I was diagnosed with MS in January of 2004 and most people just do not get it. It's very difficult to live with this disease daily. I had a relapse 4 months ago and I have been struggling with depression and guilt since then. I used to be a very out going, happy person. Most days, I feel like the person I used to be is now lost. MS is life changing, but I am trying to adjust to living a better life. Finances are very tight now because I have been out of work for 4 months, but as soon as I can, I am going out to buy the book "Lean On Me". I need all of the inspiration I can get. Fortunately, I am very lucky to have a very supportive husband who takes wonderful care of me. I hope the husband on the show can work through his anger and be more supportive of his wife. I know it's very difficult for the spouse of someone with MS. I feel guilty because my husband has to do so much around the house to take care of me and my daughter. His response is that he loves me and would marry me all over again even with the MS. I am very blessed to have him.
 
May 30, 2007, 7:47 am CDT

What a Tremendous Show Today!

I am a 49 year old wife and mother. I am an only child as well as my husband also. We have a 13 year old and have been married 31 years. I am a very sensitive and caring person. I enjoy doing for others. It gives me a lot of gratification and pleasure. I cared for my mom in a nursing home for 6 years. Going  almost every day, and sometimes more that once. She was a very controlling person, but she loved me unconditionally. I see now that she has passed away. 3 yrs ago that I loved her the same. I probably changed more of her diapers  than I did my own baby. But I tried to make sure she was taken care of like I wanted. I have no regrets for what I did for her. It took a lot of my time away from my husband and child and I hate that but I felt at the time I had no other choice. I really enjoyed todays show. What a blessing it was with all of the people that were guest on the show. My best friend has M.S. and has been in very bad condition for several years. There is not anything I would't do for her. We have been through a lot together and it has made us both stronger and closer. If we would get our minds off of ourselves and be there physically and emotionally for each other, how much better we all can be. Thanks DR. PHIL for everything you do for others  in every way that you do.
With Much Respect and Gratitude
Sally
 
May 30, 2007, 7:51 am CDT

Dealing with life's challenges

I am interested in what today's show has to offer.  In April 2005, my then boyfriend and I learned my cancer had returned.  We were living together at the time and I basically gave him an ultimatum. I told him I needed to know that he was in it for the long haul because I couldn't go through the battle only to have him bail once the going really got tough.  He said he wasn't going anywhere and in June he proposed.  We married on New Year's Eve of 2005. (its not the first marriage for either of us.)   I not only fight cancer but also gastroparesis ( aka paralyzed stomach. I may have to have a partial or total gastrectomy---removal of my stomach), diabetes and hypoglyemia (aka low blood sugar) due to medication for the cancer, thyroid problems, etc.  The cancer I have is not a "typical" cancer.  Its rare.  The tumors excrete hormones that cause severe diarrhea, shortness of breath, drop in blood pressure, flushing, body aches that make you feel like you have been hit with a baseball bat, etc.  So life can be challenging.  Does my husband get frustrated?  Of course he does.  Its hard to watch someone you love go through what I go through and not be able to "fix it".  So we deal with being newlyweds and learning about each other, becoming step-parents,  the stresses of his owning his own businesses, my health and we have challenges that would make Iron-Men cry but we just pray and take things one day at a time.  That's all that can be done. 
 
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