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Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

Number of Replies: 235
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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 30, 2007, 1:20 pm CDT

family dealing with a members disease

I was watching the show today and it made me sad. I really know what it is like for families to have to deal with a family members disease. I have Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy for 8 years now. I have 4 children and the youngest is 3 years old. I have been with my husband five years now, 3 married to him. I too gained major weight and I am all the time tired, hurting, depressed, no energy and feel very guilty all the time. But I do have a very supportive husband and family and they understand, I just can't get out and do all the time or keep the house as clean as I would like to. It is hard to look at me and see that I have a dibilitating disease,  I look normal but on the inside I suufer tremendously. I have made all our family members including in laws, about my disease. It has helped them to understand where I am coming from. Thank you for reading this.

rsd suffer

 
May 30, 2007, 1:23 pm CDT

understanding husband

I was so sad to see the husband who wasn't really in it "in sickness and health".  I have been sick for the last four years (only two years after my marriage).  My husband has been so understanding - even more than I am.  I become so frustrated with my illness and it is my husband who helps me deal with this on a daily basis.  He has a very stressful job and I am sure he would love to come home to a wonderful meal, clean house, and healthy wife.  I wish he could.  I have days and sometimes weeks where I feel better but never like the woman he married.  I am so thankful and blessed to have Greg for my husband.  I know he will always be here for me even when I wish I wasn't here.
 
May 30, 2007, 1:25 pm CDT

Too Young

I am watching the show right now about MS. I am crieing because I am scared to death my fiance feels the same as her husband. I am only 19 and have a 15 month daughter. I was diagnosed Jan and will start college to become a psychologist this fall. When I watch a show and someone has MS it is seen as a death sentence. I was watching something on MTV and this boy was so mean to his mom cuz she had MS and he didnt want to deal with it and I worry Emma (my daughter) or my future husbad will feel the same. I have had a few flare ups and he is always there but since finding this out he has not been himself, he has even cheated. I feel great most days I try to stay positive ride my horses and play but this MS is always on my mind. I do not know anyone who has this disease or have anyone to relate to. I pray every night God will take this from me and so far it seems I have not been heard. I am too young to stop living.
 
May 30, 2007, 1:26 pm CDT

Understanding

Quote From: moonieg1971

So hello everyone, I am new to this message board, so please forgive me..

 

The reason for my post today is that today marks the TWO week anniversary of my father's death. His death was unexpected and quick. From the time he left his house, to the time of his death was 9 hours. He was in California and I live in Virginia to say the least I felt completely helpless and guilty. I talked to him the day before and keep replaying the conversation in my head looking for anything to hold on to. I dont know how to deal with this. Im guilty, sad, depressed and hopeless. My dad is my best friend and the thought of never talking to him again is horrible. It seems to me like everyone else has "moved" on, and I just feel like I can never get over this.

 

I think I needed to voice this as I feel like no one else will understand.

Thanks for listening and peace to all.

This is the two week anniversary?  No one has had time to move on.  People are grieving.  People do not all grieve in the same way, but they do grieve.  Two years ago I lost both my parents.  My brother and I appeared to have "moved on" almost right away, while my sisters had an open and gaping wound.  The truth is that my brother and I grieve privately.  It's hard, but we do it so our sisters can let their feelings out while knowing someone is handling things.

 

I learned not to grieve for them so much as celebrating what we had.  I know how lucky I was to have parents like mine and that is reason for a great deal of joy.  Your dad is always with you.  Never forget, but do as he would ask of you.  And always love him.

 
May 30, 2007, 1:28 pm CDT

MS

 I wish I could let the husband know that he is not alone.
When my daughter was 6 months old, I was diagnosed in 1995 with relapsing remitting MS. Five years later my husband felt like he was smothering and went to the ER. This resulted in 4 1/2 liters of fluid drained off his lungs causing his lungs to collapse. His heart failed. They had to recesitate him twice.
All this plus Type 2 diabetes.
Life gets rough--All you can do is plough threw it.

maeb94

 
May 30, 2007, 1:33 pm CDT

Grateful to Mitch Albom

My dad's 4-year anniversary of his death was just on 05/27, so this was a hard show to watch (but I'm an emotional person anyway).  To top it off, it is my 20-year wedding anniversary today, and I have always had the bad habit of looking back to the day and remembering the day then thinking about the people that were there who are no longer here.  I have done that before Dad's death, but it's worse now, because four years ago, we spent our entire anniversary in the funeral home for the second day of the viewing.  What I liked about today's show, and what I'll try to keep in mind today especially, is when Dr. Phil said to think about all the days the person lived - that they only died on one day.  I never really thought of it that way, and that sort of puts it in a new light. 

 

Now I just have to sit through a high school chorus concert tonight, and those songs usually have me in tears at times, so tonight should be interesting.

 
May 30, 2007, 1:34 pm CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: staceynoelle

Today's show made me mad.
I have been diagnosed with mulitple sclerosis for at least 5  years now. I was 23 when I first found out.
MS is not a big deal. - Its not necessarily progressive. The husband was being completely fatalistic about the diease and really  - thats not fair.
Out of all neurological dieases, MS Is pretty much the easist to deal with.
I have to deal with no feeling in my left hand.

Dont get me wrong - its not always easy. I lost total control over my right side of my body. MS isnt fun but there is hope.

I dont tell people about my illness unless they ask.

Stacey, I think it's great that your illness is manageable. Oh that everyone with MS dealt with it this well. But you have to understand that MS affects everyone differently. It's not necessarily progressive, but even the relapsing-remitting form of it can knock people on their butts. Me, for instance!

 

I think when you say MS is not a big deal that you are only looking at the disease from your own perspective. It's not a big deal for YOU. I don't think it's true that MS is the easiest of all neurological diseases to deal with. It depends on the progression of the disease and how it is manifesting itself in each person. It can cause blindness, it can cripple you, it can cause loss of bowel or bladder control, spinal problems, MAJOR fatigue, and it can make it impossible to care for yourself if you have multiples of these symptoms. I mean...think about it. Your own immune system is attacking your central nervous system. Most people I talk to don't even know what MS is. When I explain it them like that, their mouths drop. They have no conception what we experience until I explain what the disease is actually doing. I share my disease because I want to educate people about it.  

 

The husband on Dr. Phil was being fatalistic because he is scared, and he does not know what to expect. He is right. Neither of them have any idea how her disease will manifest. It could stay benign or RR, or she could go a few years and then it could go progressive. The only way to deal with this disease is to take things one day at a time and cope with things as they come. But he's already having a difficult time doing that. That's why this show was necessary.

 

I was diagnosed in June of 2005. And although I have been remarkably lucky, my life has experienced a marked change. I used to walk 6 miles at a time to keep myself in shape and loved walking nature paths and traveling. I used to garden in 104 degree Texan heat and barely feel it. Now, I can't be outside between May and October here. I literally melt because I cannot handle the heat. I begin to shake and shiver. Now, I have a handicapped placard, and when I walk great distances, my legs feel like bugs are crawling all over them and they refuse to work. I hate the fact that I have to wear glasses all the time because I can't see anything. My husband has been so wonderful with this disease, but I know that my loss of sex drive really affects him. I wonder what shape I will be in in 10 years. But I refuse to think about it. I live my life now, and try to get the most out of every day. I've found a hobby that keeps me going. If I didn't have it, I'd get fatalistic.

 

This show addressed a real issue.  I was grateful for it. Just please understand that your situation is not that of everyone with MS.

 
May 30, 2007, 1:40 pm CDT

It's Hard for Everyone

I was diagnosed with MS in 2001 but can trace it back to 1992.  I'm so lucky!  I couldn't ask for a more supportive husband.  I've seen so many marriages that have split over a chronic illness in one partner or the other. 

 

My biggest fear was that people would think I'm lazy.  My husband assured me that anyone who had known me before MS certainly would know better.  The closest way I can explain the fatigue of MS (or many of the other autoimmune diseases, I'm sure) is that someone has stuck a straw into my body and is slowly sucking my life away.  Heat is a horrible factor for most people with MS also.  Getting my core body temerature even 1/4 degree above normal causes a pseudo-exacerbation.  I am able to deal with it through cooling collars and vests along with air conditioning. 

 

MS usually won't kill you, but you do have to find better ways to do things.  I've found that I can do almost all of the things I want to do.  I just have to make adjustments to do them.  MS is definitely a disease of energy conservation and adjustment.  It is very hard to plan day to day activities because you never know what the next day, or hour, might bring.  Having someone who understands these things takes a lot of stress from me.  I don't know what I would do if I had to worry about a husband who ridiculed me or didn't understand.  By the same token, MS is not a personal disease.....it is a family disease.....a disease that affects every single person in your family.

 

Thankfully, I wasn't diagnosed until my children were grown.  I know how much my grandchildren can wear me out and I can't imagine having to be on call to children on a daily basis.  God bless those women who have MS and young children.  My hat is off to them!

 

A lot can be learned about MS.  The internet is full of good advice and a lot of support.  There are even MS forums that have a topic for caregivers.  I would recommend these to those who have MS and also to those who live with someone who has MS.  Knowledge is power!  Keep yourselves informed and make sure to get on one of the disease modifying drugs as soon as possible.  It's the only way I feel that I can fight back against the MonSter!

 
May 30, 2007, 1:44 pm CDT

Living with MS

After watching today's show, I had to write and express to you how very important that show was.  Multiple Sclerosis is a disease that many do not understand and Dr. Phil you explained it in very simple terms.  It is often called the "invisible disease" because often people do not see any outward sign of th disease.

 

I was diagnosed wit MS in December of 2002, at the age of 36!  Being an African American woman, I was in complete denial for months since everything I read said it was a disease that affected white women.  Surely, I could not be the exception to this!  Well, I was and I am.  My life has changed dramatically since that day and I know there are more changes in store.  However, I refuse to give up or to accept that I will continue to get worse.   I have gone from being employed and making a decent living for myself and my kids to being completely disabled.  I have learned how to fight the system for things that I shouldn't have to...like insurance and disability payments.  I have learned to be my own best advocate.  I have learned to have compassion for others because you really don't know their story!  Because I now must take 10 pills, monthly 5 days of steroids by IV and a shot every other day, I have learned to research and question every decision made about me and to be the HEAD of my medical team.  But most importantly I have learned that MS does not just effect me, but everyone around me and I have a responsibility to help those people understand just what this disease is and how it affects us all.  

 

Thank you Dr. Phil for bringing this out.  I applaud Nancy Davis and all that she has done to bring awareness to MS.  I encourage your guest and her husband to take advantage of the help you offered them and I wish them the best!

 

Alice    

 
May 30, 2007, 1:46 pm CDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: koiyen

 

My husband was diagnosed with MS officially last August. but looking back we can see where he has had episodes for years before that.  I to am struggling with my vows. the in sickness and health thing sucks.  I know that his body has the MS and it is not the real him. I tell myself daily that things are OK, and that we will make it.  I am Drowning in this whole situation.  I wish he wasn't affected cognitively. that is definitely the worst. You can have a conversation and then 10 minutes later it is gone.  he was such a strong person, my protector and safe harbor.  slowly he is slipping away, It hurts to see him struggle to do the smallest task. like putting on his socks. or walk from the living room to the bath, or bed.  I told a friend the other day that i have come to HATE MS.  I am not one to say that lightly either. 

overall the show was good.

 

Koiyen,

 

I'm so sorry.  I know your husband having MS is hard on both of you.  Have you considered getting into a caregiver support group?  There are many within the MS forums on the internet.  Is your husband on one of the injectible drugs?  How about Aricept for his cognitive difficulties?  Please know that there are folks who care about what you're going through.  I am one of them.......God bless you for all you do for your husband.  You're an angel here on Earth.

 
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