Topic : 05/30 Ask the Authors

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Created on : Friday, May 25, 2007, 01:13:05 pm
Author : DrPhilBoard1

Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.


Find out what happened on the show.

 

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May 30, 2007, 3:59 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: staceynoelle

Today's show made me mad.
I have been diagnosed with mulitple sclerosis for at least 5  years now. I was 23 when I first found out.
MS is not a big deal. - Its not necessarily progressive. The husband was being completely fatalistic about the diease and really  - thats not fair.
Out of all neurological dieases, MS Is pretty much the easist to deal with.
I have to deal with no feeling in my left hand.

Dont get me wrong - its not always easy. I lost total control over my right side of my body. MS isnt fun but there is hope.

I dont tell people about my illness unless they ask.

 I hope that you will be able to cope with this as well as you claim to be now, over the coming years . .
I don't know who told you "its not necessarily progressive" - MS is unpredictable at BEST - sometimes people do go for long periods of remmission or few symptoms . . that is NOT the case for all and I feel it is extremely callous of you to state that "out of all neurological diseases, MS is pretty much the easiest to cope with."

You can speak for yourself and your experiences only ... PLEASE don't try and minimize the traumatic experience of others with this condition.


 
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May 30, 2007, 4:01 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: beauty_42

I do understand how you feel.  Now, you need to ask yourself, "What would mom say about me sitting here feeling so bad?"  I bet she knows how much you love her and I bet she would not want you mourning her so badly,  if she was a wonderful person she would rather you celebrate her life and not mourn her death.  You need to live life to it's fullest and keep your mom in your heart. Honor her by living.  I am saying a prayer for you and for her.

 

Best wishes

Stacy

Thank you so much, Mom was the type of person who loved life and she did not embrace death. She wanted to be with her children forever, I am trying to reach down and find her strength. Thank you for your Prayers...God Bless You.

 

Wayne

 
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May 30, 2007, 4:04 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: putergirl

 I was watching the show just about the woman with MS, and I was crying too... I can total relate to her.  I have MS too and have to deal with so much guilt.  My family was so supportive in the beginning but then one of my sisters said, "well you don't look very sick to me".. .she was very abuse to me.. and since I was living with her after having to quit my job, finding my own place to live was imperative.. I am now in public housing and get help from a lot of different agencies, but it's still very hard to keep telling my friends.. "I'm too tired"... all they want to do is spend time with me and I keep backing out.  I get so angry because I want to do so many things but I can't.  I hate this disease.  I used to read a lot of books but I get tired of the one person who is rising above all the rest telling me that I should be just like them and that I'm just not trying hard enough.  I appreciate dr phil bringing this show and nancy to our tv's, but I still get the sense that she is not helping as much as she thinks she is... I just feel even worse that I'm not doing as well as she is.. that I just need to try harder... I don't know.. I don't know what to do except just be glad that someone is talking about it.
No two people with MS are alike.  Every case is different.    What i try to do is.....cut myself some slack.  Today i will do the very best i can...then i will take  a nap...get up....and go again.  Sometimes i just say "screw it" and decide to stay in the recliner all day.  problem is....i bore myself so that seldom actually happens.  seriously though.....don't beat yourself up
 
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May 30, 2007, 4:05 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: skroger

I am sitting here at home watching your show and just crying. I feel your guest today in so many ways. I do not have MS but I have Lupus and when I heard that the mother was always working around the house and with the children and just trying to maintain a household. I just sobbed. I have 2 children and I go to school and work part time. My boyfriend feels like her husband. When the times comes to do what I want, he thinks that I am fine but when he wants to do something I don't feel good. I understand her so much. I can't choose when to feel good and yes I know that he did not sign up for this, but I was diagnosed afterwe got pregnant with our daughter. I know that it upsets him and sometimes my kids feel like why can't my Mommy be here at the soccer game or the football game. I really don't know how I get through it but I just do. I know that I just do what I can for myself and my children.

Any advise?

Sarah Kroger

Hi Sarah,

Lupus and Sjogren's...the 'sisters' of auto-immune disease....just wanted you to know that I sure am thinking of you and praying for you.  I am SO sorry your boyfriend doesn't understand how Lupus 'feels'...and I can say I know how you feel.  I am sure you look healthy as can be, and inside you are screaming because no one understands.  I had MANY relationships that ended because of Sjogren's...they just didn't get it...and didn't want to, either...so I broke up with them.   And, eventually I found my  (now) fiancee, and he accepts everything about me!  It took a lot of time and a few heartbreaking 'break-ups' with other guys throughout the years, but my fiancee came into my life and changed it for the better!  I am SO greatful to have my fiancee now.  He's simply awesome!  I don't have children, but I did attend school full-time, and am planning Grad School in the near future.  It's hard, and my heart is with you.  Are there different fund-raisers that you and your boyfriend can maybe attend together so he has a better understanding of what Lupus is?  Were you diagnosed with Lupus before you met your boyfriend?  How long have you had Lupus?  I've had Sjogren's for almost 10 years now ( was 17 when I was diagnosed).  Just want you to know I will be thinking of you.  take care and hope you have some 'pain free days' coming your way.....

 

Amanda

 
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May 30, 2007, 4:05 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: benjaminsmom

What a blessing this show was today. My mom died 3 years ago. She was in a nursing home from a stroke. I went almost everyday, and I look back now and am so glad that I did. It was very hard because she was a very controlling person but loved me unconditionally all my life. I miss her and this brought back a lot of memories. My family are now dealing with my father in law that has just gone into a nursing home. It is very hard for my husband to go and to be able to relate with his dad. I just try to encourage him and be there for them both. We are leaving shortly to go for a cat scan on his dad. They are looking for lung cancer. It will be a tough day but I know that with God's help He will see us through. I am going to buy " One more day" TODAY for us to read. Try to live each day to the fullest.
My mom passed away Jan 2006 - she was just sitting in her chair in the afternoon, talking on the phone with my sister and passed away.  My dad passed away in Oct 2006 of a broken heart.  He couldn't bear to be without Mom.  I have read Mitch Albom's other books, but can't quite read "One More Day" yet.  I'm looking forward to it, but am still somewhat emotional about my folks.  I miss them everyday and am getting ready to celebrate my 50th birthday as an "orphan".  Kind of silly to think that way, but I've also got a great husband who has been there for me.  However, I don't believe there was anything left unsaid between me and my parents.   I spoke to them every day for the last several years and they both know how much I loved them as I know how much they loved me!  I will someday soon read One More Day.
 
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May 30, 2007, 4:07 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

Quote From: shawksie

 I hope that you will be able to cope with this as well as you claim to be now, over the coming years . .
I don't know who told you "its not necessarily progressive" - MS is unpredictable at BEST - sometimes people do go for long periods of remmission or few symptoms . . that is NOT the case for all and I feel it is extremely callous of you to state that "out of all neurological diseases, MS is pretty much the easiest to cope with."

You can speak for yourself and your experiences only ... PLEASE don't try and minimize the traumatic experience of others with this condition.


AMEN !!
 

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May 30, 2007, 4:12 pm PDT

Multiple Sclerosis

  1.  I too have been diagnosed with MS back in 1999. It was a very stressful time trying to raise 2 small children and cope with my disease. It was like a bad dream that I could not wake from. It was so surreal. Life has gotten easier over the years and my husband and I have learned to deal with it together. Financially we are still juggling to try to keep up but we haven't dropped the ball yet. It is hard at times to see all the people that already have or are being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. I know 3 people on my block alone. It is very heart wrenching to see  a nine year old child in my neurologists office, knowing what is in store for her. Knowing that Multiple Sclerosis does not discriminate,and it's damaging affects. My biggest dream now is that a cure will be found and soon!
 
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May 30, 2007, 4:13 pm PDT

in sickness & in health

I can relate so much to Nicole's situation. I do not have MS, but instead dibilitating migraines. Doctors say I inherited them from my maternal grandmother, (she passed away when I was 8 years old). I've seen 4 or 5 neurologists, 2 chiropractors, 3 or more gynecologists, &  I even visited the Mayo Clinic in Jax,FL, over the past 12 years. I've been on many different meds including siezure, antidepressants, triptans, blood pressure meds; nothing worked, at least not for long. Then 2 weeks before Christmas in 2004, (beacuse I missed too many days) I was fired from my job of 7 years as a pharmacy tech @ Wal-mart. I was devistated; then depressed. Like Nicole, I didn't ask for this disease, I had no control over it, but it was affecting every day functions. I would be in bed in my dark room for days sometimes. I had only been married for 2 years, and my husband was fully aware of my condition. At first he was supportive, but when the going got tough, he wasn't there for me. He left me 1 year later. He was so bold that he actually told me he resented these migraines & he resented me for having them. 2006 was the worst year of my life. I had no income. My daughters' child support fell short of paying  even the bare necessities. I had applied for disability when I lost my job, but that was in appeal. Every month I had to borrow money from relatives. This was the lowest point of my life. I couldn't believe the same man that vowed to love me in sickness & health would abanddon me. I was so hurt & depressed because I had no control over my situation. You can't imagine the stress, which did not help my migraines. It's been almost a year & a half. We still talk, even almost have a relationship off & on; but he will not talk about or even acknowledge my disease. It's like if he doesn't talk about it, it doesn't exsist. Sal, please have some compassion for Nicole & thank God it's not as bad as it could be.
 
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May 30, 2007, 4:16 pm PDT

Been there, done that.......

Quote From: beckycaddell

I was diagnosed with MS in November 2005. I know what kind of a toll it takes on not only the person living with it, but also the entire family. I really sympethize with the guest and her husband and know what they are going thru. My husband and mom told me when i first started looking in to the possibility of it that I was borrowing trouble. After I was diagnosed, my mom was all about reading up on and researching this disease so she could try to understand what was happening to me and how she could best support me. My husband thought and still does, that there is a magic pill out there they just aren't giving me because I don't have insurance. If i try to tell him what is going on with me his response is usually "Well I am tired too" or "yeah well i am in pain every day but you don't hear me complaining". A few months ago I came across a post called Understanding What Having MS Means. It was a big attention getter. I also sent it to friends and family. Most of the replies i received were "thank you for sharing this with me", or "I really didn't know MS could be that bad because you don't look sick."

 There are so many resources out there for people with MS and the spouse and kids who have to live with it. I have received help for utilities and rent from the local coalition and the MS Society. A Lot of the drugs needed for symptoms can be received free of charge or low cost thru the drug companies. My best advice is research all you can. Find out what is available from coping to medication. I also visit many online MS chat rooms and have made many new wonderful friends. It makes a person who rarely goes out in public seem much less secluded and alone.

 I would be happy to post "Understanding What Having MS Means" for anyone interested. The way it is worded helps people not living with MS understand a little more what it can do and just because you are "sick" doesn't mean that you don't want your friends to come visit you or that you don't want to hang out or do things with them, it just means that sometimes you may have to cancel things last minute or when you are tired it means you are tired now, not wait 15 minutes see how you feel then. It is very powerful and encouraging.

 

Thanks,

Becky

I was diagnosed with MS in April 1994. My husband then said "don't worry, I'm here"  Well....I reminded him of this when he wanted a divorce, and he didn't have anything to say.  Oh well, I am still learning how to balance a part-time job with life, so I won't just sleep through it!  Life goes on.

Thanks!

Karen

 

 
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May 30, 2007, 4:17 pm PDT

05/30 Ask the Authors

 I was very moved by the couple on the show today.  The fear that comes with a diagnosis of MS is so uncertain that it can be a terrifying experience for everyone involved, especially the partner of the patient.  I, too was diagnosed with MS 1.5 years ago.  Within a matter of three days I went from a vibrant, active 35 year old mother of three children to a withered husk of a person who couldn't walk, talk, bathe, eat, or dress myself.  I had never been more terrified in my life.  My story is not much unlike Nancy's.  Within the first week, my unsupportive husband had written me off and the best thing for him and the kids would be if I went to a nursing home.  For six months I wondered if he had already had the place picked out.  Shortly after that, with hard work and understanding of my disease I started learning how to live with it.  It started with the realization that I have MS, it doesn't have me.  This new mind set has allowed me to leave my husband and start a new life for myself.  When my stress levels went down I noticed an almost immediate improvement in my mobility and my fatigue levels.  This experience has made me a stronger and more determined woman to overcome things that seem completely hopeless at the time.  I'm sure that this couple, in time, will manage to get through there fears together.
When people ask me what it's like to have MS I always tell them it's like Christmas everyday - you never know what you're going to wake up to in the morning.  Relax and see what happens
 

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