Quote From: luvmyjenna"I didn't sign up for it".
"I married a woman 9 years younger than me and I thought she'd take care of me when I got old."
"I'm afraid that that one day we'll wake up and she won't get out of bed. That she's not going to be able to take care of the kids at all. I don't know what's gonna happen."
Well, how the hell do you think Nicole feels? Wonderful? Is Nicole thrilled to think that she won't be able to care for herself, her children or her husband "in his old age." I'm sure she's jumping up and down for joy at the thought of not taking care of selfish Sal, except that Nicole's just happy if she can get up out of a chair without falling over! How do I know? I was diagnosed with MS in May 2005.
I'm sure when Nicole took her wedding vows "in sickness and in health" that she was looking forward to the day that she'd be able to wheel Sal around in his wheelchair, wipe his chin and change his Depends! But then again, Nicole is lazy and playing up her MS by asking Sal to put the kids to bed when she has to go to sleep early because she can't physically stay awake.
After seeing this show, I am sooooo grateful for Rich, my husband of 21 years, that I want to run upstairs, shake him awake and kiss and hug him till he bursts. We don't have a lot of help or support from family and/or friends regularly. After a long, stressful day as a construction project manager, my husband comes home to our three children (12-year-old girl and 8-year-old twin boys, one who has special needs) and me, often a messy house, sometimes dinner unmade, me trying to catch a nap and the kids whining. Yet, he tries to pick up the slack. He'll cook dinner, do dishes, fold laundry, help the kids with homework and whatever else that needs to be done.
It's not that he's a martyr -- he's not; he has a temper sometimes. It's not that he's doesn't have complaints -- he certainly does. Rich isn't always the easiest person to live with, but I know that neither am I. Rich, for all his faults, has been my biggest supporter since my diagnosis. He was the one who said we'll be okay and we'll get through it. He has lived up to his word. Every night at 9:00 p.m., Rich gets my Copaxone injection ready and administers it to me, because he knows I've been a needlephobic since we met (although less so now). Rich takes the kids out on weekends to give me quiet time at home alone. He drags the laundry baskets up and down two flights of stairs and does the laundry. He drives the kids to their sporting events when I can't. Despite the fact that I don't work anymore and we definitely are NOT wealthy, Rich doesn't object to hiring a housecleaner and a babysitter to help us when we can afford it.
I don't think Rich does all he does just because he loves the kids. I think he does it because he loves me and is keeping his wedding vows of "in sickness and in health," just as I will do for him if that time ever comes. He also realizes that when there's more stress on me, then my health will suffer, the kids will suffer and eventually his life suffers also.
By the end of the show, Sal, I actually believed that you do love your wife and worry about her, but you need to lay off the insults and step up the help. You need to find a productive way to help your wife, which will come back to you in ways that you won't expect.
Sal, as I tell my kids, life is not fair. It never is. Especially to Nicole and your kids. So, Sal, take some of your own advice:
"Get over it! Toughen Up! Give me a friggin' break!"
Life isn't fair, but I thank God everyday that he continues to sustain me. I was diagnosed in 2000 I was 34 then and I thought it was a death sentence. My husband tries to be supportive, but sometimes his anger shows. He's afraid to go on vacation with me because I probably wouldn't be able to walk far, or I will get tired fast and I feel bad, but what can I do. I believe he should be doing anything for me, but he's very angry that I have this disease (that I didn't ask for). We want to finish fixing up our home, but where is all this money going to come from. I want to go back to work (been off since 2005), I don't qualify for Social Security Disability, medicine and joining a gym to help me with my therapy costs lots of money. I sometimes feel like a burden on my husband, on my kids. My 3 year old is great, he's always asking me if I'm okay, if I feel okay, he holds my hand. My 13 year old is a little angry because he said it's not fair that his mommy is sick. I try to explain to him that life it's fair. That sometimes bad things happen to good people, but it's just the circle of life. I often worry about my sons because I read that usually a mother passes it down to her sons, so when my 3 year old starts to fall down outside i often think oh God did I pass it on to him. The one thing I don't have is Life insurance, I'm not sure if we can afford it, I need someone to come and clean my house, If I could get some energy one day. I often watch people walk and remember when I could walk normal, or trott, or jog, or run even. I will run I will change I am Healed.
Dawn from Oakland, CA
Dr. Phil, along with authors Nancy Davis, Mitch Albom and Dr. Dan Siegel, share their secrets for living without regret and finding true happiness even when faced with a challenge. When you get married, it's '’til death do us part, in sickness and in health,’ but what if all of a sudden your spouse is diagnosed with an illness? When Nicole found out she had Multiple Sclerosis, she accepted her fate and learned to adapt. Her husband, Sal, has had a difficult time coming to terms with his younger wife's diagnosis. He says he wants to be supportive and help out, but is he really contributing to Nicole's declining health? Nancy Davis, who also has Multiple Sclerosis, shares her advice for helping this couple heal their marriage. Next, do you find yourself screaming, yelling and cussing with your teenager? Dana says her daughter, Whitney, changed overnight. Her grades went down, she started missing curfew, and she's been caught drinking and smoking. Dr. Dan Siegel shares the secrets for communicating with children and putting an end to the constant fighting. And, chances are you've read one of his nine best-selling books, seen one of his two critically-acclaimed films or tuned into his weekly radio program. Author Mitch Albom discusses his latest novel, For One More Day. Hear the story of a Dr. Phil viewer whose life changed after she read the book. Plus, Dr. Phil gives a previous guest a surprise that makes her already sunny smile shine even brighter! Talk about the show here.
