Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Hi There, 

I agree there is a lot of familiarity in what we both say.  My daughter is 27...no she has not grown out of it...and she will not take medications.  With age and maturity she has maintained better control over herself...but she still loses it.  She likes the highs...that's when she feels like she can do anything.  I think she was 15 1/2  when she went into foster care...but my mind deceives me...I think maybe she was 16 1/2.  Now...that is bugging me...I've always said 15 1/2...cheeesh...that's bugging me.   

Being in the Air Force...I was worried...they don't take things like that lightly.  Being in the Air Force we moved a lot...so, I did not always know who was who...new faces...new people a lot of the time.  This was after I retired from the Air Force...it didn't surprise me...but, it did confirm a feeling I had had for a long time...that my daughter made me out to be a monster.  At least then I knew what was going on.   

I had an aunt who often said "who do you love best"...a competition thing.  I think it might be validation for her own being...she may feel so poorly about herself...that this might be validating her as a person.  Being older now and knowing the truth of my entire family...each one of my aunts and uncles were cruel...beyond cruel...they were vicious.  They were nice to their nieces & nephews but not their own children...so, who's their favorite...can you visualize how that would be a validation.  You know...no discipline is abuse as well...a social worker told me that once.  I had a hard time finding the middle ground.   

Well, I thought my sisters would have known me better as well...but, obviously they did not.  We have even discussed this.  My older sister believes she was the best mom ever...she was abusive...her daughters have talked to me about this.  My other sister was a screamer and could get a bit rough.  Me...I wasn't perfect either...I spanked...on the butt...with a belt.  Because I too had mood swings...my daughters screaming became intolerable...I screamed at them then...how dumb is that?  Everytime I disciplined my daughters...I felt the worst guilt/grief ever.  I actually had a counselor for two years who I would talk to...2X a week...reassuring me that my discipline measures were not abusive and of course learning new techniques.  My brothers...same thing.  We were abused quite severely by our mom...my older sister was to much like my mom and my brother...it was better for his daughter that he got a divorce and let his ex raise her.  My other sister and I...changed enough so history won't repeat itself.  But, it was a daily effort.  I know I did alright because my daughters always say you're the greatest mom in the world...my older daughter calls me 5 to 7 times a week...just to say hi.  My youngest daughter got the benefit of a better mom...because after the oldest one was born...I took parenting classes.  I had a hard time coping....I'm having one of those days...getting off topic.     

This is a quote from both of my daughters:  You were a pushover...we knew how to work you and get what we wanted. 

One of the things I did with my daughters (it worked between ages 7 - 13) was a contract.  They had their chores, with homework at the top of the list.  At the time things were supposed to be done we would check there "report card" and put stars on the completed items.  At the end of the week they were able to buy things with these points...some of the prizes were...spending night at friends or friend spending night at our house.  A special dessert.  A special day at the water park (it was a real upset if one didn't get to go).  And other little things.  Maybe something in lines with this could be developed.  Chore...consequence and she would have to come up with a reasonable consequence...again a contract.  You have to choose your battles...and they can't be overwhelming...this was a challenge in our household.   

Yes...it is nice to have family around...only as long as they are not interfering and causing more damage. 

My mind is flip/flopping today...I hope I made sense.       

Mensan  

thank you for for reminding me. i am feeling better but just feel empty and numb, the doctor had change my anti depressant and gave me more. which helped the suicidal thoughts. Stll have them but not has bad,. told him that. He wants me to get out of the house and go skiing. which i love. havent done it in over two years. he says that he believes medication alone doesnt work. and sitting home doing nothing is not good for me. my moods change so fast and go up and down all the time i forget what i have done or said. it helps with the reminders. He upped my Geodon also the anti pschicotic drug. which has helped with the racing thoughts.  

how are you doing??????  

Blaze  

Thank you for responding. I just got on after being off for a few days...I have a lot of other stuff going on. 

As far as contracts, we have done every kind since she was 10. they use to work for a short time. then when I have to follow through with taking away the phone or something, she starts making promises. I take it away anyway - she screams yells and runs away or breaks something or attacks me. Usually I try to do my part with little confrontation as possible. I just get the phone and take it to my room - nothing said. She looks for the phone and gets mad when she can't find it. She has broke my door down, broken the phones and even hit me with them several times. Contracts take both parties for it to work. She just wants the rewards but not the consequences. I lot of it, I think, is our society today. Very materialistic and has kids believing THEY have all the rights. 

I took a pic of her horrid room today while she was at school. Again, I didn't say anything. But without me knowing it she went and got my camera - didn't ask by the way, and saw the pics. She got so angry! Cussed, screamed, and starting pushing me saying I had no right that it was HER privacy! I said (quietly)  "you had no right taking MY camera". She started in about how she hated me she wishes I would just let her move to my sisters and I am the worse mom ever!  This is from someone who wears MY shoes without asking, sleeps in my room without asking, takes anything of mine without asking, but I'm not suppose to take pics of her room. I didn't even touch anything. I need them because I am so tired of going to counseling and it ends up being her word against mine. I want to be on HER side! Not against her! I just want her to work things out with me, but if she doesn't want to - I can't make it work for the both of us. 

In the mean while my sister and 2 neices keep IMing her everday asking her when she will come live with them and how crazy I am!  

I just don't understand at all!! I have done nothing to them ever just love all of them! What happiness do they get by saying such hurtful things??? I don't let it show. When she tells me this I just  pretend it dosn't bother me so she won't use it against me later, but it hurts so horribly bad!!!! 

As far as disciplin, I ground and take away things, and I reward for really good behavior, but I don't spank. She is just too old and she is so agressive that it's not worth it and doesn't work anyway. She spit at me once so I went to slap her and she bit me so hard it brought the blood. I still have the scars and it looks like a wild animal bite. 

She gets home from school and sleeps all afternoon, gets up at 12 or 1 a.m. then stays up on the comp. all night. If she could handle this and was getting her chores and homework done it would be different, but she goes through about 6 glasses 4 or 5 bowls/plates a day! then leaves clothes all over the house and messes all over the counters. I am definately not a cleaning freak but I don't want critters or bugs in my house either. 

Sorry to rattle on for so long. I'm just tired of justifying every parental decision. I have never been abusive, and really kept my anger under control, and I always stuck to my guns. but everyone has different paranting styles and i'm either too mean or too nice. I took al lot of parenting classes and teaching classes when she was young because I wanted all the knowledge I could get so that I could be a good mom since mine was so horrid. I didn't agree with everything but it gave me a lot of different options that I could consider when things did come up. 

Sometimes I just feel so alone and scared. 

Hi I'm new here. 

Just need to vent I guess.  Two doctors have dignosed me as bipolar but my psychiatrist says its extreme depression and extreme anxiety with an obsessive personality.  So I am being treated with antidepressants and an antpsychotic.  So I don't know if he is the right doctor or if there would even be a better one out there?  My doctor says not to get caught up in the terminology and to stay with the psychiatrist that I already have.  He would have done the same thing for me as the psychiatristy did....Feeling unsatisfied? 

Hi I'm new here. 

Just need to vent I guess.  Two doctors have dignosed me as bipolar but my psychiatrist says its extreme depression and extreme anxiety with an obsessive personality.  So I am being treated with antidepressants and an antpsychotic.  So I don't know if he is the right doctor or if there would even be a better one out there?  My doctor says not to get caught up in the terminology and to stay with the psychiatrist that I already have.  He would have done the same thing for me as the psychiatristy did....Feeling unsatisfied? 

I was going to suggest that you see how this treatment affects you, since you have already started it. Bipolar is difficult to diagnose and often mimics other diseases--and vice versa. But Rhonda made a good point--if you are so unhappy with your doctor you may want to change. I feel that it's often better to give treatments and doctors somewhat of a chance because you just don't know how something is going to work until you give it some time--but it is your treatment and your doctor. Come to think of it, everytime I stayed with a doctor I hated it turned out disasterously. But you often don't know how you feel until you've given it some time. I'm not turning out to be too helpful, am I? What it comes down to is that it is basically up to you what to do about your treatment. You may be able to learn something from our experiences, but you are in control. It 's just so hard to know what to do when you are in the middle of it, and so easy when you are looking back on it.  

Hi Catrina 

I've had doctors...that I just felt wasn't right.  I did change doctors...I feel you need to feel comfortable with your doctor.  I think that's an important part of treatment.  I think all of us want to know what the "terminology" means.  I have had doctors that have said don't concern yourself with this or that...now I'm finding out there are other things that are wrong...I think everyone does research and finds ways for themselves to cope/deal with the illness the best way we can.   

There are many posts here that will help you...take what you want...leave the rest...that will help you help yourself.  Stay onboard and learn as much as you can.       

Talk to you later 

Rhonda