Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Hi Jane, 

I think the moon is doing wild things to everyone...or could it be the changing weather.  Seems like many people are quite sensitive.  I'm to afraid to talk to anyone but you, Blaze, and Bo.  And there's a few others...but they haven't been around...maybe because it has been negative for the past week.  It seems like it's been pretty negative.  We already deal with enough of that everyday...in trying to stay healthy.  I really enjoy our talks that bring some normalcy into our lives.     

I've made an email address ... just for you ... and I'll delete it if need be.  But, here it is:  patrickrhonda1@msn.com     you can email me there and I'll tell you my address.  I forgot I can make 10 accounts...haha.  But, I remembered.  I really like talking to you and I think you like talking to me.  So, then we can go from there and help to give you input on your book. 

Well, I hope everything comes through for you and the necessary permissions, etc.  I wish I knew a ton of stuff to help you with that...but, this is a downfall for me.   

My little angel was "so clingy" today.  I couldn't put her down...period.  I needed to go to the restroom soo bad.  She wouldn't let me go.  I started doing the potty dance and said but I got to go...she finally hesitantly let me go...of course, she was right behind me.  I decided to sit on the floor...it was much easier.  She'd stand up and then jump in my arms and hug & kiss me.  Way to cute.  Today, was kinda' hard though because she wouldn't let me put her down.  I was trying to make her lunch and I was wearing those pants that just have a drawstring...she pulled them down from holding onto me...LOL.  She crawled all over me today...all day...I ended up with a migraine...so I called my niece and asked her to come & get her...because of the migraine...I got nausea.  But, I'll have her again next Thursday.  I guess she was pretty upset the past few days and they presume because she missed me...she kept going to get my picture...haha.  She is 19 months now.  Everyone in our family knows we are unusually close...for great aunt & baby niece...but it's happened.  I really believe it's because I nursed her back to health her first year of life...she had RSV...really bad.  She gets an injection every month for it.  I rocked her a lot, gave her her treatments, the normal feeding & changing of diapers, but she could hardly breathe...so I would let her sleep on me...she was at an angle and stayed asleep.  I excercised her, i gave her massages...with emphasis in the lung area...this would help her cough.  But, ever since then...she needs to be near me.  When I'm around ... she's right with me.  Okay...I suppose enough of that. 

Well, I hope you're able to go out and get some  walks...I know you enjoy them...plus they simply just make you feel better.  So does Charlie ever walk with you?  I know dogs do...but as close as you and Charlie are...I was wondering if he did.  The people I knew in Austin lived on Limerick Ave...that should be close to where you are at.      

Well...of course having my little sweetie made me feel better...just getting all those hugs will do it.  So, my mood is better today & this evening. 

Chat with you later. 

Rhonda 

I am so frustrated I just wish someone could give me the "right" med.  I believe now that there is no "right" med. my doctor said that that is probably true.  I don't know how to deal with that.  I have been struggling with mental illness for the past ten years at least the past ten years it was diagnosed.  I was in high-school but my parents didn't want to look at it so they just kept us kids busy playing sports during the school year and then water-skiing in the summer with a water-ski team.  It took my brother raping me for them to maybe get the picture that something was wrong.  Well now I have survived several suicide attempts and am still here.  TICKS me off. 

Right now I am on a court order that I cannot hurt myself or attempt suicide or I could get committed.  That should scare me and it did when I was in the hospital.  Now I just can't handle life anymore so I started to cut and self-harm.  I know that what I am doing is wrong but I just can't seem to get the help that I need.  It is so frustrating!!!! 

I do have a great support system but when things get tough I tend not to use them.  Why is that?  I have my sister's bridal shower this weekend that sounds great but I am rebuilding my relationships with my family and she is the only one that won't speak to me.  If I say hi she will walk the other way.  I am doing this to show that I am the bigger one and that I do want to rebuild our relationship.   

Slatts 

You are obviously doing the right thing. Be sure to tell you doc everything you are telling us. No, those are not "normal" things. They show a dangerous level of aggression. That's the way I was driving when I first decided i needed help. I had no diagnosis and no idea that I was bipolar--I just knew that I was not right and needed help. At least you recognize that something is wrong. You definitly haven't got the right meds yet and when you tell the doctor these things he will know that too. Good luck with your appointment, and again, be sure you tell him everything so he knows what he is dealing with. You can reach peace.