Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Hi Susan...I'm sorry that you are so depressed...Have you found a new pdoc in your new location??  Are you still on your meds??

I know what you mean about responsibilities and stress becoming so overwhelming...I'm glad you're not in the hospital, but please do not hesitate to go if you need to...is your hubby clued in to how you are feeling?  Hopefully, he can be a source of support for you...it sounds like you really need somebody to lean on right now...

When I get severely depressed, it's like my body starts shutting down...it's hard to move, hard to function, hard to talk, hard to just be...if you are at that point, you really do need to get in and see somebody...if you don't have a pdoc yet, try the local community mental health center...they can probably get you into a doc pretty fast...or try googling your local chapter of NAMI...they might be helpful in finding you a pdoc PDQ...If you are unable to communicate well enough to get help, enlist the help of your husband...he can make the calls and get you the help that you obviously need...

To add to my own stress, (loss of my mother-in-law, hubby's knee injury, oldest son's "news", school starting, etc.)...Tuesday morning we awoke to the awful sight of our fish pond having been raided and destroyed by the local raccoons...our neighbor feeds them, so they stay around...not only did the critters eat our 5 pet fish, they also destroyed our beautiful plants while "fishing'...There was no trace of the fish...I'm sure the raccoons ate them up in one bite...this wouldn't be human vandalism...the damage was only in the pond, and none of the equipment was harmed...but it is so frustrating to work so hard at keeping a beautiful pond and becoming so attached to the fish...and then to have it all destroyed...and this morning, the pond was ravaged again...even with no fish left...I think the raccoons came back looking for seconds...they knocked over the only remaining little tree (in a pot, and 18 inches tall), which sat on a shelf inside the pond...it was knocked off of the shelf and onto the filter/fountain, which was tipped up on end and had drained the pond...it's a good thing that today is a school day...we discovered the problem before the pond had drained below the pump...which would have burned up the pump...so we were fortunate there...but I had to clean up the mess yet again...

I have been painting another rock...this one is of a cat for my brother and his wife, who are keeping our oldest son while he is in culinary school, 200 miles from home...we are so grateful that they took him in...I hate to think of how much trouble he COULD have gotten into on his own...he's only 19...and so easily influenced (obviously)...anyway, their cat is a Snowshoe, which is a cross between a Siamese and an American Shorthair...and official breed...and very pretty...I have asked our son to snap some more pictures and email them to me, so I can see more details about her exact coloring and markings...the pictures that my brother sent out, announcing her arrival, were dark and the two pictures show different coloring...and trying to get a description from son on her color...well, he can't tell me the exact hue and tone of her fur...which is what I need to make an accurate portrait...

In the mean time...our house is still a mess...it just seems like I just can't keep up!!  The boys leave stuff laying about everywhere...I made the youngest son pick up some toys out of the living room this morning...and he just tossed them into the play room...I made him go out and pick them up and put them away right...late or not...plus, he hadn't made his lunch...he's 10 years old...so he is supposed to be responsible for his own lunch and getting ready in the morning...when we were ready to head out the door, he suddenly remembered that he hadn't made his lunch!!  So, I made him make it himself...late or not...and he still made it before the tardy bell, so all was OK...but I hope that tomorrow, he remembers to get everything done before we have to leave...

Anyway...we're hanging in there...oldest son still hasn't discussed his "news" with DAD...he already knows because I told him...he's just waiting for son to broach the subject...and then he has some hard, graphic questions for him...and I hope that it gets him thinking...I just hope that he isn't wasting all of his time online with the kid who was so influential in his decision...he is so gullible, vunerable, and easily swayed...I guess there are worse things he could have been doing...I blocked the kid's phone numbers from our son's cell phone, and my sister in law told him that he will be out the door if those numbers show up on their phone bill...he really needs to be spending his time on finding a restaurant in which to do his externship for school...he needs to be a student-chef in a restaurant for 3 months in order to graduate...and to date, he still doesn't have a place lined up!!  He said he would work on it some more today...

Well, back to painting...I hope that you can start feeling better soon...

Becky

Howdy...I've been busily painting to try to have something besides my stress to think about.  My husband is visiting our son tonight, so he can have a heart-to-heart talk with him...our son still hasn't shared his "news" with my husband...maybe he's decided that he isn't gay afterall...wishful thinking...

I've been so busy with Scouts and the  high school band...but I did take some time out for painting...my brother and his wife, who are housing our oldest son while he is in school, have a beautiful cat named Kira, and she is a Snowshoe cat, which is a cross between a Siamese and and American Shorthair...I painted the rock for them as a gift...just a small token of our appreciation...there is nothing in the world that we could give them that would express enough how thankful we are that they decided to let him live there...

So...here is the rock...  And the picture is so big...I don't know why it showed up so big...sorry...

I went to the message board looking for "schziphrenia" as a topic.  I chose bipolar disorder because it was the closest thing to it.  I don't know if I am happy or sad to find your posting.

I have been dealing with the same problem your son has for the past 3 years.  My son was identified as  having a psychoitc break, schziphrenic and schzio-affevetive.  No one knows for sure.  He was first arrested for making "terrorist threats against my husband.  He has been "Baker-Acted" at least 2 times and I feel he needs it again.

I know the heartbreak you feel when you look into those "empty eyes" instead of the bright magical eyes that used to be your son's.  I know the fear and saddness you have begging police officers not to hurt your baby....even when you are the one who called them to come.  I know the fear you have that your child may hurt you or possibly kill you.  My son broke my arm and my collarbone about 10 months ago during an arguement over his not taking his meds and abusing drugs and alcohol.

I am not sure what can be done because this is not a" likable deciese".  I wish I was smart enough to come up with that phase....but I borrowed it from a download I read from a hospital in Canada that specializes with this desiese.   It was their posting that jerked me out of denial.

NAMI, in my opinion is useless.....they have not helped us once in the year we have been in Florida.  Federal and State efforts are useless.  When my son was approved for Social Security Disability, he lost his medical coverage from the state.  The only reason he has any meds now, is that I wrote the company that produces Abilify and they sent us 3 months worth of meds (Good thing because the meds run $650.00 a month).  So my son no longer gets to meet with a psychiatrist for those lovely 15 minutes a week. 

I would like to find more mothers like you who have children who have this desiese.  I would like to have a support group of sorts to help me as I try to help my child live with this horrible desiese.  I know I have made many mistakes, however, I am still trying.  I try because without me, my son would have no one to look after him.  And given the lack of services available for the mentally ill, he would probably become homeless.

I wish I could provide you some help and advise....but I am looking for the same myself.  I hope Dr. Phil's staff will give you my telephone number so we can talk about this sometime.

Take care of yourself and your son.

Judy

Howdy...the board has been "quiet" the last few days...I hope that is a good thing...

I've been stressed and depressed, and anxious...with all of the past month's happenings...hubby's knee injury, the passing of my mother-in-law, oldest son's news...and all of the volunteer projects on my plate...Cub Scouts, Boy Scouts, and the high school band...yes...plenty to be stressed about...

I say my pdoc yesterday...some of my labs are out of whack...for now, we are watching them, but if some of the liver enzyme levels get any higher, the doc is considering removing my psych meds (since they can be hard on the liver)...there aren't many choices for me on psych meds due to the heart arrhythmia...and the combo I have now is working so well...hopefully, it is NOT medication-related...I'll be in the psych ward without meds...

Just one more stressor...

However, some good news...I asked the pdoc about our oldest son's confusion about his "orientation"...and she said that it is a normal part of male development to question their sexuality and orientation...usually around age 14 or 15, but with ADHD, which causes slower emotional maturity, age 19 is perfectly within the normal range for our son...so when he comes back into town at the end of the month, she has agreed to see him for a couple of visits (more if necessary), to listen and talk with him...an outside ear, non-biased...and some re-assurance...so that eases my mind a bit...I just hope that it will ease his mind too...

So that's the update...Becky

Hello Everyone.  :)

I've been on disability for the past six years due to bipolar disorder.  Well, I've decided to TRY and go back to work.  Being home alone every day was making me even more depressed.  I got a job and have worked for 2 weeks.  The first day on the job, I thought I made a huge mistake.  Everything was so new and I was getting overwhelmed.  Things are a little better - still not sure how long I can hold on.  BUT the upside of things is I got a paycheck.  LOL  I now can pay off some of my credit card bills.

Becky - I loved your new painting.  You are so talented.

Scratch the topamate (Sandoz-Topiramax) - it put me in the hospital for three weeks. Which is the thing I hate the most - being put in the hospital. And for what??? The attending psychiatrist at the hospital was explaining to his assistant and a student, while I was there, that the Topamate has the potential to affect the other prescriptions in a negative manner, can make speech difficult, etc. Yes, all these symptoms, I had. Test subject number one! That's me.

I asked him if I should be angry at Dr. Mann, my shrink, and he said, "No, it's just a matter of trial and error."

But you know what? I'm still angry. I was in the hospital, for crying out loud. And before that, I was sick and didn't even realize it until one of my co-workers asked me pointed questions, like, "Gee, you look tired all  the time, are you okay?" "Why are you taking everything so defensively? No one is attacking you." "I don't understand what you're trying to explain."

So I sat on the stoop at lunch and said to my co-worker, "You know how I feel? I feel like I felt before I was taking any medication except I'm not suicidal. That's the only difference." I felt so incapasitated (typo) that I couldn't even make a simple decision.

Thankfully, I haven't lost my job. But it sure took a bite out of my self-esteem. Meanwhile, I don't see Dr. Mann until October 5 - and what do I tell him then? I could see it now ... "Gee Dr. Mann, I guess your scientific theory about how my brain works wasn't accurate enough - do you want to try again?"

Furthermore, Carol's on vacation until November so I won't be talking to her, either. What do I tell her? "My cat's fine, my job's still there, my apartment's a mess as usual, but it's not as messy as my brain and I'm angry but I'm not sure who to be angry with. Any suggestions?"

Seriously, I'm thinking twice about all taking all this 'garbage'. I know if I stop it would be worse, but what is all this medication really doing to me?

My name is Ashley. Im 22 years old. I've been living with bi polar and depression and physco effect.