Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Yes, exactly. It is interesting, because people with bipolar I can have a difficult time judging if they are having an episode or not, because the episodes feel so good. I'm sure you'll agree that depression feels way worse than mania. Why would you go to the doctor if you're feeling good? Well anyways... don't stop taking your medication. 

I'll sort of tell you my story of my first (and hopefully last) episode, since I'm here, but I won't go into too much detail because I don't want to bore anyone, and my story certainly isn't as exciting as some of the others on here (I read one about a guy my age who stabbed himself in the chest and almost bit his thumb off... amazing!). I'm almost 22, diagnosed about 6 months ago. Feels like longer. The things I remember most are 

1. Progressively needing less and less sleep 

2. Racing thoughts, mental energy 

3. Believing that everyone loved me 

4. Having absolutely no fear of anything (my life was like playing a video game) 

5. Driving very fast 

And later on: 

1. Seeing changes in my face when I looked in the mirror (good thing I felt too good to care) 

2. Getting lost while driving a route that I knew very well 

3. Thinking that my brain had changed, and that it might shut down and I would die 

4. Getting very angry at people and enjoying it 

Unfortunately this led to my demise. I am now dead and am typing to you from hell. No, I'm just kidding. I was taken away by police to a mental hospital (handcuffs are very uncomfortable, by the way). I recovered quickly, but not without telling the staff there that I had the ability to destroy the world (Hey, Hitler did... why couldn't I?) but of course, I didn't actually want to. That would be mean. That hospital was crazy, no pun intended. The thing I remember most was when my guy friends visited. I must have phoned them at four in the morning, and they still came to the hospital to visit me. I was distraught and believed that I would be stuck in the hospital forever, due to an evolutionary trait of human society that causes it to automatically weed out world-destroyers and lock them up before they can do any damage. Two of my good friends held me and cried with me. These are manly guy's-guys, they never cry, if you know what I mean.  

Well, that's my bit, I would like to close by saying that before I went to hospital, I never really believed that these friends of mine cared about me all that much. As the weeks in hospital passed, many of my friends came to see me, many that I didn't think would go to a mental hospital for anyone, much less me, in a million years. Maybe I was right about one thing back when I was experiencing my episode... maybe everyone does love me.  

I spent 12 years with a man who was bi-polar. (19851997)   He was great when he was on his medications.  When he wasn't on them he was violent.  One thing that helped us was going to a counselor every week.  Luckily, our couselor was much like Dr. Phil.  Straigt forward and to the point.  The couselor would ask me how my husband was doing and my husband would get so angry.  He'd say, "Why do you want to talk about me like I'm not in the room."  The counselor would say, "Because you think you're normal."  My husband refused to take his meds the last few years of our marriage.  Early one morning he decided to clean his deer hunting rifle in our living room, something he normally did on the back porch.  At least that's what he said he was doing.  He said that the gun accidentally fired in the house, hit a beam and exploded out of my kitchen cabinet.  Needless to say, I had to give up on him.   

I started dating a wonderful guy a year ago.  The first guy I've been serious about since my divorce.  We had a wonderful summer.  He moved in with me.  In the fall, he started being angry and delusional.  Near Christmas, he beat up a guy who tipped his hat at a dinner party.  The next day he got out a gun and told all our friends that he was going to kill the guy who tipped his hat.   I kicked him out and he stalked me, calle me constantly and begged to come back until late February.  Then he showed up at my house threatening suicide and asking for help.  I told him I couldn't help him but I could get him help.  I took him to the hospital.  He was diagnosed as bi-polar.  (Am I a bi-polar magnet or something?)  He has been in the hospital 3 more times.  They put him on an anti-psychotic med and that's it.  The medication should make him less nervous and more able to concentrate.  Instead, he is suffering with intense anxiety and agitation.  When he was in the hospital, his brother and I were the only ones who would see him.  His delusional behavior, just like my ex-husband's,  has alienated him from what was once a large circle of great friends.   Now he's leaving town because he thinks everyone has condemned him.  His ex-wife said that's why he left her and moved here.   Let your husband know that it will happen to him if he doesn't get help.  They don't realize how difficult it is for us to be around the insanity.  Counseling will help you with coping skills and the counselor can be a mediator when you husband's thinking is delusional.  From what you said, I know you're going through depression and should get yourself help.  Nobody will do it for you and you must look out for your self.  Good Luck! 

I was diagnosed with bipolar 7 years ago, I have been having a rough time, I stopped taking my meds about a year ago and have been going downhill ever since, it has taken me awhile to realize this. It is hard though, my husband does stick by me, it is still hurtful when he throws my problem in my face all the time, I am going to get back on my meds , I couldn't afford them at the time some cost $500 for one month prescription. My husband means well but he doesn't help things alot of the times,  I always think I'm not a good mother, This is hard for me to talk about, all my life I have pushed people away from me, My childhood was horrible also, which probably makes me worse. I was molested as a child, raped when I was 15, and my stepfather used to beat us physically and emotionally. Sometimes I just want to give up. Lately I have been on a major manic episode (I don't think I have, everyone else is telling me) , I am so glad I am not alone, I need someone to talk to other than my husband. 

You need to be back on your meds. And it's a good thing you're posting on the board. It's always a good thing to have other people who understand you to talk to. If everyone else is telling you that you are manic, I'll bet you probably are. Sometimes it's hard to see it from the inside out. You know you can't control the illness without meds. Get thee to a doctor and get back on them, and let us know how you are doing. We care about you. 

Yes, I do have a church that I go to, but I feel to weird to go and talk to my pastor because he has known my husband's mother for over 30 years. Plus I have already spoken to him once and it only help for that moment. I have a very good relationship with God and He has done so much for my family and me. I converted from being a Catholic to Baptist  a little over 3 years ago, but I'm still struggling to live a Christain life, but love Jesus and so thankful He's a forgiving God. It is just so hard, I curse, scream, yell and fly off the deep end all the time, so how can I be a good Christain? It's like I live two lives. But I feel the same as you, I do too find it to be great therapy here at the message boards. Kris, I have no money, no car and I live in a very small town with no public transportation. So all I do is sit at home and think, think about how I was treated in the past, think about how I just talk to my 9 year-old daughter the night before, think about going to the fridge to grap a bit of comfort food, it's just so pathetic and sad and it just makes me so sick and angry. I'm the same with my kids, I hardly ever spend quality time with them, you know one on one, but I'm always home? I don't know what to do, that's why I'm here and everyone keeps telling me I need to get to a doctor and I have. I told my doctor how I felt, I may have not told her every single thing, but I made my point clear. And all she said was that I suffer from anxiety and an irregular heartbeat. I'm on Wellbutrin XL, which is suppose to help with my so-called anxiety and to lose weight, it's been over a year and nothing new, I still feel and look the same, as a matter of fact, I've gained more weight. And I'm on Metorol to help regulate my blood? I feel like my doctor doesn't even know what is wrong with me. Anyway, I'm sure I've bored you, thanks for the re-ply and hope you have a great day & God bless, always, Patti