Topic : Bipolar Disorder

Hello I have been on this board plenty of times before but I am just reaching out to say hello.  There sems to be a lot of tension in the room.  I am not about to get in anyones business.  Things were going very good for a while so I haven't been in touch but I have been going through a rough patch.  I am on my regular meds and am going through a series of bad moods and irritability.  I think I am getting manic again.  I am toying with the idea of cutting again.  I was just hospitalized for this a few months ago.  I am in Nebraska and I moved here from Rhode Island 9 months ago.  I really don't have anyone to talk to so when me and my husband go through things I just bottle it up and then I cut to release my pain.  I know there are many people on this board who are or who have gone through the same thing.  I would love for someone to get back to me and tell me how they overcame this problem.  Hi Becky.

 

IVY 27

I used to cut on my arms...not an attempt at suicide, nor a call for attention.  It was a relief from stress...a way to focus on something other than the problems at hand...something other than the extreme anxiety...it was a coping mechanism...albeit unhealthy.

 

I stopped when my kids got old enough to ask questions...there are only so many times you can blame it on the cat!!  I got tired of always wearing long sleeves...it is rather hot here in the Summer. 

 

Through counseling, I found some healthy coping tools...it is really a matter of putting your focus where it belongs.  If a problem is too big to deal with all at once, break it down into small sections, and deal with one part of the problem at a time.  If anxiety is taking over, try to do something that will distract you from the anxious inward thoughts.

 

The thing to remember is that you are making a choice to cut...get rid of the things that you use to cut yourself.  Make the choice NOT to cut, but to do something else.  Keep a journal for yourself...keep it hidden away to keep it private.  Use it to write down your thougts before you start cutting...racing thoughts are hard to capture on paper..,I didn't follow the journaling suggestion because of the racing thoughts.  What I do is to keep a "worry box"...an empty Kleenex box, where I jot down one word to describe the worry...like "bills"...then I put it in the box...I do this when my racing thoughts and worries are keeping me up at night. In the morning, when I am thinking better, I pull the papers out of the worry box and deal with them at that time.  When the problem is dealt with, I put the little slip of paper in the shredder...kind of a symbolic thing.  If I just can't deal with it at that time, it goes back into the worry box. 

 

Since getting on a good mix of meds, I am mostly able to sleep at night...waking at 4:00 AM is my biggest problem right now, but I slept OK last night...I'm off of the Prednisone now (for asthma problems from bronchitis). 

 

My goal is to keep the worry box empty...but when I need it, it is there.  Eventually, I got to a place where I could deal with problems head-on, as they come along.  Problems don't quit coming...it's all in how we choose to react to them.

 

What I learned in counseling is that we choose how to react to things...anger is OK, but blowing up is a decision.  Anxiety is OK, but cutting is a decision.  Make a plan on how you will react in certain situations...make a plan for anxiety.  When I'm anxious, curling up with my favorite blanket with a cup of tea is a great alternative to cutting, and much less bloody and messy...relaxing instead of hurting.

 

Bipolar depression and anxiety are skewed, compared to non-bipolar.  The thoughts and feelings, left out of control, can become psychotic...don't let it get that far...

 

Everybody with bipolar disorder should have a plan laid out with their doctor on what to do when the depression, anxiety, or mania hits...before it gets out of hand.  My doctor has given me the flexibility to adjust my Abilify for anxiety and mania, and to adjust the Lamictal for the depression.  These are usually temporary adjustments...just for a couple fo weeks, then I go back to the maintenance doses and see how I do.  If I feel like I just can't control my actions, I will be in the psych ward...no fiddling around with that.

 

Please don't be ashamed to talk with your counselor about your cutting.  Is your husband aware that you cut?  I don't have many people to talk to either...but I do talk to my husband and let him know how I am feeling...it doesn't help to keep it bottled up...I know from experience about this.

 

Remember, cutting is unhealthy, and it is a choice...you can choose NOT to cut.  Find something else to do that is HELPFUL...have a cup of tea (or pop, or whatever you like)...watch a movie...go for a walk...start a craft project...put some food out for the birds, and watch them out the window, etc.  There are lots of things you can do besides cutting, and they don't have to be elaborate or cost any money.

 

It is a good thing that you are on meds...don't stop taking them without the direct order from your doctor...since you are on meds, I assume you have found a pdoc in RI?  Are you seeing a counselor?  My pdoc is a psychiatric nurse-practitioner, who specializes in women with bipolar disorder...we are unique...she prescribes meds and does counseling...she is really good...really knows her stuff.  She also sees our middle son.

 

Well, I have typed a novel...I hope I've said something helpful among the chatter...have a good day, and CHOOSE NOT TO CUT...Becky

Please help us help our son!  My son is 14 years old and has had mental health problems for several years.  He has received both in and outpatient care starting in 1st grade.  The same day as the VA Tech shootings he took an aerosol can and a lighter to school with the intentions of using those items in addition to the propane tank at the school to "bomb" the place.  (This is not  the first sign of a problem like this, this is just the farthest he has taken a situation.)  He was arrested for terroristic threat and released to his fathers care with the understanding that he would need to be hospitalized immediately.  He was placed in a state facility due to lack of mental health insurance.  Just 4 days later the facility wanted to release him, stating that there was no imminent danger to anyone.  I have been in contact with the Governors office (Georgia), the CEO of the hospital, even one of the TV stations.  The hospital at this time still wants to release him to us, but we are refusing to pick him up.  The hospital is reviewing one last option, and depending on how that turns out, they will turn us in to the state for abandonment if we do not pick him up.  Our ultimate goal is to see our son receive quality residential treatment.  If that is not an option, then we feel strongly that he should be kept in a facility anyway, to protect himself and those around him.  We love our son and want to see him get the help he deserves before it is too late!!  Anyone out there able to help?

It has been 9 months since ive stopped taking my meds. I feel normal but am I ? My doctor won't see me because I don't agrree with the medication.  Iv'e suffered many manic attacks since iv'e stopped the meds and have pulled myself through. I think ?  I relized my triggers and when I'm in mania I pull myself back by watching  my four small kids playing and keep telling myself I have to be strong for them.  My biggest fear is that someday agian soon I might not be able to come back I might go to far as I did when I first broke.  I love my wife of 13 years very much and she is my support but I don't know how to explain myself when im in mania mostly because I dont't want to scare her she thinks I'm all better. Boy is she wrong. She told me the other day she feels we are losing connection and drifting apart. What should I do. how do I explain its not our relationship its something that is uncontrolable even tho I'm putting up a good fight sometimes I lose and when I lose I withdraw because I've learned a valuable code among the strongest of the bipoar socitey. I will share with you Its Code 5. The fitth rule. ask your doctor if he knows code 5 or the fifth rule they will not tell you. If he/she tells you he broke the rule. If he/she says they dont't know tell them you are not allowed to discuss it unless they know about it. Dont' tell them or you broke the rule. Belive me when you are in full blown mainia and all you can remeber is code 5 you will be treated better by crisses workers and hospital staff. code 5 is simple and It is

THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN BE USED AGAINST YOU. Well good luck to all you peoplewho are suffering from this disorder. its just to bad we don't have places where we could go to get uptodate information and pepole like us to talk to. well I've rambled enough so ta ta for know.

Some are very lucky that they have such wonderful support systems such as you have with your wife. Perhaps part of the disconnected feeling for her is you trying to protect her in some ways about how you feel. I know for me it has taken time and a lot of patience on my hubby's part to understand how hard the words come but they do in time. He listens to the best of his ability and knows that among the rif raf so to speak are the things that are bothering me a great deal. It is to that he pays the most attention and tries to help find answers to them. I am also unmedicated but a very rapid cycler. Basically for me if you don't like my mood at the moment give it ten or so and it will probably change again. There are places on the net that do offer updated stuff and support not just for those who suffer this illness but also for caregivers for them. Nami is a good one. Health Boards is another and the list is nearly endless google it and the amount you find is suprising and a few are done by the drug companies themselves with a lot of wonderful tips, advice, and things you can do not just to get through a particular moment but on a day to day scale. Bipolar to an extent can be controlled through work, meds, and insight. It isn't always easy and there are days you slide back but it is ground you can make up again. It is only a lost cause when you quit fighting at all. If you struggle verbally to talk about how you feel perhaps writing it down and then either reading it to her or letting her do it on her own might be more helpful. I would imagine she sees a lot more then what you might think she does and maybe is uncertain of how to approach it. Or if she should at all and perhaps is waiting for you to be ready to discuss it. That I can only hazard a guess at but spouses or significant others tend to see a lot more then what we can or do at times.

 

Deb

You're really playing with fire, not being on your meds...and not communicating with your wife is a mistake.  If you are afraid of scaring her, maybe that should be a sign to you that you should be on meds.

 

Realizing your moods is half the battle...but one day, you might not be able to "come back" on your own.  Better to be on the meds than to land in the psych ward, or in the funeral home.  You really owe it to your kids and your wife to be on your meds and stay stable.

 

There are meds out there that don't have obnoxious side effects.  I'm on Lamictal and Abilify, and my creativity, which was gone for 10 years, is back, and I am mostly stable.  I try to keep stress at a lower level, and I have the flexibility with my pdoc to adjust my meds as needed.

 

The right to remain silent.....silence never got anybody the help that they needed...tell your wife everything, and get back to the doctor, and get on some meds!!!!

 

Sorry to be harsh, but I've been off of my meds for as long as a year, and I ended up in a "train wreck", in the psych ward...really disrupting our family life, and scaring the kids and my husband.  I could easily have ended up dead...don't let this happen to you.

 

Becky

Thank you Becky for your reply. I feel like I'm trying to find a piece's of a puzzle that I know I can't put together. My biggest fear of the "Meds" is that everything about them is unknown. The human brain is much like a computer and they are still trying to find out how it is programed. The docs god bless them try there best with the tecnolgy they have but the end result is unknown. I can't afford for them to be wrong with me. Not only my wife and 4 kids depend on me but I Own a Buisness and employ over 50 people. The doctor said he thinks I've had bipoalr all my life so I'm trying to maintian the life I had before I was diagnosed. My whole life is filled with stress and choas while I was medicated I was a lifeless shell. and the meds gave outragous suicidal thoughts. Maybe meds are not for everyone?????? My biggest question is what medication is right for me.

I was on meds that turned me into a "lifeless shell".  I am now on a good combo for me that allows me to have emotions, just not out of control.  I take Lamictal and Abilify, with few side effects.  I have my creative side back, and I enjoy doing painting.  My "logo" is a cat that I painted on a rock...a "pet rock", if you will.  I do animal portraits on rocks for people, and I also write music...things I didn't do on the old set of meds.  I take Temazepam to help with sleep.  I also take Provigil for Narcolepsy, which has a side benefit of helping with depression.

 

Stress and chaos might be indicators that you need meds.  Do some research online.  The only way you'll find the right combo is to try them.  If they aren't right for you, then ask for a change.  Be sure to keep some kind of a journal, so you can share with your doctor what your moods have been...it is a good way to see for yourself how much the meds are helping.  Go see the doctor again, and work hard at finding the right meds for you.  It takes time to find the right ones, but it is worth it.  The research online can give you an idea of what typical side effects are for the meds...although every person reacts differently to the same med...but it will give you an idea of which ones have the most undesirable side effects, that you would tell your doctor you don't want.

 

SSRIs gave me suicidal thoughts along with anxiety...this doesn't happen for everybody...they are good meds if they help.  Paxil landed me in the psych ward.  Again, do your research...online is a good place to start...look up "bipolar medications", and then investigate each one.  The decision for which meds you take should be YOUR decision, along with your doctor's.

 

I hope this helps...Becky 

 

 

Thanks deb your right I have a great support system. I started a journal  on my laptop over a year ago. I write letters to know one every day. This board is the first place I spoke out loud. Mostly because no one out hear knows me but knows what its like to be bipolar. I think its about time I let my wife read some of my entries maybe that will help her feel connected. There is enough stuff in there to write a book.  I'll check out those places on the net you mentioned. Thanks keep up the fight I've learned life is worth fighting for, and heaven is in your back yard. Its up to us to enjoy it. Can't say much more my mind is racing faster then a hore track.