Quote From: lollypop I always just say "it's morning, because i'm not much for GOOD MORNING, LOL
The heart strings are tightening for me with Matt gone. We had a discussion last night on the phone where i basically denied him to stay here until his new roommate/apt opens up. It is so confusing and difficult on Lorelei and it is very hard to see the internal damage children get from a parent coming and going and just feeling the tension and pain. It hurts me so VERY much to tell him NO i can't help you when i know he has nowhere to go. Its a 5 day spread, but i have been THERE for him for 3 years whatever he needed i gave my own needs a back seat and i cannot do it anymore. My life is down to being a 31 year old woman with a two year old child to raise all on my own. I cannot describe the anguish and despair, just for not being able to DO IT. To keep my family together. I feel like someone took a grave digging shovel and hollowed out my insides. I PHYSICALLY feel scraped out and like there is an awfully painful vacancy there. Matt and I were soulmates in a big way and then we grew and changed, only not together and now we are not. Not anything.
So enough about me, there really arent words to describe what i am feelling. I can only shove through the dull ache, fears and sadness.
Kalie, man I am so sorry you are in a pile yourself. It was not long ago when i could not afford my meds and i was a mess and you were so sympathetic. I feel for you VERY MUCH. What meds do you take? At least themost important ones? Maybe there is "somebody that can help somehow..." on the board...
The CAS stuff and all that is just ugly, and it surely is dragging you down. It sounds like a very unhealthy situation for you to be in,,,,, i cannot say what you should do, but if your roommates boyfriend is causeing YOU pain and stress I can't think of anything good about it...
Tammy: thanks for reaching out.
Faith: I seem to be on the rollercoaster you are on, i feel like it willpick up by tomorrow. ;) Maybe a little green man with "pouchy lips will come along... LOl
JENN: I am still waiting for mY PURPLE PILLS, LOL and i see you are thinking of me, as I am you, its just very hard for me right now to really accomplish anything. I WANT to try to submit for Dr Phils show. It is actually a GOAL in capital letters i hopei can find the drive to look for it and sign up or whatever.
KATHYDREAM: I am ashamed to admit i am jealouos of your lortab, i could use a happy pill right now, something to stop me thinking and aching. Not physical ache, but did you know lortab help with heartache too? LOL It is not funny to jopke about your pain meds, and i never take any pills or anything, but i was remembering the days... when there was nothing a pain pill or 5 wouldnt fix.
Not so anymore.
Hey! I'm ok! don't I always say that? I have sold my baby's crib so i can buy food and diapers. I have also gotten 2 local recurring jobs doing cleaning for some elderly or disabled people so i have that. I had advertised to take on child care but not really wanting to do it. I like to keep my stress level low. But i will do what i have to to keep my child in comfort, and so will MATT,its just financially desoalte for him right now having to comeup with large sums of $$ just to move out and get a place, like i said we are working together, so the child support will come as he can afford to live himself and pay me as well.
It's morning.
;( Beka
Hello, I first want to say I am very sympathetic to all of you who suffer from Bipolar. But I have a very heartbreaking story for you all. I hope maybe you all will gain something from the pain my family is dealing with.
Well here goes. My name is Kelley I am 47. I have been happily married for 30 years this year. We have 3 beautiful children all grown 1 girl 28, 2 boys 25 and 23. I also have 3 beautiful grandchildren. On August 25th,2007 our lives were changed deeply forever. My beautiful 28 year old daughter passed away in her sleep. Our world has been devastated. Now let me tell you a little of her story. She grew up a very normal happy child. She loved her family more than anything. She was very proud of her family and to share her childhood. Well about 6 years ago her life changed,she changed. She suffered from postpartum depression. She was being treated with an antidepressant. Well time went by,we all noticed changes. None of us new of the severity of what was going on. Her and her husband and 2 boys moved to Atlanta from Colorado,job related. Well we were thinking of selling our house and moving to be with them as of course we missed them so much. We are a very close family. We got a call one day from her husband telling us that Megan was not doing good,he told us Megan had been talking of taking her life and that she was very depressed. I asked why no one told us what was going on. Julian told me that she made him promise,swear he would not tell us anything. Now take into account she had no one in Atlanta. No family no friends. No one. He wanted me out there asap. I was confused and didn't understand what was going on. I had always known my daughter to be very strong,strong in her beliefs,strong willed and stubborn. She was always a fighter for whatever she wanted. I talked to her and during the conversation along with many other things said the one thing that made me see how desperate she was ,was when she told me and she was crying and said to me "Mom I have to fight for my life every single day I get out of bed." I knew than something was very wrong. I went out and that was the first hospitalization. We moved within 6 months to Georgia. There were 3 more. hospitalizations. She was diagnosed Bipolar the first time she went to the hospital. Well that is when the downfall of our Megan began. The medications started. Well it would seem to help for a while. Than she may have a day of frustration with the boys. I find this to be normal for most moms. It is something you learn to cope with. Well instead she would call the doctor and he added meds for anxiety. Well than she started to have any problem what so ever she took the Xanax. Than she would be having a very good day she would call her doctor and he would than put her on something to keep her down. So than she would go into a major depression. So my problem with all this is What is the benefit of treating normal feelings with meds? We all have ups and downs. I understand depression. I take 1 antidepressant as I have suffered from depression. I know Megan had problems. She had coping issues. But instead of learning to cope she was medicated. Well it got to the point where what she was taking was never enough. She was on seroquel 800 mg every night. She was also put on Lithium and remember she was also on multiple antidepressants and her Xanax and Ambien for sleep and Topomax for weight loss caused by the seroquel. So she gained about 80lbs in less than a year. So that added to her depression. The Lithium cause hypothyroid. So that added to depression and fatigue which kept her in bed the majority of the time. Now came the headaches also medication related. So she was than given many narcotics Lortab (your so called happy pills) for one and some narcotic nasal spray. Than finally she was put on a med to wake her up in the am. Well she was under much stress for a week or so as her husband was going out of town for work for a month. She was anxious she she took Xanax, she had a headache so she went to the doctor and he gave her 60 Lortab x 3 refills. She also had the night time meds. Well needless to say she evidently needed 1 or 5 of the pain pills that would fix anything. She took too many through out the day to fix everything as you say and she did not wake the next morning. Now What is it these Doctors are doing? And if everyone with bipolar thinks pills will fix life...well think again. The pills take lives. They take away a person's sense of reality. Megan normally would know her limits. The meds altered her rational thinking. So just because she was bipolar he doctors just fix everything with drugs? I find that to be absurd and irresponsible. It seems to me that alot of people with bipolar use the diagnosis in wrong ways. I understand the chemical reasons for meds but there needs to be some responsibility taken her by the health care providers. I am sorry if I have offended any one. But seeing the statement made about the lortab hit home in a very painful place as these meds and the irresponsible prescribing of them are what attributed to me losing my beautiful daughter.
Please everyone think about this. Please be responsible about your diagnosis. I do sympathize with all that suffer from this disease but really if you think about it just about everyone of us could go in and get a bipolar diagnosis.
Sincerely,
Kelley,a loving mother
www.myspace.com/gramawulff
